| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 5:39:37 AM | I actually have a female friend who is the same way. She was with her hubby for years before they finally were married in 2001 and she's only since the last year had sex with him with her clothes off and the lights on (or daylight). She is absolutely gorgeous too and i thought woooooow,,why in the world?? Her thing was,,,her own self image. Didnt matter how many times her hubby told her how beautful she was or how much he loved her,,,,SHE didnt believe it in herself. For her,,,,she really wanted to work on this issue AND still feel comfy with herself so little by little,,,she'd remove an article of clothing of her choice and just do that for a few weeks till she felt comfy removing something else. She also said she went from having a nightlight on,,,,,,to candles,,,,to a low wattage lamp,,,to full light! lolol
Hang in there,,,and continue to be supportive of her. If you love her that much,,she will come around in her own time. Hey,,,,it could be worse! She could just not even like sex at all! | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 6:21:48 AM | Did she used to be very religious?
Take her to a sex therapist. Both of you should go. You'll probably find some help for things you didn't know you had "Hang ups" about too. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 6:44:03 AM | Maybe she has 3 boobs and is a bit embarresed!!
OT I take my hat off to you OP for respecting her wishes and staying with
her all this time. she's a lucky lady i think. | |
|
Titian
|
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 79 | |
| |
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 7:56:19 AM | I've tried so hard to help this woman appreciate herself the way I appreciate her but I fear it'll never change.
With some people, reassurance isn't enough, as it's often "blocked out" by the shell they've put themselves in. In these cases, it might be necessary to peel away that shell by addressing the underlying causes which prompted her to contruct it in the first place. Someone well versed in psychology can usually do this.
If I may make a suggestion friend, take yourself out of the equation and make it all about her.
relationships aren't all about one or the other, they're about both.
Also, I didn't see selfishness in the OPs post, but frustration over an unnecessary obstacle. Her issues are not just restricted to her, they're also affecting him. When one person's emotional issues effect a relationship, the other person has a right to speak up about it. From his post, that seems to be just what he did. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 7:58:53 AM | Thanks to all for the input and advice, I didn't think I'd get much response but I'm glad I did and the suggestions have been helpful. For that I'm appreciative.
Evermind, I feel I have to reply to your post specifically, however.
This is NOT about ME. This isn't even about sex, per se. It's about trust. I know this is more about her than any of my concerns/desires but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect me at all. There is no "madness behind my method", I don't pressure her, I have NEVER tried to coerce or manipulate her into an uncomfortable situation, I haven't even pressed the issue in conversation - she knows she has a hang-up, she's brought it up herself more than a few times. And even if I bring it up in conversation, should we not as a couple discuss those things that affect the both of us?
I'm not trying to create any sexual tensions. I can honestly credit myself with a level of patience and understanding that most guys would lack - and that's because I care a lot about this woman. However, not being able to share that level of intimacy is hard - until you've been there, it's difficult to understand what it's like to:
Have to look away when she's coming out of the shower.
Have her always change in a separate room.
Have her never go to the beach.
Have to leave a tent so she can change when we're camping.
The list goes on and on...
And it's difficult - it's just bloody difficult. And there's no history of sexual abuse here, she's just very self-conscious. Extremely self-conscious.
Most importantly, though - there is NO underlying motive here; as Evermind said in his latest post. That's just completely inaccurate. Any reference to a past relationship's sexual chemistry was simply meant to show that this is really new to me, it's totally different, I may miss the "oompf" factor - but I'm still here.
Thanks again for the suggestions. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 8:10:10 AM |
Why havent you bought blackout curtains to have sex any time of the day!
Aluminum foil taped over the windows works great, particularly on short notice... | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 9:12:24 AM | my sister had bulemia, and when my mom found out she made her go see a shrink. the reason she had bulemia was for that reason. she was insecure. what the therapist said to do was take a picture in the most provactative outfit she had and anylize it and point out the details of her body that she didnt like or needed work on and write them down. then YOU come in and anylize without looking at her paper what you love about her body then compare the 2 and she will loosen up a little. this kind of thing can lead to a detructive lifestyle that will end up creating a bad relationship and if you do end up getting married you will most likely have children who end up on the quirky side. not retarded but they may develope disorders also. but you need to get on her about it and not in a pushy way but just always compliment her on how good she looks in a different clothes or even colors specifically. this takes time and patience, but after 3 years i think you have that. be productive about it but also ask yourself: is the sex really that important in the relationship that i am willing to leave this wonderful person just because i cant look at her.
ask her about her past. did she have an abusive father or boyfriends. when did this insecurity start. you need to find out details and ask a professional.
good luck,
the wise man | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:08:32 AM | You could always go blindfolded....than she'll be happy because you can't see her and you'll be happy for pre-9pm sex....
Or you could just ambush her in the shower...
Or on a more serious note....You could start out by vocalizing what you love the most about her body....everytime you touch her in a certain place...tell her why you love that place and how much she turns you on....make her feel secure by hearing your words and not just feeling your touch. Pay extra attention to the areas that she's insecure with and maybe that will slowly give her the confidence to show herself to you..
Either that or ask her to seek therapy....There are alot of women that I've known that have this insecurity...and the whole vocalizing thing helped one them get a little more secure with herself. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:13:55 AM | Get her pregnant. She'll loose every speck of modesty after she's got those feet up in the stirrups, with dozens of people in and out of the room, and you gawking at um... well... you know... the 'place'.... 
(and whomever that was that asked if she was overweight, sometimes I just wanna kick people like that....)
Seriously though, she sounds like the insecurity she feels is just as painful for her as it is for you. Yes, I admire you too, for keeping the relationship happy and healthy around her needs, but your needs are lacking here too. You didnt say if she doesnt like to be touched intimately in the daylight, just that she doesnt want you actually 'looking' at her body. Unfortunately, men are so visually stimulated. Have you asked HER how best to cope with your needs and how she would suggest expanding on it? Make sure she doesnt feel she's being taken advantage of. Or suggest she explore fantasies in a way that she can disassociate herself. No, i'm not suggesting she don a wig and strange clothes and pretend to be Falita the go-go dancer.. hey, wait.. thats not a bad idea (writing that one down)..... | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/26/2006 11:38:52 AM | Nothing you say or do will really help. She has to be comfortable with herself and love herself. If she is that insecure with herself, it will be hard.
You can tell her how beautiful and sexy she is until you are blue in the face, but until she believes that for herself...nothing will change. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/27/2006 4:44:53 AM | | Ah, such comedy in tragedy....The funny part is, you will have to accept her as she is, until she changes , or leave her. Time heals all...but wasn't the victorian era just a few years ago, with sheet designed with holes sewn into them? Bathing suits covering all? Ankles considered sexy? Even well into the 1950's men rarely, if ever saw their wives without make-up, bras and girdles (and other armor) Men being more visual, I can understand your frustration, but I am sure you would say you love her mind as much as her body. Maybe you can help her to accept herself, but don't expect a miracle overnite, if ever. Some people are just modest by nature. Will you stay if she does not, can not change? That is YOUR question. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/27/2006 5:05:24 AM | | I think after 3 years she is not going to change by now . I think she needs someone els to talk to her first, then if that does,t work, then it,s time for you to find the kind of mate that you are looking for . I think it is important to be happy in your relationship, if you are not, then you will always be looking at other women to fill that empty space. Good luck | |
|
| |
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/29/2006 2:55:27 PM | | Alright ther wolfskshuntress. hmmm i think a clapper would have been a problem during sex... i can see it now *while they were having sex* CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP ( the sound of their 2 bodies smacking together) *lights turning on and off* hmmm for some reason that seems a bit odd now dosnt it :P | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/29/2006 3:06:08 PM | To Ever mind:
Thank You kind sir--My late husband never saw me naked for 13
years and never once ****ed about it. No, Fellow POF'ers I don't need no freakin
shrink. I am what I am-Love me or leave me.
To the OP, at least you're gettin some from someone that luvs you,
Some guys aren't!!!!~~~~ | |
|
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 92 | |
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/29/2006 4:23:13 PM | | Was just thinking. If you wait long enough, you probably wouldn't want to see her naked .. or option 2, feed her to the point that you wouldn't want to see her naked. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/29/2006 4:53:42 PM | This reminds me of that movie 'M. Butterfly' which was based on a true story
of a french diplomat who spent 20 yrs being sexually involved with a man who
made him believe he was a woman because he never saw "her" naked.
Seems unbelievable. | |
|
| |
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/29/2006 5:37:09 PM | | Man, you have the patience of a saint! But, it appears to me that your girlfriend has a real problem that she, nor you, are able to overcome. You deserve a medal for being so patient, but maybe it is time for professional intervention. Trying to tell her how you feel may result in putting more pressure on her, which I'm sure you don't want to do. Try to get her to go with you to see a counselor to help with this problem. Let her know you will be by her side for support. Good luck | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/29/2006 6:02:00 PM |
Kimmaranclh said: You could always go blindfolded....
That would be AWESOME... I mean... that aught to work... for you guys I mean. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:05:44 AM | | Therapy. She needs therapy. It probably has something to do with her upbringing. I was raised in a very non-sexual (not talked about) chaste home. For years I was so self-concious. It wasn't until I was about 40 that I got over it. Now, I walked around naked and have learned to appreciate it all, the scars, the marks, etc. It makes me who I am. When you have talked to her about it what does she say? | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:16:31 AM | | My aunt and uncle now have four sons and my uncle says he has never seen my aunt naked once. They have been married about 25 years now | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:47:26 AM | Man, this is a tough one. My initial reaction was to recommend counseling. Then I began reading all the other posters and what they had to say and it's obvious you don't need to hear it again.
For you this must be agonizing. I feel for you friend. I do applaud you though for your patience and understanding.
I wish you the best. | |
|
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/30/2006 7:23:00 AM | maybe get a clapper? .. clap-on ..
Evil.. I love it..lol
I read an article not too long ago on women that were molested as kids. Well it was said that, inspite of making up their minds on having sex with a man in the future, they could not tolerate men seeing them naked.Did something like that happen to her? You say she is very attractive, so why is she insecure?You need to know about her past before you go any further.Goodluck again!Don't worry, I'm sure she will be fine.Every problem has a solution.Just stay positive.
I have to agree with Flavia on this one. I think that this issue goes deeper than her not liking how her body looks. Maybe you should just continue to be supportive but try to get her to open up a little and find out why she is so insecure. Could it be that she was raped or that something happened in her life to make her not want to be seen in the light? I think that she isn't levelling with you on the true origin of this.
OP
 | |
|
Home
login 
