| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 6/30/2006 8:25:29 AM | | Blackages, you are so missinformed it's really hard to believe anything you have posted so far. It's our cognative mind that allows us to make decisions, NOT our sub-concious mind. That alone tells me you don't anything about the human mind. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 6/30/2006 9:05:38 AM | OP: Fear of rejection caused by a lack of self-confidence.
If you want to be good at approaching women, you have to learn to not take rejection personally.
It's like hitting a baseball. If you don't go to the practice cage and swing away for months you won't get good at it.
It's the same with women. You have to practice. At first you won't be able to hit the ball but after some time you'll start making good contact and eventually, hitting home runs.
Practice, practice, practice.
Smile a lot.
Learn to be humorous
Learn to be confident to the point you're almost****, but don't cross the line.
Women can spot a man lacking confidence a mile away. In the same breath, they can also spot a confident man a mile away and will be drawn to him.
Confidence makes all the difference in the world and it's completely within your own power to gain it..... | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:25:45 PM | Heh, I think women have it much more difficult. All guys need is confidence, or failing that, a thick skin.
Women are (still) expected to sit back and wait for the man to make the first move. Come on, guys -- how bad would it suck if, as an analogy, you saw a profile here you really liked, but instead of sending the woman a message, you had to sit back and hope she'd contact you?
If a woman does take matters into her own hands and approaches a man, rejection results in a lot more social awkwardness so the psychological and emotional "risks" are higher.
Women have to worry about rejection all the time -- AFTER they've slept with a man they're attracted to.
Women generally have to worry a little more than men about first dates who turn out to be creeps, freaks, stalkers, perverts, rapists...or husbands.
All we have to do is summon the courage to walk up, smile, and say "Hi, I really like those earrings! Where'd you get them?"  | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 6/30/2006 4:58:05 PM | Caper, so someone says no, just, move on, start again. Life and dating are not easy, but you are also learning. You know, we have all been there. The only opinion to worry about is your own.
Elphaba | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 6/30/2006 9:40:58 PM | Msg 49.
"i guess it's true some women are not mature enough to see, hear and feel the sounds of the jungle."
Oh my goodness... I seem to have hit a nerve LOL. Oopsies 
On a serious note though,
your posts may be taken more seriously if you...
A. Discontinue patronization
B. Improve spelling
C. Acquire more humility
Keep trying! 
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:04:46 AM | | Love these threads...I don't think you should have to try to approach anyone.(Unless there is eminent danger involved.)Treat women like anyone else...your sister,your mother,your grand-mother.They are women too.Understand them and no approach is needed.If an approach is needed...The need lies with-in...Thanx | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:11:13 AM | How can you compete with the guys in clubs that are so dopped up on liquid
confidence or cocaine? It's not something I would take just so I can grab her
attention. The clubs in Vancouver have become one big dopping ground....wtf...walk
into a washroom and see guys snorting just for the girls. No thanks. And girls, he's
NOT as confident as he seems....he's just stoned, ok? Don't be so easily impressed...if I
was as stupid as they are I'd be snorting too. Confident dope head suck. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 3:40:24 AM | msg 56
more men might approach you if you learn not to laugh at other peoples opinions.
but that's ok.
i see you've shaved your legs and spent some extra time on your hair.
it's clear to me there's more immediate matters on your to do list.
can i take you to the ball tonite cinderella?
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 3:57:21 AM | I'm wondering whether a guy should trust the body language a woman shows and let him take the first step. And I wonder how ladies feel about a guy who plays hard to get. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 6:57:45 AM | I would like to hear from the guys how they would like a woman who is interested in them to approach them? Come on guys, you know what you like and how you would like to be approached?
I'm very interested to hear it from the horse's mouth sort of speak.
I look forward to your reply.
Any advice guys? | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 7:52:54 AM | Hi Leanne,
I don't think you're angry. I do think that maybe you're the exception to the rule; in that you're not afraid to approach men.
I've been single now for three years and I find it extremely difficult to meet good women.
I'm 57 yrs old, successful, reasonably attractive, good sense of humour, everybody says that I look and seem about 10 yrs younger that I am.
I'm fairly outgoing, certainly not shy, but I'm at the point now where I'm just ready to through in the towel.
I travel a lot in latin countries - Mexico and Cuba - and I find women there totally approachable. It's like night and day.
My sisters(I have five!)say I would be a really good "catch" for some lucky women but where are they. Do women want bad boys . Tattoes, beard, and Harley?
Sometimes it seems that way. They ask, where are all the nice guys? but It seems that they want bad boys.
I'm confused. I'm going back to Mexico where life is simple.
Nick | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 11:21:57 AM | Leanne, you have obviously not had the experience of (lets turn the tables on you now...)approaching a group of guys (since they will always be with thier friends and never alone--not even to go to the restroom)be smiling, looking into their eyes as in having a conversation being nonthreatening or staring, being sure not to look at their "body parts" and before you can even open your mouth from 5 feet away : having them roll their eyes at you, turn their heads and stick thier fingers down their throats, say "yeah, right" or "get lost you ugly piece of sh**", slap you, punch you in the back as you turn around, kick you, or throw food/drinks at you, laugh at you and insult you loud enough for the whole room to hear as you walk away(and continue doing so the entire night while making the rounds of the entire room), or insult you to their friends later, and make up lies about you so that noone wants to have anything to do with you (you wont find this out for a while until one of your friends gets the guts to fill you in).
No, I would have to say you have probably not had such experiences. Attractive women like you generally don't get turned down alot, now do they? | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 11:27:02 AM | | MDNinja, You don't know as much about psychology as you think you do. Subconscious thought, which is generated by our minds as a response to past experiences, influences our bias' and hence our future decisions far more that overt "cognitive" thought. Or do you spend a lot of time trying to deside whether to touch that hot iron, walk across the freeway, or figure out which end of the knife to hold? | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 11:35:22 AM | What's your problem Fortvancouver2?
: having them roll their eyes at you, turn their heads and stick thier fingers down their throats, say "yeah, right" or "get lost you ugly piece of sh**", slap you, punch you in the back as you turn around, kick you, or throw food/drinks at you, laugh at you and insult you loud enough for the whole room to hear as you walk away(and continue doing so the entire night while making the rounds of the entire room), or insult you to their friends later, and make up lies about you so that noone wants to have anything to do with you (you wont find this out for a while until one of your friends gets the guts to fill you in).
Don't go arround acting all high and mighty when you post that kind of crap. If you know so much about the human mind, then why do these women treat you like crap? If you knew the least bit about how people think and feel, this type of crap wouldn't happen to you. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:08:15 PM | I used to be shy when I was younger, and as others have said, practise will help dull that drawback. I do still have problems with approaching in one case, though; the hen pack.
You've seen them before - bars, restaurants, comedy clubs, brothels, sporting events...wherever it is you frequent. They'll be group of ostensibly single women, or often one single woman who 2-5 of her closest friends are trying to set up. You're actually better off with the latter group, but let me tell you this one - neither is fun to approach, ever.
Stop doing this, women. It's cool to all go out together, but if you intend to pick up any men for anyone in the group that evening, keep eye contact with each other, but for the love of Hell, don't stand together! It puts men in the worst positions ever possible. Consider:
1) A man, we'll call him Eggbert, sees said hen pack.
2) First off, it's difficult to approach the group, especially alone. The rejection fear factor gets huge - you screw up, and you have a whole audience laughing at you.
3) Next, there's no right way to socialise there. Assuming Eggbert only wants one woman, he cannot actually just speak to her without the others becoming offended, insulted, or rejected themselves. This is likely to make them snippy and interfere with any proposed interaction with the female getting attention.
4) Eggbert can't just talk to all of them, either. If he does, he comes off as either a player, or a desperate loser, either of whom would take anyone they could get. Furthermore, even if he could come off as anything else, if he speaks about equally to everyone, how are they going to know which one he's interested in?
5) If Eggbert can actually find some happy middle ground where he can try to include the entire pack in the coversation while giving special attention to one, there's still only about a small chance of it getting anywhere, as there's a good chance that either the emotions of one of the previous two points will manifest, and possibly even worse due to the fact that he cleverly found some middle ground in the first place - cleverness can come off as creepy just as often as impressive.
6) In short, there's very little incentive to approach the hen pack, and even if he does, Eggert stands very little chance of accomplishing anything if he does.
So please, please, women, if you go out together with the hope of doing so much as exchanging numbers with any men, don't stand all within arms' reach of one another!  | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 1:21:51 PM | @ OP
Look man if you would simply say "HI" and strike up a short discussion/conversation then see where it goes what is the worry? Trying to get a relationship from ever encounter with a woman will have you tucking your tail each and every time
Look at talking to women as you do men just talk and have a conversation if it looks like she has sparkles in her eyes or a flame has been fanned then stick around if not say it was a pleasure meeting her and be on your way...
No harm no foul...
I have allot of friends both male and female simply from being just me so be just you... If that is not enough then it is their bad not yours... Relationships start by being friends first...
have a nice day and 4TH  | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 5:01:39 PM | | My fear is if she doesn't like me "that way" that it would be aqward (most of these are at work--only place for me). When I move on I don't want her to think that I would still like her even when I moved on and its been months etc. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:32:45 PM | Seems to me that if you practice picking up women over and over and over that eventually when you do get one you're gonna feel like you were just being a faker and then you have about a gazillion other things to worry about, heh.
I'm not the gung ho, go get 'em type myself. I usually just try and date people I know or who seem interested in me first (its pretty easy to tell if a girl is into you). That way the initial "hi my name is *****" part never even has to happen. I have a hard time talking to a stranger about anything, let alone trying to get a date.
My advice would be, that if fear of rejection is stopping you from getting closer to a lady, ask yourself if the chance to date her is more important than knowing her as a friend. Because if you ARE rejected and you don't know the person, chances are you'll never see them again or talk to them. If you DO know them, then chances are you just made everything very weird. But if you know somebody, you're always gonna be able to tell if they are into you.
So yeah, just make more general friends. Friends know friends who know other friends. If you rub shoulders with girls enough, there is bound to be one that might like you, even a little bit. To me thats much easier game than randomly asking strangers.
Then again, maybe I shouldn't be giving advice. lol  | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:50:44 PM | I must say, it is hard to approach, because it is even harder to find someone who honestly is available.
I'd say 90% of the women in the places I go already have rings on their fingers.
of the 9% who don't, they either don't appear to be looking, or don't appear to be interested. So I have slim pickings to choose from. I'm still trying to find that 1%.
I guess nearly no unmarried women go to coffee bars. Strange, I would have thought there would be more. | |
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Marc40
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 72 | |
| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/1/2006 10:13:47 PM |  I can't resist this one. On a web site like this (which is free) you need to know the numbers first. Why do you think most dating sites charge men and not women? Simple, men usually outnumber women at least 5 and sometimes 10 to one. For a man to be on 25 or more favorite rankings of women is usually very rare where as a woman who has 25 favorites on a male ranking list is quite common. Ever see a guy with 100, 200 or 300 favorites? I sure haven't. Where as I find this quite often with females who have a very attractive picture. I target women around my age with 30 to 150 favorite rankings. Now for every response I get, I get rejected approximately 8 times. They read them but don't respond. I am no Valentino either so looks really don't equate into everything. My own statistics state roughlya 25% reponse rate. Of that 25% maybe 75% end up exchanging numbers and perhaps from that 75% you meet perhaps 25% of those people face to face. This is what I compiled after a month of data. My own data at that. So work the numbers around a bit and you will see how hard it is even for the popular people to hook up succesfully. The guy who said "keep fishing" is right. After all the catch of a life time is not a common fish is it? Only happened to me once or twice in my life and I consider myself lucky. Rejection is a state of mind. Because one person devalues your qualities does not mean another won't find them attractive. Let me ask you this. Ever ask a woman what she does or does not find attractive about you. On a dating site this is possible. She might even tell you if you ask nicely. Then make the changes to yourself or your portfolio as she suggested. I did this. She told me. I revised my pictures. Remember it is simplya sales game here. It is all about response and a meeting of the minds. Nothing more. The only other thing is, make sure your expectations aren't out of line or you will be constantly disappointed. Be realistic in your search and you will find what you are looking for. Statistically there are over 49,000 potential suitors in this world for you. You'll never find them though if you let the other percentage discourage you from your goal. Hope that helps  | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/2/2006 9:54:32 AM | it's all masterbation!
today the internet gives us so much sex it's bazzar!
guy's just go on a computer and it's all there minus the hard work that goes into a
relationship.
girls can do the same it's all there for them too.
so now the guy's are not as interested in putting in the work for a relationship that rarely
provides the levels of sex they see on line.
and the girls well i think they masterbate more than guy's do, just from what i've seen on line.
so if you approach a lady that's just had multiple orgasms with a dildo she probably going to
reject you.
and a guy that's just blown his load watching some porno on line is not going to be
confidently persuing the ladies.
the old saying is true masterbation makes you blind.
i say it should be outlawed!
then things would heat up, everyone would be looking for someone to jerk them off!! | |
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