bbest
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Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 151 | |
| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 8/14/2008 3:33:01 AM | You know my heart does go out to you and your family for the lost. Love and the shape of the ring a circle is based on continue love, to me being a male if a woman had wore her wedding band from her husband which passed It would only show me that she was a well respected and honorable person who knew what a marriage is about.
SO if the person may say something to you, if they have not given you a ring for your hand then continue to do so as long as you wish. When they do then it is time to switch to the other hand or place it away.
Dan | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 8/14/2008 7:37:14 AM |
Are there any widows/widowers that still wore their wedding bands
after their spouse passed and if you did, for how long?
I seem to have a hard time taking mine off but it has only been
7 months
Leave it on for as long as you need to BUT….
A different issue if your looking for a new relationship with another….take it off! | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:08:21 AM | I lost my husband a year ago Fathers Day. I wore my wedding ring up until a couple of months ago. Our daughter got engaged. I offered them my ring. My daughter was so happy with the idea of wearing the ring that her dad had bought me. Only problem is the the diamonds were set in gold, so they took it back where it was made and had it set in white gold. I'm happy that the ring and everything it represents will live on long after I am gone. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:25:46 AM | I have belong to a bereavement group now for a couple of years and we were just talking about this the last meeting. It seems the ladies some are up to 3 years since the loss are still having issues with removing the rings and are just now starting to think about it.
I think it is an individual decission on what to do. I changed mine to the right hand a year and a half after the loss.
I beleive it may be different for men then women. but like I said it is an idividual decission | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/2/2008 4:57:11 PM | | I felt lost without my ring--I didn't take it off until I was ready to start dating again! But then again, if I was somewhere that I didn't want anyone hitting on me, I'd put it on again. But after about a year and a half, I had it made into a different-looking ring along with the diamond from the engagement ring . Now...I just don't know what to do with the rings from the divorce! Probably sell them, gold seems to be fetching a fair amount these days! Any ideas for that one? | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/2/2008 5:54:43 PM | I think it all depends on how long you were married.
My aunt was married for 49 years when my uncle died. She remarried, but keeps the wedding band to her first husband on her right hand, she has no intentions of every taking it off. Her new husband also keeps his old wedding band on his right hand. He was married for 44 years.
My cousin who was widowed at 53, put the wedding bands in the cremation urn. She is getting remarried. And she will put the urn on the mantal. Hubby to be is having a little problem with the ashes being kept in the house.
My grandmother married for 64 years never took the rings off, but she found a long term boyfriend, and he too never took his wedding band off either. They stayed together for 10 years till he died at the age of 92, she lived until the age of 97.5. She actually died on her wedding anniversary and we buried her with her rings, she never took them off in life, so we felt she should be buried with them.
Somehow, someway, people manage to work it out. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/2/2008 8:23:00 PM | Hi. My heart goes out to you for your loss....My husband's been gone over a year now and I do understand. As a child, I was taught that a widow/widower wears their ring on their right hand, instead of their left. So I had my rings sized and moved them to my right hand. It was an emotional ordeal, no doubt about it. He had also given me a heart pendant years ago. I had his wedding band engraved with our wedding date and then had the pendant placed inside to remind me he will always have my heart in his hand and wear that around my neck. It gave me great comfort and still does. And every day he is with me. I don't need a ring to remind me of that, I simply find comfort in it.
It's just a matter of choice. Choose for yourself - follow your heart, not anyone else's. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/2/2008 8:37:46 PM | I wore mine up untill a month ago. It was such a beautiful ring. My youngest daughter got engaged....I offerd them my ring......she was so pleased. Mine was gold and she wanted white gold, so he took it back to the jeweler had the ring set in white gold. I was glad my to see the ring and the love it stood for will live on...... | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:14:07 PM | When my husband passed away, I put his ring on my right hand. I wore both for about a year. At that point, I found myself occasionally taking them off and setting them aside. Eventually I found that the rings were off more than they were on and I seemed okay with that. Sometimes I would put them on for a while and remember, than they came off. One day a friend gave me a cute dolphin box and I knew what that was for. I took the rings off the bed post (where I kept them when I wasn't wearing them) and put them in the container. On occasion, I will look at them, but I never put them back on. That was about 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 years after he passed away.
All you can do, and should do, is what feels right for you. There is no 'right' time for your rings to come off.
Country girl 1963  | |
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meg461
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Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 161 | |
| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:45:59 PM | | I've been a widow now for 9 years. I don't wear my wedding ring anymore, but I still wear my engagement ring on my right hand. I don't see any problem with someone wanting to keep their wedding rings on. I've always thought of melting them down and making a diamond bracelet for my 9 year old daughter. I think I'll be hanging onto them another 10 years before I do that. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:31:15 AM | Hello,
I just read your post and I want to share my experience.
My husband passed away 3.5 years ago and a few months later i removed my wedding band and had not worn it for a very long time about a week ago i put it back on , on my left hand where he put it 21 years ago.
Im glad i did it makes me feel like he is close to me and guiding me in a safe way.
The ring is a symbol of what we had....but it is time to move on and the ring on my finger does not deter that.
so Please do what makes you feel good and dont let anybody tell you how you should move on or when or where ..If they have a prob with it then its their prob.
Hugs to all of you and God Bless | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/7/2008 12:51:56 PM | | My husband was killed 9 years ago and I still wear my wedding ring and anniversary ring but on my right hand. I don't feel ready to take them off and maybe I never will be. I don't think it really matters. I think you just have to do what feels right for you. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:46:16 PM | I still wear my wedding ring on the right hand, not the left. I wear two rings, the other a birthstone, and switched because the lady I was seeing at the time did not want it to seem like she was with a married man and simply did not switch back. I am, after all, not married.
I will continue to wear them thus until someone PERSUADES me to do otherwise. Notice I said persuades and not harangue, order, browbeat, cajole, etc. Such nonsense will be most counterproductive. Most times I don't even think of it, it is just there.
As for her rings, I have two daughters and one always favored the engagement ring, the other didn't really care. It all worked out. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:01:19 PM | I have never been in the situation of losing a spouse. I would believe I would wear it for as long as I needed to though. I don't understand the rationale in continuing to wear it and go out to begin dating again though. I believe I would make my peace with my husband and our time here on earth together before I decided to take it off. As a woman who were to date a man who still wears his wedding ring and it was years ago that she died I would have to admit it would make me uncomfortable getting involved with him. If she had died a few months ago I would say he has to deal with her loss before dating me. It would be just to raw to pursue.
Maybe this is judging in a way deciding the right circumstances in dating a widower but at the same time I don't see a man who is really ready to date while the same time wearing the wedding ring she put on his finger.. This sort of rings of when do you put pictures away with a exception of a special picture..... or putting them in a childs room... I don't know it's all part of the healing process. and how long you intend to have them in a daily life of yours.. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:56:10 AM | | I didn't have a choice on my wedding band and engagement ring, someone stole them 2 days after my husband's funeral. Broke my heart in a million pieces....I always took them off at night when I went to bed, because I put lotion on my hands and put them on when I was leaving the house...., I have my husband's wedding band on a chain with a charm he had gotten for me in the shape of Texas with a yellow rose in the middle..and that makes me feel a little closer to him....I really wish whoever stole my rings would have the decency to return them and I wouldn't say a word- because it would make it right for me. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/8/2008 4:14:09 AM | No woman need ever remove her band of love from her passing husband,,,if any man could not respect her wish or is she felt uncomfortable becuase he made her feel that way,,than he does not understand nor appreaicate a love that was taken from her,,,I know if I was dating a widow I would encourage her to wear it,,,as its part of her heart,,one can never want her to lose that memories,,,such is just as import as her children,,,maturity ,respect,,,equality go along way in my book,,,no greater honor for her lost love one than to honor him as well,,,
D: | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:31:14 PM | When my wife died I continued to wear my ring on my left hand and kept her rings in my breast pocket in a protective case. Later as I went through my bout with depression and eventually beat it and emerged from the egocentric stance that I wanted to keep her alive and I should live in the past, my position changed.
As I recovered I began to think of others such as my daughters who lost a mother, her mother, her brothers and sisters, her other relatives and her and our friends. Each who wanted something of her got a small reminder that I was comfortable giving. The rings went to each of our two daughters, ironically the engagement ring, the first of the two, went to our youngest because she had always admired it.
When I felt I was ready to meet someone else to share my life I moved my wedding ring to my right hand. It is there now and will always be there, reminding me not necessarily of who I lost but what. When my wife died I lost not only a wife but my best friend, my lover and my love. Not until I have found a woman who can and will be all that will I stop searching.
I have spoken. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:45:56 PM | | I am a widow have been for 2 years now. I have not taken off my wedding ring yet, just cannot seem to bring myself to take it off. I have met men & had a few dates but none seem to work out for me. I just wonder if that could be why none of these worked out. Not sure how men feel about this. What is the right time to take it off I really do not know. Does anyone have any ideas on this? | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:40:02 PM | It’s only been in the months range since my wife passed but I’ve given this subject thought. I still wear my ring on my left hand and when ready I’ll move it to my right.
My concern with moving the ring is with my children. They’re really adults now but when I move my ring I’m basically telling them, I’m moving on. I think it’s going to be difficult.. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:44:11 AM | | I tend to agree with nocatchphrase66 but I am still counting my wifes passing in days - 116 today and counting. The children in my case are step children - my wifes kids but I feel that if you feel it right to move or remove the ring then good and if you don't then that is fine too. If in time another partner comes along then they will appreciate you for who you are and not for any other reason. If you are open and honest from the start then there can be nothing to complain about. Lets face it you have a choice when it comes to divorce or separation but no say in death and everyone has a past. I do like the idea in time of moving my ring to my right hand as I will always love her and as having kids proves you can love more than one person. All people who were previously married obviously loved the other partner at some stage or they were silly to get married in the first place! | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:42:47 AM | Wayne passed away five years ago and I'm ready to move on........I have pictures that I treasure and a pair of earrings that he gave me that have especially fond memories attached..........heck, there's even fond memories attached to a piece of furniture that we both loved when we bought it (a teak table with a glass top)......... But none of those things or memories prevent me from moving on if the right person comes along.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you've had a happy relationship and lost someone to death, I don't think you ever want to get rid of those memories whether it's a thing like wedding rings or some object that reminds you of those good times......
That person was an important part of your life for YEARS........ If I met a guy who had lost his wife, I wouldn't expect him to never talk about her or never mention her or to get rid of things of hers that meant something to him. There's a difference between not being over it and not being ready to move on .............and being ready to move on but being able to still treasure the memories, too. When you are over it, you can remember the memories and smile and laugh and share that with your new partner.
It's not a sad thing then. I wouldn't expect the guy to be mentioning her all the time but I would expect him to mention her once in awhile when he was telling a story or sharing about something they did together. When you are really over it, the past isn't something that threatens the present relationship. KWIM? | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:58:39 PM | OP - its different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong answer. When you are ready to move on, you will know and the ring will come off. Until then, continue to get your life in order, make the needed changes as they become aparent and dont sweat the small stuff.
I have always believed that a wedding ring, means that the person is not ready, and there is no way to rush a person, or is it the right thing to do. If 2 people are meant to be together, it will happen. There should be no drama, no ultimatims, no emotional blackmail or the need to make anyone feel bad.
Good luck and dont forget to treat yourself with the same respect you treat others. You will know when you are ready. Till then, keep things light and move slowly. | |
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| Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:56:24 PM | Spitfire, I'm sorry to hear that someone stole your wedding rings... that would be a tough thing to overcome. I had a couple of rings that belonged to my father when he passed away in my purse. Someone stole my purse and I never recovered them. It broke my heart.
I have jewelry that belonged to my Mother and her wedding ring set. My daughter has said she would like for me to pass them on to her which I will. I understand the respect and love that goes with a symbol. I don't think I would ever want to take that away from anyone. I just would feel odd dating a man with his wedding band on be it on his right hand or no. In my mind he must still feel married to her... but like I said, I've never been down that road. Now should I ever, God forbid, I would think after awhile of mourning that I would take it in to be made into a piece of jewelry instead. Had it been with the father of my children I would pass it on to them....
Evil as I am I hawked my wedding band for groceries instead.. (divorce) | |
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