| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 2:04:02 PM | deception is another part of it. I would never hid the fact i had it, and if i was getting involved with someone i would make sure they knew i had it, and how it would affect "us"
To lis, or hide it long term is just wrong as would any other medical problem be. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 2:12:43 PM |
...some of the meds cause sexual dysfunction - usually for men it's raging erections with no relief. - raging erections?? my experience with my ex-boyfriend was just the opposite on medication for depression  | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 2:22:30 PM | | No there should be no secrets, and no you don't have to say anything on the first date, that would be retarded. More to the point is not that they have depression, but rather how they handle it. Meds only do so much for some people, and they are left in the lurch for the remainder of time. For others the meds stop working, tolerances are built up and all of a sudden (even though it occurs over a long persiod) boom! Depressed. It takes a certain kind of person with depression to recognize when they feel depressed and to do something about it, usually older sufferers who are more used to their own behaviour. There is no 1 depression, its like cancer, its a blanket term. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:09:21 PM | Let me ask you all this - should s/he come out and divulge such information right out of the cage by volunteering it? Or should s/he tell you if you ask?
Come on, who wants to voluntarily divulge personal matters like that?
"I'm having a great time, Kate. And by the way, just for your information, I've been raped 3 times by a horse when I was a teenager. I thought you should know that."
If you truly love the person and everything is going great, how truly important is it whether they take psychotripic medications, birth control pills, pills for excessive sweating, etc.? Seems rather trivial to me unless it becomes an issue that is very noticeable. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:13:56 PM | I've dealt with women with depression. That doesn't bother me.
What would make me question the relationship, was that they weren't honest with me from the start. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:15:24 PM | | So, do you expect them to just come right out and blurt it, thus incriminating themselves to you and possibly scaring you right off the bat? When is it appropriate to bring up? Is it okay for them to keep it for themselves until you bring up the issue because perhaps you notice a pattern, symptomology, or the pills? | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:18:03 PM | Hmm... they could tell me upfront, so that I can choose wether or not to accept it, and wether or not that's someone I'd want to be in a relationship with.
Or they can lie about it, and have me find out later. Which would lead to the same dilemma of wether or not I can be with a person with this problem... except that now I also know that they're not being honest with me, and I have to consider what else they're lying about.
Now, they might not have to come out and say "Hi, my name is X, I have clinical depression".
But, earlier in the "getting to know each other" phase that should be brought up. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:29:34 PM | Ok, I have a question.....maybe you guys can help me on this one.......I dont really know much about depression.....I dated a guy for a little while last year......was an awesome guy!!!....got little clues here and there from friends that he had mentioned suicide in the past (these were friends that grew up with him).....well, after about a month of dating him he started to get real serious on me, so I explained to him that it was too fast because he did know I had just broken up with someone a few months back.......he knew that from the start.....so it was then I started noticing little things when he was drinking that would come out......he would say mean things.......about how Im playing him etc.......so I started to back off......well, he only got worse.....he came to me one day and reluctantly told me he tried to kill himself...he told me he had taken 30 sleeping pills......it made him really sick, but it didnt kill him........we talked about it, he decided to go to doctor and they told him he was bi-polar....and put him on Cimbalta......
We still hung out together for awhile, and after the incident I became very leary.........My question is........people with bi-polar or severe depression...do they tell anyone they tried to commit suicide??? Since he tried it, didnt work, and told me about it??
One night he was over, was drinking and we started talking and he started asking me things about how I feel.....I told him I was honestly leary......I am really worried, what if I decide to be with him and something bad comes up down the road and I come home and find him dead cuz he killed himself??? That pissed him off and he left, I havent talked to him since.......
Did I say the wrong thing? I just wanted to be honest......he is a great guy otherwise though!!!! I just never knew what I should do or feel.......and I do miss him.......
What would you do????
Vicky | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:39:03 PM | | Depression is widespread and lots of people have it and/or have had it in their lives. It effects just about everything in someones life and can have a bad effect on relationships. But still it is no reason to give up on someone or not to consider anything else. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:43:15 PM | What an utterly stupid question? Would you stop seeing someone if you found out they had diabetes or arthritis or high blood pressure??( Now I suppose I have to tell myself THAT'S a stupid question, chickensh*t shallow people run from people with health issues every day)
So if you're a chickensh*t shallow person, by all means run for the hills because the person with whatever medical problem( including depression, bipolar disorder adult ADD) doesn't need you in their life.
The ones that scare ME are the ones who clearly are in need of professional care and won't seek it out of fear of the opinions of chickensh*t shallow people.
Time for my meds, see y'all later kids, play nice now
Cindy O | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 6:26:33 PM | So if you're a chickensh*t shallow person, by all means run for the hills because the person with whatever medical problem( including depression, bipolar disorder adult ADD)
Damn it I forgot about my ADD, oh and the Tourrettes, oh and I'm prone to sinus infections for about 2 weeks at the beginning of the change of every season...I may as well become a monk haha
Oh haha one more! I'm getting a breast reduction at some point in the near future. This is fun, it's sorta theraputic..therapeutic ... something like that. Everyone who won't date someone just cause they don't tell you they get depressed within the first week they know you post something that's wrong with you! Oh hell everyone one do it..I'd like to see how many people on this site can't claim a medical disorder beit mental or physical at some point thru their life so far.
You may as well add any abuse in there as well cause we know ANYONE who's been abused in whatever form is damaged goods as well as the people who don't talk to their parents cause they were horrible parents...and the peoplewho are only children, and the middle children and the kids with only one parent and the gays and the bi's and the blacks and the hispanic and the asian and the whites and anyone who's never brushed their teeth with an electric toothbrush and the ones who've had a really great childhood and the ones from the wrong side of the tracks and the ones ran track in school and the ones a little overweight and the ones a little underweight and the short guys and the tall girls and the nice guys and the bad girls and the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies,****eads :/
My god, if you all stopped ****ing whining about peoples imperfections and started focusing on the good in everyone this place would be so much nicer. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 6:28:15 PM | Unless it was some major mental health issues I would not care. Minor depression is not that big of an issue that it would be a deal breaker. This day and age nearly everyone is depressed at some point or another.
I would be more bothered by a first date where they listed their health conditions for me one by one.
Big deal go pop a zanax and get over it. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 6:31:19 PM | | Very good question. I have to give u credit for this cause I went through the same sort of thing. Man it was difficult to see her in messed up moods, but........If you truly love her, and I mean LOVE, than u would do what I did.......not run for the hills ....instead...show her that she could get through it and support her...do not, and I stress, DO NOT talk to her about it as if it was bothering you. The reason why? Don't make it about yourself, give her time, or him time for that matter, to sort things out....Be careful cause one mistake leads to a nuclear attack on your butt.. Good luck | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 7:45:12 PM | | This is not to be combaired to a P.MS. issue... or miled depression issue. If a person is suffering from CHRONIC DEPRESSION DISSORDER, this is serious. My mom also had it...( oh my god, almost every one in my life has suffered from this.) I can not stress this enough.... it is a serious ailment. I can not live with someone who has this. It will wear you down and tear you apart. If you do not have experience with this ailment, then please do not respond to this thread. I had to leave home when I was 15 because my mom had this disorder.Depression is soooo serious. Now my sis is talking abouk suicide........please all of you without experience...shut the F.U. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:02:43 PM | Hello............I have bi-polar disorder along with other members of my family. This is not an easy or fun road to go down. I was not diagnosed until later in my life.. This depression is for life.......a chemical imbalance of the chemicals of the brain. This takes a long time usually to get the right combination of medications for the sufferer to be able to function. In my case, it has been difficult. After three years I am more functional than I have been in several years. This computer has helped me tremendously in that it has been hard for me to talk to people face to face. Now that I have learned to use the computer, I have met people .
I am able to communicate with people on the computer and more able to talk to people in person.
I am lucky to have a support system within my family. There are those of us who watch out for each other. We use the same physician and work together if we begin to see the other act in a certain way. There are actions that causes red flags for us. This is not as scary as some people thing it just takes understanding the problem, and what keeps it under control.
I read some statements about people coming off their medications. I think we do that because we are in denial about the problem. I have had times that I have not taken my meds as prescribed. I have done this because I was just sure I did not need them anymore because I was doing so well. The truth was the meds had me level.
Bottom line is there are many people out there that do not understand that fine line between sanity and insanity. Nothing in our lives remains the same. We must be flexible enough to roll with the flow as these things happen us.
Just as every one else we need someone in our life that will stand by us and understand.
A disease is a disease whether it be diabetes, cancer, heart failure, etc.
We are really not different. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:05:06 PM | ........please all of you without experience...shut the F.U.
OMG someone needs to relax. People have all differant levels of depressions and differant people handle them differant ways. Everyones 2cents is as valuable as the next.
The OP makes a general question for all to answer... | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:11:34 PM | | I dated a woman for a while and she lost one of her son's. She also had an accident and was on pain meds. And also had an alcahol problem, I give her all the chances I could but the meds took control and she abused them. I think it depends on the person taking the meds . I say give them a chance anyway . Just my 2 cents | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:12:08 PM | coca2, I'm sorry for what you and yours have gone through. But many people on here have suffered from one form of depression at one time or another, or have experience in being with someone who has; all their opinions are valid. Also, opinions form those with no personal experience with it them self or with anyone in their life having it, is also valuable, as they can learn from the people here who do have that experience, learn that it's not as bad as they might think it is, and some may even recoginze that they have it and didn't realize it.
Many women experience a form of chemical depression as they go through puberty; it's usually misdiagnosed and ignored by doctors, but without meds they will carry this milder form of depression for a long time. Many women, and some men, also go though another form of depression and anxiety in their late 20s through mid-20s, which can result in having panic attacks. Again, meds can help with this. These meds don't turn anyone into a zombie, they don't make someone behave in a strange manner; they simply let the person feel like them self again, and able to cope with things once more. The meds of today are much different from the early Prozac and its' clones; and more doctors are learning which med to give to a person earlier and to start at very lose doages. the newer meds also have much less affect on ones sexual function.
And yes, I speak from experience. I hit a mild depression at puberty but it was never correctly diagnosed way back then; it was simply that I didn't feel as happy as I used but didn't have any reason whatsoever to feel that way. I tried the meds for 6 months when I was in my 20s and noticed an improvement, but as I hate taking pills of any kind, I stopped. But because the chemical imbalance was now balanced, the depression was gone. Then in my early 30s I got panic attacks; again I tried meds for a short while and they helped. One thing that made a big difference was changing my eating habits; cutting out refined carbs made the biggest improvement and I haven't gotten panic attacks in years. But that's me; some people may need to take meds for a longer time, and IMO it's no big deal because they're facing the fact they have a problem and being responsible and doing something to help themselves. I also dated a guy who was on meds for depression/anxiety due to his wife leaving him; it made absolutely no difference in our relationship. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:34:54 PM | I wouldn't have any problems with finding out that someone was taking depression drugs as long as they weren't using it as some sort of sympathy magnet. I know several people who do take them and most of them I wouldn't have known if they hadn't told me. Do I think less of them? No. For alot of people it is merely a chemistry issue or a necessary buffer for a difficult period of their life.
Suicidal depression, however, is a whole other ballgame. A long, long time ago I started a relationship with a woman who I knew was having a rough time with her family and her friends. After dating several months, she told me that she had attempted suicide at least once shortly before we met. Listening to her about it was one of the most difficult things that I think I have ever done. Things improved once we married and moved away. Over the next ten years she gradually grew stronger and stronger and now she's one of the more positive people that I know.
If I encountered another person in a similiar situation, would I go through it again? I would like to think so, but you really don't know until you are there. It would really depend on the person and their willingness to improve the situation, I think. It's a rough ride, tho. :/ | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:36:04 PM |
On the other side of the coin - some of the meds cause sexual dysfunction -usually for men it's raging erections with no relief.
Yeah, you know nothing about the usual side effects of antidepressants. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:38:26 PM | Everyone suffers a little depression, if you didn't you'd be a freaking idiot. Reality has that effect on me, tolerable but not preferred.
I fail to see disease either physical or mental or handicaps in general as impediments to normal relationships. So hey if you find that "perfect" person out there send us all a picture will ya'? | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:48:33 PM | I dated a girl for a year and a half who had it and took medication for it. Most of the time I didn't notice. We even got her off the pills and things were good for about a half a year off them, nearing the end of our relationship she was getting pretty bad and probably should have gone back on though. She was upfront with me about it, I knew about it after I met her but before our first date(she was a friend of a friend.)
If there is anything to worry about I'd say it might be what might have caused the depression. Not that there is always an event that caused it but if there is that could effect things in certain ways, I know a few others who've been on medication for it. But even with that, you just need to really know how else it effects her and if its anything serious that you might worry about. | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:37:05 AM | I would stand by them just cause a person has this illness doesnt mean they are not human....We all have a certain exstent of depression and suffer from some sort of it in one way or another most people just dont want to face it ....Heck if you live U are going to have some sort of depression.........  | |
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| A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/23/2006 4:40:58 AM | | I've suffered from depression for quite a number of years. Initially i hide it when i'm making contact with someone, but i eventually do tell them as i'm a basically honest person. A few times it's caused the people i've contacted to just blank me out completely, others they've been understanding. I find it's better to be honest more or less from the start. | |
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