| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:19:49 PM | it could backfire on you.
say you tried to change the way he dressed, because well you didnt really like it.
then you got him to dress very nice...
so nice...that other girls noticed
and he noticed..that they noticed...
and suddenly..he's too good for you now... | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:28:41 PM | | You probably could, but why would you want to? If it's part of his character....learn to love it. If you can't stand it, it's not meant to be. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:53:01 PM | | I can't understand anyone who tries to change someone else.I know that no two people are alike and enjoy different things so you have to learn to live with it.If you want to change the person your in a relationship with I think it means you really don't care as much for that person as you might think.I would change for no man and I wouldn't want to chnge them.Our differences and likes are what make us unique. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:04:24 PM | | my believes is you can only change one person (your actions or reactions). Everyone has the right to be who they are. Its whether that works for you or not will deteremin the value of the relationship. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:07:42 PM | | You can change someone, YES, if they want to be changed and ask for assistance. If that person sees no need for change then forget it. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 1:05:08 AM | People don't change generally: they mellow and they compromise.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to be willing to change. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 2:05:23 AM | | You could, but really, I want a relationship, not a project. I don't want to be with someone that I feel I need to change, and vise versa...You take me as is, and if I needed to think about changing someone, I shouldn't be with them. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:50:59 AM | I feel you can only change yourself, if you can't accept another person, move on. Find someone you like,, just as they are. I don't really believe that you should have to work on a relationship,,, people simply need to work on themselves, within the relationship.
tb | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:55:37 AM | | You can not be serious?...would you want someone to change you?...you don't get involved with someone and then hope to change them...you have to take them for who they are or you have to figure out if you can live with whatever it is that you felt needed changing. You will never get perfection and if you feel you are setteling then you need to move on and he is not the one for you. Never..really NEVER..think about changing someone..! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:21:56 AM | | You can't change who a person is. Either accept it or more on and find someone who has everything little thing that you adore, which isn't going to happen let me add! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 10:14:59 AM | Back to the OP last year...
lets say that i didnt like something about a guy is it possiable that i can get him to change for me or do you think that is too much to ask and i will get dumped
Small superficial stuff, yeah no prob. It's kind of mandatory if you're going to be a successful couple. Just make sure you both agree what 'small stuff' is.
Personally, I very much enjoy the give-and-take of a growing relationship, the small adjustments that make two people fit together even better. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 10:34:22 AM | You need to learn to love the imperfections of your partner, lover. People have been changing each other ever since adam and eve, it is a tricky business, but if your in a relationship you are always changing the person your with and they are always changing you, just by living with each other this happens, but in the business of really wanting to take head on some changes in another person here are a couple pointers.
1. Start from where they are at. This means no judgement, accept them first,,this will open their heart to you.
2. Change yourself and be changing when your are trying to change another or assist them in changing themselves. When you are not changing or growing and you tell someone else to, it just lacks power and feels of a lie.
3. No what you are doing. you are not changing someone like a tire, you are assisting them or guiding them to see differently, HELP them to look forward to the journey, that is the secret or one of them.
4. Why? what is your true intention? always go back to that, ask yourself why am I helping this person and be as honest as you possibly can, if,,,it is for your own gain, in any way, you are on the wrong track. why? because Kharma will always make greedy manipulation back fire, it just happens sooner or later.
5. Those that made the greatest change in history never asked for anything, they were change it self, if we look at those around us and can say no one is uplifted, profited, grown healthier for being in my presense,,we truly were not much of human beings. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 10:36:40 AM | | it depends on what you wanted changed but from personal experience you can not change someone no matter how hard you try, you either love him for who he is or not at all...if you try to change him anyways then all it will do is cause fights and a bunch of promises that are never kept and you two will end up resenting each other in the end, its really not worth all the stress! | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:39:09 AM | I believe it is unrealistic to think that you will find another person who is 100% approving of your behaviour while never having the desire to do or say things that you don't approve of.
There are certain things that are fundamental to a person's identity and it would not be fair to ask them to change, let alone attempt to change them.
However, there are innumerable traits and quirks and annoying habits that are quite reasonably accepted or changed by both members of a couple as a compromise to keep the relationship healthy.
If you take the obstinate "This is me, take it or leave it" approach then don't be suprised when the other person chooses to leave it.
I recall reading some relationship study that found the best age to get married is in your late 20s. The researcher's conclusion was that it takes that long for people to figure out who they really are, but they are not so old to become fixed in their ways. Many high school sweethearts break up because they ended up with the wrong person, whereas middle aged singles who try and hook up tend to find confict in all the little patterns and routines they developed over the years. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 2:36:23 PM | | You can't change anyone. Accept who you feel in love for who they are, quarks and all! Being with someone and pushing through rough times, rough areas is what its all about. Unfortunately most people high tail out when they see these things, but there are strong people out there somewhere that don't let small things get in the way. Just as you would want someone to love you.. for you.. not who they want you to be | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 3:52:34 PM | | The only person you can change is you. So you have two options: change the way you see this person, and see if that helps you stay with it...or leave, which will allow both of you to be who you really are. The fact that you're asking that question says there's trouble ahead for both of you. And...think of it this way: how would you feel if you knew he was asking the same about you? If it would put you off...do unto him as you'd have him do unto you. Take it...or leave it. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:08:12 PM | | you can't change someone and if you're serious about then you shouldn't try to. you should be able to love them for who they are not for who you want to make them. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:10:30 PM | | I dont think you should have the right to think you could change anone ,,if you cant accept him for who he is then leave him alone,,, | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:23:50 PM | i still love this quote:
"think of how hard it is to change something in your self, and you will have a much better understanding of your chances of changing somebody else" | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:29:31 PM | This'll probably be a repeat but what are you trying to change? Socks left on the floor or a bad drinking/gambling habit?
At the end of the day it is usually not what we're able to change in people, it is what we're able to live with. All the best,
WD
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:51:48 PM | Nobody is perfect. And you can never please everyone. Someone is still gonna find fault or get attitude or something. It's not a perfect world. It's just like that. And if they don't change, would ya leave them. Kinda reminds me of something someone sujested to me one day, told me to read Blake with regard to "tolerance". It was well worth it. The read that is.
And tolerance is something we all need at one time or another. Nobdy is perfect in this slightly disfunctional world. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:54:51 PM | People can change if they want to change. You can't force amd make anyone change. If it's something major like his drinking habits than that may take time.
You have to ask yourself: Is this something that you can tolerate?
Is he willing? Etc.,
Communicate to him about your concerns!
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/14/2007 9:33:54 PM | Did U breathe today? Then YOU changed/affected someone/many people.
Point is, we are all given countless opportunities daily to change aspects of ourselves & our environment. I didn't read entire thread, but did anyone mention the "butterfly effect"?
Where a butterfly's wings in Australia can cause a Hurricane in the Atlantic?
And those're just the physical possibilities. | |
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| can we change somebody
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:49:41 AM | lets say that i didnt like something about a guy is it possiable that i can get him to change for me or do you think that is too much to ask and i will get dumped
If the fella is the right one for you, he will be right in every aspect and you won't want to change anything about him. If there's something you don't like - it will only get worse over time - get out while the going's good, cuz you'll never chnage him. | |
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