| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 2/26/2005 12:17:40 PM |
why do insecure people get married?!?!?!?!? - flow Simple answer: to TRY to feel secure. Legally the other half has to answer to you *lol* Im secure with myself and the guy Im dating. If I dont trust the guy - hes not worthy of being my date. Im very independent and if he cant deal with that then he should find someone he can try smother elsewhere  If he wants to go out then go, if he wants to watch tv then watch it - unless we have one tv and Im already watching it its gonna be a debate. *lmfao* A partner should be someone who complements your life, they shouldnt BE your life. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 2/26/2005 12:17:51 PM | why do insecure people get married?!?!?!?!? - flow
Simple answer: to TRY to feel secure. Legally the other half has to answer to you *lol*
Im secure with myself and the guy Im dating. If I dont trust the guy - hes not worthy of being my date. Im very independent and if he cant deal with that then he should find someone he can try smother elsewhere If he wants to go out then go, if he wants to watch tv then watch it - unless we have one tv and Im already watching it its gonna be a debate. *lmfao*
A partner should be someone who complements your life, they shouldnt BE your life.
EDIT: whoa whats up with the waves in this pond this wk!? | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 2/26/2005 12:58:07 PM | | Floman, many have to make sacrifices and spend time with the ladies. Otherwise, sooner or later, they will have a conflict that can damage their relationship. If a woman is possessive, and dominant, the guy will either cow tow to her wishes, or do as he pleases. If the woman is offended by an occasional get-together with his friends, then she is being unreasonable. But if the guy starts ignoring his woman in favor of joining his friends too much, then he is showing her no real respect. It is very common for especially early loves, and marriages to limit the time your old buddy has to spend with your old activities. But he should not be so fearful and doubtful about his relationship with his wife as to be dictated by her. That will come to no good end. Yes, some women do expect their husbands to pay a lot of attention to them. But its just a matter of being reasonable. Of course, men should be able to go hunting, golfing, fishing on occasions when time allows it, and his wife should not mind. By the same token, if she has girl friends who like to shop, he should be willing to allow that without feeling intimidated. I'm not sure all your friends are controlled by their wives. Maybe you've just noticed it's difficult to have as much time together as in the good ole single days. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 2/26/2005 4:42:18 PM | I appreciate everyones feedback and here are some've my thoughts!
A relationship shouldnt be give and take.... It should be give and accept.
I dont expect presents from people on my birthday but i gladly will accept them
It is also known that obsticles + attraction = arousal. so spend time away from your partner and your sex life will be better.
men use love for sex
women use sex for love
and gooberdanny. Im sure she's a helpless little **** and it hurts, but im also sure that you learned a lot through all that pain.. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 11:27:31 AM | Maybe because they want to be! I know a lot of men who are afraid or insecure about making decisions(or just plain stupid) and don't want to be responsible for mistakes so they delegate everything to thier wife and then call her a control freak. Some men are flattered by a woman's jealousy and purposely try to undermine her self esteem, provoking jealous, controlling behavior. Sometimes the one who seems to be controlled is actually the controller! I once had a relationship with a man who would pick at any weak spot in me untill I became angry and then act all whiney and abused. I told him I wanted to break up because I didn't like the way I acted when I was with him. He told me He liked for me to yell at him. Proven point. Needless to say, WE BROKE UP! Who needs that kind of moronic relationship. Bye the way, what makes you say all your married friends are controlled by thier wives? Maybe some of what you call control is just basic give and take of a normal relationship, after all, who knows what limitations these men put on thier wives. Testosterine is a horomone also produced by women. My theory is the more a women needs it (which is quite a lot in our society) the more she produces it. Maybe it's not beeing swept off the mat, just redistributed. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 11:52:09 AM | | there are probably a few guys out there that seem to be contolled by their wives. for the most part, when a guy gets married, he wants to be with her always. he makes the choice to give up on his friends and be totally committed to his wife. i noticed that it happened to all of my friends, not just a few. we grew up and gave up hanging with the buds to concentrating on getting a good job, loving my wife and starting a family. believe me, i never forgot about my friends. i'm actually still writing a few to this day. our priorities change and our friends took the back burner for a while till we got everything in order. that's when we started getting back together again for cook outs and your friend brought his wife and kids over. the kids played together, the wives were off doing their thing and the guys either were watching a game or out in the garage trying to kill themselves. lol to me that was the life. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 12:23:17 PM | Ok, im going to be brutally honest here... men are pigs.. dont denie it... and can rarely be trusted with a single buddy when they are out and about. Im sure your buddy wouldnt want his wife out with her single girlfriends partying ... fact is... 2 good lookin guys out ... id be jumpin on that. And not many men can say no if a hot little mama comes up to them and their is drinkin involved. Plus.. .god, should i go on.. im probably pissen u all off..hehe... in a relationship, grass alllllways looks greener on the other side. Men and women fight and have issues every day of a married life. Its so easy to talk urself into doing something wrong cause he/she pissed u off that day... beware sweetie.. and stay single until u can handle it.
Fear Factor.. well hell.. thats a given... no women wants her hubby starin at little women in tight little outfits when she's slavin at home cookin, cleaning, workin, and that has to compete with that!
Sorry.. i had to comment | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 12:37:27 PM | No one has the power to control another person. People give their power away. Flowwiththego, your friend is allowing himself to be controlled and manipulated. It's what he wants, or he wouldn't put up with it. He might even like it. Sad, but true.
Even people in hostage type situations have choices. They can submit or fight. Whether they do or not depends on how willing they are to deal with the consequences of their actions. Same with your friend.
So, don't lay blame with your friend's wife. The responsibility to act on his own behalf is your friend's, not his wife's. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 1:00:40 PM | As to men being pigs...no, I don't buy that. I know men who are monogamous and believe in that priniciple.
As to infidelity in relationships, both sexes seem to have issues with that. The latest stats have men slightly ahead of women in this area.
In my personal opinion, everything is better in a relationship that has trust, respect, passion, love and monogamy...and these things take effort to maintain and earn. You need to trust that your partner isn't going to go out and jump the first pretty/handsome thing that crosses his/her path. It's important to remember that infidelity can just as easily take place in the office during lunch as it can at a bar.
Of course, you don't hand out trust blindly. Your partner needs to act in a trustworthy manner. The trust would evaporate rather quickly if my man went out drinking with his friends and didn't come home until 4 am in the morning, smelling of perfume. Even if he had a harmless explanation, I would still have a problem with it. Sometimes the appearance of wrong doing can have just as devastating effect as actually doing it. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 3:28:37 PM | | I dont think that it is a control issue, I think that it just causes less problems if you go along with your spouse... I have friends that are married and if they cant go out to a bar or catch a concert or something, that is fine, but I always invite them infront of their spouse and make it clear that they are welcome to come too!! There usually isnt any problems that way, unless they have other plans that evening... | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 3:31:19 PM |
I totally agree with the whole trust thing and that raises another question which is easily answered as well, why do insecure people get married?!?!?!?!?
Because they're insecure! They need the contract (marriage licence) to be able to legally control the other person. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 3:45:58 PM | blondewnobrains:
Could you be anymore offensive. All men are not pigs. If I'm in love with someone you could
put me in a room with 100 beautiful women and if I looked around they would all just look like her to me because that's who I'm into at that time. I'm sure a lot of guys are the same way. That's a ridiculous stereotype and for the
record from my own personal experience and some other guys I know it's always the woman
that cheats so I guess there must be some pigs on both sides. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 4:08:05 PM |
Ok, im going to be brutally honest here... men are pigs.. dont denie it... and can rarely be trusted with a single buddy when they are out and about. Im sure your buddy wouldnt want his wife out with her single girlfriends partying ... fact is... 2 good lookin guys out ... id be jumpin on that. And not many men can say no if a hot little mama comes up to them and their is drinkin involved. Plus.. .god, should i go on.. im probably pissen u all off..hehe... in a relationship, grass alllllways looks greener on the other side. Men and women fight and have issues every day of a married life. Its so easy to talk urself into doing something wrong cause he/she pissed u off that day... beware sweetie.. and stay single until u can handle it.
Ummmm...now my turn to be brutally honest.
The mere fact the following story happened shows that not all men are pigs and alcohol is not a factor (it's merely a lubricant for the person's predisposition).
A couple years ago, I was dating someone whom I wanted to eventually marry.
Things had been going wonderfully in our relationship. We had known each other for years, and had been involved for more than a while.
The day before Valentine's day one year, she claimed that our relationship wasn't going to last long...no reason given, though she was in tears when she said it.
The next day, I phoned her to finalize our plans. She said she had to cancel, apologized, then hung up. Since I hadn't been 'officially' dumped yet, I considered us still involved.
A couple hours later, someone I had been having a certain kind of relationship phoned. They had to come to town for Monday (it was Saturday when they phoned). They wanted to know if they could crash at my place for Sat. and Sun. nights. They knew I was involved....which is why our relations stopped. That night, we went out and got sh*t-faced drunk, to the point where we needed a taxi to get home.
Nothing happened. No touching of any kind, no suggestions, nothing that could even come close to being considered cheating on any level. No room for debate. When we got home, they fell asleep in a bed on the other side of the house.
The next day, we went out for the day. Then we went home and I worked on an essay for the night.
If I had checked my e-mail on Sunday, I would have learned that I had been dumped. She had written me an e-mail to break up with me (some class, eh?). We haven't talked since.
But to get back on track. I'm single. I don't want to come into other people's relationships; instead, I'm just happy getting together with my friends for a cup of coffee. Hell, I even invite their wives along.
Personally, I wouldn't get involved in a controlling relationship. Why should I change if that's attracted the person to me in the first place? Sure, I could lose a couple pounds (5-10 at this point), but why should I change the other major things? The other person knew everything from the get-go, so if they didn't like it then, why didn't they say anything? Why should I have to stay home, watching TV (which I find very boring), when I could be out with a couple friends? If I don't invite my girlfriend out, it doesn't mean I'll be getting into any trouble. To me, being in a relationship means I'm involved with someone (it doesn't mean I have a babysitter). If she wants to head out, fine by me. Just keep in mind, I will be at home to go to sleep every night. And it doesn't mean I won't spend time with the person I'm involved with. I just believe in quality time rather than quantity time. People who want quantity time tend to be insecure.
If I needed to be around someone 24/7, I'd just get myself arrested...at least I know I would get regular meals... | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 42 | |
| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 4:26:33 PM | Starr - you hit the nail on the head. Let me take things a step further, you are controlled by another person if you allow it to happen. If men don't like something their wives/girlfriends to have, or for the ladies (boyfriends/husbands), then come out and say it, in a positive way, not during the heat or anger or another daily argument.
I think it is a common courtesy whether you are married or in a high level of exclusive dating relationship to let each other know if you are stepping out for the night, etc. It's another thing to have to give a minute by minute detail about what's going on. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 4:28:09 PM |
Fear Factor.. well hell.. thats a given... no women wants her hubby starin at little women in tight little outfits when she's slavin at home cookin, cleaning, workin, and that has to compete with that!
^^ Perhaps if you had said "no secure woman" rather than "no woman" that statement would've made sense. I guess it's safe to say that you don't watch porn and would have a problem with your man going to strip clubs too......
I watch Fear Factor and would have no problem with a man who did too.
As for why people (of either gender) are controlled by their partners .... they let it happen. | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 4:38:06 PM | | It's obvious that some men get off on being bossed but that's only a problem if you are needing to do things that are not in your nature. If his wife tells him to do a handstand for a croud knowing that's not you're specialty. not nice, when she places herself above her man and bellows out orders he may not bellow out steam but its building. A smart man will never let this happen. It should be a contest of who is worse. the person with more people above them wins always | |
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| Why are all my married friends controlled by their wives???
Posted: 7/17/2005 6:18:21 PM | Bubble Bee.. u have ur opinion i have mine.. do i look like someone that would be insecure about what i have to offer? no likely.. im just stating a fact on most women i know... its not appreciated and its disrespectful.
As far as porn goes... if my man wants porn.. i'll give it to him myself...haha.. if ur mans gotta watch porn or go to strip bars - ur doing somethin wrong sweetie! | |
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