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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:58:41 AM | My daughters were 2 and 4 when my x and his family managed to gain custody. It took me until they were 11 and 13 to get them back. I was awarded visitation rights and believe me never missed them. I found out later that his family had hired a lawyer that was a family friend of the judge and he was helping this particular lawyer work his way up...yada, yada, yada.
I thought something was up because there was proven abuse through the CPS, but somehow they conveniently lost the files when it came time to back me in court. This was after they told me to not allow my X to get near the girls, and that required me going against the judges orders for visitation at the time (during the divorce two visitations for both of us). This was the spring board for my eventual loss of custody.
My point? I agree...the system sucks badly and although percentage wise men get the raw end of the stick... it happens to women as well.
Luckily my kids are strong, spiritual, and came out of this mess alright. They have no doubt have/had some major scars on the inside. We are extremely close, but I fought for that...I never let it go. I did not bow down, I learned to work through it and took what I could get. Making every moment spent with them high quality...you know? It paid off...big time.
It's something that will never go away...the "hole" in my heart will never be healed completely. I will never be rid of the guilt that I have...no matter the circumstances...I let them down. I've gotta live with that...
When I did get custody of them in their teen years...they were a mess and my second marriage paid the price...I have a son from that one and he has always lived with his father, by choice and circumstance...that was the right decision and one made mutually...but still painful. We too are very, very close......never, ever give up !
My girls are now 22 and 24, with kids of thier own, really awesome kids. My oldest is going through a divorce (go figure !), and is having a tough time...I am there, for support, for a hug, a shoulder, a safe place to gather yourself for the next battle. Hardest thing in the world is to watch as they go through thier struggles...they have to. We all did and still do. Can't do it for them.
Anyway...that is part of my story. I survived...use the time to better yourself so your ready when the time comes. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 2:01:57 AM | | I see no reason for this lady to get psychological help,what are you a shrink? don't think so.....everyone is so quick to judge,why not offer her all the expert knowledge you all so happily seem to like to mention instead of saying she withholding this or that..... SHE IS ASKING FOR HELP,maybe yes she's left it a bit long but better late than frigging never!!!! She may not get custody but she may be able to contact the kid and maybe if she's lucky tell her side to the story,so get off the high horses people and tell her ways to go about it instead of shooting her down..... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 2:09:47 AM | ^^^^
I do belive you stated that you had to sell your motorcycle, jet skies, take 2 morgages on your home, and still had to get help from your pops.....and your telling me; as well as others, that i am using the money for an excuse? ( I could be wrong since so many of you have given me your $$ excuse line).
I wasnt looking for an excuse at all, just simialrities.....The only regret was marrying that fool, I was already prego when we married. YOu wnat to know why he left????? He left because i wanted a divorce and he didnt. You hurt me, I'll hurt you, and he knew exactly how to hurt me.....
Mid life crisis??? Thats something to ponder, thanks for bringing that up.
I dont see it necessary for my son who is 16 to get the full scoop, @16 they are capable of comprehending but I belive that it would do more damage than good. He will know the truth, when the time is right. I was just happy that I was going to get to see, hug, kiss (on cheek he is 16), know his favorites and we had trips planned for him to see washington state.
Now if he was to bring somehting up, that might be a diffrent story, but its not a good thing for a parent to bad mouth the other to the child....just not in my book. OBVIOUSLY we are reading two separate pages.
Question for ya? How do Yo have remorse for having no $$? Well the kind of $$ it takes to hire a lawyer or PI? I guess i could of had a better job, but guess what was left in the account when he left? .....something like $63.00.
Of course i have regrets, i am human....i never posted i was frigging perfect. but today i choose my regrets and apparently this was one of them, should of known, kinda seems like everyone has the mentality of a convict. or at least talks like them....how do I know? I worked @ federal facility.
All I wanted was to see him and get to know him, thanks for all your wonderful comments.
THANKS TO ALL THE NICE COMMENTS; THE PPL WHO KNOW WHAT COMAPSSION IS. I APPRICIATED IT.
Those who think I am weak are so very wrong....FYI | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 2:31:14 AM | | Dont need to go get help.....sh** all you flame throwers are saving me $$. Also I would like to ad that this got way off the initial forum.....it wasnt about me, i was asking for anyone that had gone through similar experiences (ONCE AGAIN)......not why i wanted a divorce. I did do something; i fell out of love with my husband.....so fricken shoot me. nice try to keep me down, but not everyone has to do something....just proves my point even further....the mantalaity of the flammers, remind me so much of the population i used to work with, convicted felons. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 3:26:29 AM | @shrieking
thanks for the post, need more people in this world. especially since you have never even experienced what i have. yet you still have empathy for others' thats a great trait to have.
I wasnt looking for pitty, or for anyone to even comment that has not ben through my trials and tribulations. It shows me how some people just are too quick to judge.
lltuff | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:52:31 AM | | lltuff.....the day i walked into the house i was living in with my 2kids and my x was probably the worst day of my life,there was not a thing left except for rubbish on the floors and some of my belongings and fortunately clothes.Fortunately she didn't hide where she went but is still holding the kids back from me,so to answer your initial post,yes,i have hd similar happen but not to the degree you have....i wish you the best in hopefully seeing your son,write letters,track down his number,pester your x's family and friends,it's not too late,you may have lost 14 or 15 odd years but he has a whole lifetime ahead of him,let him know that even though you have missed those years your still here and would like to be in the coming years, it's a hard one to comment on not having dealt with it myself to your degree but all you can do in my mind is keep trying and let him know your there and always will be,he hopefully will wonder what went on realising there is a second side to all stories and hopefully will come to you and ask for yours....take care sweetie and know that i'll be wishing for some small miracle to come your way,be it by phone,mail or face to face....... | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:14:29 AM | lltuff4u...I am so sorry you have had to endure the loss of a child. I realize that you probably did do all that you thought you could do. While I have not been through this situation and honestly don't know that I could live through it, I thought I might give you some ideas.
You know there are a ton of talk show hosts out there that would kill to get a story like yours and help you reunite with your son. And they would gladly pay for everything to make it happen.
You might try writing to Dr. Phil or Operah....or Montell.
I know that might sound silly and people can laugh at me all they want...but those people have truly helped many families reunite.
God Bless you and your child.
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:18:03 AM | Ohhhhh the evil SOB. No I'm happy to say that I have never experienced this for myself. My oldest daughter's father wasn't allowed to take her anywhere alone until she was 5. And my youngest daughter I don't have to wirry about because her Father can't be bothered with her more than a few hours twice a month. I have to thank you I was having a pitty party about how their Father's don't want to be Fathers and aren't around and now I'm glad after having read your post that they aren't. Keep the child support and your wee bit o' time that you spare for the kids and I'll keep the kids, that works better for me. If either of them ever even tried to pull this they wouldn't find the bodies..hehehehe.....I'm not kidding.
I have however lived this. My Brother was taken by a ministry in Ontario called Children's aid. It's not because my Mother was a bad Mom but because he was out of control and she asked for help. Next thing we knew they took him and put him in Foster care, got him some councelling and then the rich Family he ended up with pulled some strings and wanted to adopt him. My Mom was a single Mom and faught as hard as she could, refused to sign the papers to give him up, and did all that she financially could without putting us out on the street. I was only 5 at the time and had he been taken because of her parenting how is it that I remained in the house? This rich family wanted a boy that looked like them and fit into their family and they got one. He never assymilated though and wound up getting into more trouble and so on and so forth. We never got him back and he is still having issues. Perhaps he wouldn't have those problems if that Government Agency hadn't stolen him.
I hope that your child is well adjusted and realizes what his Father did to him. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:16:56 PM | hey kap:
I wasnt selling anything to begin with. I am happy for you that you did all that to get your kids back.
But the truth of the matter is that my ex DID, and I was not able to obtain any lawyer or PI. He left me w/ something like 63 dollars and change....no house to sell, no credit cards, so all you flammers, you are so condridicting what you are telling me that money isnt an issue when it comes to all the legalities.....If you have $$, you can search to the ends of the earth, if you don't; then guess what? There is not a whole lot a person can do. And that is just how it is in these here United States.
Why did the guy that played on Dallas as JR get a new liver even thought he drank almost daily until he had the surgery? And my brother was not even considered to be placed on the transplant list because he had no $$,(same disease, end stage liver failure) while the Actor, had millions to buy a new liver and go straight to the top of the waiting list and is still alive, while my brother isnt. The point being, if you got money much more can be attainable than someone who has not a huge amout in the bank.
Someone said I have a thumb, hitchhike! Sure and by the time I get to MN I am a dead person. And then what if I had made it there? Hide out in someones back yard until my ex went to his moms. He's not stupid so he stayed with various relatives until he knew it was safe. You people are so narrow minded, too bad.
Do you think my ex was just going to hand my son to me whiIe i was on foot (he wouldnt of even if i was in a car!)? I think not, thats why I was calling PI's because I knew we would have to do some serious hunting once we arrrived. But that goes back to the $$ issue, equity, and credit.
How 'bout one of you flammers call a local PI and ask them how much it would be to hire and hunt down someone in another state. A parent that has the legal right to have that child since there was no divorce or even a ounce of ink on any legal papers, and was being harbored by his family. Just a thought.
It seems me that all the people that were so outraged that i even posted this thread had the $$ and the resources to do that, and i bet most were in the same town, and or state. But, as i have said before, I am human and I dont claim to know everyting, just what happened in my life.
THANKS to all who actually had some positve comments, I can almost bet that none of you folks have a record of some sort.
Happy summer to all who posted!!
lltuff
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 2:55:32 PM | hey tuff.. my heart goes out 2 u!.. i know all 2 well what it was like 2 have ur child "ripped" right outta ur life w/o any kinda warning!.. that happened 2 me.. only my experience wasn`t quite like urs.. 2 make a long story short.. i had lost my kids 2 my ex-husband who had abused me threw our "lovely" legal system here in edm.. there was no warning that morning that i had lost them.. it took a judge less then half an hr 2 decide that my children should live w/their father.. w/in that time; the lite in my heart had went out!.. it had felt like a sudden death w/no warning of what was 2 come next!.. i had not seen nor heard my childrens`s voices in about 2-3 yrs!.. it absolutely KILLED me not knowing where they were.. if they were ok.. who they were with.. etc.. threw that time we were seperated.. i wanted 2 die many times!.. being away from ur children is the WORST feeling ever!.. sleep at that point was a thing of the past.. i tried countless times sending them cards (just b/c ones) each wk 2 no avail.. they had never gotten them until we were re-united w/1 another.. my son was 6 y.o & my daughter was 2 y.o when we were seperated.. the day that we did re-unite was like life had came back into me once again.. i felt complete as a parent.. as a mom.. i took my ex back 2 court & fought HARD like i have never fought in my life 2 get my kids back where they belonged!.. this fight went on what seemed like FOREVER!.. but the day a different judge had awarded my kids back 2 me was 1 of the BEST days of my life!.. no words could & still can`t describe what i felt in that courtrm.. 2 hear "the mother shall have custody" felt like music 2 my ears!!.. we have been a family now 4 over 3 yrs..
what had kept me going threw that trying time was the fact that i KNEW 1 day someone in the legal system would OPEN THEIR EYES & hear me.. and that i KNEW my children & i would re-unite 1 day.. that day (at that time), i didn`t know when.. but i knew we would be together..
what i`m going 2 suggest here tuff is keep EVERYTHING that u had sent 2 ur son threw the yrs.. this INCLUDES the recent plane ticket, when he was suppose 2 be there, & ur ex denying u once again.. u need 2 get a damn good lawyer.. 1 that UNDERSTANDS ur situation & case.. and always remember.. ur doing this 4 ur son.. he needs u in his life & vice versa.. i wish u alotta luck w/this gurl.. keep ur chin up when the going gets tough.. there IS a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!..  | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 42 | |
| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 5:21:14 PM | Well no that has never happened to me but this did: My boyfriend for 3 years and I lived together...the relationship was headed south for a while. He was on a week long buisness trip and we got into a fight over the phone. He threatened to take my dogs and I'd never see them again.
Well that's just not cool!!! So I got a new apartment and had all MY stuff moved out (which left him with almost nothing) before he returned home from his trip. Boy....I wish I could have seen his face when he walked in the house and saw it empty!!
YOU TOUCHA MY DOGS, I TOUCHA YOU FACE!!!! | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:41:11 PM | @ Looking:
Thats a great ending to your sad situation, I am so happy you have your kids back. I have and still will continue to tell myself; someday, sometime we will be united.
If I had been the same person as I am today back in 93' there would be absoulty no way he would of gotten away. I was not even close to what I am today. *(Guess thats why all those flammers didnt get to me)
People grow over the years and back then when I came home to an empty house I felt as if I died right there!! There has been a hole in my heart ever since, but I know that the day will come.....I thought it was going to be today, thats what I get for thinking.
I can not say how I will feel when we do meet F2F, only that it will be what i have dreamed about for too many years.
Thanks for sharing your story the and advise. 
lltuff | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/29/2006 11:51:27 PM | Wow! What a passionate thread regarding the decisions the OP made. I almost feel out of place relating my story as was the intent of the post, but I never let a little awkwardness stop me. My story isn't as dramatic as loosing my child for years on end, I don't know how I would handle that and don't want to know, but I know when I lost him for a week it was like my heart was ripped out of my chest and my soul was floating above my body. I couldn't even look at a child who was around the same age without bursting into tears. In fact I spent most of my days and sleepless nights crying even while I prepared my case for the court.
It all started on a Tuesday night in October of 2003. My ex and I had been broken up for a few months-I had taken my son, a half bag of diapers and the stroller and left and it wasn't pretty. See, Kyle (not his real name) had problems with anger and logic and rationalzation. He had the anger down pat but never could seem to get a grip on the other two. Now, you can bash me for this if you want, I'll just ignore it because it's not the point but it's important to the story, I allowed him to take Jeremy (not his real name) on Tuesdays under the stipulation Kyle didn't have his two other children, who were as difficult as his him and exaserbated Kyle's problems. It was like throwing a child in a den full of pedophiles and expecting nothing to happen. In other words kyle couldn't handle all three of his kids at once. Well, I had called as I always did to check on Jeremy and I heard the kids in the background. I told Kyle I was coming to get my son and he told me I wasn't. I swung by and got my sister then we went to the police station where I was told they could do nothing about it-no paperwork. (Always get it in writing people!) And was told to go to the courthouse. Well, because I had never had any dealings with courts and such at the time I thought he meant for paperwork on Parental Rights and Responsibilites which would have done me no good at that time. (I was ignorant plain and simple to protective orders, never in my life had any occassion arisen where I had to know about them. So, even good parents can be ignorant.) So I went to Kyle's house. The door was locked. I knocked he refused to answer. I started pounding and demanded he open the door immediately or I would break it down. He opened the door and let me in. I told him I wanted my son. He refused and proceeded to call me every name in the book. When I managed to get a hold of Jeremy, Kyle tried to rip him out of my arms tug of war style so I let him go so Jeremy wouldn't get hurt. After a lot of screaming on Kyle's part I managed to get Jeremy again and this time Kyle smashed a baby bottle to the floor with such force it shattered-a plastic baby bottle. He also slammed doors and kicked things. When I got outside with Jeremy, a cop was there because a neighbor had called. I explained to him the situation and because there wasn't any paper work it came down to us making a peacable decison or both Kyle and I going to jail and Jeremy going to DHS. Kyle wasn't going to give in and I didn't want my son in the system so I let Kyle keep Jeremy for the night.
When I went to pick my son up at daycare the next day they had told me his father had picked him up. I went home and called the police only to find out I had a protection from abuse order waiting to be served on me. To this day I don't know how it got by a judge,it was so full of holes and ramblings, inconsistinces but he did use the words fear, terrified, violent and children alot. (Yes, it is that easy and it's my theory Kyle's unbalanced state was actually taken as fear.) I called someone I knew who was a lawyer and got some information on what to do. I went down to the courthouse and filed a motion to disolve. Now, it was a time that the courthouse was open but closed at the same time. They were only taking important things because of something that was going on and when I went in for the paperwork I was told the soonest I'd probably get my hearing would be a day before the original one, a day sooner would be a day sooner I got my son back from the lunatic. Well, when I presented my paperwork and affidavidt the clerk looked it over went out back for ten minutes and then came out and told me my courtdate was in six days. I subpeonaed the cop that was on the scene even though he thought we were both insane and had a half dozen character witnessess and my sister who was there and saw the whole thing. It was very clear that Kyle was lying about my being a threat to my son and him and his other children, though I didn't give a rats ass about Kyle. I got my son back and later down the road got full custody and full parental rights of Jeremy and Kyle has him one night a week as long as he doesn't have his other children and he goes to counseling and takes his medication.
Those six days without Jeremy were the darkest of my life. I couldn't phone him and if I saw him in the street I would have had to walk the other way or go to jail and all I could think of was what that would do to him. What the whole thing was doing to him. He was fifteen months old,he'd never been apart from me exceptfor daycare and I always picked him up and the Tuesday nights and I called at least a halfdozen times on those nights, to suddenly have me fall off the face of the earth and then if he'd seen me and I walked away...I don't think I could have done it and would have gone to jail. Luckily, that didn't happen.
I remember the day I went and picked him up at day care. He sucked his lips in and just stared at me. It was heartbreaking. The whole thing was. To have your child taken away hurts like a son of a bittch and it takes all you can muster to keep it together. And when it's done for revenge it hurts the child too but it seems a lot of people don't take that into consideration when they are angry at the other parent. | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:40:58 AM | josiemac:
I don't know how I have made it through all these years. I only know that one thing is that my son will know they "real story" one day when he is old enough to process and comprehend everything and can ask questions as to why his dad did this and that.
This is just my opinion but when he was coming for his visit (or so I thought), I was not going to go into details about why he was living with his dad or that he took him , this was to be so we could be reunited. I wanted him to know that he had a family here in Washington that has never stopped loving him. He receives presents and cards on every holiday, so he know's we're here (when I speak of us, and we're, I am talking about his grandpa and grandma too).
I am so happy that you had legal advise and you got your kids back; so many people do not think of what it does to the kids. I know how hard it was for you to let you son go and have him stay w/ his dad. But that show's you cared about your childs health and mantal well being. If I had know when he was leaving i would of had my x run me over before he took my son. (and he's the type of person that would of, no BS)!!
I know that feeling all to well, the pain, the feeing as if you can't go one, eyes so big from crying that you didnt think it was possible they could be that swollen, and the worst is the feeling as if you have died inside (that was my case), somehow I kept going...there
must have been an angle helping me, because I surely was a mess!!
You u went through the same ordeal as I, just not as long and you knew where your son was (thank god)!
I am so glad you got custody!!!
Thanks for sharing you story.
Thanks to all that posted postitve responses; The flame throwers didnt get to me, they sure did try!!!!! (bot, did they try) LOL
Good luck to you and you family!
lltuff~~ | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:47:12 AM | HI daisie,
I know what you mean about animals....I got two cats on mohters day in 2000. They are just like your kids and they helped me and emotionally as well. Animals are very perceptive, and helped the hole in my heart.
Thank goodness you had a little warning!!! Good for you. 
lltuff~~ | |
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| Has anyone experienced a broken heart by your child being taken by the father?
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:39:08 PM | hello all I am a mother of 6 kids,was a homemaker 19 yrs with a controling ex and I lost all ! the system does not always work . I went threw 6 months of emtional truma had no where to go no family suport and my world was crashing around me it took all the streangth I had to stand up for me .When I stood up against my ex he became a man I did not know . I was emtional controled by him . He took all rights away from me as a mom the 6 months we went thru the divorce . Ripped me apart in front of my kids . stalked my every move .took all money away from me . and emtional I shut down . I knew I could not fight him .
My kids world was being ripped apart . I was no longer the mom they knew because he was so angry and did every thing he could to keep me from being able to have them . My family lived out of state . I could not take them out of state. I was a home Maker 19 yrs ! I never worked out side the home . I was terrified of a world I knew nothing about . From a mother's heart and I know what you men feel too ! to have all ripped away ,no home ,no kids ,no family ,no suport , emtionally every area in my life was attached . I was threatened by my ex , told I never see my kids again if i fought him ! I was told he would hunt me down and drag me back by the hair of my head ! I was told I could care less what happens to you ,all I care about is my kids ! 20 yrs with this man ! FEAR I KNEW ! I was told by him I will pay you this amount of money if you just walk away ! no amount of money in the world is enough for my babies !
He told them day we told them of or divorcing your mommy don't love you anymore ! OMG
I was devistated ! My baby was 4 and next one up from there 6 they looked at me with taers in there eyes and said " mommy you don't love me anymore ?" You don't know how much I hurt at that moment for the own pain he caused me and my babies ! I sat there thinking omg what do i say to a 4 and 6 yr old to make them understand . I told them sometimes you have a best friend and you start to fight all the time and you end up not being friends and you lose the friendship the love for them thats what happen to your dad and I . But my love for you will never die I have you here in my heart and nothing or no one can ever take that place ! I love you with every beat of my heart !
The day in court the judge looked at me said you can have 3 of the kids . I looked at him said i can't ! I can not separate them . my love for my kids is so great that I kelpt them together and I carry the cross of him haveing physical custdy . I have visitation rights . This has been 4 yrs now the pain i bear ,the memories, the loss, grief , seeing them grow up and change and have functions I can not get to . The hearing mommy I wish you were here , mommy I love you . and me fighting every step of the way to hold on . Emtionally it ripped my world apart. I am judge with out knowing me as a person .because i don't have custdy of my kids .I am looked at as a unfit mom ! well WRONG I am a mother who gave all she had to live and survive and heal from a broken marriage and to build again to start over with no work history
and to lose transportation , have no suport , and have the agency say sorry I can not help you because you do not have custdy ! Its been hell ! To have your life ripped away all you ever knew , and to feel normal ,and make right choices , To function as a person again . To see kids hear there laughter , to see whole families together knowing you once were a part of that then to sit alone in an empty pew on sunday morning . Don't so easily judge another ,till you been there . I know what it is to be homless,jobless,to be abused,rejected,
God knows the heart . I am just now getting to point that I am me again . That I learned to forgive myself ,for the choice of the divorce. and btw after all was over he looked at me and laughed, saying i played you ever step of the way . you could have had it all . I did not want it all I wanted my kids to have there home there life kelpt in tact as much as possible .emtional I was to gone to function from the truma . I made the best choice I knew | |
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