| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:53:25 AM | | Well... it depends on what it is you don't like, and whether it's something the guy sees as a problem. I've known people who quit smoking for their bf/gf, because it was something for themselves as well. If you want him to stop little annoying habits, they might not want to stop those... so they might get offended that you made it an issue. I had an ex boyfriend who had a lot of little irritating habits which were mannerisms he didn't purposely do. I never asked him to change those, and in time with his possessiveness (which was the one thing I DID ask him to change, turned out he couldn't) I couldn't handle being with him anymore. The little annoying habits I became used to, the possessiveness I couldn't. People are who they are, and honestly sometimes it's easier for you to change yourself and learn to accept people warts and all, than it is to get someone else to change for you. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 9:32:17 AM | Isn't Finding Love..The Right Person For You, All About Finding Someone You Like Everything About????? Would You Like It If Someone Was Trying To Change You? I Think it's utter nonsense to try to change someone. if you don't like him then move on and find someone you don't want to change. And let him find someone that likes him for him. It's only fair!!! I have to be completely honest on this one..i think trying to change someone is a form of controlling behaviour..i mean, of course you can tell the person what you don't like but that could be something he likes about himself and if he doesn't want to change it, then you shouldn't pressure him.
I was once in a relationship with a person like this and after it all, i changed so many little things that i felt like a peice of my soul was missing. It was like I forgot the person that i really was. I would never stand for it again. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 9:41:38 AM | People are who they are.
You can not change someone.
Accept them for who they are.
If their lifestyle or morals dont agree with yours, then accept that.
People dont change unless they want to change, and very rarly that happens.
L. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 2:22:26 PM | Don't ever get caught in the trap of trying to change someone. The old addage goes...
"Women marry men hoping they can change them, and men marry women hoping they'll never change."
If you feel the need to change something about the person you're with, then maybe you're not with the right person. Acceptance is an option........so is moving on and finding someone you like "as is". | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 2:44:06 PM | | I think we all fall into the trap of liking/loving someone with a flaw that we can't stand. Small things, like leaving a pile of their dirty dishes in the sink, aren't that important and the person probably isn't even aware that it bothers anyone. But when it comes to things like their personality, addiction, and/or how they were raised, that is something that can't be changed. I learned this the hard way a few years. It sucks when you really want to be with someone, but there is something about them or how they act that makes your skin crawl. You can't change them and if you try they resent you, and eventually your relationship fails. But staying with them will hurt you as well. It's a catch 22. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 5:53:19 PM | I heard Judge Judy tell someone "Trying to make him (her) change is like trying to teach a pig to sing. It will never happen and it annoys the pig.  | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:02:10 PM | | I've been known to ask for a little compromise, but to change him? No. Discussions about why something hurts you or bothers you is good and opens up the lines of communication, if done in the right way. I couldn't change the core of who I am, nor would I want to. And if I'm with the right man, I wouldn't want to change the core of who he is either. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:02:43 PM | I've been known to ask for a little compromise, but to change him? No. Discussions about why something hurts you or bothers you is good and opens up the lines of communication, if done in the right way. I couldn't change the core of who I am, nor would I want to. And if I'm with the right man, I wouldn't want to change the core of who he is either.
Sorry, didn't mean to double post. Actually, I have no idea how this happened... | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:48:45 PM | I remember an over 45 thread having a thread about changing your partner last summer.....interesting topic.
'Interventions' are based on how a persons' behavior impacts others. Enough people intervening and expressing how a behavior effects 'others' feelings or attitudes will make a changed behavior. Just a note.... | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:25:20 PM | | why would you want to change someone you fell in love with? you fell in love with that person the way they were. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:10:06 PM | | Change most effectively comes from with-in, having fear of being dumped simply for asking someone to change is not healthy, unless it is a very serious issue. If the issue is serious asking is a good thing however you must be willing to act once the other person gives you thier answer, and never look back. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 6:33:06 AM | | You should never ask someone to change who they are for u. if u try to change someone then their really not them there who u want them to be, if u cant get over who they are then let them go but u should never try and change anyone u should love them for who they are and if u cant then move on. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 6:45:31 AM | Can we change someone - turn the question around
would you change if someone tried to change you -
Your answer would be no - so - why would you try to change someone?
We are who we are. Accept it or dont - your choice -
Are you so annoyed by someones flaws you would want
to change them? Why are you with them if there is nothing
you like and you want to change them?
So - the original question - can we change somebody - no -
unless we are willing to change ourselves and most of us are not.
We cant change someone but that does not mean we cant
build someone -
Now building the perfect man - well - time to go to home depot.
they dont sell brains there - right?? | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 6:49:28 AM | Why would you want to change someone...wouldn't it be for your highest happiness if that person was what you wanted in the first place? If he isn't...it just means you don't fit. Besides its very controlling to want to change someone...better to change yourself.
Lighthealer.. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 7:08:32 AM | There maybe something you do he may not like so why not look at all the wonderful things instead of the little things you don't like :)
Good luck | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 7:33:14 AM | | nononononoooo, make SURE you look at that one little thing you don't like..cause believe me, that one little thing is going to grate on your nerves....etc etc | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 8:32:53 AM | can we change somebody Sure. But is it reasonable to expect that we can change somebody? No. Here's the OP's real question:
i didnt like something about a guy is it possiable that i can get him to change for me or do you think that is too much to ask Look at it this way. Nothing is life is perfect. Even in the best of relationships undoubtedly you will find something disagreeable about your partner.
I suggest focussing on the positive instead of the negative. Don't let one relatively non-significant negative quality be a dealbreaker.
Now if your partner has several negative qualities, collectively perhaps you have a dealbreaker.
So don't go into relationships thinking you can "change" someone, rather appreciate their finer qualities and if that isn't enough for you, and you believe you aren't getting what you want out the relationship, just end the relationship and keep looking. If you do that a few times, you get a better perspective of what truly is a dealbreaker for you (assuming you aren't lacking emotional maturity). | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 8:41:07 AM | lets say that i didnt like something about a guy is it possiable that i can get him to change for me or do you think that is too much to ask and i will get dumped
If you feel you have to change someone...you should NOT be with them. If you truly love someone you love the good and the bad. You accept their faults. If you cannot...then let them go. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 2/1/2007 8:59:56 AM | I think the problem today because of our 'disposable society' people find it much easier not to deal with conflict or situations where they might be responsible for change.
You have to remember that when you met this person you were just learning to love him. With time, behaviors happen that effect how you might interact with him and at times not for the growth of the relationship. Personally I think if it changes the person you are in such a way that it changes how you interact (based on fear) with him and/or others, yes you must confront (gently) tactfully.
If he cares that he may be losing the very essence of what made him fall for you, yes he will change because he wants to, not because he needs to. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 4:54:55 PM | Men marry a woman because of who she is, and hope she never changes.
But, of course, she does.
Women marry a man because of what she can change him into.
But, of course, she can't. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:30:33 PM | | It depends on what it is. If he's leaving the toilet seat up or using too much profanity around you, then you can ask him to change and if he wants you in his life, he will. If it's a character trait, like lying or being a slob, that's not easily changed, and the person will only change that when/if they want to. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:36:27 PM | I like mepalmers comment about profanity. This is a catch 22.
It depends on ones enviroment. If Stud muffins line of work is construction. Well hello?
Every other fvcken word is ........................Well. You know. :)
Accept or delete.
I thank you. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:39:43 PM | when others try to change me...then i become someone other them myself. if i cant be me then whats the point? I get tired of owning up to others expectations, its to exhausting and it never lasts, eventually you loose site of yourself by doing so. I am who I am..like it or not, your choice.
accept others for who they are with the bad and good, instead try not to focus on his habits..try focusing on his good points, the good within him. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 8:43:41 PM | Plain and simple.
No one changes until they want to change. Ask anyone who has changed something, anything in their life. They need to truly want to change. | |
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