| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 6/30/2006 7:23:52 AM | | What does clothing on/clothing off make that big of a deal to you? If she is that important to you, you'll learn to accept this and adapt to it. It could be much worse. Relax, and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and your relationship. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 8:44:51 AM |
What does clothing on/clothing off make that big of a deal to you? If she is that important to you, you'll learn to accept this and adapt to it. It could be much worse. Relax, and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and your relationship. - Mattster(d1981895)
Wow. That is unbelievably bad advice. What do you mean "putting so much pressure" on things? The guy's stuck it out for three years. Sure, that's putting pressure on things and mvoing too fast ... if you're a glacier.
To the OP:
You've been very patient, and very loving, as most of the women on the forum - who generally have a nose for BS when they hear it - have acknowledged. I think that's commendable, and worthy of praise.
But I also think it's time for her to take some steps. There has already been some good advice in this thread. There may be sexual trauma in her past, or other reasons for her poor self image. She really needs to seek professional help. I would NOT "get her drunk" or whatever somebody suggested, because this isn't something that a drunken weekend is going to solve. It's a serious problem.
If she is NOT willing to seek that sort of help, as painful as it sounds, I'd seriously start thinking about ending the relationship. That's just my opinion, but a relationship is a two-way street, and when someone isn't willing to meet you halfway, that's a serious statement about the relationship. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 8:46:22 AM | Scrap the psychiatry this is for the chemically challenged. She might have some trust issues. Don't try to coax her into therapy. Seek it out your self beginning with your doctor leading to sex therapist. Take the tools you learn and apply. In time introduce her to the idea of couples councilling. They do not throw you in the room together in the beginning. (as some think)
Try arousing her in a place she/ you have not tried befor. Park for instance. A thrill in the middle of the day. Take it to a point whare you are all over each other as soon as you walk in the door. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 8:51:36 AM | There's some good adivce on here, much of which I agree with.
1st off, you need to have a talk with her, and see if she's willing to get help. (counseling, etc) She obviously has a lot of insecurities, and issues.
2nd, if she's not, you need to let her go, and move on. No one's ready to get married, untill they're emotionally healthy, and she's obviously not. Don't expect her to suddenly change if you get married, cause she won't.
Bottom line: if she doesn't improve, &/or isn't willing to get help, let her go, and don't come back utill she's better. I know it's hard, but, it's better for both of you in the long run.
Good luck, and God Bless. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:06:36 AM | | 3 YEARS!!!!!!!! That is ridiculous!!!! It is a shame about her insecurities, but you need to enjoy life too and having great sex is the best part of life!!! Especially spontanious sex, just whenever and wherever the mood strikes you. She is SO LUCKY to have you....I am still looking for that "special" someone that wants to have a relationship at all.... let alone great sex!! Good Luck to you... | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:16:39 AM | | Am I the only one wondering why this guy is on a dating site and says he has a girlfriend of three years. And you really wonder why she feels insecure? Hmmmm..... | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:32:34 AM | ^^^ I would be inclined to say it was a Troll. Way too many holes and inconsistancies in that story. 3 years? Please, as described in the OP the woman is a headcase, and even the most patient of saints wouldn't deal with that brand of craziness for 3 years without thinking to suggest professional help. What is bizarre (and seems to be happening alot the last few days), are the number of long dead threads being ressurected back to life. Is it cuz Halloween is so close?
Have fun ;)! | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:32:50 AM | I would ask if she has seen him naked and suggest that maybe it's him she doesn't want to see.
Just a thought javascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') | |
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Kiyana
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Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 113 | |
| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 10/3/2006 10:41:54 AM | You need to communicate this with her...in a time and place where she doesnt feel pressured or on the spot - which can be tough to do. She is obviously too hard on herself for some reason. Perhaps ask casually ask her sometime why she prefers the dark and to hide her gorgeous body. Then leave it alone, bide some time, and let your interest in knowing sink in without it feeling like its an answer you expect right away. You seem to care and want to help her so this might be a very un-intrusive manner to at least BEGIN approaching it.
Maybe after some time, ask if you an light 'a' (one) small candle...tell her you love the mood that shadows play on the walls and the way the light flickers in her eyes. Perhaps over more time this can become a ritual...and break open a pathway for more evaluation and effort to have other interactions outside of dark hours range.
what I wouldnt do...is feed her TOO much in compliments hoping it will alleviate her anxiety. People who tend to be this insecure want NO attention focused on their insecurities (good or bad)...but still need the positive reinforcement. So compliment something lower key, something that she already likes about herself, and keep it at that until such a time you can slowly feed in more reinforcements on the things YOU like about her.
Patterns are tough to break - she might have very good reasons in her past about her insecurities...but after three years, I would think some of them would have ccome up in some form for discussion.
good luck, hope someone on here gives you a sense of hope in their advice. in the meantime continue loving her and cherishing her and if shes really great, dont let her go - work through this with her.
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 6:44:18 AM | This is going to be a really weird response, not saying its your case at all, but it just reminded me of this.
There was a couple that made news in my small hometown of ontario. They were living together, and the guy would only make love in the dark, he said that it was because he was burned when he was a child and he didnt like the way it looked. For 2 years they did this, meinwhile the guy was very abusive physically, and demanding, and one night it resorted to a fight where the guy ended up being stabbed, and when he went to the hospital, they noticed.. oh.... it was a woman afterall! egad!
So amazing what you miss in the dark.
Has your gf told you what youre not looking at? Personally, I wouldnt sleep with anyone who's body I couldnt see. Even for the obvious reason as , if theres herpes/warts there, I want to know before I go. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate of 'giving yourself to someone'. Shes apparently refusing to give you her trust. Dont overlook that. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:41:17 AM | | Folly! I can't believe none of you girls know somebody like this......i know loads! Girls are delicate creatures and no matter how much you reassure them they always think your not gonna like them for their cellulite, stretch marks, lumps and bumps, wobbly bits and muffin tops!!!! Of course the more confident of us girls know that men definately aren't even looking at any of those things!!!!!! But saying she needs a psychiatrist, psychologist, counceller or any other kind of therapist.....RUBBISH! If that were true then at least half of the female population would need councelling too! And although it's people who are overweight who suffer from this problem most iv'e known girls little more than a size 8 to feel this way. It's a woman thing! It is also an age thing, as we get older we tend to think "what the hell, i am who i am". Just keep telling her she is beautiful and sexy as she is and how you'd really like to see her when she's with you intimately and you'd really get off on this. Also remind her that as you've been with her for 3 years now, you have a pretty good idea of what is under the clothes anyway. If she's a size 14 with clothes, she's hardly gonna shrink to a size 10 when naked! (unless she wears big clothes but you know what i mean!), you also must have felt her body through her clothes. Even in the dark u'll hav e a pretty good idea of her flaws. Just tell her you know what her body is like and it's okay, you love it! You could try using props, such as a thin sheet then half way through just "accidently" let it slip and watch her reaction, chances are she'll be having so much fun she won't even notice! Also somebody mentioned using candles which is really good, or a lamp with a soft bulb. The dim light is really flattering and creates a romantic and non threatening atmosphere. I was a little insecure after having my 2 children and gaining 3 stone but my ex did all the things iv'e mentioned and it worked! I now don't care who see's me naked now. The key is patience, never push the issue. The common sense side of me now says that my partner (when i have one) already knows i'm not a size 10 and if they didn't like it they wouldn't date me in the 1st place! | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:48:37 AM | | I also don't think you should "move on" from a woman you clearly love just because she has a problem, as suggested in some of the posts. You solve it together, that is what love is about. You don't run at the 1st sign of trouble! | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 7:58:07 AM | Go see the play Maddam Butterfly- there are stranger things. Light a candle then two then three. Good luck . Litlle wine in her grape juice will help.   | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 8:11:24 AM | | I waited 10 years for someone to get past some of their hang ups and it just never happened. Like anything else, the individual has to commit making these changes...they have to WANT to do it. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 8:59:36 AM | Well grasshopper when the day comes that you finally GROW UP you will learn to accept your GF for who she is and PATIENTLY hope for better things. You don't love this gal. If you did you wouldn't be making such a big deal out of this. I'd love to hear what your GF has to say about YOUR insecurities. Bet they are doozies. What a joke  | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:31:44 AM | | There are alot of women that have this problem,, not only because of thier body perhaps but other reasons sometimes they cant and wont talk about.. So as long as you get the sex and get where you want be happy,, what about the guys that have a girlfried or wife that dont give them sex at all.. count yourself lucky.. and dont worry about the cloths,, sometimes it makes it sexier to wonder.. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:59:34 AM | And you admitted that on a public message board? 86 her before she makes you jump off a bridge! By the way, if you have a g/f of 3 yrs, what the hell are you doing here anyway?
djL | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 10:14:59 AM | He's been gone for ages......so um.....it's a moot point really......
Plus, lots of people are in the forums whom are not interested in dating etc......the judgment's not really yours to make.....don't ya think? | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 12:55:17 PM | Maybe she has something about her that she is afraid you'll see in the light. I have this beauty mark on my foot that looks like a freckle and i swear i get sooo nervous the first time any of my new boyfriends see it. i know thats stupid and its not hideous its actually really cute ive been told but i never know if a guys gonna be like WHATS THAT? lol so maybe thats the deal with her. I mean she obviously doesnt mind being touched by you (?) so it seems like she is dealing with something visual. And yes, we girls are soooo concerned about every little angle or inch of fat on us infront of you guys. I actually noticed my boyfriend that ive been dating for only a month got a little self conscious the other day when we were together because he thinks hes gaining weight and i thought it was really cute but just hugged him, seemed to make him feel better, plus telling him randomly how sexy he is and touching him where he may feel vulnerable but doing it with a hey i think youre sexy attitude helps too.
Good luck and hope it all works out! | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:48:34 PM | [I also don't think you should "move on" from a woman you clearly love just because she has a problem, as suggested in some of the posts. You solve it together, that is what love is about. You don't run at the 1st sign of trouble!]-claire2282
OMG! I cannot believe I had to sift through 5 pages to find a poster with some common sense. And I also
agree that it is absurd to suggest counselling/or psychiatric help, over something this trivial. (also, based
on personal experience, doctors will often refuse what they see as a frivolous referral to a specialist,
which means that medic al insurance will probably not cover it) People's shallowness absolutely stuns
me, sometimes! If someone wanted to dump me for such a stupid, trivial reason, I'd say "don't let the
door hit you on the a$$ on your way out, bone-head!"
I am not as bad as this poor girl, but it takes months for me to feel comfortable being naked in the
light, even after becoming intimate with someone. It's fairly minor & no big deal, IMO. | |
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