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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 3/17/2009 7:20:27 AM | | Its harder for the man i think, i talk on the webcam to my girl everynight and on the phone almost everynight, which is great, but it doesnt do much for my penis. And seeing as how women enjoy attention and gestures of love as much as sex and while men think about sex every few minutes due to the amount of testosterone in their bodies, i think its harder for the man in a long distance relationship. I can meet my girls needs with constant calls and displays of affection, but her tongue aint gonna satisfy me from japan. but i love her and cant lose her, so gotta keep spanking the monkey i suppose | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 3/17/2009 10:23:23 AM | Well from personal experience, the best (and healthiest) relationship I've ever had was long distance. We talked via phone and email constantly and we really connected on a deeper level because we learned how to communicate with each other.
It was also nice to have our own space and lives too. Sometimes people can get too easily wrapped up in each other and while it's good to share your lives, you need your own identity too.
That said, there could be a point where you decided to change the long-distance thing and I guess you need to know who would be willing once that time came.
I did have one ex who started working out of town after we'd lived together for quite some time. That was definately hard because I wasn't used to it. So, it's good you're doing it from the get-go. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 3/17/2009 11:40:26 AM | | I say no, they don't work. Maybe if the guy was willing to move to where I lived. But I"m not going to move for a guy, so I really can't expect someone to move for me. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 3/17/2009 12:25:41 PM | I have made it clear in my profile that I would move for the right woman. But many people feel that it isn't worth the initial hassle of a long-distance relationship to achieve the end result.
This is why some people are single. Something great takes work and many people are just not cut out for a healthy relationship. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 3/17/2009 2:35:53 PM | I'm glad I found this thread.
I'm currently exploring the start of a long distance relationship. I would not have considered it if I didn't feel a special connection to the person. For me right now it works. It's just the start; but it feels like we are very compatible. I believe that it can work if the communication is there. Email, chatting, phone is essential. It makes my day when she sends me a text message with a picture of herself. In these times we live in a world of instant communication. So it is more reasonable that long distance can work. I know that I am happy just getting to know her. I already know that she cares for me; as I do her. I'm planning on visiting her within a couple of months.
Also... I find it very romantic and intense..... It's like longing for something you can't quite have.... yet! | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 5/18/2009 11:48:13 AM | | Gotta agree on this because I just got out of a long distance relationship where I was the one making all the sacrifices. Within the last 3 months she became very rude by calling her friends when I arrived, while I sat by myself getting ignored. I decided that I wasn't going to put any more effort into it and get ignored or discounted. I have more than successfully moved on, even without a pic in my profile, and I'm all the better for it. If the relationship turns out to be one-sided........Run Forrest, Run! | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 5/27/2009 8:59:11 AM | Yes they can work. I know of a lot of US Military members who have wives in Kentucky, Louisiana, California and their spouses are in Germany, South Korea, Japan, Italy...etc.
However the military has an ungodly high divorce rate also
I was in two. West Coast USA to Western Australia and Japan to NYC. Both are minimum 12 hour flights no matter how you cut it and Australia was almost a day.
Did they work? I was married to one for almost twenty years until an addiction sapped her. The other was just a great friendship that culminated in alot of visiting European countries. I am so thankful for both great women. There are some great musuems in Europe and the Scotch distilleries in Scotland wow! How can you go wrong living in NYC? 
I actually prefer them in all honesty. You so look forward to meeting the other person wherever they are. I kind of always lived by the absence makes the heart grow fonder rule. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:25:33 AM | Of course your relationship has a chance, but since it is a long distance romance, you have to be aware of the possible problems and do what you can to avoid them. The very same factors that make a long-distance relationship so exciting also make it hazardous. It’s easy for you to think the relationship is much better than it is because you don’t spend consistent quality time together.
Your goal becomes trying to see one another again, rather than to really take a close look at the relationship.
There are three major problems in long-distance relationships:
1. You don’t get to see what your partner is really like.
You know that if you have three days to spend with your lover, you are going to be on your best behavior and so is he. It’s easy to hide the difficult parts of your personality for seventy two hours, and leave feeling wonderful. But you never really get to know one another, because you don’t see your mate under pressure, in a crisis, when he is ill, when he is frightened. All of these situations reveal a lot about someone’s character, an essential part of determining compatibility. You need consistent time to discover these dimensions of a person.
2. You avoid dealing with problem areas.
Let's imagine that you haven't seen your long distance lover in two months, and he's flown in to spend the weekend with you. Over dinner that night, he says something that annoys you. Now you have to make a decision: Do you confront him on what is upsetting you, and risk ruining your weekend, or do you forget about it? Most people choose to avoid the confrontation, fearful that by the time they get through the argument and hurt feelings, half of the weekend will already be over. The problem with this habit is that you and your partner never learn to problem solve together, or advance the relationship to deeper levels of communication and harmony. The unresolved issues and the unexpressed resentments just sit there like Emotional Time Bombs, waiting to explode. It may look like you have a great relationship on the surface, but you haven't allowed it to move through the transition stage every healthy love affair must experience.
3. You have an unrealistic view of your compatibility.
Long distance lovers often don't even know how little they have in common because they are too busy entertaining themselves. If you only have three days with your partner, you will treat it like a mini-vacation--you'll spend all your time together; you'll go out to restaurants, movies, shows, etc, you'll have lot's of sex, and you'll avoid friends and family. This gives you a very unrealistic picture of your relationship. You may actually enjoy the excitement of the fun weekend more than you enjoy your partner and not even know it. Many couples find themselves extremely disappointed when they finally move to the same city or decide to live together. "It doesn't feel like it used to, " they often complain. Of course it doesn't. It's not a twenty-four hour a day party anymore. It's a real full time relationship, and if you and your partner aren't truly compatible, you'll find out real fast.
For a long distance romance to evolve into a healthy, lasting relationship, both partners will eventually have to live in the same place. That's the only way you can truly know if you are compatible, and develop the level of intimacy you need to sustain your love. But while you're still apart, the most successful long distance affairs are those in which the couple treats the relationship like it is a full time romance.
So:
Don’t try to make every moment together special, but do normal things together
Don’t try to hide difficult parts of your personalities, but be yourselves
Don’t don't edit how you feel, but allow yourselves to communicate honestly and deal with conflicts as they come up.
I wish you the best. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:57:25 AM | As with military.. and couples who find themselves in a "temporary transfer" situation.. yes.. they can definitely work.. as they will have had the time to nurture their union and establish a life together before the separation...
As for trying to begin and nurture a new relationship with distance in the mix.. unless one is willing to relocate rather quickly.. (within the first 3-6 mos)... then its just a long and painful death.. as you dont really know someone until they are at least in your same city.. and its also a safety mechanism to keep one at a distance in preferring this type of relationship.. or so you think! 
In my humble opinion.. (been there/done that)
Cyn | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:24:23 PM | Hey there,i just had to add my two pennys.
i just got out a long distance one and let me tell you for the past few weeks things were the best ever,and then he come out to met my family and it just blow up.we slowy texting and talking again and he was willing to come out by me and start but now it is over.................'good luck,it a lot harder then you think... | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:55:07 PM | I guess you'd have to try it out to see if it works for you!!!
For myself I'd say NOPE...not into them, don't want them...... now if it was Josh Hartnet then that is a different flipping story cuz that one I'd make work LOL  | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:24:12 PM | | They are the hardest thing you may ever do in your life if you go on and on in time. I suggest that one or the other compromise and move close enough that the long distance factor is removed...................within 6 months after becoming serious or from the time you both decide that it is officially a relationship....THE END...thank you | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:40:41 PM | | It works for some and for a limited period of time. After that, one person has to move. But it is not easy.....one has to really really want to be in that kind of relationship. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/4/2009 8:16:01 PM | | Hi. It worked for us. We spoke by phone several times a day, every day. We visited each other often. We took trips together. It can work but as with all relationships will depend on the two people involved. In our case, we're both such 'out there' people in our thinking we were just thrilled to meet someone compatible. *LOL* That chemistry clicked too made it all the better. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:50:09 AM | If you are financially capable of seeing a certain someone...anytime life permits....then I assure you..it can......**blushes**
So honestly, if they are a short hour plane ride away at any moment, and ya live next to the airport.....then it is safe to assume that finance is the only tangible barrier. The rest are likely insecurities that we invent, and only hold weight in the hands of a person who believes in them.
If I invented a teleporter, (And I am working on it, I am tied up at the moment with a time machine.) there would be no such thing as long distance.
It is as much as an illusion as Time.
Yesterday I was just saying, I would never follow stupid rules when I grow up....
Today I woke up 30 years old. And suddenly I actually like my vegetables.
_________
Eventually someone may move.
But if you really think about it...and I haven't as I just thought about this...
We are all in long distance relationships.
Where do your parents live?
Where do your cousins?
When the kids get older...they go away.
We maintain these relationships anyway.
Though I am sure someone is going to say that this is different.
Well if a romantic relationship is different........then what is the difference? The physical part?
(Oh and I agree to an extent, but a quick flight booking can equal 3-4 days together...and a WHOLE FREAKING LOT of sex. Waaayyyyy alot. *Looks at someone.)
Relationships shouldn't be based on that anyway.
And also, if you are willing to leave your immediate family to go live in another state with your mate, and raise the children away from da fam, does that mean you care more for your mates needs than your family?
Nope.
It merely means distance is an illusion.
p.s.
I do not in anyway condone LDR's for people who have trust issues. It really takes a person with a keen insight, complete and utter honesty, and ipso facto, a whole hell of alot of work!
Just like all relationships.
Work. Only difference is, you don't burn any calories...wait never mind.
**looks at the empty jumbo box of Trojan Magnums in the corner.
**pokes chest out
~A.P.E Alpha Pwns Everyone
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:20:23 AM | | Because you gave him your number, he's really not that into you. If he was REALLY attracted from the start, he would have the hots for you, and he would have approached you first. He will use you, because you are available to have sex with him. If you just want to fly somewhere, have hot sex, then he puts you back on a plane with a bag of chips and a hot dog.... then go for it.... but you can get the same thing out of a bar on the ground in a vehicle, without the hassle of flying. You need to have at least six or seven dates, without kissing.... just doing things in order to learn about each others means of communication, before you hop into bed. If you get a rental car, you can have a means of escape. You really don't want to be a ONE NIGHT STAND, do you? | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 6/5/2009 12:52:45 PM | I tried one a few years ago . We were both very willing spirits , and decided to give it a go . Sure it was fun for awhile - but ultimately the distance proved to be a very real obstacle to growing and keeping the connection .
Our schedules did not align that well either . We couldn't meet for a short walk after work , or an ice cream , or that spontaneous urge to go to the movies - or rent one and cuddle up at home ( his or mine ). We couldn't be there for one another all the time , to help with house or vehicle things , or accompany each other to offer support - for maybe a work event , or a party , or an illness . Couldn't always count on being together for a "couples" event - so you could show one another off to your friends , or even have them all meet ! Couldn't call each other up late at night and say " I want you ! - please come over " ...
All our meetings had to be planned and scheduled in advance .
And in between actual together time , all we had was phone and email . That all gets old really fast . Sure - absence makes the heart grow fonder. But too much absence can be torture !! Constant longing is just not fun to me .
The only way I see it working - is if one , or both partners have enough time to travel back and forth on a regular basis . If only one does all the traveling - it places all that burden on one person , and all the burden of hosting on the other . I think it really helps the bonding process in a relationship, if time can be spent at each other's homes . You can learn so much about someone by staying in their place , and how they treat you when you're there .
And eventually - if it's to continue - somebody's got to relocate .
Would I do it again ? NO.
And by the way - it doesn't have to be opposite sides of the country for the distance to cause a problem . As little as a couple hours away can effectively do it ! | |
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