| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 12:41:30 PM | As someone fully and happily involved in an LDR for well over a year, I will only say this. An LDR like any other relationship works if both people are honest and transparent. You have to be comfortable enough to let the person truly get to know you as you are, and not put up any barriers or walls.
It does take an act of faith and trust, but all relationships do to some extent. If you're not willing to let the person know you as you are, with the flaws and quirks, weaknesses, all of it, then they'll never know you completely. That, to me, is the crucial thing, the make it or break it. And sometimes, LDR or local, that complete knowing doesn't happen until after marriage. It seems a lot wiser to let someone know you very well before you make any big decisions. They either accept you or they don't and vice versa. And that can be accomplished in an LDR or a local one. It's the willingness of both to totally lay it on the line, honestly and openly.  | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 4:41:42 PM |
...It's the willingness of both to totally lay it on the line, honestly and openly.
Yes, brutal honesty and openness at the beginning and throughout the “distance” stage is absolutely essential, but, really, how many people avoid that? Also, there are a lot of slick operators out here (both genders) that are perfectly able and willing to manipulate a person’s emotions and take advantage of their trust. Other than doing a complete FBI background check and getting signed affidavits from coworkers and friends, no one can be completely sure about someone until you’ve actually “been” with them for a length of time. And you can’t very well do that two or ten states away, let alone halfway across the world.
Just my opinion, of course.  | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/26/2006 8:37:07 PM |
Im wondering does the Long Distance thing really work or am I wasting my time?
Unless you are psychic you will never know.
The thing you don't wish to waste, is thing thing you need to give...
Time. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/2/2007 5:30:25 AM | | I would defibitely have to agree with you on this one! There are many people online who can easily sway a woman with words...perhaps vice versa as well! I would never ever trust in a person again unless I could see them up close, and personal! | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/2/2007 5:52:21 AM | I myself have had 2 long distance relationships in the past few yrs and both for a year or so, its so important to use all the avenues of communication at your disposal, whether computer, phone, as well as traveling back and forth on both parties part, for me the women were exceptional and special to in a sense make an early commitment to invest in the time, energies and avenues as well as cost that would be needed to make something of your relationship....it would be too easy to just be skimming and shallow in your communication and just have that person be among so many you are developing a meaningful relationship with..in my case it was very challenging but rewarding so why not?? why let distance be a factor between 2 people who are very right for each other be an obstacle to one day being together?   | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/2/2007 9:37:22 AM | It really depends on YOU and HIM.
No other long distance proven successful or failure can promise you that either or will happen.
me personally, not even an hour distance has proven successful because there was no communication on his end (ie...i would always call him, he would not say much on the phone and he was never on his computer).
if you guys can do it, do it! more power to you guys.  | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/2/2007 10:06:11 AM | I made one work for 2 years......hmm..but it didnt work in the end....so i guess...it didnt work at all did it?
perhaps i should have thought alittle more before posting....
oook..ill just be moving along now... (/insert embarassed look) | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/2/2007 2:48:46 PM | | Long distant relationship can work. It worked for 5 years for me. By the way dear you don't have a relationship with this guy yet. You have a long distant courtship which is not in your favor my I must admit so be a lady and don't up the goods and make sure he understands this before you get on the plane and watch his reaction. So often when a man buys a plane ticket for a woman he has not done the wild thang thus maybe his expectation. I am curious, did you think about relocation issue when you gave him your number? Just remember communication is everything especially at this stage in the game. Don’t hesitate to ask what is on his mind. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:49:03 AM | A primary condition necessary for a LDR to work: how well you are able to both communicate by voice and print and to read intent and nuance from same - and have it suffice for direct contact, until such time that both parties can meet.
Communication = how you interpret the words and actions of others.
Sensing = how you interpret the sensory inputs involved in 'reading' events/situations and the actions of others ---> how you process (learn from) from sensory inputs.
Some people have a personality hardwiring called 'intuitive' - how we sense and adopt from sensory inputs.
See this page: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6349815.aspx
Read the section under cognitive style inventory.
If you do not 'fit' the 'intuitive' descriptor for 'sensing' type, its VERY DOUBTFUL that a LDR that depends on communication surrogate - reading and listening, over direct input - meeting them in person - seeing and reading body lanugage and facial nuance, will work.
Does this make sense? | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/14/2007 11:41:47 AM | After reading through all the posts, I couldn't help but notice a glaring omission. How does one define a relationship?
If a limited relationship that does not include a physical presence is mutually acquiesced, then that works for them. I've had what I feel is a close relationship with a distant woman for over ten years without ever seeing her in person. We both are hoping to find someone nearby, but I am grateful for the intimate (not sexual) conversations that we regularly share.
Does this work? If I had a therapist perhaps I would ask. I know it gives me something I value.
But for a physical relationship, then a LDR is not a very realistic way to go about it. One of the two must be willing to relocate. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:03:25 PM | POF IS about 'long distance affairs. If she was right next door I would be over there right now with flowers and a bottle of wine. Speaking of 'Long distance affairs' I am living in Edmonton and browsing the West Coast. I don't try to hide it from anyone. Culturally, spiritually and otherwise I belong on the coast. I wintered on the coast 1990-91-92 and 1993 from Toronto(MeMeLand). I miss it especially now as I am just next door in Edmonton.
I torture myself cyber-visiting the coast at times because it is nature of the people there, thier left-leaning values, thier socially wecomming atmosphere. Too Too many other good reasons. Then I speak to and watch(in forums) and I could almost jump on a plane tomorrow.
I guess I will have to wait. But for all those who are living next door to each other. HEY! MEET! as simple as it gets. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/14/2007 7:05:52 PM | | I am currently in a long distance relationship. This is the first one that I have ever been in, and I just have to say that it is the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do. I was very used to seeing my guy almost every day and now I get to see him a few times a month. Although the distance is killing me, I have to say that I appreciate him and our relationship so much more. So there are definitely some pros and a lot of cons to long distance relationships, but yes, they can and do work. | |
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ab_qt
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Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 116 | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/14/2007 8:21:29 PM | | I will just say ,I find it a very difficult situation. But also will say it gives each recipient plenty of time to decide, think, contemplate. HMMMM what If? Love is patient, love is kind, love bears all things, believes all things, love hopes all things, love endures all things, love is neverending...if this is true, then a long distance relationship is the endurence of all love. It trusts, it cares, it is always there, not too far, but within our realm and reach. It just may be the answer to all the indecision in our generation as far as relationships. If one can endure this, as absence makes the heart grow fonder,,,then in person,,just might make the heart explode for the wanting, missing, thinking , pondering,,if?????? just a thought I have, and have had,,,never know do we? | |
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ponie
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Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 118 | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:58:10 AM | curious to know how difficult it was for one of them to relocate...did he come to Canada?...or did she go to the U.S.A?...
My bf and I have dated for 2 years now, I go to the states in the summers, he travels here every second weekend. We are willing to make that commitment. He is going to relocate here. I was just wondering just how much is involved with relocating.
Can you shed any light on this subject for me? | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/16/2007 12:10:00 PM | LDR's never seem to work for me although I've tried.
I prefer knowing I can ring a guy up on a spur of the moment thing and say ' oi , lets go out and have a pint tonight' not ' 3 weeks on wednesday when you finally get here ' lol
I value my independence and space but not a 300 mile gap lol. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 122 | |
| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/16/2007 1:38:04 PM | | Can LDRs work? Sure. They work as well as next-door relationships. You bat 00 in both categories until you find the one that sticks ‘til you die. Then you’re at 100%. The truth is, there isn’t anyone on POF who knows whether they work or not. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/16/2007 1:48:28 PM | | I see it this way.... Even when U are living with ur spouse/boyfriend/ whatever, they still cheat... so if 10,000 miles away they are not going to? I dunno, maybe I just dont trust enough.. but There are plenty of fish out there..... find one willing to move, or even better one already near by :) | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:21:26 PM | | they can work. the ones that do, a few things i have noticed. don't wait too long before meeting in person. after this initial meeting, there must be discussion as to if one is willing to relocate or if not, or that both people can be happy with an occasional encounter. i have known a few couples that lived on different continents are now married. sooo...for the courting phase, long distance is just another way to get to know somebody. eventually, for most people, the unfulfillment that takes place long distance just causes more heartache than pleasure. and yes...i have experienced this. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:58:47 PM | | I was in a long distant relationship for 3 yrs. It was a good relationship. We grew very close. We got along so well. It was actually like a fairy tale. We met on line. We didn't meet the first time until 3 months later. We traveled back and forth for 3 yrs. I wouldn't relocate so he had to move on . But, yes they work. It is all about compatibility also. I met another who was long distant and he relocated. It didn't work out very well.Only lasted 7 months. He wanted to meet right aay before we got to know about one another. We weren't compatible. It's all about how far you are willing to go in the relationship. Are you willing to relocate if you fall in love? Is he willing to make a change? | |
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