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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 11/28/2006 8:06:24 PM | | If you have to rely on alcohol to be sociable....to me that would be a pretty pathetic life, alcohol makes people act stupid, loud, obnoxious, etc. I have no desire to see a bunch of dumbasses get drunk and fight over some drunk girl....I also dont really care to have sex with a girl that reeks of alcohol....God life without chemicals rocks. I dont really have a problem dating a woman that has an occasional glass of wine, but she will respect my boundaries...or be gone. Going out drinking and clubbing ? Isnt that something teenagers do? | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 10:55:47 AM | | She already explained it to you but apparently you weren't listening. She's a recovering alcoholic and she can't put herself in a position where she'd be tempted. Leave her alone. In fact, you should have great respect for her. I do. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 1:40:35 PM | this particular lady is still an alcoholic. yes, she is in recovery, but she is still an alcoholic. if she doesn't want to associate with people who drink at all, even a drop, then that is her choice.
i wonder how she feels when she is around people drinking. is she scared? angry, maybe even with herself? is she disgusted? is she tempted? or is it just not her thing anymore?
i personally don't see anything wrong with it. i commend this lady on her sobriety, and on standing up for what she believes in. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 6:25:17 PM |
And she tells me, "Sorry I do not associate with someone who drinks and that I would never understand, considering she's a recovering alchy (19 years) I believe the term is alcoholic, not "alchy". The mere usage of that term reflects your ignorance of the disease. Recovery for alcoholics it's a liftime struggle. That said, once the alcohol is removed, theis person is not "all better". There are many facets that make an alcoholic an alcoholic and it comes in different shapes and forms. The "isms" that were a part of the alcoholics lifestyle will not just disappear when the booze is removed from the equation. Like other people, some will move forward with their lives (with the aid of a program) while others will remain mentally, emotionally and intellectually stuck. Continuing to live a very dysfunctional life even though the booze was removed from their life.
Even after 19 years of sobriety, it appears that this person really doesn't have a program and may be STUCK. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 8:23:32 PM | So POP & CHIP PARTY anyone?
My Dad was an alcoholic, I heard it can be inherited. I have the Willpower to not drink everyday. Does that mean I am going to go around preaching to people not to have a drink? Not. The only time I am going to say something to someone is when they are Drunk by noon and stalking me. Or if someone I care about is no longer functioning, and they start looking yellow and 10 yrs older before their time.
What a crock, I've seen some of the types of people who go to AA or NA, what a bunch of Attention seekers. Even 20 yrs later even after being sober they still go. Umm why? Make room for the Newbies. Join a different club, perhaps one where probs aren't being discussed.
It's almost like they enjoy making a career out of it like it is some kind of popularity contest. Like a bible thumper trying to force religion on ya. These people who say they are over something but snub others who understand the meaning of Moderation, are nuts.
If you've been clean for years and ya expect other people to stop having a drink, obviously there is another underlying condition for the Star of the Day who needs to constantly act like they Are Above Everybody Else. Umm maybe it's called CONTROL FREAK, or whatever.
The more ya think about wanting a drink, the more you obssess over it, the harder it is not to have it. Anyone ever heard of distracting yourself, doing a hobby?
Maybe the chic should learn to focus on conversations at a party, not constantly look at the drink in someone's (whose talking) hand.
Maybe they should forget about socializing altogether and go live in a plastic bubble.
Make sure the BUBBLE people have an adequete amount of supplies for their POP & CHIP party. Give them a camera too in case they find a chip shaped like JESUS or Jay Leno, that will give them something else to talk about for a while.
Go flame me all ya want, I've seen way too much shit in life, nuttin surprises me anymore.
I really think we are not evolving into anything anymore. I really think Humans are going backwards, I really think we need to stop focusing on each other's flaws and look at the bigger picture here. Like the enviroment, like the extinction of animals, like why we have this need to breed when the world is running out of Fossil Fuels VERY VERY FAST.
"Carry on then, make it work, make it work" | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 8:56:06 PM | I don't know about anyone else, but my heart goes out to anyone who has managed to stop drinking but still lives in fear that the bottle will regain control of their lives.
If they choose to isolate themselves as much as possible from contact with alcohol, or their condition is severe enough to have to avoid even coooking or hygienic contact with it, hey, they have to do what they have to do to save their own lives. There's no sense ****ing about them, move on!
Cindy O | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:12:55 PM | Yes they can be responsible, but that doesn't give them a right to punish other people and not give them a chance. I've seen plenty of couples at social settings where one was a recovered alcoholic and the other still had drinks. Gee wonder how they can make it work? And have a loving relationship that has lasted for over a decade.
It is not The Bottle that controls people's lives. MAYBE it is the FEAR itself hmmmmmmmmm?
This is ForumLand, it lets anyone rant all they want. A great way to avoid substance abuse when feeling frustrated is to come on Forum land and read stuff.
If you can't handle what you read then don't go into FORUM LAND.
See how Simple things Can Really Be?
And no I am not trying to pick a fight.
p.s. Funny how my Dad managed to stop drinking all on his own without A.A. When he was in AA it didn't help. Maybe in those group settings it is possible it is harder to focus on your own problems because you have to sit there and listen to everyone else's for how many hours? Another idea I have, doesn't mean it is right or written in stone. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:37:53 PM | Wow to the person above me, I find it pretty ironic that after my post and your post my Artwork that I did has been deleted from my profile. So that leads to the question if all pics must have a headshot of yourself in it; then why is your picture of a truck in a tree still up?
Are you A PoF moderator, administrator? It would seem so after what I just mentioned above. If you deleted my art because you don't agree with what I say, I am Sorry.
I spent alot of time on that artwork, ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S WORK IT WAS DONE BY ME
Wtf is going on around here? Please someone do tell? | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/7/2007 9:56:18 PM | HA ha ha now your Truck in a Tree pic is gone. At least my painting did have the HUMAN FIGURE IN IT .
What other Tricks do you have up your sleeve Oh So Suddenly Silent one? Was the Truck in the Tree your own artistic graphic work or just some pic from somewhere?
Boy I need a job, I think way too much these days. 
I'm going to eat some chips now along with some gingerale, I had some Vodka earlier but it was only 2 drinks so is that ok? LMAO | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:41:19 AM | p.s. Funny how my Dad managed to stop drinking all on his own without A.A. When he was in AA it didn't help. Maybe in those group settings it is possible it is harder to focus on your own problems because you have to sit there and listen to everyone else's for how many hours? Another idea I have, doesn't mean it is right or written in stone.
Go flame me all ya want, I've seen way too much shit in life, nuttin surprises me anymore. No flaming here. Perhaps some personal experience to share though. That experience tells me that you don't have a program but may find some benefits of one. Program you ask?? - Al Anon. I'm sure after a search on the topic you'll see. It's specfically for family and friends of Alcoholics or any substance abuser. Why would I say you may benefit from it? After living a good portion of your life around an alcoholic you've unknowingly developed all sorts of unhealthy habits and coping skills. There's no blame here, no finger pointing, just the reality of the disease. The sad part is that once a family member finds sobriety, the rest of the family dynamics is still askew. These other family members have been doing the "dance" for so many years that now when there's no music to do that dance to, there live's are a bit screwed up. That's where Al Anon can help. It's a great vehicle for those who have recognized that they have developed certain character traits (coping mechanisms) that are not working for them any longer. After 8 years I still find the Al Anon meetings very comforting - and no they're not hours at length either.
Kasandroid - It's good that your father found sobriety whether it be on his own or through AA. AA is not there to cure anyone, never has been. It's a disease with no known cure. The surrounding issues of the actual drinking can be abaited for a liftime but is still not a cure. It makes no matter how one finds sobriety and it all depends if they hit a certain low in their life that makes them want to seek sobriety. Will that low be the catalyst for a lifetime of sobriety - only that individual can say. Some may stumble and return to old ways. Lets not forget, and I've said this before, that just because the *substitute substance here* has been removed from their live's, does not mean that they will be the all new fixed person. The isms that attribute to that compulsive disease will or may still linger or even get worse. Perhaps the term "dry drunk" rings a bell. Not a flattering statement but reflects the very unsocial and very unhealthy demeanor of those that although they don't drink any longer, still maintain some very strong unhealthy character traits.
I applaud for your fathers sobriety. And yes, you are pre-disposed to have similar character defects that can lead to alcoholism. You may be able to discover these things at Al Anon. They are in the phone book.
ODAT | |
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| Recovering alcoholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:56:57 AM | | she is not being a hypocrite .she realized she had a problem long ago and decided to deal with it . she does not wish to be around people who drink at all . this is her right and she is not hypocrite. if she drank like a fish still and did not want to be around people who drank then she would be a hypocrite . i dont drink and i dont enjoy being around people who drink at all. i never saw it growing up and i dont enjoy being around it now.now that's not to say i think there is anything wrong or evil about alcohol but its not for me.by the way to one of the other posters you are an alcoholic for life. one of my uncles stopped drinking long ago and went to aa meeting for years . lately he stopped going and is back drinking like he did 20 years ago . they keep going so they dont relapse and they realize by not going its more likely to happen . it has nothing to do with attention seeking. even after 20 years the desire is there and certain times of their live the desire is stronger so they need to talk to others to help them through it.some people manage to quite cigarettes cold turkey too but its been proven cold turkey does not work for many people. most people need support to quit. you are a very jaded angry young woman. | |
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| Recovering alcoholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:33:46 AM | The people that attend the meetings after being sober for 20 years are the ones I would personally like to thank. They are the key to which the program works. By sharing their stories, the new people learn from them. You may hear the same stories over and over with small changes by different people, but you take what you need and leave the rest. For the new person in AA, listening to the (whom I refer to as ) oldtimers, we learn more than sharing our own..not that sharing isn't encouraged or welcomed, as they learn from us...believe it or not.
The people that have attended for 5 , 10, or 20 years are not any higher on the scale/ladder...than someone starting today..many are as close to having a drink on certain days as any of us. These 'oldtimers' are not bosses of AA, or run AA...as there is no governing body...everything is done in group conscience.
Chances are, if you haven't been there, you truly do not understand it...read all you like...
-Wishing you all another 24.
-I should edit here- I personally do attend functions regularily, and hang out with people that drink. It doesn't bother me typically, even though I am pretty new to the program...but when it does, I leave. My other half drinks(rarely as we don't have it in the house), I don't... In saying that, I respect her (the op's "friend") decision to not want to be around, or not be able to be around drinkers...Again, if you haven't been there, you probably don't understand.
AA bbq's and parties...a blast! Always a good time among good people..and imagine that...everyone remembers what happened!! lol | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:36:40 AM | Mesg 107
good point about fear.
And I certainly don't stand in favor of recovering alcoholics using their hard won sobriety to beat down or disrespect others who are able to have a relationship with alcohol.
A couple that my late DH and I were good friends with were both recovering alcoholics, and guess what? They had a BAND and played in bars just about every weekend,without it impacting their sobriety.
Anyone is of course absolutely free to hate recovering alcoholics, to blame them, judge them, or be angry at them. OK by me but for myself I prefer to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs.
If I were to come to care deeply for a recovering alcoholic, and seeing me drink a beer, or go to a bar BOTHERED him, I hope I'd be wise enough to set those things aside, not pitch a fit over it. But then that's just me.
Cindy O | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 3:18:53 PM | | The point is that this must be a personal choice on the alcoholics part. They are the only ones who know their heart. They were the ones who got themselves in a mess, they were the ones to get themselves out. And for anyone to think that they are being selfish because they don't want to hang out with a bunch of partiers, and whining about it, is by far the more selfish person. Unfortunately, life long recovery is a sad reality in their daily lives. They cannot just take it or leave it like some people suggest. Some of them must feel like the Grim Reaper is standing behind them 24 hours a day, following them around, waiting for a cliff to shove them off. Personally, I would prefer not to be that cliff. I care about people and if a relationship is not going to work out because of that, then so be it. But no whining. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 5:53:26 PM | Kasandroid,
although you are WAY OFF topic( and a few other things as well, I suspect)
The mods( of which I am NOT one but I'm flattered you are that afraid of me)
have instituted a new function whereby members can rat out other members who do not have an appropriate "head shot" as their main photo. I had nothing to do with it,Go check out the thread.
I personally do not care if you drink half of Russia.
ON TOPIC!!The subject of the thread here was a person who was upset by a recovering alcoholic's attitude about those who can drink socially.
Myself I'm only here for the anyway, but I kind of wonder about people who feel threatened or have anger towards those who struggle with alcohol or any other addiction issues.
To the OP who was upset about the situation...Dude, she saw your casual association with the occasional adult beverage as a dealbreaker. Get over it an move on.
Cindy O | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:02:54 PM | | i don't consider it hypocritical - she learned from her experience and is making a choice based on what is appropriate in her life. evidently, if she hangs around people who are drinking (responsibly or not) it puts her in an uncomfortable situation. i think it's a fair call. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:15:13 PM | Boy I've been told.
Ha ha ha, afraid of you?
Here you are saying I'm off topic, plus in other regards. Sorry but I am not afraid of someone who CANNOT see how one topic may relate or lead to another topic. It's not all black and white. Neither is life.
Go on tell me another time wasting progam I need to attend now because I led a CHAOTIC life and tend to get OFF TOPIC.
Funny how all my essays about Society (in college and highschool) got top marks, and I had 99% in my final Psychology course while having poor concentration levels (and health problems) due to traumatic life circumstances. Funny how I managed to get four diplomas in education, since I am such a Freak.
Hmm maybe some people could learn from me for a change? Or not, I wouldn't want to OVERSTEP boundaries.
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:00:13 PM | ^^^You might want to attend the program for children of recovering alcoholics. That might help you out some.
On the original posters comments. I am an AA member myself. I have many friends who will not now or ever associate with anyone who ever drinks. That's how they run their programs. We each get to decide how we do that. Hopefully it succeeds.
In my case I set out long ago to live a full life for me. I run a good solid program and fear nothing. I go out and attend many venues and mix with the best of em. If the drinking gets stupid, and about mid-night is the time.....I just leave. I have learned over time that most folks are just casual drinkers and have no problem with the booze. Alkies are another story. We do. We need to be mindful that the alcohol never masters our lives again. It doesn't matter how you do it, it just matters that you do it.
The old-timers are there to show us how they did it so we don't have to go there. The new-comers are a remember when for us. It really does work, so keep coming back!
People can get sober without AA too. I know tons who did that. More power to em. Then some stay a while and some stay a lifetime.
Like I said.....WE get to decide how we run OUR own Programs. If ya ain't walked in our shoes, you got nothing to offer to us at anytime, anywhere. I think it's called blowing smoke out yer ass. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 1:18:55 AM | Shall I go attend NA as well because my Dad was is/a stoner? Shall I go attend some verbal abuse program because I was verbally abused? I'm going to stop now because Lol I better go look up all the programs in my area and CRIKEY that could take a while, judging by all the problems everyone I ever met (including Fosterparents) has.
See there's another point right there, just because my Dad has Problems doesn't mean it's my problem. Just because he nearly destroyed everyone's lives (who ever tried to love him) doesn't mean his JADED children are going to go out and continue the same horrible things.
As for the person who called me a jaded, angry, person well that was a brilliant deduction on your part. I will be sure to inform my Doctor as soon as possible on this latest UPDATE. LMAO
Being jaded does not mean you are angry all the time either. It does not mean you tell people you don't know to go kill themselves unlike some of the POF'rs around. Being jaded does not mean you don't know how to be a good person or appreciate happiness. Or that everyday is bad, or that ya think there is no hope for the next day.
Is there a Law against being jaded? Will I be going to jail for a life sentence? Wasn't the life sentence I already served, a possible factor for being jaded? Lol
It would be nice if people would appreciate DRY HUMOUR a little more, I tried with my POP & CHIP party joke (and other jokes that no one apparently got), but I guess that was a no no as well.
Gee a sense of humour is a program, and laughter is the best medicine. I've been laughing my whole life. Jim Carrey makes jokes for a living and let me tell ya he had to deal with a lot of pain growing up.
So do ya all get me now? Sheesh lighten up, or start a new thread about advocating a new law TO JAIL THE JADED.
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:12:34 AM | Kassandroid
I take it back in suggesting Al Anon. Al Anon is for family and friends of (insert substance abuse here). That said, like the substance abuser, the friend/family memeber also has to hit their own low to WANT to seek help. Who realizes that what they continually do to FIX things, still achieves the same results. The thing is, Al Anon is not there for people to fix that other person. It 's there for you. No one can fix that other person except that person themselves (if they choose to).
One has to recognize within themselves that they have to let go of the substance abuser and try to take care of themselve's. The reason I say that Al Anon may not be quite right for you is that iy appears that you are not at a point in your life where you feel that you have been AFFECTED by the disease, by the madness, by the dysfunctional lifestyle you grew up in. Once you've come to that realization and are willing to see that you need help to try to FIX yourself, than Al Anon would be a good choice. It takes a brave soul to admit that they've been affected and that the substance abuser in their life has to find their own way. Hopefully you may came to that realization and seek the wellness that we all deserve.
As we are way off topic here, I can see this thread being locked shortly. Take care.
j | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:36:39 AM | To truly understand alchoholism you either have to be one, or have studied the situation along with someone who is to understand what the recovering alcohol addict is taught. I am one so I guess that gives me the right to an opinion.
Disease, condition, whatever name you'd like to attach to it, not many who try and quit actually make it. Those who do usually follow the rules of those who have come before them to sobriety. Especially in AA.
Although I do associate with people who drink occasionally, I'd not date, marry or live with one and it's not a reflection on that person. It's a reflection on myself, on all those years that no matter what I did, I couldn't stop drinking. It nearly ruined my life.
Having no desire to go back to that life, putting the temptation of alcohol under my roof would not be a good idea. Those in recovery still "want" a drink, they just know what happens if they even pick up the first one, or were constantly around someone who drinks. So let me ask you this. Would YOU want to be responsible for that woman returning to a life where she was totally out of control? Or should you just say I understand and go find someone else?
16 year sober | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:27:55 AM | I'm a recovering alcoholic myself. Its been 6 years. If the woman that your refering to, is new to Sobriety then she should wait & get to know herself before she dates. If she has any time in & doesn't want to date anyone cuz they drink socialy or any thing else in moderation,then she never did the work on herself & trust me on this one you don't want her. She is just simply put,not ready to deal with life on lifes terms..
I read the lady's post above me with 16 years & find her statements on people who are in AA still wish to drink... Thats false. Those who do the work don't have to worry. Perhaps she should open up her " Big book" & read the promisses agian or for that matter read the whole thing ... It seems she's forgot more then she remembers.. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:36:42 AM | I think it's great that she knows what she wants and what might make her uncomfortable.
Have you ever had an addiction? Recovering from something that totally consummed you is not easy, and if she doesn't want to be in the presense of someone who drinks, that's her choice. Not yours. Recovery is an ongoing thing.
It seems that you are a little angry? Why is that? Move on to someone who is more suitable to you. | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 11:15:38 AM |
If the woman that your refering to, is new to Sobriety then she should wait & get to know herself before she dates. If she has any time in & doesn't want to date anyone cuz they drink socialy or any thing else in moderation,then she never did the work on herself & trust me on this one you don't want her. She is just simply put,not ready to deal with life on lifes terms..
Amen to that papabear. When we do the work on us that needs to be done.....We will see The Promises being fulfilled. Run yourself a good strong program and there will be no problems.
They say that those who live with us, are sicker than we are! I tend to believe that now. In the end it's a personal choice only the alcoholic can personally make. KCBIW's.  | |
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| Recovering alcholic won't associate with people who drink
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:30:57 PM | Msg117
Ha ha ha, afraid of you?
Well you were the one who accused ME of being an admin or mod who removed your picture because I didn't like your opinion regarding the topic.
In fact, kasandroid, you seem to be awfully fearful, angry and defensive about a lot of stuff. At this point I agree that you are NOT ready for any type of group/twelvestep programs for those who are collateral damage of a family
members addiction(s). You are using anger, defensiveness and TRYING to seem superior as a means to support your state of denial.
Now to another facet of the topic I wanted to bring up; and maybe play DA( Devil's Advocate), just for the hell of it LOL
I cannot recall exactly where I heard or read this, but there are those who chose not to drink alcoholic beverages due to (non addiction) medical issues, religious convictions, or other personal reasons. And what's really ironic is that they are concerned that choosing the "don't drink" option on a dating website profile will "red flag" them as recovering alcoholics and they may be passed over by people who have issues with, or fears about, recovering alcoholics. I'm not going to bother listing those fears and issues, most appear somewhere in this thread. It may be such a thing that an enterprising person should start a dating service for all persons who choose not to drink alcoholic beverages for whatever reason. Sounds like if you are a recovering alcoholic/non drinker for any other reason, you may be dead in the water at a "regular"dating site, no?
Just thought I'd throw that out there as additional food for thought relating to the issue of dating recovering alcoholics.
Cindy O | |
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