| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 1:43:31 PM | | Not everyone will like everything about someone else. Can you "condition" someone to put down a toilet seat, probably. Can you get someone to change core values, probably not. There are many people who refuse to change and others who might appear to change to pacify someone else but then resent it. I believe that it is a mistake to attempt to change someone because change is not something that can happen externally. Changes occur because someone believes that they need to change and true change must come from within. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 1:50:37 PM |
lets say that i didnt like something about a guy is it possiable that i can get him to change for me or do you think that is too much to ask and i will get dumped
...since your post lacks no depth, my unindepth(is that a word?) answer would be...nope, woman change, men don't. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 1:51:28 PM | | We all make subtle changes as needed because its our nature to do that.......but changing a person forever???? wont happen. I tried for 10 yrs and look where it got me. Divorced. All those things I thought we changing about him well they didnt last. He is the same now as he was 10 yrs ago. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:00:36 PM | Without the Op's input to a few unanswered questions, we are left to fend for ourselves...
If its to do with personality...live with it or move on.
If its a bad habit or a weired quark or sometime...I feel there is always room for compromise.
You should find ppl with the quilty's you like rather than to try and change someone. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:12:25 PM | | I would say expect the answer to be no. Go on with the relationship as if it will never change. There is a chance he will change, but more often than not the changes won't be for the better. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:25:32 PM | | PLEASSSSSSSSSSSEEEE change meeeee. I'm a toothless Spice Girls addict. Tell ya what Iwant, what I really, really want: OUUTTTT!!!! (Yor're still hot Emma) | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:55:03 PM | NO!
You can make subtle, cosmetic changes, but you can't change someone's character or essence without major brainwashing, therapy, hypnotism, or what ever. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:04:04 PM | why would u want to change someone if they did something that really annoyed u tell them and if it is only something small they may care about u enough to compromise
The worst thing u could do is intentionally try and change someone ppl change because they want to
xjx | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:19:19 PM | Unless it is an issue that is a real deal breaker for you, go easy. For some reason women like to fall in love with a guy (or at least claim to be in love with him) just as he is, warts and all. Then suddenly they want to change something (or everything) about him. Guys hate that. It'll lead to a lot of friction and possibly the end of the relationship. So unless whatever it is you don't like about him it's a relationship ending issue for you if it doesn't change, go easy and be a little accommodating. He wouldn't be a guy if he didn't have a lot of annoying traits.
knopper3 | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:14:24 PM | you can never change anybody... it must be personal decision and should not be asked by anybody...
if we love we have to love both sides, gud or bad... the question is are we ready to compromise... | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:17:19 PM | I think you can change their behavior patterns and in time you may change the person.
Real solid change happens within the person and they have to find their own spiritual meaning when they do it. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 37 | |
| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:20:48 PM | | If you can change him so that he would wear antiperspirant, wash, dress better, maybe eat with his moth close. All good things .. please do | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:36:17 PM | | If your partner is controlling and berating you, etc, and you wish he would change, he probably won't. What can happen, however, is that YOU can change, take control or charge of yourself and your everyday life. You hope he will change, but that is all up to him. What matters is that you are happy and comfortable in the relationship, have your self respect and esteem, and its mutual. If you are not happy with something about him, discuss it, let him know how you feel, and if he resists then you have to make choices. If its smaller things, like the toilet seat or doing dishes, you have to pick your battles and decide what is most important to you. Would you want him to make you change over something you don't want to? Do you convey to him you love him regardless of whether he changes or not? But if the change would make your self esteem get higher then it might be time to break off so you can change. I dont know if I am making any sense or not here. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:58:43 PM | | No one can change for another person, and thats something you can't expect. That person has to realise there is a need for change and do it on their own, if you push someone to change then they won't. You have to excpet someone for who they are and nothing less. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 6:15:25 PM | No you can't change anybody. They need to want to change for themselves but you can show them what they need to change again, Give it time  | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/21/2006 9:16:11 PM | | you can change a mans tie but not who he is people always revert to what they know best. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 12:15:50 AM | | oh I think you're obviously still twentysomething...learn now or learn later, would a crack head drop crack to be with you?? Well most people are just as strung out on who they are, they'll make their own changes thank you very much. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 12:26:33 AM | isn't it obvious that you don't want that person? - you want to change them, that's sad when you consider that they are who they are, and you want to change them - you're not accepting them for who and what they are.
Why not change them with someone else?
You must have a god complex or something... try and change yourself and you'll see yourself a failure, try and change someone else, and you'll think yourself a saint... Aloha | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 1:47:16 AM | Depends what it is you are wanting to change. Compromise is good. I take it he doesn't want to change and knows it bothers you? Not knowing the specifics, I'll just give the following.
Ok. You don't like him entirely as of now, but you don't want him to leave. Try molding yourself instead of him maybe. By doing so, you may inspire new action from him. There's a difference in being an influence by example than being one who dictates. Sometimes the person who needs to change is the one that has the problem with the other's behavior. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 2:32:06 AM | One thing I have learnt thru my life is people don't change unless they want to change..
Some will change for a while but the pendulum always swings back to the same point..
When they feel comfortable with themselves again they will change right back.. | |
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rings
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:00:00 AM | the only person you can change is you.......you are who you are... real change must come from within,and be their idea....
if you ask someone to change and they do,thats not who they were in the first place....
chances are if this person changed for you, it would just be temporary anyway....
so what would be the point..... like him for who he is,or find someone that you do like,for who they are and not who you would like them to be .....fixer uppers are good if your buying a house,but not so much when your looking for a partner.... ......
it would be easier to comment,if you told us what you were trying to change.
i would be able to offer a clearer answer, with a clearer question.. ..... | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:29:55 AM | | nope, you'll make him resent you, if you try he'll do what you hate in secret, which you really don't want in a relationship, which leads to mistrust, which leads to break ups so you might as well nip it in the bud | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:40:31 AM | | Why would you want to change him? He is who he is and must be loved and accepted as is. Through time he may change, as we all do, but those changes must be self-motivated. When a person changes to appease another, it seldom lasts because it did not come from a true desire to change or grow. Eventually they must be true to themselves and will revert back to who they really are. Would you want someone to try to change you, or would you prefer to be loved for who you are, and as you are, unconditionally? | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:51:44 AM | | you can only change them on the surface deep down thay will allways be the same person and sooner or later thay will go back to being themselfs. | |
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