| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:12:08 PM | That reminds me of a joke. Well. I guess it would depend on your definition of a joke. :p
How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Keep scrolling. :p
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Just one.
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But
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He/She..
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Has really gotta wanna change!
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I thank you. :) | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:12:58 PM | | No. No. A thousand times no. Before you even think about it imagine an "AS IS" tattoo on his forehead. (That goes for both sexes by the way.) | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:26:28 AM | | People change slowly. We all grow in one or another. Life give us each different experiences. We perceive these differently. So we grow or change. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 4:53:36 AM | | if it's something like a hairstyle then maybe that can be changed, but, if your looking to change something more then no, I would say find someone who fits you and not someone who you have to create. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:10:15 AM | Hi, as to your post can you change somebody, I believe it depends on whether you are talking core values, or things like table manners. If you are someone for example who is has alot of integrity, and your friend has none, I doubt you will change that. If however your friend is lacking in social graces, in time I believe you can take the rough edges off of him. I will go even further, and say after 10 yrs with you, you will have the kind of friend you deserve in that you really should have impacted his life. Dont expect to take someone out of prison, and make a preacher out of them. Unless you are talking James Baker.  good luck in your efforts. Lou | |
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najida
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Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 256 | |
| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:26:27 AM | | surely the things you like about him outway the things you dont, if you have a connection its because you like all of him, otherwise dont waste his or your time | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 7:15:44 AM | Only ourselves ---- and the key to happiness is to accept others as they come.  | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 10:14:16 AM | People who get together and then think they will change the other are in for a very sad disappointment.
I would never look at someone and think I would change something about that person in order to be with them.
My mom told me "You don't FIND the right person, you BECOME the right person". She always taught me to worry about my own character, change the things I didn't like about myself and to simply be the best person I could be.
I loved my mom! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:25:46 PM | | There is only two ways to change someone... marriage, and divorce.. and neither of these is a guaranteed fix.. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:31:04 PM | | In this day and age, with about a billion self-help books gathering dust at Borders and B&N, I am shocked that this question is even given the dignity of a reply. Ordinarily humorous am I, but sometimes these questions and answers ad nauseum can make a fella's cranium split like an overripe cantaloupe. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 12:47:59 PM | I like the concept of the tatoo.."AS IS"...and yes, for both sexes.
Yes, hopefully we all change, and for the better, as life affects us. When someone says they are the same as they were at 18....well, they ain't gonna grow up.
We do have our "core essence" (I'm sure there's a better term out there).
But getting someone to change to please you??? It won't be me AND I don't want him! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:53:15 PM | ummm...well...this is a tight subject here....lets look a little deeper....there is a differance between changeing and compromizeing...to me...I dont want anybody to change to suit my need or desires...that would take away from who they are...however on the other hand...I can compromise just about anything...pervided its a 2 way street!!!that like haveing differences and working them out to were both people are ok with it.Some people have been alone so long they are use to there way only....and those people need ample time to adjust....just like win you are in a relationship and it goes south...then you have to adjust to being by yourself!!! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:33:51 PM | You know I would never ask a guy to change for me unless maybe his jeans or t-shirt to get the BBQ sauce off it
But seriously No I wouldn't anymore than Iwould change for him. Accept me as I am or not at all
The saying
Accept people where they are and not where you want them | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:36:39 PM | Never, Ever. Trying to change someone never works, or, it does, and
then suddenly they're not the person you liked in the first place. If you
don't like something about them, or vice versa, it's ok, no ones perfect.
or, you need to find someone else. honestly, trying to change anyone is
a fruitless endevour and will only make you and them miserable. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:46:08 PM | An agenda for change is nothing less than a recipe for disaster/failure.
It's about finding, ideally someone who accepts and loves you, warts, faults, quirks and all just as you are NOW. Right this minute. And someone you can do likewise.
Anything else is just temporary, frustrating, agonizing and doomed to be short term.
Think about if, it you found someone that great, that wonderful, the man/woman of your dreams. Either they are or aren't...people aren't makeover projects...well he/she could be.
Naww...doesn't work that way, you want a makeover project, buy a house and gut it. You don't to that to people's lives, you wouldn't want it done to yours, now would you?
And I'm as much a work in progress as anyone, the changes I want to make are for me, and I'd make then anyway. Not for someone else. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:52:15 PM | That would depend on what the changes are. If you fall for a guy for the way he is why try and change that....you end up with someone who is not that guy you first fell for...and it all soon dies out. Minor changes are always accepted but to try and totally change someone from the way they were to your rules is a lot harder and doesn't always work.
Classic example is all those women taking on a bad guy thinking they can tame him...does it work..??? Very rarely
Change should only be made if it necessary but not forced...some people do change for the better when in relationships......forcing the change is also forcing the way out !!! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:40:10 PM | OP, It depends on what you are asking, because personality traits get to the core of the person while personal habits aren't such a sensitive issue. I think if you ask something that is reasonable and most people would find annoying and he dumps you, then you are better off because of it. People who exhibit behaviours that most people would find affects them negatively who "get their back up" when a person asks for a change may be reacting that way to be manipulative.
I find it interesting that many of the posters are so accepting of behaviour that does not help their relationship and wonder why they see that making the request is futile or asking too much? I see nothing wrong with telling your partner you're not a fan of what they are doing if it is something that affects you in some way to a reasonable degree. I'm not talking about the way they chew their food, or their pink and orange clothing combinations, or the way they laugh, etc., but about things that they do that cause you stress, or take up your time (when you'd rather be doing something more fun), or could injure you.
Say for instance your partner is an unsafe driver. Do you not ask them to change because that would be changing who they are? Unless you can always work around driving together you are going to have to deal with it. The touchy part is you are saying something about their personality when you ask them to change their behaviour. If your partner is stubborn or gets their back up you are in a dilemma if the driving is enough of a problem to increase your chances of getting killed and you don't want to take that risk.
If this is one of the few behaviours that you are not happy about and you want to stay in the relationship what do you do? I think that in situations like this when you feel forced by your stress to ask for a change that it is very reasonable for your partner to change their personality to be more careful. Why throw away a good relationship when the partner causing the problem could become a better person? We're all changing all of the time and I think that for certain reasons people should be willing to grow personally, and the other person shouldn't be shy about asking. The alternative is to toss relationships instead of helping the person recognize how their behaviour is affecting you and helping them have enough positive feelings to want to change.
People make things work all the time and changing a negative behaviour really isn't all that hard when a person wants to. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:54:01 PM | | If you try to change someone that makes them fake to who they are. If someone has a drinking problem for example.....they have to want to change that & only they can do it for themselves. So it depends on if that person wants to change for you. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 8:55:54 PM |
It depends on ones enviroment. If Stud muffins line of work is construction. Well hello?
Every other fvcken word is ........................Well. You know. :)
That's a stereo type. I have been in construction most of my life and I hardly use the word comparatively speaking.
Personally I think trying to change someone is futile. You may be able to change someones behavior for the time being but it will come back and bite you in time. Trying to change a person in your life can be interprited as being controled as you would a child and we all know how that turns out. They rebel and leave, which is great when the kids leave but, when it's someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with that can be tragic.
So my suggestion is, if you want to change a person you should probably just stick to their clothes. Just not when your mad because things could get stuck in the zipper. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 11:16:46 PM | What is that "something"? I don't want someone trying to change the person I am, nor would I want to do the same with my partner. Obviously, there was something or many things about the man that I loved, so why the need for change?
Who are we to try to remold a person? I just don't thnk it is right. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 11:25:07 PM | | didnt know how to just get on anyways no you cant change a person you need to focus on you what are you doing or not doing dont bang your head against the wall focus on you and the moment how important is it to get frazzled over no one will be happy unless you are dont count on someone else to make you happy just be it. isnt that what attracts us to other people their differences enjoy each other for who you's are and how you each contribute to each others lives. You can both grow by learning from each other and it should be a nice merge if it doesnt work out of well guess it wasnt meant to be. No one should lose themselves every one should still be an individual thats what makes us all unique. Hope this helps a bit. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/24/2007 11:57:29 PM | no we cant and secondly u shouldnt change someone or need to.
when u are into a relationship with someone or date someone u should take them the way they are.u should like them the way they are.faults and qualities.
but sometimes people grow on each others.therefore the influence of one person sometimes changes someone a bit.rubs off on another person so to speak.
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/25/2007 2:36:03 PM | It depends... if it's just a matter of putting the toilet seat down or getting a person to like sushi ~ then yes, it may be possible but not all that earth shaking if you can't change those things. However, people are who they are. It's not possible for a tiger change it's stripes. The choice is your's to make to either love them for who and what they are or walk away.
It's not at all fair to expect someone to change who they are as a prerequisite for your love and approval. It's not possible nor is it fair to think we can change someone. The only people we can change is ourselves. In other words, we can only elect to change our own acceptances or intolerances.
Going into a relationship with expectations to change someone to better fit into your world, is unrealistic. It's a failed relationship waiting to happen.
It's not a question of being "dumped" as you put it. The question is... would your love be able to grow and thrive if this person couldn't or wouldn't change to your liking. It's a mind set of your own acceptance and your ability to love unconditionally. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 8/25/2007 2:36:43 PM | | Why would you want to change someone for you? That's kind of selfish. Find someone you can love for who they are. | |
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