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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...      Home login  
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 Lux_Interior
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 26
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
^^^

What I do verbatim. Still get the whys, though. Which makes me come up with a specific reason: Because I am expected to explain the unexplainable. BYE!
 windsong
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 27
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:33:09 PM
JUST TELL THEM UP FRONT ,"YOU ARE NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED" THATS IT..CUT AND DRIED....BY NO MEANS LEAD THEM ON,OR SOME NUTS OUT THERE WILL STALK YOU....
 keystoneskiman
Joined: 7/28/2005
Msg: 28
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:49:14 PM

I finally worked up the nerve and sent him a thoughtful email (was too chicken to do it on the phone) and he responded alot more positively than I thought he would.


Jaya4cd, finally a woman who gets it! A woman who's just honest when she's not interested earns our respect every time.

The Write Guy, you made some good points and speak for a lot of us.
 ronscons
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 29
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:15:24 PM
Never tell them you are too busy- thats a lie and maybe leaves things open when "you are not so busy"- just tell them you are not interested- do not string them along- but I have a question for all- I got very interested in someone a while ago and they told me in no uncertain terms that they were not interested- now we meet and have done for many months in a group of people that gets together nearly every week and she is always flirting with me etc- it is definite flirting- the looks, primping etc- she doesn't do it with anybody else- I am still interested- should I approach? - or is this some kind of female game? or what?
 Mojo_LA
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 30
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 3:44:19 PM
I think it partly depends on if you're telling someone who has emailed you or someone who is standing in front of you live and in person.

With email, it's easy to just write back "thanks for the offer, but I'm looking for someone I feel a little more compatable with." Try to use positive statements like that, as opposed to "sorry you're not my type;" it helps soften the blow.

If someone is asking you out in the "real world," obviously it's harder to reject people. You can always make it easy on everyone and lie and say "you're sweet but I have a boyfriend, sorry."

Or just look them in the face, pause, and then laugh hysterically saying, "you're funny!"

Repeat as many times as they ask you.
 sir_tain_man
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 31
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 5:46:04 PM
Hmmm, interesting topic

I would prefer to be told the truth, if you want you can sweeten it up by saying something like this: "you are a great guy, but I just don't feel any chemistry"

On the other hand, I am guilty of ending a relationship in less honest way, just simply let it pass, talked for a bit, but didn't arrange another date. She didn't insist, if she was I had an answer ready, would say that she is a great girl, just there was no magic between us
 AngelSherry
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 32
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 5:58:44 PM
Well nine out ten times the guy asking me out that I don't want to go out with is a lot younger than me. So I politely tell them, "I'm sorry but your a bit too young for me."

Fifty percent of the time it actually works nicely because then when they find out how old i really am, they actually smile and don't look dejected. The other 50 percent ends up with me having to then say, "I'm sorry but I never rush into sex" and then they just run like hell. LOL
 fsbo30906
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 33
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 6:04:13 PM
I think no response is a kind response to no interest. These replies all optional. But if they ask, I usually say that I'm sorry, but I don't feel we are a good match and wish them the best of luck in their search. Mutual interest is important to everyone.
 trubblemakr
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 34
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 6:13:15 PM
well ur on a dating site and ur turning down dates
thats an oxymoron. i can see declining sex or something but a simple date?
 SEENREAD
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 35
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 6:18:15 PM
Just say you're not interested and have no contact with him. Nice and clean.
 Torkidon
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 36
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/25/2006 6:49:10 PM
just tell them the truth you are not interested period and if you want say your reasons altho i dont recommend that as it will only make them try to change or hound you even more saying they did this or that for you.

Ive been told a few times myself when ive done the inital message that they were uninterested and thanked them politely and went on my way. To me thats just general good manners and ties up any loose ends immediately, its the tools who leave you hanging that annoy me altho its gotten to the point if i dont hear back in a day they get written off also.


Simply put do it right and do it quickly before a simple passing fancy becomes stalker'doms next prince.
 arctickristal
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 37
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:00:41 PM
I have no idea what is the gentle way to do it is.. Ive never been good at that . I take the chicken's way out and just avoid them.

Saying your just not interested in them that way sounds simple but it very rarely is .... because then they ask why .. and when you tell them they try to convince you otherwise and can get into a LONG discussion.
But on the other hand if you are cut and dry and do not leave room for discussion well then your considered a bi%ch . It's a lose lose situation.

In my experience the only time I have ever been able to tell a guy I was not interested in him romantically and still keep a friendship was when the friendship was already there to begin with ..otherwise it's all shot to hell
 wpg_chick_84
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 38
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/26/2006 10:38:27 PM
Just be as honest and polite about it as possible. Also, if it's someone you've met in person, do it over the phone or in person, not through IM or e-mail. This applies to people you've been seeing for a long time or someone you've just met!
 aims1225
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 39
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:46:32 AM
I have to say I am really glad I posted this thread. It was my first time in a forum and I was getting a little disappointed when no one was responding to the topic. But, once people started sharing on this 'taboo' sorta uncomfortable topic, the flood gates opened and there were so many great responses. While there is no one in particular that I am referring to, the situation has come up, and I see it has come up for men and women, both. I have been on both the giving and the receiving end and its never easy, i guess. As for this being a dating site and it being an oxymoron to refuse dates, its silly to think that a person is going to go on a date every single time they are asked, there is so much more involved, and jeez! that would be one hell of a social life! Thanks all!
 will_nevergiveup
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 40
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:16:51 AM
I believe in the "oreo" method for most of my social dealings. There's no reason to be hurtful and it's easy to graciously decline. Everyone has great characteristics--but not what I'm looking for--those wonderful characteristics need to be pointed out when gently declining a date.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 41
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:42:05 AM
wow...Am I going after friendship the wrong way? Just because I like male friends doesn't mean I'm going to bed with them. In any case, it's friends first, and relationship later. I can say I've met one that I totally had to say "I see no connection" because he never wanted to do anything or go anywheres together. All he talked about was his past girlfriends, said he could dance and absolutely couldn't. Up North, I'd say I knew several guys that weren't sex partners. Why do people just look at pictures and even if you have stuff in common decide they would rather be alone than share the experience???
 Dru
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 42
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:50:58 AM
Persistance is awesome, but not when it's un-welcome. So I can't fault a person for trying. I'll start off being polite. I give them time to figure out that it isn't going to happen. For those that don't get the hint, I steadily get more and more rude, always giving time after each escalation of rudness for them to get the hint. Eventually I'll just become extremely mean and nasty and then they cry and walk away. But it would take over a month of persitancey for me to get mean enough to make them cry.
 JasmineKai
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 43
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:30:11 AM
I always think I'm doing it in a nice way. But invariably there is the "why." Do you really want to know? And then if I go and tell them the why, they ARGUE with me. For instance someone came up to me while I was waiting for the metro train the other day. Talked it up with me a bit. Which was cool...just waiting anway. Then asked me out. But they were about 50? Guessing. And I just wasn't interested. And I told them so. And they tried to present an argument. Like we're in a debate and maybe if they explain enough I'll change my mind. Sorry no. I was polite, respectful and by the time the train pulled up they were exasperated. "Why not???" "Give me one good reason?" I just did, and in a minute I'm going to stomp on your foot and leave you hobbled. I wear heels for a reason.
 killerdogsmooch
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 44
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:37:59 AM
You say, "I am sorry, but I am not interested to pursue friendship, dating, etc., thank you though.".
 unanicegirl
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 45
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:14:31 AM
I think that honesty is the best policy. If not, someone wil get hurt. The longer you wait, the more hope you give that person. Just have the balls to be honest, but tactful. I had to do it. It's not easy, but it would have been tacky to run out of the church in my white dress.

I went out on (1) one date with this guy, he called me 3x times the next day, generally I wouldn't have thought anything wrong about it. Except that he asked me every single time; if I like him and how I felt about him. This freaked me out. Honestly, it was an ok time...I had to gather my thoughts and feelings about this guy. I don't judge people by first impression it takes at least 3 dates to know if I want to continue or pursue a relationship. But, he really made me feel uneasy. So, I continued to talk to him for about a week...you knowgiving him the benefit of my doubt. But, my feelings did not change so I did it when he asked me out for the second date. He was indignant and said he would find someone better on the dating site. I agreed with him and said, "I am sure that you will". And that was it.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 46
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:24:43 AM
what does it mean if they say.. at this moment, i'm not interested

then they say it again. at this moment... i'm not interested!!

then a few months later, they want to hang out, and say they miss you? after being well aware that you were head over heals for them!!! and probably killed it with flowers after the first date oops

if someone could answer would be a big help

to elaborate on this thread though i'd say yep, just say look i'm sorry, but i'm not interested

nice and easy.

to the girl who says you should say 'pull my finger' and then block them. you suck.
 Dru
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 47
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:29:22 AM
When someone is telling you "not at this moment", it means yeah I like you lets give it a try, I just can't right now for a number of possible reasons. Such as, they are seeing someone now, they are really interested in someone else now, they have a psycho ex stalking them and don't want you to get involved in it, etc....
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 48
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:56:20 PM
i'm hoping thats it !! this girls amazing
 Mattster
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 49
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:17:33 AM
duh....how about honesty?
 aims1225
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 50
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/30/2006 7:29:01 PM
Well, Mattster, honesty is the obvious answer. The purpose of my posting this thread was not so much to get an answer to this question but to allow some discussion of various sorts of individuals to see , in general, how people feel about it. Unfortunately, if you've read most of the replies, honesty does not get through to some people, and different degrees of honesty can be hurtful and unsettling. I agree in honesty, as well, but poor JasmineKai was being honest and the guy hitting on her was an obnoxious jerk...and Dru, that seems like pretty much on target why I've known people, myself included, to say, "not interested at this exact moment...", so Markontario, Good Luck in geting the girl! Sounds hopeful, I hope it works out great for you! But, Dru, do you think your politeness is giving them the idea that you're interested, and then they never get the hint? They might just think they met this polite, nice guy who, for no reason, started being rude and acting like a jerk, making them cry. Or do you actually TELL them you don't want to take it further? ...Why not just tell them, then you don't have to be rude enough to make them cry to get the hint...
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