| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:06:34 AM | You're a woman. If you want to see somebody on a webcam, you're being cautious, intelligent and reasonable by wanting to see someone on a webcam prior to going out on a date. He was a jerk for not readily agreeing.
Now, if you were a MAN, it would be shallow, and all you care about is physical appearance, and any woman who naturally be cautious, intelligent and reasonable for refusing to go out with you.
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:15:17 AM | I don't have a web cam...
It has not been an issue.
I suppose if I could aquire one, but since I hate being in pictures, it would not be my first choice.
Anyone that has taken enough time to get to know me would know that I am the real thing, so it is unlikely that she woould be worrying about wether the guy in the pic was me.
Still, I would never belittle someone for asking. I can appreciate the curiosity.
T_M | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:15:37 AM | | ahh boulderdas!h if you can't read into a profile and what new pics are as opposed to old outdated ones you shouldn't be online dating to begin with, and what kind of double standard jibberish was that you were spewing about how if a guy wants to cam it's shallow but if a woman wants it it's just safety and not shallow eh' I disagree with your whole presentation sorry bout that | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:12:41 AM | ^^^^^^^^Here's the deal: I have done this for over 6 years. In all of that time, I've been extremely fortunate. HOWEVER ~ pictures do not "present" or "represent" accurately. I don't want to "verify" who someone is, I want to feel comfortable when I walk into a strange situation with a total stranger. A webcam is a tool, nothing more, nothing less. I don't cyber via webcam and would not indulge someone else who did ~ I do however, feel the need to be as comfortable as possible because dating (especially first dates) is uncomfortable ~ going on a first date without an idea in the world as to his mannerisms/body language/etc. is just too iffy. I tend to require a LOT of time (months usually) before I actually meet someone, so what usually happens is there are "date nights" on camera before an actual date. That can be fun, and very telling of "who" that person is. I appreciate that some people just don't like cams ~ I just wouldn't date one of those people. JMO!!!
Molonel: I agree. It's another double standard. For me ~ I don't get creeped out when someone wants to chat via cam ~ it's only when they want to chat via cam after a 25 second IM and they preface it with "so, what are you wearing????"  "Silly me, I forgot ~ the webcam got lost in the move. Buh-bye!!!!!" | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:15:13 AM | Being as I don't stand at the door of my favorite club alerting everyone to turn on their webcams before I enter, nah, it's not that important to me. OKOK, I get what you're saying, but not to the degree that you expressed it. And not only that, but first you speak of wanting to know what he looks like and having the ability to read his body language via a web cam (oh, lol), but then you speak of being a cautious person, as though seeing him on cam will be what you need to know to calm whatever fears you're experiencing. Which is the real issue?
Looks ain't everything, and wolves don't always look like wolves. Think Ted Bundy.
PS: I say this as someone that has only cammed with others only a few times in my 5 years online, and STILL got fooled big time. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:44:47 AM | | It's all of those things. I date long distance most often (different states being that I am geographically challenged where I live) so there are issues for me that you may not encounter. I also do background checks ~ may not be how you do it, but it's how I do it. To each their own. That's too bad you've been fooled big time. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:53:05 AM | I also feel more comfortable with someone once I have chatted on cam with them. Feels a little more personal and not quite as awkward at the first meeting. I do not require it per say, but odds are more likely I will meet up with someone I have been on cam with. Not cybering, just chatting.
Shocked that soo many of you are soo against it...whats the big deal? | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:02:28 AM | | I think we are all shallow and deep its just how it is we cant eat foof that looks horable and why would we want to meet someone that dosnt do it for us its a small world and cans are 40.00 bucks lets get over it and its the same with pics ill answer a call but only if a pic is coming. sorry im a blaber mouth | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:08:37 AM | | People go on blind dates without chatting and emailing all the time. What's so different about online dating? I, for one, dont use the internet outside of work and I cant mount a cam on my work computer so I dont webcam with anyone. While I was in Iraq I did and I never had any problems. Even though I wouldn't blame a woman for wanting to see a guy before a meeting I feel a man should be able to ask a woman to cam before meeting as well. I myself wouldn't care. I've met women from POF without camming and I've been surprised that half of them did look like their pics. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:46:38 AM | i appricate everyones opinions, thanks my problem is i just don't trust people, i have been lied to lot of times, i love this site, i love talking to people, i just don't think i can meet anyone with out being close to 100% they are a decent person, i met my ex of the internet over a year ago, and he was everything he said he was, i loved him dearly before we even met, we talked for hours and hours every day, for about 2 months, then i went and met him and we were together for over a year, but then we just couldn't get along anymore. but we did web cam all the time, it made me alot comfortable, i am not shallow i know, i see the goodness in people, it just takes a while for me to trust, and when i asked that guy if we could get on cam, and he got all "i don't have to do that" it was like a total different person, he turned right weird, and i was like, "fug that" i know he is a creep now.
Thanks again everyone | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 2:05:26 PM | ^^^^
and i think THAT is the issue, trust issues suck and the poor weiner probably didn't want to deal with it, I suggest getting out of online dating and into therapy to deal with that trust issue[not a judgement] just if it really runs that deep I think a tune up is in order. I wouldn't deal with your trust issue I mean jeese .body language.? it's a FRIGGIN CUP OF COFFEE, you web cam folks are way way overthinking this thing it's like op said it is a trust issue... | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:49:43 PM | jamesdean55 wrote:
and i think THAT is the issue, trust issues suck and the poor weiner probably didn't want to deal with it, I suggest getting out of online dating and into therapy to deal with that trust issue[not a judgement] just if it really runs that deep I think a tune up is in order. I wouldn't deal with your trust issue I mean jeese .body language.? it's a FRIGGIN CUP OF COFFEE, you web cam folks are way way overthinking this thing it's like op said it is a trust issue..
i totally agree with that.
if you can't TRUST the person you are interested in, then why even consider chatting with them or meeting them in the first place?
it is no big deal to meet someone in a public place for a cup of coffee.
about the only argument i can empathize with here is Verygreeneyes because for her she is speaking of having to travel for a long distance relationship and that is certainly a lot more involved than driving across town for a cup of coffee.
but for me personally, no webcam time is needed. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 9:26:31 PM | Any idiot can say anything in text ..... and they often do.
I seldom speak to people more than once or twice if they *don't* have a cam. It has nothing to do with checking out the size of their ta-tas, or anything like that.
Is the person on cam the same person in the pics on the profile?
Does her body language match what she says in text/voice? etc etc etc
The worst example I can remember is one lady, about a year or so ago, who told me that she didn't have a cam because she didn't want to give her son idea.. Her son is 27, and hadn't been living at home for 8 years. Guess what? I never talked to her again. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 11:17:13 PM | | your right any idiot can say anything in a profile or in chat. but I happen to have brains enough to be a ble to figure out a con job and yeah maybe more than one pic might be a good idea and I agree that if it's to be a long distance drive, it does makes sense for that type of thing no doubt about it, but come on guy it's a FRIGGIN CUP OF COFFEE I can't say this enough, are you that worried about wasting 45 min.? IF it turns out they lied? I think you're limiting yourselves with this big time.. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 11:55:30 PM |
but come on guy it's a FRIGGIN CUP OF COFFEE I can't say this enough, are you that worried about wasting 45 min.? IF it turns out they lied? I think you're limiting yourselves with this big time..
Yes, it's a friggin cup of coffee .... but then again, I'm 6'2", and 210/220 lbs, so I dont' exactly have to spend a lot of time worrying about my physical safety, either. And yeah, I have better things to do than waste 45 minites with a liar, or somebody who's playing some other game.
It's still no guarentee .... but every little bit helps. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/27/2006 11:58:19 PM |
Now, if you were a MAN, it would be shallow
That's just plain wrong on so many levels.
No, I don't worry about my physical security - that's not an issue as it is with women.
But I also don't have any interest in spending my time with somebody who's lying and playing games, any more than a woman does - and if watching somebody's body language helps me avoid that, then so much the better. Being "shallow" has nothing to do with it, because I *don't* insist on it just to check out the quality of somebody's rack. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:01:44 AM |
PS: I say this as someone that has only cammed with others only a few times in my 5 years online, and STILL got fooled big time.
Maybe if you cammed more often - or more correctly, got the MEN on cam - you'd be fooled much LESS often. It has nothing to do with looks. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:03:38 AM |
People go on blind dates without chatting and emailing all the time. What's so different about online dating?
Blind dates are arranged by mutual friends, that nominally can vouch for the character of the person you're being set up with. BIG difference. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:06:52 AM |
if you can't TRUST the person you are interested in, then why even consider chatting with them or meeting them in the first place?
You have it WAAAAAAAAAY backwards. You can be VERY interested in somebody that you've never met before - happens all the time. That's why people ask others out on dates - becuase they ARE interested in them, but don't KNOW them.
And only an idiot would trust somebody they've never met before. Give them the benifit of the doubt? Certainly. but TRUST them? Not unless you had the IQ of a lobotomised cumquat, or were let out of the little red brick building on a day pass. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:10:48 AM | | I maintain there is a paranoia coming off you gorshkov I mean I understand about not wanting to be gamed on, I have been online dating for more than few months and I haven't been fooled yet, also I haven't noticed anyone even trying to fool me, they have all been pretty honest with me, and if you knew me I am A complete magnet for bs like that so I am surprised that you folks are being fooled by these people. I'm starting to wonder if it's the type of people you are attracting. but seriously you CAN tell from the profile to the im chats who is real and who aint I mean unless i'm just really gifted and you people aren't in this area, could be why I have no need for the damned thing... | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 6:15:02 AM | | ok this is getting a bit crazy, i am soooo glad i didnt go meet the freak that i was interested in, cause he started being very ummature and sending idiotic emails after i said i wanted to see him first on cam, so i blocked him anyways, so ya i though he was great i did want to meet him we were 2 hours apart, i am so very glad that i didn't. u just never know about people. girls have to be more cautious then men, cause women get rapped everyday, usually a man can could their own, that is the difference, so ya men are not going to be worried about cams, just in my own personal preference i want to see some one. i know people meet people all the time without one which is fine. every one is different, so you can't judge people on. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:07:10 AM | | Gorshkov-true. Blind dates are arranged but how many of your friends REALLY know the person you're going on the date with? I dont go on blind dates for the simple fact that I dont have time to waste and I dont trust my friends judgement. | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:23:04 AM | Well, I prefer NO webcam. I have seen too many videos of the little buddy, thanks! Odd how many men assume if I say yes to webcam it means I want to watch him jerk off or see him naked.
If there is enough interest to go beyone email and IM, I MEET for coffee. Far less chance of him whipping out Mr Happy in a public place! | |
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| wouldn't most want to web cam before meeting?
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:41:27 AM | | I agree with the Foxy one. To me, webcamming is rather intimate and akin to inviting someone into my home. I generally don't do that until i have met them. | |
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