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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/19/2006 4:08:42 PM | I answered reading only your thread.
I can explain you: your total ignorance about alcoholism recovery.
There is not cure for alcoholism, the only way to stay sober is not to take the first drink. Is
not about will power, there is no control over the addiction and is considered a disease.
Is no common a relapse after 19 yrs but happens with even more time. The rejection is not
a double standard position but to avoid negative influence.
Do you know the expression "one day a time"? Come from the people on AA.
Because you think about hypocrisy and irony maybe I should say no offense were intended
with the use of the word 'ignorance'. Means lack of knowledge, unaware, uninformed. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/22/2006 6:15:08 AM | I know I'll probably get my eyes stomped off for saying this, but...
It sounds like her unwillingness to socialize with others who drink is based more in fear than hypocrisy. The twelve step programs really do help people, so I don't want to make it sound like they don't....but those programs also have a downside.
It's like a person in recovery has his or her entire identity brought down to two words: "Recovering ____________." There is a fear base to the teachings that doesn't reflect the reality of life's changes. If you stopped drinking/drugging/overeating/gambling, etc, because your own soul knew it was time for a change, your own decision would provide you the power to never go back. I don't care what anyone says, you're only still "recovering" after so many years, because your inner self didn't do it in the first place.
I, personally, don't enjoy being around anyone whose faculties are numbed by any substance, whether alcohol or drugs (even prescription). I find them boring and foolish.
Your friend has gotten "stuck" on the program that helped her stop drinking. It's not hypocrisy; it's fear. The fear those programs instill in their members when they're scared, vulnerable, and desperately trying to find something, anything, to "be" when they know they just don't want to be an "alchy" or "druggy" anymore.
If you ever speak to her again, let her know that there truly IS "Life after the fear is gone." And it's sweeter and richer to live as a whole, complex person who is able to make her own choices and take responsibility for them.
Jewels | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/22/2006 6:52:42 AM | will power to keep it down to a drink or 2...also an Irony.
It's not about willpower. Could you stop drinking your beers for 2 years?
The test of an alcoholic is go up to the person and ask them if they can stop drinking for ten years, or even one year.
Test their willpower. See if they, as a responsible potential future husband, could not drink, ever, for 10 months straight to see if they are full time Dad material. Then, do they binge? Test them, after 10 months without a brewski, ask if they are man enough to not drink two really cold Budweisers set and opened in front of them. See if they have the balls to put family first.
Would they be not drunk for the next 15 years to be there for the kids?
People who drink alcohol are on a mission to find God(s) as they understand it (them).
Sometimes they only do a little damage, the Prom drunk death drive. If you have ever left a bar drunk and driven, you are an alcoholic, as you are risking everybody's life and being stupid.
Every time you drink and drive you endanger your own life and possibly others. If you have ever driven drunk as a teenager, once, you are an alcoholic as you are damaging those around you. Any teen who has driven drunk once, is an alcoholic and needs to find help. The definition of an alcoholic is irresponsible use of alcohol. Drinking at a bar and driving away is such an instance of alcoholic behavior. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:08:04 AM | To the OP I say that I am the same way. I do not want to be around anyone who smokes for the same reason. An addiction, although managed, is never cured. We have to be pro-active in our own health. Seeing someone drink for an alcoholic is the same thing. The desire is always there, just under the surface. A moment of weakness and all the years of sobriety down the drain. Every now and then the desire to smoke a cigarrette pops up its evil head. I have to just let it pass and I may not have another urge again for months. But to be around a person who is smoking around you, it will either repulse you or smell good to you. If it ever smells good to me, I have to get away quick! So I choose to limit my time and never would date someone who smokes for just that reason. Next, I do not want to kiss an ashtray. I hope that the smell of smoke is always so distasteful to me. Sorry, don't mean to offend anyone. But I can see how someone with an addiction will have to make a choice to stay away from someone who uses the substance that you are addicted to. Even if it isn't a problem for you, it is to the one who said "no" to you. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/22/2006 1:47:17 PM | This is a good subject.
The explanation is actually very simple.
Since she was in recovery she has to do whatever it takes to stay sober. If it means that she has to stay away from "normies" then that is what she has to do.
Please try to understand her journey and move on... | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:42:22 AM | | Hi everybody-Recovered Alcoholic here. I did not say cured-but recovered. Meaning that I am recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body concerning alcohol. In my own experience and the experiences of 100 others that the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was written by, that we can go anyplace, anywhere that alcohol is served as long as we are in fit spiritual condition. Someone that cannot go around others' that are drinking-in my opinion-are not in a fit spiritual condition. Sounds like she is attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings but not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Prefer not to get into the argument-of fellowship recovery versus being recovered....just thought I would put my two cents in. If anyone would like to know more abt it-feel free to ask | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 7/26/2006 11:28:20 AM | | It is not hypocrisy at all! It is simply her setting her boundaries, and doing what is right for her. There are a lot of different values and things we all hold dear. Some don't choose to date fat women/men, or those who smoke or use drugs, etc..Obviously, being around drinkers is not something she can tolerate, and instead of trashing her, you should be considerate enough to recognize that she was straightforward with you, and making her views clear, rather than dating you and you finding out later on. | |
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bobby7
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Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 85 | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:21:33 AM | | Not every recovering alcholoc can be Sam Malone, able to own a bar and be around it all day and night without taking a drink. She has her demons as well as you, and maybe the only way she can keep that willpower you make fun of, is to not be around alcohol at all. Its not so hard to understand, especially when people are trying to shove a drink in her hand. | |
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mindsi
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Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 88 | |
| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/26/2006 1:26:48 PM | simple.......read..........46&2 by TOOL........HERE IT IS.....READ IT and reflect....or even aenema but you can go find those lyrics......anyway here....My shadow's
shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.
"""""""""""""""""""""""I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.
I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.""""""""""""""""""""""""
See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me
Morale of the story is................LEARN TO SWIM!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/26/2006 1:32:56 PM | To the OP post...
No offense but many people prefer to hang out with people who are not high.
Drinking alcohol makes you high, you are not in reality. Some people prefer reality.
Honestly, would you want to spend 3 hours on your Saturday night listening and watching somebody get progressively detached from reality?
When people drink, they go inside themselves, essentially. Alcohol does not make you relate better, talk better, express yourself better, or become better. Alcohol is a lie in an unto itself, it is not a social chemical. It does not help you communicate to somebody you care, about who you really are, nor does it help you listen and remember who they are. Alcohol is an anti-social sedative.
Many people have the willpower to go 10-15 years without one beer, simply because they are man enough to have that kind of steel willpower.
It's all about willpower, sexual strength and prowess. Maybe they're a former triathlete with the balls, shoulders, muscled arms and hard stomach to make a woman cum without her being silly drunk. Maybe years and years of athletic training taught them to have the willpower to not need alcohol for decades at a time and to appreciate and listen to the sounds of the woman they are making happy.
An alcoholic is somebody who drinks and drives just once. Somebody who is drunk and drives, knowing it is the insane, illogical and dangerous thing to do, yet does it. That is an alcoholic, a one time only drunk driver. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/26/2006 2:39:32 PM | I think this is a very interesting thread. I myself am a recovering alcoholic and was excited to read that there are so many people that know so much about this illness. I know that if I was to pick up a drink tonight I would be drunk tomorrow, the next day and so on until I a) either killed myself or b) was locked up indefinitely so I know the severity of an alcoholics condition. I commend the lady in question for not wanting to be around someone who drinks and she didn't get to 19 yrs of sobriety by, putting herself in uncomfortable positions which I would call " playing with fire". However, everyone has their own way to deal with such a powerful addiction, some its to stay away from it all together, some its AA, and others learn to live with alcohol being around them. To each their own. for the OP who is probably married with kids by now, this woman knew her limitations and to be honest the relationship wouldn't have worked anyway if she had started drinking. she made the right choice for both of you! | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:06:35 PM | it is THE hardest thing to overcome...thas why it is always called "recoverING alcoholic" no matter how long someone has gone for without a drink, they'll always be overcoming it. i think she has a lot of guts to actually admit that and be honest with you.  | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:47:30 AM | If not being around people who drink albeit occassionally is something that has kept her sober for 19 years then all power to her.
Alcoholism is not just an addiction but also an illness, to be honest and not wishing to be abusive to the OP here you statements to me show that you do not understand alcoholism and her choice was probably the correct one.
Other people drinking maybe a trigger to a wet place in her mind. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/27/2006 3:04:49 AM | I say good on her
if you have your nose out of shape because of it -- grow up and dont be so selfish a little boy- she is trying everything she can to overcome an addiction
I smoke -- women dont like smokers
I accept that and understand and respect their wishes not to be around or involved with a smoker
I am not going to run off and have a hissy fit about it . | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/27/2006 9:35:41 AM | Wow I did not know AA was a cult, Oh my God I guess NA is a cult too? Well thank God I found this cult. Apparently there is a huge misconception about the way 12 step programs work. You see , when I began attending meetings, I had to have people to associate with that had experience staying clean, not 30 or 90 days clean. I needed people with multiple years clean, and I still need them, because even with 6 years clean, I sometimes need a little help dealing with life on lifes terms.
You see I spent 15 years using drugs to feel good, avoid feeling bad, avoid feeling lonely, sad, angry, etc. My best thinking had me using drugs everyday, all day. I needed someone to teach me knew ways of thinking , so that I could break the cycle of using, using, using, finding ways to get more, and ultimately running out , and the resultant near suicidal depression that resulted every time.
Now that I have learned not to use drugs, It is my personal responsibilty and choice to attend meetings regularly, so that I may give to others , that which was freely given to me. Basically Hope, love, and a daily reprieve from active addiction. I am not addicted to meetings, I go to meetings to help myself and others, and to meet and build true relationships with people , who like myself are learning to stay clean. Yes I practice spiritual principles, maybe the world would be a better place if a few more people understood the true meaning of Honesty, Open mindedness, Willingness, Acceptance, Patience , Tolerance
Now for myself it really doesnt bother me to see someone drinking a beer, or even smoke a joint, however I really dont have too much in common with them, and my life is not socially handicapped by this. I will say this, If you hang out at the Barber Shop long enough, you will get a haircut. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:39:01 PM | Great post there Othala. So many people have yet to experience life. The "alcoholic" is anybody who drinks alcohol to escape from life. If you have a single beer after work to forget about what your boss said to you, you are an alcoholic.
Practically the only reason to consume alcohol without being an alcoholic is during religious ceremonies, and you should be revolted by the toxic taste of alcohol. Alcohol is a chemical solvent, it is used to clean living organisms off of metal and glass. It kills living things.
People get intoxicated from alcohol on a regular basis and are alcoholics without treatment. Consuming alcohol is a form of destructive self-abuse.
The untreated alcoholic is probably 90% of our population.
People who chose not to be around those that are toxifying themselves are simply making an intelligent decision. The number one test to see if you are one of the 9 out of 10 people who are alcoholics, is if you believe you created yourself (insane), or if a higher power, such as the Celtic Gods did.
If I were to date the 90% of women out there, all of whom are in fact alcoholics without treatment (untreated alcoholics), I would cordially excort her to an AA meeting and I'd read a book in the car outside or work on my laptop, all during the thousands of meetings and years of AA, as she became a better person. AA works, it is completely anonymous, you only admit you are an alcoholic in the privacy and anonymity of an AA meeting. An AA member never says they are an alcoholic in public, as anonymity is the key to the AA traditions and principles.
Mel Gibson was forced by the judge to admit in public he had a alcohol problem. The Judge then sentenced him to the AA program. So it is now public record that Mel Gibson is in AA. The rich usually try to buy their way out of addicitons with soft fluffy treatment centers. The fact that the judge "sentenced" Mel Gibson to AA is proof that AA is an extremely hard program to do, to work the steps and cause personal change.
AA works. It is the only treatment judges approve of. AA is completely free. AA requires you to change and become a better person. AA is hard work, I have been told. I have many friends who have reported that AA made them better human beings.
About only 10% of the Western population do not drink alcohol outside of religious circumstances. There are Amish, Quakers, and orthodox Celtic pagans and Druids who don't drink alcohol. AA is about understanding the dynamics of Willpower, where Willpower comes from and how to channel it. Humans don't create willpower, we channel it.
The greatest willpower comes from a God or Goddess you understand.
The stronger your God-Goddess, the stronger "your" willpower you have to channel. It is not uncommon for people who go through the AA program to finally achieve their goals in life and much more, for "your" willpower suddenly becomes your God-Goddess' willpower and you are in for one hell of a great ride.
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/27/2006 10:36:08 PM | This person has a serious problem with alcohol. They have been sober for 19 years and they obviously know how hard it has been to stay away from booze. They were UP FRONT with you and told you about the problem. They didnt lie or lead you on but told you straight up that they cannot be around people that drink. Poor you! This person cant be around you. What about them? Ever think how hard their life is? having to forgo parties and gatherings where she knows people will be drinking? Maybe the next time you go to a party or social gathering where everyone is having a drink you stick to juice. Watch your buddies enjoying a beer and see if you are tempted. You would probably be the first to condemn this person if they were a drunk. Stumbling and mumbling. Yet she has taken control of her life and has openly told you that while she is no longer drinking she cannot be around those that do drink. Imagine if you were in a relationship with her. You like to have a beer when you get home from work on fridays. Do you really think it would be wise to have beer in the fridge waiting for you? Knowing that she probably wants one really badly? Knowing that she cant have just one but might end up getting pissed everyday? Or maybe you would have the will power to never ever have a drink around her or have alcohol on your breath when you see her, EVER.
Dont be so mad at her. She was honest with you and you should be thankful for that. Treat her with the same respect she has shown you. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/27/2006 11:57:29 PM |
Alcoholism is not a disease. It's a condition Beg to differ with you halo kitty but Alcoholism IS a disease as stated in the DSMIV of the medical books of today.
AND as stated by William D. Silkworth, M.D.
" the action of alcohol on a chronic alcoholic is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average tempurate drinker. These allergic types can NEVER safely use alcohol in any form at all;"
" This phenomenon, as we have suggested, maybe the manifestation of an allergy which differentiaties these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has NEVER been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence." | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/28/2006 12:07:43 AM | Being a recovering alcoholic/addict myself...I commend her for her honesty to you. I myself, do not have a problem dating men who drink...but I am upfront on how much drinking I will tolerate.. a few (meaning 2 or 3) glasses of wine w/dinner, or drinks or beer, are fine, but if you want to go out and get slobbering azzhole drunk...count me out. You would be surprised at how many men on here get totally turned off once they find out you don't drink. Just because I don't drink, doesn't mean I am not fun....
Every recovering alcoholic is on their own personal journey...some of us can be around alcohol or in places where it is served, some can't. As I stated earlier, its not a big problem with me...now I won't buy it for you, or bail you out of jail, etc....but I willl go to a bar to dance once in awhile or listen to a band...depends on the person's spiritual condition. I do take my own truck so that if I get uncomfortable and the person I am with wants to stay....I can leave on my own accord. Now being around "recreational drugs" especially pot...does bother me....not sure why, but I dont "test" myself...If I am not around it, I won't do it...
bottom line is...if you put a little kid in a candy store and tell them NOT to eat it, eventually they will.....
She doesnt drink, doesn't want to associate w/those that do, so let her go respectfully and move on!!! End of story.... | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/28/2006 10:53:04 AM | | Well, I only drink occasionally, but it's only a little glass of white wine. Nothing hard as tequila or****ails. I mostly drink O'Doul's (non-alcoholic beer). But someone who says, "I can't associate with people that drink" is a loser anyway. She must have no social life, huh?? I love my social life and I don't have to be drunk to enjoy it, right? Usually, on New Year's and my birthday, I'll go a little crazy, but only during that time of year, you know....What is her problem? What she only goes to AA parties? No offense, but BORING. I've been to one and it wasn't my cup of tea.... | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:01:40 AM | But to each is own... I'm just one of these people that can handle it, I guess. I mean I had a drinking problem too, about 2 or 3 years ago, where I used to drink every single weekend!! That was outrageous. I had joined an AA meeting, but after a while I did it on my own. But no, I'm not completely a teetotaler or a drunk either. I never got behind the wheel when I was drunk, never been to jail, and never started a fight, and never got kicked out of an establishment.
Like I said, I only drink O'Doul's now and an occasional glass of wine (with dinner only). And only 2 times a year will I drink something a little more (New Year's and my birthday). That's it. Some people can handle it, some can't....To each is own... | |
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