| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 6:39:20 PM | | Change is a funny thing. I'd change what I eat to get a good date. I'd change where I walk to get a good date. I'd learn to watch new movies to get a good date. I'd even teach myself to cook her favorite meals, or learn how to dance her favorite dance. Would I date a smoker, or someone who has no interest in Classical music, Jazz, The Beatles, or Reggae? Now that's pushing it. I believe there are many things one can do to compromise and change to be dating. I know I'm not going to find a perfect match. However, if I can just get similar enough musical interests, and someone who is considerate about not playing loud music in the middle of the night I'll be happy. I'm happy to learn new music, but at least let me be awake enough to listen to it. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 6:39:23 PM | | Noggin, I like what you said: "Then your energy can be put into being creative in the relationship instead of fire fighting". There is an awful lot of energy expended in a relationship where two people are too different to live together. In my experience, opposites may attract, but they don't live all that happily together. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 6:49:51 PM | | If there's something you want to change about your partner, you better just be ready to live with it. You can't change someone, ever. They are who they are. Trying to change them only leads to them being unhappy or you being dissapointed. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 7:00:54 PM | Goat boy,
As I said, it depends on the individual. Some are willing to change a lot to keep a date they find interesting and want to stay with. A good relationship is about compromise. It isn't so much a question of changing the partner, as to how open is the partner to certain kinds of change. The more open they are to certain kinds of change, the better a chance the relationship has to succeed. One doesn't "force" change, one discusses it and finds happy mediums both parties like. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 7:17:36 PM | | Is this all about wanting to change someone or wanting to control what they do or eat or behave, etc? This is just a general question - makes me wonder why you woudl want to change someone- | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 7:49:19 PM | | I think you can express your feelings about something if it's bothering you. But to fundamentally change someone is a fruitless task. And why would you want to if you fell in love with someone just the way they were? I'd learn to accept or even embrace the differences that make us unique and who we are and learn to live with it. If you want to change too much about someone you're with, it might be time to change WHO you're with. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:13:15 PM | If somebody agreed to change something in order to please you, I think you would have to ask yourself how long it would last. For example, a slob can never be changed into a tidy person...it's just not in their nature. So even if they agreed to change, eventually they would revert to their natural state.
Find somebody that you don't feel compelled to change, OR.....change yourself. Perhaps you could CHANGE yourself to accept the thing you don't like about him. Of course, I'm being sarcastic....just trying to make a point. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:24:09 PM | | y would u wanna change that person 4 in the first place??.. if someone doesn`t like me 4 who i am.. then they r not worth my time!.. | |
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Gage1
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Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 84 | |
| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:25:34 PM | The thing that puzzles me here is , if you fall for someone as they are why would you try to change them?... And really , what gives you the right?... True love is unconditional , not like falling for someone like you would a car that you envision eventually tweaking and customizing to your tastes...
Sounds like a totally common and selfish contradiction to me | |
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Gage1
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Joined: 11/1/2005
Msg: 86 | |
| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:30:46 PM | very nice of you to say Ms Psssst...
Now , if only you had one more or one less 's' in your nic...(ducks)haha | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:41:40 PM | You cannot. You can issue ultimatums, and you can make requests, but you cannot change anyone but yourself.
If he's treating you with the love and respect that you deserve, just let him be himself. Love is about admiring, appreciating and accepting yourself and others. Are those things there? Does he do that for you and you for him? If so, let him be.
Make sure that you are meeting your own needs, and you'll find that the urge to change others diminishes greatly.
~Thunder | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:45:51 PM |
very nice of you to say Ms Psssst...
Now , if only you had one more or one less 's' in your nic...(ducks)haha
*swats
Practise what you preach milord!!! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:49:22 PM | YOU CANNOT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE - that is a fact. But you CAN change yourself (its the only thing you actually have control over).
If there is something you don't like about him ask yourself why and see if you can be comfortable living with it... because even if he changes odds are he will change back just as soon as the rules are relaxed. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 9:04:21 PM | | Nope, and you shouldn't want to change someone. If there's something you want to change then change yourself not teh other person. It never works. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 11:05:46 PM | 'Deathtickle' -I can see the point of your comment but OP's question was not addressed in such a general way. She narrowed it to 'one to one' & in a relationship.
Society imprints on everybody element of its nature like it or not. If your 'core' becomes affected and how much, is ultimately down to you. In my native language we have a saying:
"Who lives with wolves has to howl with them."
(Of course no one has to, as there is always a way out ) | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 11:41:00 PM | No. People don't change. Only in very subtle aspects of their day to day lives. But the traits of their personalities remain.
Actually there are many ill relationships based on the "hope" that the significant other will eventually change. The familiar "he/she will change his/her way of thinking about this...." These relationships eventually will fall appart because of expectations that are never met...
Why expect someone to be something they are not?? If there are things you don't like about your mate you must either learn to live with them or else get out before you waste time waiting for things to change...
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/22/2006 11:52:22 PM | | I wouldn't ask someone to change, they wouldn't be the person I originally liked or fell in love with. We all have our quirks and faults. Those are what make us unique and attractive to other people. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/23/2006 12:10:41 AM | | The truth is we all change with time, I do not believe we should set out trying to change some one. It has to come from the heart and if two people care about each other change will happen naturally. The other aspect is that love changes us, it helps us see a different perspective of life, so stay close discuss things and grow together. If it is meant to be you will see changes happening without mentioning them. Just dont nag - this reinforces what you dont like. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/23/2006 3:30:01 AM | You can still love someone, yet dislike things about them and want things differently. It's called compromise. What's wrong with that?
For example, when my nephew married his wife, she got him to stop leaving the toilet seat up and to be neater. Now he's a big help and cleans the house without even being asked.
He thought her cooking was too bland so he got her some new recipes and told her how he liked his food. She agreed that her food does taste better now.
No one is perfect. We can all use some tweaking. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/23/2006 3:31:15 AM |
lets say that i didnt like something about a guy is it possiable that i can get him to change for me or do you think that is too much to ask and i will get dumped
That all depends on what type of guy we're talking about here. If he's the type that's willing to change because he has strong feelings for you, then yea. Otherwise, it's hopeless! | |
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errnst
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Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 98 | |
| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/23/2006 3:32:08 AM | Something to ponder. You fall in love with someone. You decide to change them. You seem to have been successful. Then they aren't the person you fell in love with. What then? Move on to someone else you want to change?
Now that is a good comment, and i think it can be true, years ago i read about a study where overweight people lost weight and their spouses lost interest,
Changing others to what you think they should be is to treat them as a pet, or an object.
how would you like it if your spouse went on an unsolicited program of changing you, i bet you would not be happy with it, so forget changing others, you got no right
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:04:39 AM | | Why try and change them...if you don't like something about them then why are you sticking around?? Unless of course it's something menial then you can discuss it and come to a conclusion...BUT you don't want to change them!!! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:09:23 AM | nyprincess214
I agree with you
" Why try and change them...if you don't like something about them then why are you sticking around?? Unless of course it's something menial then you can discuss it and come to a conclusion...BUT you don't want to change them!!! "
And first of all if you "need" to change the person just to stay togeather than there really is NOTHING there in the first place because why should we have to change the person or them change us just, so we can be togeather.
We should love them for who they are and NOT try to change anything about them. | |
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