| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:25:44 AM | Choose for yourself: as simple as that.
Bereavement is a process, it's yours (not any busy-body's ).
First time (barely into my 20's), I listened to the baloney from the incessant 'opinions', second time (43) I couldn't believe the blow - didn't I have experience? shouldn't I 'know' how to deal? Ha. But listened a lot less and (I believe) progressed faster making my own decisions. I wore my rings for a while and greatly resented remarks about my 'rights' to them (so much peanut gallery baloney). For a while, wore both ours on a chain and put mine on any (@#$!) time I wanted. As my own fog disappated (for the unitiated, that doesn't mean "closure" or "forgetting") I had his ring cut and mine inserted, so they became one. Wore it around my neck, feeling the righteous exhausted albatross chained, then set it aside. You can always choose outside of what you feel and you also have the luxury of thinking and doing as you wish. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/24/2008 5:44:35 AM | For me... It didn't feel right to take off the bands even tho the marriage didn't exist anymore, and and it didn't feel right to leave them on for the same reason. It felt right to add another ring to my ring finger. I bought several - black wedding bands Hemitite , a black diamond eternity band and a black tearshaped solitaire. This felt right ... to add a ring not take it off. I thought this was only my issue-but evidently not. I want to make black mourning rings available to widows - so they dont have to search months like I did.
Diane | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:43:09 AM | quite soon after the funeral, I had my and his wedding bands( very plain gold bands) welded together( one atop the other) and wear them on my right hand.
Its been 7 years, and even though I've dated and been in relationships, those rings are not going anywhere. That was like 27 yrs of my life, and a HUGE part of the person I am today. I've never had ANYBODY presume to tell me that I need to take them off.
One of the hardest things about being widowed, regardless of your gender, is the number of people who, in one way or another,assume that when you lost your spouse you also lost your ability to think for yourself. It isn't UP to other people where or how you live, what you do with your free time, how you regroup and rebuild,and conduct your life after losing a spouse. That includes decisions about wedding rings or other sentimental jewelry.
Cindy O | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:57:22 AM | | I think it is a person choice and what feels right for them. As another poster mentioned, I moved my rings to my right hand during the funeral, after I touched him the last time. His ring was on his hand and buried with him. After about seven months I had my rings enlarged for my middle finger and welded together and wear them on my right hand. I think I will always wear them. No one that I have dated has had a problem with me wearing them. But because I was married and wore rings on my left ring finger for 33 years I did purchase a nice emerald ring to wear on my left ring finger. I have something more important to me than the rings though, and that is the memories I have tucked away in my heart. I can take those out and reflect on them any time and anywhere. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:18:26 AM | Hello from Australia! I have been widowed for nearly 10 years. Taking off that wedding ring was very difficult and I think it took me a few years before I did. While we are on the subject, I also left his wardrobe and personal belongings untouched for about 2 years. The hardest thing I ever had to do was get rid of them. I tried to palm the clothes off to his sons but unfortunately, they were not "fashionable" enough for them!!  When I did have my first gentleman visitor to my house, it was then a dilemma whether I should remove the photos from view!! Oh, what does a girl do
I would love the opportunity to hear comments from like-minded people on how they dealt with these issues. It's been a long time now but it still seems like yesterday. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:08:33 PM | My husband passed away almost 3 years ago, and I still wear mine almost
every day. Unless I'm going on a date or going somewhere where I might
meet someone to date, like a party... | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:16:47 PM | Hello luv
I am a widow of almost 5 years and had a 25 year honeymoon. I can so totally understand dilemma. I find the word hearbreak a better one but that is "me"
My rings are still on my left hand. The ring dilemma is and probably always will be be a just that a dilemma. It is a personal choice. I prefer to leave mine where they are. My girlfriend, and cousin (who are also both widows's) took theirs off soon after the funeral. One replaced it with another ring she loved, the other with nothing.
After he passed away my son bought the family home from me and I moved into an inlaw suite at my daughter's. All our pictures were on the livingroom wall and were put away. When I moved into the in law suite I placed pictures of him and "us" in my bedroom. If your concerned about having them "all over" the house when you have "company" then put them in "your" room. This is your private domain.
Let me know if any of this helps at all. I will follow this post as it is one I am sincerely interested in.
Hang in
Regards
lit,bit | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:24:07 PM | I was married for 14+ years when my husband died. Knowing he was dying, he talked often about how he wanted me to go on with my life after he died. He wanted me to take them off immediately after the funeral, but I did not. I told him I would wear them until I didn't feel married anymore, and that's what I did. When I started looking around at other men, I knew it was time. So I took them off. Somewhere around 8 months after his death.
I wear HIS wedding ring as a thumb ring on my right hand. My wedding rings are in my jewelry box, where I can "visit" them when I take a notion.
Everyone does it their own way. This one works for me.
Jean | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:17:49 AM | | I've been widowed for a little over two years now. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to stop wearing my wedding ring, and emotionally and mentally it was a struggle. But the reality is, I am no longer married. Once I came to that realization, it became a little easier for me to take it off. That happened about 4-5 months after his death. I bought a ring with his birthstone in it that I wore for a little while, but that didn't last. On some occasions now, I wear a silver ring he bought for me because I thought it was so pretty. That one feels just right. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:31:05 AM | I wore mine for just over a year . . as she requested . .
[It's now on a Dragon medallion..!]
Also, at her request .. I have instructions to find someone * to Love as Strongly
.. and as Well .. as I loved Her* . . !!
***
The search has been .. to say the least .. disappointing..!! | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/28/2008 8:29:23 AM | | I agree with Dawn. Yes we lost our spouse through a strange twist of fate, not our choosing. Its not like divorce where you no longer love this person. For the most part these were our soulmates, our true loves. It doesn't mean that there is no room in our hearts for another, or that we can't love again, but for the majority of us, our spouses were part of our lives for the majority of it. It is a bond that cannot be broken, nor should it. It only makes the dating process alittle more difficult - to find that person who will be understanding in this area. For the rings - yes I still wear mine, on my left hand, where it was placed. It is a personal decision for everyone - each one must do what they feel is right for them in their heart. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/28/2008 5:16:11 PM | | Widow/widower situations are probably the hardest to deal with because the process of becoming single again is one sided and cloture takes time. The amount of time will be different for every person but for most 7 months will be very short. You'll remove the ring when YOU are ready. There's no rush to remove it. Wearing it is not lying to anyone. If you feel the need to date or are ready to become romantically involved again but your still wearing the ring, then you have reason to be concerned. I suspect that you would have as hard a time "dating" right now as you have "removing the ring." | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:06:33 PM | When I came home from the funeral and all of his "stuff" was here in the house, I had a revelation--I understood an old history lesson where I learned that Egyptians place the loved one's possessions into the tomb/grave for the after life. For a long time everything was frozen in time. Once grief had taken its course and I began to thaw, I was able to sort through, clean out, and give away.
I don't wear a wedding ring--never did, but I do have rings and pieces of jewelry my late husband bought me throughout the course of our marriage. I am happy I have those pieces--they mean even more to me now. I think differently now though since I've lost someone so close. I've already decided who will get my pieces when I die. I don't want things fought over or catching dust. They need to be owned by someone who knows their story. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/28/2008 11:00:54 PM | | My wife died 15 years ago. I had our rings melted and recast into on ring. I still wear it but not ever day. A new spouse who has a problem with this might be asked to keep looking. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:32:06 AM | I have been a widowed for 7 yrs, I stopped wearing my wedding ring 6 mo or so right after our marriage. The only time I wore my ring was if we were going to a event.
Because I was in the construction, I can't tell you how many times the ring got caught on something,, and almost ripped my finger off.. If I took it off put in my pocket,, I was always in fear of loosing my ring, always checking my pocket,, So I just left it on our dresser, my wife was ok with that,, I only have 3 pictures out, 1 in my sons room, 1 in our loving room, and my wallet,,
A ring is a symbol of love, to sill wear your ring, after your spouse passes a way, should be your choice,, therefore no one should be judged with negativity for that choice.
For those of us who are widowed,, It's not what we wear, what possessions remain behind,, yet it is the memories in our hearts and minds.
FLHTCUI
I thought of having our rings melted down as well, I haven't decided to do that yet, just knowing her finger was in that ring, I don;t want to change that feeling,, but on the other hand, The thought remains, thinking I will do that some day,, for my son,, weird I know.. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:58:27 AM | | I've been a widow for 7 yrs. A few months after my husband's death I took our bands and my diamond and had them all melted down and made into a new ring. I added a few more diamonds to it, its a beautiful ring that I wear all the time. Reminds me of our life together. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:52:04 PM | Wings2fly you worded it so well. For the majority of us our spouses were a large part of our lives for the majority of it. And yes it is a bond that can not be broken, nor should it be.....as far as the dating process goes I am finding it extremely disappointing and dissolutioning. The understanding of what you and I said is just not there.
Thanks for the great post. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:40:17 PM | | I'm a widow also & have always heard that you wear it for one year, but I think that when you no longer feel married and when you are ready to start new relationships is the time when you take it off. There is no set time frame - it is different for everyone. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/30/2008 12:54:29 PM | it has been almost 5 years for me and i just cant bring myself to take it off
my daughter suggested me wearing it around my neck . I guess i will do it in my own time own way. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:53:15 PM | | First of all I want to say I've not lost a spouse to death... but I do understand the grieving process and it is different for everyone... and it does depend on small children or children in general.. feeling a naked finger along with losing your spouse would be an added blow and who feels single just because someone has passed away... it all takes time. but in order to move forward you need to show that you have room in your heart for another love. Can that be done with the ghost of your past lurking around your neck or finger... I'm not sure.. as someone who might want to love you.. I might think you need to continue to process through your grief...I am not critizing really just giving a thought on how I might feel with a man who would tell me he loves me with his wedding ring around his neck or on his right finger.... just another point of view is all... this is no easy answer.... | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 3/31/2008 1:04:26 PM | | I lost my husband 16 months ago. After emerging from the fog I wore the bands on my left hand then moved them to my right. After meeting someone on here I moved them to the jewelry box. You can carry memories in your heart and look at the band to keep that positive aspect of life there. We enjoyed life but you have to remember that you have to learn how to not to be afraid to live again. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:36:45 PM | Hi,
Seven months is really a raw time to even think of dating. It has been 6 years for me now and I am just getting to know myself and what I want out of life in my future now! As for the wedding ring...I had mine sized larger abit and wear it on my right hand and don't ever plan on removing it for anyone. It means alot to me and is my past......
I have had dates from this site and all but one made a talk/comment on it and this one guy was never married so he didn't realize that that hand/finger was not the wedding ring finger...lol.....Otherwise, not one date even gave it a second thought! A few had said......."Thats' nice!"
God Bless......Goodluck in your search for love again..........TTYL | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:56:06 AM | | I was married for 20 years to a wonderful woman. She died 16 months ago and I still wear my wedding band on my left hand. I have been on a few dates and women have been understanding. Some may run away but I cound't be serious with anyone that felt so insucure that a ring would threaten them. I understand that if you constantly talk about the past and a lost love that it wouldn't be a good thing. But living in the present with the one you are with and enjoying life shouldn't be thrown away because of a ring. I don't know if I'll ever be able to take my ring off. I'm hopeful that I'll find someone to share life with that understands and can live life to the fullest while respecting the past. Tall order I know~ | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:22:58 AM | | I guess, if a woman is still wearing the ring her dead husband gave her, we can be friends ,but it isn't going beyond that until she decides it's time to put it away. The wedding band on a man or a woman says, loudly, "I'm not available." | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:29:42 AM |
The wedding band on a man or a woman says, loudly, "I'm not available."
That says nothing as you suggested,, I won't tell you what it means,, I will tell you this,, it's not a ring, nor is it a picture on the wall,, it's whats in the widowers heart,,that says whether he or she is ready to move on,, it's not a material possession,, | |
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