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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/24/2008 10:53:08 PM | I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that most times we see every imperfection on our own bodies magnified to such an extreme that it's almost impossible for us to imagine someone will accept us with those imperfections. The more we love the person the worse the fear of scaring them off and losing them becomes. When we're not happy with ourself, how can we expect anyone else to be?
I'd say that the trick is to calmly talk about it and to point out on a constant basis how beautiful you think the person is, inside as well as out. Maybe point out some of your own imperfections to ease their mind that no one is perfect and that hopefully they won't leave you because of what they see just as you'd never leave them. Compliment them continually and gradually encourage them to expose more and more until they're comfortable enough to be totally naked. With time and patience I believe the person would come around because it's also a matter of trusting that the person doing the talking is sincere in what they're saying. Once they're able to experience it, it will become easier and easier until they totally enjoy it as much as you do.
I've heard that even though we see our imperfections magnified to a degree that we can't miss them because they stand out like neon signs to us....that when someones really into us especially during sex, they're blind to them. And if they do see them they matter not if the love is strong and for all the right reasons.  | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/24/2008 11:34:50 PM | Sucks to be you!
sorry...couldn't help but think of my mate Bob in Oz....
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Bob's in bed with his Thai girlfriend.
After having a great shag, she spends the next hour just stroking his member, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?'
She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.
************************************************************
Moral of this tale?....well turn the lights on and take a good look....and be prepared for what you might or might not see! | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:37:41 AM | My mother frequently 'bragged' that she had never undressed in front of our father (her husband)--this was her best shot at imparting wisdom to her children. Maybe your GF was raised in such a household and never questioned the rationale.
Why don't you start lovemaking in the middle of the dark--around 4 or 5 AM...and let it continue until 7 or 8...when the sun is high...this way you have fairy-tale awakening for both of you, discovering each other...naked.
Another aid is a book, "And They Were Not Ashamed"...coursework for marriage intimacy, with well-defined exercises. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:47:56 AM | I read 3 sentences, and then realized this is a "Trade in your own model and ring in the new year! 2009 Models available now! Lease to own!".
Freaky, and I don't mean in the good way.
Keep her or don't.
Easy answer right there. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:45:00 AM | Tie her up during sex, then turn the lights on 
Just kidding 
What effort has she made to overcome this? Has she tried and gets too scared or just point blank refuses to make any effort? She either makes at least a token effort and you build up to it by pushing her a little past her confort zone every time, or she makes no effort and you'll have to get her to see a therapist.
Or you buy a dimmer switch and slowly turn it up a bit when she's not paying attention | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:51:06 AM | | I can't believe nobody's suggested this already (unless I missed it)...but have you considered blindfolding her? If you think about it, that's exactly what they do with frightened little critters to calm them. And it sounds like you've got one gunshy girlfriend. Go painstakingly slowly. Ask her, repeatedly, and at length, if how it feels as you caress her in various ways/places. "Is this alright [pet name]? Does it feel good?" (just questions that require a yes/no response so she doesn't have to fire up her brain too much and risk realising what is happenening to her). Coax her to respond. Whisper throatily into her ear. Tell her you adore her. Tell how beautiful she is beautiful to you. Tell her specific things about her body that drive you crazy. Kiss her softly to keep her thoughts occupied while you caress her with your hands and body. Walk her though everything you do with throaty whispers in her ear so your voice is all she hears. And in addition to that, maybe turn on some music to help her disassociate enough to forget to overthink things, and instead just *feel*. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:16:16 AM | I must comment on the irony of this: that plus-size chickies like me and lots of my peers are completely comfortable being naked and havin' all kinds of fun, yet some of my skinny, "perfect", model-ly peers can't bear to have ANYone see them unclothed.
Funny and ironical, ain't it. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:22:19 AM | Wow! That's a tough one! What about candle light...slowly adding more candles till she starts feeling more relaxed with the light.
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:47:06 AM | How it is possible to have sex... and NOT see someone naked. Is it pitch dark in the room? I'm thinkin missionary with eyes closed is the only thing going on here. That's really borin'.. for both people.
I didn't read the thread, just responding to the OP.
I suggest having a bubble bath (LOTS of bubbles), with only one candle (small one) and you sit behind her and just hold her until she feels relaxed. Maybe wear bathing suits to start with...Wash her hair, wash her arms... somewhere that isn't a "sexually" charged area. Let her set the pace. You may have to do this several times. Make it all about just BEING together. NO SEX. Don't tell her why other han you want to spend some cuddle time.
Massage her or apply lotion.. start with doing it with clothes on(not the lotion), then maybe just a towel. until she get's used to being relaxed in her body with you around. Keep the room dark, but not invisible dark. NO SEX.
Spend time together doing things that require very little clothing... swimming, hiking...KEEP IT NON_SEXUAL.
If you can do this with patience and care.. I can guarantee that she will not only become more comfortable in her own body but she will also desire you more.. and you will become more intimate emotionally. Let her cry if that is her reaction to the attention... don't try to stop that or fix it. Just BE there.
If you are patient enough.. and able to convey that she doesn't have to be perfect to be desirable and sexy to you, that you think she already is incredibly sexy... and put no pressure on her.. she WILL relax and begin to loosen up a bit. If she doesn't then there are much more serious issues going on than just modesty or low self-image and you really need to support her in getting counselling.
P.S. get rid of any porn you have ... I doubt she can handle being compared to other women if she can't even undress in from of you. Not at this point.
Good luck | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:22:24 PM | If she's that messed up she needs counseling; she's not a whole person and people that arent' whole, make terrible partners.
Tell her she needs to talk to someone or get help or you need to leave. This is strange/mental behavior and anyone this insecure is eventually going to cause a ton of problems. Your part of the problem too if you dont do something about it. This is strange. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:18:55 PM | My question would be why somebody would stick around for 3 years of this? I don't care how "amazing" somebody is. If they're that insecure, I'm not investing myself in a relationship.
I dated a girl once that was like this. Wouldn't do anything unless it was completely dark. And she, too, was really hot.
It lasted all of a month before I got sick of it and moved on. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:34:25 PM | Reminds me of my ex sister inlaw... I never felt so alone in a room as when I was sitting in the room with her. Very strange... When she and my brother inlaw at the time started out he would write and it sounded like he felt that he protecting her from some childhood trauma... I was about to advise him to think about it before he married her and the next thing that I knew... they were getting married. Three children later and a lot of life there...I heard that she has had a break down or two... I don't fault her for he was/is a very demanding, pushy husband. I don't believe that its worth all that. She should seek advice with or without you and if nothing changes...you should move on.
Best wishes to the both of you.  | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:06:22 PM | | Bottom line is that you can't "fix" other people as much as we'd all like to be able to. Unless/until they're ready to "fix" themselves, there's nothing you can do. You can try suggesting counseling but that's kind of risky. She could withdraw more. | |
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svj2
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Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 219 | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:41:07 AM | | ya, congrat on hanging in for this long without seeing her naked... ya, haven to wait til 9pm and have lights off every time have sex would get annoying and would get sick of it.. but ya she may have issues deeper then you know, if she cant talk to you about them then she should get professional help... if she refuses to get that help or even wit it nothing has changed... then its up to you if want to continue to stay since you already been with her this long or leave her.. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:33:10 PM | | well it's been 3 yrs and u haven't made any progress in the relationship field so maybe she is waiting on u to reach ur "breaking point"so the man who doesn't have issues with true committment besides saying yes I think ur sexy now come lay with me will come along and I am guessing she won't have a problem getting naked around him?What do u think?If she has such issues then pls tell me why u r sleeping with her to begin with? | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:59:28 AM | | well I understand her fears. After I had a baby My ex husband made me feel so bad about the way I looked it has caused me much pain over the years and that was 19 years ago. It is the fear of rejection that is more than likely causing this. Sometimes peoples words can harm you much more than is realized. She may never get over this With so much pressure from men and society to be so Thin and perfect it is hard to be naked when you aren't what you think is expected. | |
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| 3 Years - Never Seen My Girlfriend Naked
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:13:49 PM | DUDE! does she/he have a penis? maybe she/he has more to hide! this person is hurting inside! put your****down and look at the real issue here, she has the issue and maybe needs to do more inner work before you decide to move any more lateral in the relationship. | |
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