|
|
|
|
|
vivid
|
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 301 | |
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/14/2006 1:59:48 AM | "The body doesn't alter the Individual's mentality" etc,etc.... So, If I cut my hand off whilst carving a piece of meat, I"ll just keep preparing dinner as If nothing's happened???? Of course the body alters your mentality.
Phantom limb syndrome. Ask anybody who lost his arm or legs to disease or
accident. They feel the pain in the arm they no longer have....the brain
after a period of abscense will try to convince you that you have an arm...depends
on your personality of course if you'll develop the syndrome as not everybody
will have it.
Point I'm trying to make; some people who develop issues bring this down
on themselves...they're willfully blind to their short comings and that
manifests into depression. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/14/2006 4:16:27 AM | Point I'm trying to make; some people who develop issues bring this down
on themselves...they're willfully blind to their short comings and that
manifests into depression.
The point that I - and I think most of the others that disagree with you are trying to make - is that that's very simplistic, and ignores the reality of the vast majority of cases.
There is a big difference between being "down", and being depressed.
If you don't have enough seretonin in your brain, you'll be depressed. Period. I don't care how many mental exercises you do, how many self-help books you read, how closely you sit glued to your chair watching Dr Phill, or how many Rah-Rah seminars you attend at the local Holliday Inn ..... if you haven't got enough seretonin, you're going to be depressed. And you can't *will* your body to make it.
Uri Geller may be able to bend spoons, but he ain't no chemist.
Some people don't make enough insulin, and need to take injections ... that's not a matter of will.
Some people don't process iron properly, and need suppliments ..... that's not a matter of will.
And, believe it or not, some people don't make enough seretonin, or any number of other neurologically active chemicals ..... and that isn't a matter of will, either. | |
|
| Phantom limb syndrome. Ask anybody who lost his arm or legs to disease or
Posted: 9/14/2006 5:36:36 AM | | I understand exactly what phantom syndrome Is. I was figuratively speaking, not literally. I agree In you saying that some people who develop Issues bring this down on themselves. It's just that unfortunate Incidents and Issues Inevitably help people make such decisions...... | |
|
shinxy
|
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 304 | |
| Phantom limb syndrome. Ask anybody who lost his arm or legs to disease or
Posted: 9/14/2006 10:40:45 PM | | Depression does not condemn anyone. It just makes it hard to get through a day. My ex boyfriend of 20 years ago just called from Iraq. His unit was attacked while off-duty. He has suffered a really messed up right leg, a couple of schrapnel wounds, and his hearing is an issue. However, I will not give up on him any more than he has given up on me. He thought beyond himself to call me and let me know that something was wrong. | |
|
| However, I will not give up on him any more than he has given up on me.
Posted: 9/15/2006 3:55:05 AM | I'm glad that I've heard as the sub-heading denotes. I'm a sufferer and as a result, my then-wife (Of 17 years) couldn't understand why I was so withdrawn and alienated from society, even though she had full knowledge of my depression not only through myself but via doctor's Intervention.
Well, I'm separated because of that very reason. She went off the planet and found another guy. I have no regrets and no Ill-feelings. That was her way In dealing with "To care for him In sickness and In health." If my dog weren't feeling well and just sat around all day, I'd take her to the vet or what ever It takes to make her better.....
I guess selfishness and Ignorance Is part of some people's traits....... | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/19/2006 8:11:50 PM | Phantom limb syndrome. Ask anybody who lost his arm or legs to disease or
accident.
More accurately, injured limb syndrome. If your arm, for example, withered, shrank, and became unusable, should you be blamed for that? Should we tell you that all you need to do is think positively, and you'll regain the use of your limb?
People subjected to long-term trauma and/or depression experience significant changes to their hippocampus; it literally withers and shrinks. Recognizing one's shortcomings falls somewhat short of regenerating brain tissue. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/19/2006 8:46:58 PM | What I know about depression is that if one has it women will avoid you like the plague if you say you have it. If a guy has it he might as well give up trying to have a woman friend and join a monastery. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:32:19 AM | It would depend on context. One of my rules states:
-- Red Flags Avoid these people with these patterns: Abusive parents, abusive ex-husbands, abusive ex-boyfriends, alcoholism, drugs, talks about ex on first, second dates, negativity, disrespectful, confuses you, arrogance/condescending, Cheated in past, self-centered, Breaks Dates, Makes excuses, lies, cusses a lot, No Class, Inflexible, Distrusting, Bitter, Nags, gossips. Women who say something, but their actions and body language reflect different signals. Women with low self-esteem, fixated on money, or have psychological problems, or psychiatric problems. Remember, life isn't fair. I personally fall into some of these areas, and I'd expect a female to be ruthless in cutting me off too if she felt I wouldn't be a good mate for her.
However, if you already "know" the person, the context of weighing their behavior, how they manage the depression and situations plays a role in the decision to stay or leave. Lying is another flag that appears, however -- while lying is unacceptable in a situation like this, it may be forgiveable given a certain understanding. People lie because of various motivations.
If the cost/benefit ratio is in favor of too high a cost -- only the individual assessing and in the situation can decide.
If I don't know the person, but find out as I'm gradually introduced to them -- I avoid them romantically. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:50:02 PM | [ I'd expect a female to be ruthless in cutting me off too if she felt I wouldn't be a good mate for her.]
Put simply, If she "felt?" Ask questions, seek help, do what ever It takes to validate her feelings as being "true and correct" before making haste decisions on how and "exactly" why she feels that way. She can't base the future of her relationship on how she "feels" unless she's exhausted "all" avenues to validate her feelings In terms of reconciling the relationship. Lying "Is" lying, self-explanatory. That's It. If she feels the need to lie, she's living In denial In facing the real problem/Issue, hence masking and sweeping the problem under the carpet by resorting to lying. A leopard will always be a leopard and a liar will always be a liar. Totally unacceptable.....Depression Isn't through self-choice so It's not a question of "being a good mate for her" but more-so "What can I do to help" In order to combat this unfortunate disease. "A good mate" Is always there between two people- It's the underlying condition of depression that precludes "a good mate" from eventuating.
I respect what's written In your post but you need to realize that such a "broad" statement of patern behaviour Is all hearsay and Inconclusive- as we're all different In nature and don't fall directly In that criteria.
Bottom line Is: "Don't be vindictive and judgemental on depression." Remember, It's not through self-choice and If you had It, I suspect you'd expect people around you to be In full support.......... | |
|
vivid
|
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 310 | |
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:56:45 PM | People subjected to long-term trauma and/or depression experience significant changes to their hippocampus; it literally withers and shrinks. Recognizing one's shortcomings falls somewhat short of regenerating brain tissue.
Thats another myth that's been DEBUNKED. Recognizing somebody's short comings
is not about giving up and embracing urban myth.
The hippocampus can regenerate itself regardless of what the old-schooled psychologists
and pharmaceutical company's say.
Mind over matter....always has been that way. Not only can the brain
regenerate, but it can re-wire itself and compensate. It's beyond the
drugs that are given out like m&m's....that stuff will be your crutch forever
if you buy into false beliefs and not take the extra step. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 4:01:47 AM |
[ I'd expect a female to be ruthless in cutting me off too if she felt I wouldn't be a good mate for her.]
Put simply, If she "felt?" Ask questions, seek help, do what ever It takes to validate her feelings as being "true and correct" before making haste decisions on how and "exactly" why she feels that way. She can't base the future of her relationship on how she "feels" unless she's exhausted "all" avenues to validate her feelings In terms of reconciling the relationship. Lying "Is" lying, self-explanatory. That's It. If she feels the need to lie, she's living In denial In facing the real problem/Issue, hence masking and sweeping the problem under the carpet by resorting to lying. A leopard will always be a leopard and a liar will always be a liar. Totally unacceptable.....Depression Isn't through self-choice so It's not a question of "being a good mate for her" but more-so "What can I do to help" In order to combat this unfortunate disease. "A good mate" Is always there between two people- It's the underlying condition of depression that precludes "a good mate" from eventuating.
I respect what's written In your post but you need to realize that such a "broad" statement of patern behaviour Is all hearsay and Inconclusive- as we're all different In nature and don't fall directly In that criteria.
Bottom line Is: "Don't be vindictive and judgemental on depression." Remember, It's not through self-choice and If you had It, I suspect you'd expect people around you to be In full support..........
I do suffer from depression as a result of physical illness. And once again I say, if I'm already romantically involved with someone and depression presents itself, I will assist and stand by them in full support. If I am not with them romantically and I find out they suffer from depression -- I will weigh the cost to benefit of being with them given their behavior. In this situation I told the OP it's his decision given he is the only one who knows the context. She lied, she had the depression prior to him dating her -- she would have been crossed off my list, but again -- I told him he should make his own choice.
I "will" judge Depression if I'm choosing to decide to date someone further, or at all. I will judge them on the red flags I've listed. It's not fair, but it's my choice because I have my preferences, just as I will not date a woman who is obese. I am not attracted to it, nor do I want to invest energy into someone who has the pattern of behavior in their lifestyle which precludes such a consequence. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 4:10:38 AM | Depression is a serious thing. It comes in all flavors, and is caused by all sorts of reasons. Biological illness such as infection, neurological damage, stroke, psychiatric problems, psychological abnormalities, disorder in thinking -- destructive attitudes, patterns -- many things can cause it.
When it comes to getting into a relationship, a person would be very wise to carefully decide what they will and won't be willing to accept. Settling is unwise if you already have an uncomfortable feeling from the start while talking to someone with depression, or any other abnormal circumstance.
I want to make clear, that other than dating or romantic relationships -- people with depression ought be treated with dignity, respect, kindness and the same quality of living as anyone else -- based on the simple fact that it serves all of us to do so. This does not mean however going out of your way to save someone, or help someone at random unless you "choose" to do that -- if you do, terrific, if you don't -- you're not an evil monster. We have to pick our battles in life, and we have to decide what we can and not change. The wisdom to know the difference is all determined on your prior experience and beliefs. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:58:23 AM |
Would you continue to see them?
or
Would you run for the hills?
It depends on the person.
My soon-to-be ex is bipolar and I did everything I could to help her cope with it including medication, counseling, books, learning her triggers, etc.
I am a fairly happy person, but her constant depression drug me down so badly. I didn't even realize it until we separated. My sister told me my nephew (he just turned 13) told her that he misses his uncle Darkestrose, and it seems like when I got married, I turned into a different person..and he's right. Her depression was something I thought I could deal with but the plain fact of the matter is she didn't even want to deal with it.
So it really depends on if the woman really wants to be better. I don't think my ex really wanted to get better. | |
|
| It is a sad fact
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:10:16 AM | Hi
It is sad that people who have a sickness or have body markings feel embareessed and ashamed, yet is some thing which in some cases which is not their fault.
They fear being rejected hence in their mind they feel they will tell people later on yet often do not tell untill it is found out
Yes it is a deception some might say a lie.
Yet again it is fear of rejection.
People do and say things to get approval and acceptance.
Every one feels they need to be liked or loved.
It is often easy to judge people having not walked in their shoes.
Years ago I was ashamed to admit I had been in a 12 step recovery program.
Yet now the program has taught me honesty is always the best policy.
You do not have a good relations if you are holding back, and I am not talking about sex either?
Is it not kind of sad that people find it hard to be them selves?
Is that not a kind of fear again?
Regards to all
Dave | |
|
| It is a sad fact
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:32:28 AM |
There is a distinction between depression and being bi-polar. Depression can temporary regardless how how long it last. You'll know if someone is as it's hard to hide. Bi-polar however means bad news. You never know in what state of mind they will be from one week to the next. I made that mistake before. Never again.
Yeah, I know that bipolar is different than clinical depression..but my ex had very little up time and mostly down time. She was on mood stabilizers and they simply didn't work because she didn't take them properly. That's what I'm saying. It's ok to be up and down, but she was mostly down..and drug me down with her...
I loved her dearly and didn't want her to leave but in retrospect it was the best thing she could have done for me..She is no longer my problem. :) | |
|
| It is very sad ?
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:33:44 AM | Hi
It is often very difficult to do what needs to be done not just for your self but also for your family.
But sadly it was probably the last thing you wanted to do.
It takes a kind of strength and awareness of serenity prayer to do what is best for every one?
Regards
Dave | |
|
alybai
|
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 317 | |
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 2:07:54 PM | I am not afraid to admit I am on a anti-depressent. I have been for a few years now. I have been on a few of them to find out which one works for me. I have had a lot of problems through the years and got depressed. I needed help. So I went and got help from a doctor. I make sure I take my medication daily. I tried to go off of it about 5 months ago and didn't do well so I went back on it. I need it. At least for now I do. I don't want to be on it for the rest of my life. But so I can funtion everyday I need to take it.
I have nothing to hide. I would tell the guy that I am dating that I take it. Honesty. Maybe not the first date. But it is not something that should be hidden.
Aly | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 3:47:18 PM | [Red Flags Avoid these people with these patterns: Abusive parents, abusive ex-husbands, abusive ex-boyfriends, alcoholism, drugs, talks about ex on first, second dates, negativity, disrespectful, confuses you, arrogance/condescending, Cheated in past, self-centered, Breaks Dates, Makes excuses, lies, cusses a lot, No Class, Inflexible, Distrusting, Bitter, Nags, gossips. Women who say something, but their actions and body language reflect different signals. Women with low self-esteem, fixated on money, or have psychological problems, or psychiatric problems.]
Jeez! Someone as pure and untarnished as the driven snow for you, then? I think only new-born babies are innocent of the above "sins" of human nature. Are you sure you wouldn't be better off finding an automaton? Inflexible? Projection much.
LOTS of good luck to you - you're sure gonna need it. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:23:48 PM |
Red Flags Avoid these people with these patterns: Abusive parents, abusive ex-husbands, abusive ex-boyfriends, alcoholism, drugs, talks about ex on first, second dates, negativity, disrespectful, confuses you, arrogance/condescending, Cheated in past, self-centered, Breaks Dates, Makes excuses, lies, cusses a lot, No Class, Inflexible, Distrusting, Bitter, Nags, gossips. Women who say something, but their actions and body language reflect different signals. Women with low self-esteem, fixated on money, or have psychological problems, or psychiatric problems.
So, just one girl somewhere in rural Iowa, then?
It's interesting that you're discounting any woman with abusive parents, ex-husbands, or boyfriends, in that you're blaming someone for the abuse of others. How many people, especially children, do you know that invite people to scar them emotionally? | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:04:57 PM |
Jeez! Someone as pure and untarnished as the driven snow for you, then? I think only new-born babies are innocent of the above "sins" of human nature. Are you sure you wouldn't be better off finding an automaton? Inflexible? Projection much. LOTS of good luck to you - you're sure gonna need it.
I'm not sure what you're saying here, but, in my experience dealing with any of those issues above has led to unfortunate results that I don't wish to repeat. I'm quite sure there are healthy people out there who don't exhibit those patterns, I've met many. I prefer to choose positive people with minimum baggage.
| |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:09:39 PM |
So, just one girl somewhere in rural Iowa, then? It's interesting that you're discounting any woman with abusive parents, ex-husbands, or boyfriends, in that you're blaming someone for the abuse of others. How many people, especially children, do you know that invite people to scar them emotionally?
I'm not blaming them, I'm judging them based off the probabilities though -- it may not be fair for them, but it's my life and my relationships that are at stake. I like to increase my odds of finding a good mate, and when I see specific patterns in their history or past -- I have a preference of excluding them.
Those people with abuse or other scars will surely find someone who can tolerate and look past those circumstances, it doesn't have to be me though in a relationship. I do talk to people with these problems daily, and I help them all constantly -- as I have an affinity for psychology -- but when it comes to my intimate love relationships? I'll pass on those patterns. That's not evil, cold or cruel -- that's preference.
| |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:56:57 AM |
It's interesting that you're discounting any woman with abusive parents, ex-husbands, or boyfriends, in that you're blaming someone for the abuse of others. How many people, especially children, do you know that invite people to scar them emotionally?
I agree with this in response to the "red flags"...
Just because someone had an abusive husband/boyfriend, came from a broken home, is seeing a psychologist, talks about exes, and a lot of that other stuff does not mean that person is a bad person and will ultimately destroy a relationship. I believe that our life experiences make us who we are, but if the person really WANTS to change, then the person will change.
I'm seeing a psychologist now for a lot of things. Does that make me a bad person? Nope. It makes be a good person for the simple fact that I'm trying to work on the things I need to work on to make ME a better father to my son and maybe a boyfriend/husband to someone down the road. I'm not crazy or need medication, I'm not even a head case..I'm going to learn how to be a better father and deal with some stuff that should have been taken care of a long time ago. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/22/2006 8:39:04 AM |
Just because someone had an abusive husband/boyfriend, came from a broken home, is seeing a psychologist, talks about exes, and a lot of that other stuff does not mean that person is a bad person and will ultimately destroy a relationship. I believe that our life experiences make us who we are, but if the person really WANTS to change, then the person will change.
Of course it doesn't make them a bad person, not at all. You're right. It does increase the odds though. I'm sure you wouldn't enter a relationship with someone with Bi-polar disease again if you could help it.
I'm seeing a psychologist now for a lot of things. Does that make me a bad person?
Of course not.
It makes be a good person for the simple fact that I'm trying to work on the things I need to work on to make ME a better father to my son and maybe a boyfriend/husband to someone down the road. I'm not crazy or need medication, I'm not even a head case..I'm going to learn how to be a better father and deal with some stuff that should have been taken care of a long time ago.
That's excellent. Glad to hear you've got such a positive attitude. Now, in-spite of all this, I still would not date a woman with psychological or psychiatric problems, which is what my original red flag statement was regarding.
If I was already married to her, and she was resolved to manage her condition -- sure I'd stay, but why should I seek out a person with this type of problem that could interfere with our relationship [prior to getting involved] when I could date someone who doesn't? I'd rather side on caution, after all it is my relationship and my choice. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/22/2006 5:03:10 PM |
Now, in-spite of all this, I still would not date a woman with psychological or psychiatric problems, which is what my original red flag statement was regarding.
Your original statement presupposes that someone with a history of abuse has psychological or psychiatric problems, which is not always the case.
I've found that people that have suffered or struggled oftentimes have a greater sense of compassion and empathy toward others who are suffering. That is in no way a bad thing. | |
|
| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 9/22/2006 9:43:47 PM | I agree that people who have suffered have greater empathy and understanding toward those who have struggled.
I am going through a hard time right now, facing career disappointment in the electrical industry, and am now looking for a full time job. People can get depressed when they are dealing with life circumstances as well as from biochemical processes that go awry in the brain.
DW | |
|
|
| Page 13 of 14
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 |
|
Home
login 
