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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?      Home login  
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 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 251
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?Page 11 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I was with a Military Man for a number of years and didn't like the unstable home life....never knew when he would be on a TDY - temporary duty assignment, where he would be.....and sometimes, I wasn't allowed to know where he was, much less when he would return. Many times we would get told when he was coming home, only to have the assignmet extended........

Remember, the government OWNS you and you will be drug around from pillar to post and it doesn't care. Remember, Freedom doesn't come Free.

Needless to say, it got really old really fast. And yes, I was faithful to him when he was gone. Never stepped out, never hit the bars or the party circuit, although I know very well many military spouses (men AND women) back home do just that.

A few years later, my ex got out and went into Law Enforcement, which can be just as bad....but unfortunately, the badge and authority thereof went to his head...... since he survived Desert Shield/Storm, he thought he was invincible and decided to engage in behaviors I couldn't tolerate......and yes, one was cheating.

Soooo while I tip my hat off to the many Military Families out there who can deal with these issues, I personally wouldn't do it again.

And to those of you who have served or who are serving our country.....Thank you for protecting us and our freedoms. Godspeed.
 sschooly
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 252
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:54:52 AM
"Whether you want to be believe it or not... more military wives cheat then do the men. Men talk a bit game about doing this and that, but when it comes down to it, most would never actually act. The wives are much worse. Everyone wants to feel sorry for them while their husband is deployed... yeah right. More than 50% of them are at the clubs two weeks after he's gone. That's the reality of it."

^^ This is complete bull. I was active duty and went TAD and spent a lot of time away from home. The number of men that cheated on their wives while they were TAD was rediculous. The wives (or husbands) who are left at home may cheat but the active duty guy/gal does too. It's discusting.
I dated and married a military guy while I was still active, I can hope that he didn't cheat but I couldn't say for sure. We both were sent TAD often. I can only say that cheating is stupid and why stay together if you can't wait for the one you're supposed to love.
Maybe the active duty women should be shying away from the men. They're just as bad. It takes a strong individual to handle the seperation and then having to share the responsibilities after up to 6 months (or sometimes more) of taking care of everything while the spouse was deployed. I found it easier to be the one sent TAD than being the one at home. But then my trips were short (1-3 months) and I had a job to do and focus on and some great sites to see in new countries.
A military spouse does need a support system and people to talk to. It helps them to handle the seperation and give them a way to vent/get their mind off the initial seperation. Having enough of independent interests outside of the relationship can help. It does get a little easier as time goes by but that initial couple of weeks/month can be hard. And not all people are cut out to be a military spouse.
 LaDame9909
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 253
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:11:08 PM
I had a LDR with a guy in NG for almost a yr. We lost contact upon his return to the US . Don't think I passed family approval so goes life. I would do it again if he is wonderful.-there are women who can handle it. Just got to find a woman who can handle the alone time and fill her time productively
 ModernTLC
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 254
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 6:35:41 PM

...kinda harsh to get shunned for doing something so honorable...


I find guys are turned off that I serve in the National Guard as an Aeromedical Evacuation Flight Nurse- they will say its cool but then I have been asked if and when I am deploying. It doesn't happen every time, but the fact it does happen leaves me feeling the same.

Nice to know that is what someone is thinking while I am keeping another soldier alive so they can get medical help or come home for further treatment!
 kountrygrl08
Joined: 7/9/2010
Msg: 255
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:07:26 PM
I have before and I would again.

I started dating my ex in high school, so I was with him when he enlisted, went through basic, 1st deployment, and most of 2nd deployment - then I found out he had been cheating on me...i was gone pretty quick after that. All the time, based in a different state then I was living, doing everything I could to get down there to see him for weekends. I stayed faithful, I'm the one that did the looking for a house for us to buy after he returned because he was due to get out in less than 3 months after returning.. I just didn't show up to homecoming...he had nothing much to say when I confronted him and emailed him the messages me and this girl had sent back and forth.

It's been about 2 years since I left him, and I haven't had a serious, long term relationship since then. It may sound bad...but I'm still adjusting to dating civis again. I got used to not having him here..that to have someone here all the time makes me feel a lil bit closed in...I've learned to need to have the space that came with that relationship.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 256
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:48:38 PM
OP, I think a military relationship is tough for exactly that, because you are out of touch for literally months at a time which can make things difficult and put a strain on the relationship. I actually HAVE seen military relationships work, but I've also seen them not work. My cousin and his wife were both in the Air Force and ended up divorced because they cheated on each other when they were apart.

On the other hand, my brother's best friend has been in the marines for many years now and is happily married and he and his wife are having their third child soon.
 jj.wills
Joined: 10/31/2011
Msg: 257
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:06:50 AM
Personally, I know we'd never be compatible. Our mindsets would be completely opposite.

I am a woman who believes that it costs a lot less to educate a person for free and give him/her a life than it does to send him/her to war, to die.
I am completely against war and the time, intelligence and billions of $$ spent on defense (or rather offense) , and think that all those resources need to be used towards health care and education instead.

 bubbles96727
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 258
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:10:42 AM
not all women are afraid of the relationship aspect of it...most are just afraid of not being able to hold and touch him when she needs the comfort... there is the thought of your man being unfaithful which scares a lot of women... there are a lot of military men and women that are happily married or are in a very good relationship where they trust one another and they talk wen they can... it is possible and i would settle down with a military man.. there is nothing wrong with that....
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 259
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:36:15 PM
All I have dated are military guys and most of them are players or way too shallow or just douchebags
 bzchilders
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 260
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:59:28 PM
Yes the military is hard for everybody not just ladies but for the men too. i happen to be going into the military and am part of a military family. i have relative who are still married some not much older then me that are happily married. i also have family that met there spouse in the military. And in my personal opinion on this as a 23 year old going into the military. no offense lonelieness his hard but if you can't stay loyal to your man while he's out there on the front lines then to play the bad guy for just a moment what makes you think that I or they can trust someone when they at home. The excuse of well he's gone and im lonely and its hard aint gonna cut it. True faithfulness and love shouldn't matter by distance or time. If you really love that person you make it work no excuses. problems will come up from being deployed to because anyone man or women that goes to war is never the same. Thoughs who think it will be are sadly mistaken. i honor both men and women who serve for there counrty on and off the battlefield and the husbands and wives who stick with each other through all of that. they are true men and women and should be honored as such. Anybody thinks other whys is not a real man or women. Thats how i feel and im sticking too it. and if you had a bad expiernce dateing a military man ladies i apologize we are not all like that. so stop trying to stereotype service men based on bad past expeirence. It works both ways. God bless america and God bless the men and women and there families who gave it all so we could live.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 261
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:02:05 AM
It takes a strong and independent woman to date and settle down with a military man. You will likely know that as married colleagues and common sense will have told you. It's not for everyone. It also takes a strong sense of trust within the relationship.

I come from a military family - although have not had a military partner. I know it was tough for my mother especially at Christmas, Birthday, and anniversary time, that said my parents are both strong individuals and it worked for them - still together since marrying in 1964.

Some people need the daily interaction with their partner to keep their relationship alive. Some people do not have a circle of friends who will keep them busy when their partner is away from home. Although we would all wish for that, some people can and do manage to be strong in their absence and to make the best of the time together. I guess my upbringing has made me a strong and independent woman in as much as I enjoy having those times with my partner where the world is locked out, I also value my friends and social circle too.

I absolutely would date a military man.
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 262
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:21:00 AM
I hold out faith there is a good one because thats all that Im physically attracted to so
 Snuggles4TLC
Joined: 11/4/2010
Msg: 263
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 9:48:12 AM
Probably better to date and try settling down with a woman in the military. I've read several post and it seems that some women are just afraid of military men. Some of their reasons are valid I think and can scare anyone.
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 264
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:13:07 AM
Nope.

Wasn't afraid to BE in the military either.

However, spending over three years in the midst of unfiltered locker room talk, taught me what a lot of Military So-called Men, Really Juvenile Boys, think about women.

Plus, I had a fiance too, and he decided he didn't want to follow me all over the country.

I'm not on here whining about it.

It comes with the territory.

If you present such an extraordinary challenge as a partner, then you have to do something to be extraordinarily worthy.

Have you done anything to be extraordinarily worthy?

Your uniform, your paygrade and your job are all about YOU.

They don't transfer to a wife; she doesn't get the thrill.

So, what about you is there to be extraordinary for her?
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 265
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:36:36 AM
I was a military wife for a year when I was 18. I have friends who are military wives. Honestly I would never go through that again. While I deeply respect our servicemen and women, the military itself isn't exactly pro-family. When it comes right down to it they want soldiers with no ties who aren't afraid to face death day in and day out. Just from my own personal experience they seem to view family as a liability and sometimes go out of their way to make life difficult for families. My friend's husband just got shipped off to Japan for 2 years after coming home recently from Afghanistan. She and the kids aren't allowed to live with him in Japan, so they have to be apart for 2 years. Sorry, but that's just ridiculous. I can see seperating a family in time of war, but last I checked we weren't at war with Japan. He wasn't even home a year from Iraq/Afghjanistan and now his wife is left alone with 5 kids to raise.

I think the miltary has a tendency to put families under undue stress simply because they can. I think this is why there are so many divorced military. So again, while I deeply respect those who serve and appreciate their service I wouldn't want to go through that kind of stress again. I want to be with the person I love and not worry daily about them being killed or moved away from me for a long period of time. Kudos to those who have the strength to put up with that.
 outbackaussie52
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 266
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:51:53 AM
well rustysurfer10
being ex miltary ,
and now a successful owner operator in the transport industry yes a working one over the road i feel the answer to this question is a big yes the ladys out there does shy away from guys who cannot be home 24/7 .

why is this so i am still trying to work it out been on POF now 7 months one date this lady told me very nicely that my career would get in our way that she needed a man to be home so they can go out on dates dinners etc etc .

not be out on the road or anything like that i am sure with time on my side i will find miss right and be there for her as she will be for me
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 267
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 11:12:43 AM
I just started dating a military man and I have to admit that it's a bit scary at times. He's in the logistics side of things and is at a stationary base but when I hear him talking about being gone for months at a time for courses and being transfered to bases that are deployable it worries me.


My friend's husband just got shipped off to Japan for 2 years after coming home recently from Afghanistan. She and the kids aren't allowed to live with him in Japan, so they have to be apart for 2 years. Sorry, but that's just ridiculous. I can see seperating a family in time of war, but last I checked we weren't at war with Japan. He wasn't even home a year from Iraq/Afghjanistan and now his wife is left alone with 5 kids to raise.


This scenario does not give me the warm and fuzzies nor all the stories I'm reading about in this thread about cheating and such. He's a really great guy and completely worth the risk but I'm hoping there won't be too many anxiety attacks in my future!!
 beccas619
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 268
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:29:48 PM
There's nothing wrong with dating a Military Man. I'm sure they are just as awesome as any other man. ( With the exception of a few bad apples) Everyone has good qualities, it's a matter of how personalities mesh, and the attraction, should have nothing to do with the work you do.
 Okcafe86
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 269
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/18/2011 6:23:49 PM
Ya...I have the same problems myself. Just got dumped on deployment. It is what it is.
 Allure9249
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 270
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/18/2011 7:00:10 PM
No not at all. I admire men in the Military. I think they're structured and dignified. I believe that when you meet someone whether it be another service member or a civilian, if you're meant to be together, God created that person to be your helper then the relationship will work out. You just have to be patient and trust the lord.
 pinup_edge
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 271
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/28/2012 2:08:17 PM
this is very true, i was googling what its like to be in a relationship with a guy in military services because i just wanted to know a few tips so on to keep it strong, i actually met him over pof and turned out when i met his family the 3 of them worked with my mom and hsi uncle is my moms good friend.. its a small world.. but ive been loving my military guy hes a sweetheart!
 Thnuggaboo
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 272
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/28/2012 2:41:43 PM
I'm a military brat myself. Most of my brothers and sisters were in the military or married military spouses. It's just how I grew up tho never joined the service. Oddly enuf, I have a hard time relating to anything BUT military significant others. One guy told me he likes to play RPG games and I had to stop and realize he wasn't talking about rocket propelled grenades.
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 273
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/28/2012 2:47:44 PM
I love military men. I actually prefer them because most keep themselves in good shape and got to love a man in uniform plus I find facial hair gross and unkempt so most military are clean shaven. I prob wouldnt dat someone not military. id get bored
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 274
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/28/2012 3:05:08 PM
"Personally, I know we'd never be compatible. Our mindsets would be completely opposite.

I am a woman who believes that it costs a lot less to educate a person for free and give him/her a life than it does to send him/her to war, to die.
I am completely against war and the time, intelligence and billions of $$ spent on defense (or rather offense) , and think that all those resources need to be used towards health care and education instead."

oh dear, you are living in a cave
You do realize that the new healthcare bill just CREATED another Uniformed Military Health Service ? Maybe you should go read that bill (I won't say again, because it is obvious you didnt read it at all for a first time)
 ipiano
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 275
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/28/2012 9:16:15 PM
My ex husband was military when we met and married. I packed him up and sent him to Iraq for a year. I was faithful but he found a nice little medic to keep him "entertained" while he was over there.

After that, he never really could keep it in his pants and stay faithful, so I had to cut him loose.

I would have to think long and hard before getting into another relationship with a military man, just because of what I already know.
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