| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/25/2006 6:53:20 AM | Sorry about everyones loss. I have been widowed for 11 years now. I wore my rings for the first 2 years and after a friend of mine asked me why I still did I decided he was right. He never told me I should take them off he just asked why, and when I thought about it I decided perhaps it was time. So I went to the jewller and bought a new ring for my left hand. To me it symbalized a new start with someone worth loving, myself. I still wear it. I had my wedding band made bigger and wear it on my thumb and my engagement ring smaller and wear it on my pinky. That way he is still with me but not holding me back. It works for me, but that is something only you can and will decide when the time is right for you. God bless and good luck to all. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:43:17 AM | I thougt long and hard on this subject and one day it hit me that is was time to move on and I walked into my bedroom removed my wedding ring,cried like a baby and put it in a safe place.Ever now and then I flick my finger next to my ring finger and notice its gone,but its all part of the process.This is a good subject and I remember pondering quite a bit at the time. | |
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AnnMF
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Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/25/2006 2:03:33 PM | My husband died 14 months ago. For some months I still wore my ring and kept his on a chain around my neck. Then I took mine off and put it next to his on the chain and continued wearing it under my clothes (mine fit perfectly inside his).
I left the chain/rings at home when I went on a long trip because I didn't want to chance losing them. I have had them hanging on the chain above my desk ever since. I no longer wear it because I'm open to dating again. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/25/2006 5:36:40 PM | | Packleader: I'm with you on that, if I take mine off to do house work I find myself flicking that finger until I get the ring back on.. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:00:57 AM | | I wore my husbands for a couple of months on my right hand. I have just one non-traditional ring which my husand gave me as an engagement ring and I gave back the morning of our wedding so he could put it on my finger. I moved it to my right hand when I decided to be open to dating again. I don't know if I will ever remove it -- if someone wanted me to, they would likely not be the person for me as it does not seem like it should be something to concern them, and if it does, they are probably insecure or controlling. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/26/2006 6:11:30 PM | | Like everyone else said, it's up to you when you want to take it off or not. I wore mine for about 3 months, only because it's heavy and non-practical everyday wear. It doesn't mean you'll ever forget them or never loved them. I still wear the promise ring he gave me from time to time. Also the permanent indent on my left ring finger is enough of a reminder. They don't want us to grieve, they're in a better place. Being happy is the best we can do, it's hard I know, but it will come in time. God bless you all. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/27/2006 2:25:04 AM | | I wore mine for 10 months after my husband died, it was hard taking it off as it had never been off my finger from the day he put it on. I gave it to my daughter and she wears it on a chain round her neck now. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/27/2006 3:55:45 AM | I tossed mine in the casket with my wife before they closed it. Man, that was hard to do...
Please accept my condolences. After only seven months it isn't surprising you don't want to remove yours. Leave it on for now until it "feels right" to take it off but realize that it will be off-putting to a lot of men.
Good luck. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/27/2006 6:58:57 AM | | I put mine on my right hand after my husband died and wore it till it broke off because of it wearing too thin from being so old. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/28/2006 8:55:52 PM | | I have been widowed now for 5 years and continue to wear my rings. I absolutely love my three ring set and see no reason it should sit in a box where there is the chance it can be lost or stolen. I have tried wearing it on my right hand but it just does not feel rignt. Not only that, I wear my husbands wedding ring on a chain around my neck. I find it very comforting to just "feel" it when I am feeling low or upset. Remembering that I was once loved and in love gives me comfort when the fear of growing old alone hits. I removed them briefly when I was involved in a serious relationship. When that ended I felt an overwhelming urge to put the rings back on, so I did. It just feels good. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/29/2006 6:48:02 AM | | I, myself wore it for about a year and a half, when I decided it was time to move on with my life. I agree, that if a widow/widower is not ready to move on with their lives, they should not be out there dating. I too, met a widower who's wife died around the same time mine did and he also hung on to everything and talked about her constantly. I was very much attracted to him in every way, but he couldn't seem to get past his late wife.........so therefore, I knew it wouldn't go anywhere with us. It does put the other person in a difficult position if you are not ready to move on. I was deeply in love with my husband and life was beautiful, and I shall always cherish the short time we had together, but yes, life does go on, but you have to be open to it......... But, this is me..............and I realize everyone is different in how they handle it...... So, do whatever feels good to you and what works.... | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/29/2006 9:36:39 AM |
I agree, that if a widow/widower is not ready to move on with their lives, they should not be out there dating. I too, met a widower who's wife died around the same time mine did and he also hung on to everything and talked about her constantly. I was very much attracted to him in every way, but he couldn't seem to get past his late wife.........so therefore, I knew it wouldn't go anywhere with us. It does put the other person in a difficult position if you are not ready to move on.
You said it better than I did. Those were my feelings exactly. I am not so cruel as to not have compassion for a person who had a loss. However, I have been alone for 10 years & would like to be partnered w/ someone right for me. I certainly wouldn't want someone to waste my time if they are stuck & not moving forward. I'm on this thing for me, not to be a paper doll holding hands w/ the rest of the world. Sounds B*tchy, but it's honest. Again, I do feel for anyone who has had a loss, but I want a life 4 me, that includes an available man. I have dated too many unavailable ones.
To be used for sex, like a bandaid so that the other person feels better is not my idea of dating either. That is why I take it very slow now. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 10/29/2006 9:37:03 AM |
I agree, that if a widow/widower is not ready to move on with their lives, they should not be out there dating. I too, met a widower who's wife died around the same time mine did and he also hung on to everything and talked about her constantly. I was very much attracted to him in every way, but he couldn't seem to get past his late wife.........so therefore, I knew it wouldn't go anywhere with us. It does put the other person in a difficult position if you are not ready to move on.
You said it better than I did. Those were my feelings exactly. I am not so cruel as to not have compassion for a person who had a loss. However, I have been alone for 10 years & would like to be partnered w/ someone right for me. I certainly wouldn't want someone to waste my time if they are stuck & not moving forward. I'm on this thing for me, not to be a paper doll holding hands w/ the rest of the world. Sounds B*tchy, but it's honest. Again, I do feel for anyone who has had a loss, but I want a life 4 me, that includes an available man. I have dated too many unavailable ones.
To be used for sex, like a bandaid so that the other person feels better is not my idea of dating either. That is why I take it very slow now. | |
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oma
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Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 41 | |
| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring? Missing Husband
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:15:03 PM | | I am with you all, my husband has only been gone for 8 1/2 months, I have no intentions of taking the rings off anytime soon, 20 years is a long time to wear something and then all of a sudden something is taken away from you, literly missing, and then take away the things that you have left to hold on to, not a good idea. Is there anyone else on here that has a missing spouse, or has everyone at least had the chance to put their spouses to rest? I don't know how you do it when you do have a body, cause it really is very hard when you keep searching everyday for your husband and the father of your children. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:56:41 PM | | My mother still wears hers and it has been less than a year. It's not an easy transition I am sure. I knew a guy whose wife passed away. He was still wearing his wedding band and he still had his wife's voice on his voice mail greeting. Yet, a couple of months later he showed up at a function and he was engaged. I am not sure what the typical practices are around wearing a wedding ring after the passing of one's spouse. I guess it is an individual comfort thing. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:59:11 PM | Sweet.......,
Take it off!
A few months ago I wa s having brunch withavery nice lady, about half way through my eggs and bacon, this lovely widow spoted my wedding band, it spooked her more than if I had patted her on the fan--y, She could not get away fast enough. I checked with my Sisters-in-law, my nieces and my daufhter. They said TAKE IT OFF.
The wedding band represents the past. I don't care how perfect your marriage was it is over! So take the bands off you are starting anew with someone new. Enjoy.
Old Bold | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:56:25 PM | Well, it's been 8 yrs and I do still wear my rings w/ his on a chain. I think it's mostly because my son is 9 yrs old and it's quite difficult for him. I do find it comforting when I'm really stressed to just hold my husband's ring (yes, I said my husband's ring). It's weird how almost everyone assumes I'm divorced because I was younger (widowed @36). I had thought about turning all three rings into one, but my husbands' hands were so big, my son likes to see that. ' '
One man I was starting to see asked me to take my rings off AT LUNCH ! LOL ! ' ' Gee, hope he enjoyed his own company... | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:20:53 PM | Well, it's only been 4 years and 3 days for me. The ring just seems to belong there..... I've always liked it. Maybe that is why women ignore me at work! Or is it that I'm ignoring them...... Tough to tell sometimes!  | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:22:09 PM | | Lady, you will remove it when you are ready. You might think about not dating until you are ready. Some might me concerned with seeing the ring, some may not. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/7/2007 9:21:21 AM | I have been a widow since 1998 and now wear his band on my index finger left hand, sometimes my band on my ring finger right hand No one I have dated has had a problem with it, but if they did, they would be out .... it's non-negotiable.
Has nothing to do with moving on, its the memories of a wonderful time in my life that I don't feel I should have to give up.  | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/7/2007 9:35:55 AM |
In my family its always been tradition to move the wedding ring from the left hand to the right hand at the funeral
I've heard of this before and think it's a lovely idea - ( gone but not forgotten . . . Never forgotten).
I have a friend who wears both her wedding ring and engagement ring on her right hand and her new s/o doesn't seem to have any problems with this arrangement | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:42:34 PM | | I wore my rings for five years, until I was ready to start dating again. At that point I put them away to hand down to my daughter some day. I put his away after the funeral to hand down to my son. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:56:54 PM | I wore my wedding band and his for about 3 years. I continued to wear his for a few more. It was a weird feeling to take it off but it was definitely time. I have both set aside for my son.
You'll know when you are ready to take it off. Be aware that it can intimidate someone (not all people, mind you) you are trying to date. It makes you seem less emotionally available to them.
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