| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/17/2006 12:45:55 AM | Rejection won't hurt after while, right it won't. Will there be any feeling left at all? The first time you hit your thumb while driving a nail it hurts pretty bad. Start hitting it repeatedly and it won't hurt so bad, it just starts to grow numb to everything.
Good point a few pages back on the "Hen Pack"
Another reason I keep to myself is because I am as crosseyed as a BBC comedic sidekick and after reading in these forums and hearing it in the world that most women are atracted to a guys eyes I figured, ya right she's going to go for the visually impaired retarded guy. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/20/2006 6:23:56 AM | | Leanne- I think that you are wrong on this one- the load is far far more on the guy- first he spots the girl in wherever- he must decide if she's approachable[maybe in a group or?]- he should try to get her eye- sometimes he does, sometimes not- if he does he approaches, this only if all other factors are agreeable- he says hi and it is only then that she really has anything to do and that's make a decision [yes or no]. Up to this point the onus is entirely on him- this particular scenario is simplistic but becomes increasingly difficult depending on people and circumstances, all of which he must carefully consider. Meanwhile all she has to do is sit and, consider if she wants to say yes or no. The decision is hers and hers alone at this crucial time if she wants anything further- anything more on his part becomes harrassment or sexual assault- all the guy can do is present himself as best he can and hope- on the other hand if she decides to make the appraoch, the factors will remain somewhat the same, but the odds of this happening are virtually zero, even in this age of liberation- it would be interesting to see the numbers on approaches by a guy vs rejections vs the number of approaches by a woman vs the number of rejections there and maybe the reasons? I think the numbers would be highly tilted- So, an astounding NO- the onus, or load or whatever is very definitely on the guy and the decision is hers and hers alone to make - doesn,t matter how you crunch it or dress it up!! | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/20/2006 6:48:30 AM | | Well for one thing, guys can attempt to say "Hl" with an email and then find out that his efforts went "unread deleted" - or just "read" but without a single simple response. So when these inconsiderate RUDE jerks do this, why would you ever expect a person to physically approach someone to say anything at all. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 6:51:56 AM | You are all winners in my book if you at least try. 
The silly girl who doesn't see your advance as a beautiful compliment to her has her own issues (as we all do), but nevertheless, consider her rejection as your warning it was bad news to begin with.
Next time you try and get rejected, I'd say focus less on her lack of courtesy and more on your strength of character for trying!!!
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:05:37 AM | I see each rejection as making me stronger to be honest.
I am looking for the one big "win" and that is all I need.
Then all those rejections will make complete sense, right? | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:11:28 AM | Ok this is something I have to jump into.
First, I know it is a hard thing to do
this is my hangup
first I have low self esteem and confidnece.. big surprise
but also, I have not done it many times. in fact I can think of doing it twice. I cannot remember what I did
now to ask and hopefuly get some answers.
I am discluding average women. I am talking about those good lookign women that seem unapproachable. I still have problems with any women realyl.
this is my move, if I am attracted to a woman. i do the stare and glance. hoping that I can either walk up to her or she will walk to me. never works. I am scared to do anything past that.
so these are the thoguhts goign thru my head. please someone dispel these myths for me. I ask this becuase, I realyl don't know what to do. never done it at al and I am jsut tired of not being able to do that.
-what if I say somethign stupid
-what if she has a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend etc
-what do I say after Hi
-is it to forward to ask for a number, date, or anything on the approach.
much of this is done in a place other then a singles bar. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 8:29:34 AM |
Ok this is something I have to jump into.
First, I know it is a hard thing to do
this is my hangup
first I have low self esteem and confidnece.. big surprise
but also, I have not done it many times. in fact I can think of doing it twice. I cannot remember what I did
now to ask and hopefuly get some answers.
I am discluding average women. I am talking about those good lookign women that seem unapproachable. I still have problems with any women realyl.
this is my move, if I am attracted to a woman. i do the stare and glance. hoping that I can either walk up to her or she will walk to me. never works. I am scared to do anything past that.
so these are the thoguhts goign thru my head. please someone dispel these myths for me. I ask this becuase, I realyl don't know what to do. never done it at al and I am jsut tired of not being able to do that.
-what if I say somethign stupid
-what if she has a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend etc
-what do I say after Hi
-is it to forward to ask for a number, date, or anything on the approach.
much of this is done in a place other then a singles bar.
First off I understand your pain. But if you want to meet someone you like, you have to put yourself on the line, in an uncomfortable position.
You will only get better with PRACTICE.
You have to learn this (and I am learning it too): WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK, WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK, WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK. Tell yourself this daily and all day until you can picture what it feels like to say WHO CARES. Learn to accept yourself for who you are, improve on yourself every way you can, and do things for YOU. Again try to picture not caring what these women think. Picture yourself as very tough for having the balls to approach them.
No it is not too forward to approach and say something like "Hi my name is ____, and I was wondering if you would like to get coffee or talk sometime.?" Make it simple and short and don't worry what they think. A slight smile on your face throughout the ordeal makes you look more confident and also shows you are not worried what they think. If they say "no" say "Thanks and good luck to you".
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE.
I used to literally almost pass out approaching women, now I just wing it and don't care too much what they think. Good luck to you. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:09:27 AM | The word No has never killed any one.
Well, unless it's the Governor saying no.
Lok, just adjust your halo, look her in the eye, keep your hands to yourself and try saying
"Hi, I'm ------- . | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:41:01 AM | | If most of you guys are approaching women everywhere, why are you here. And why are the women here? Because the women just reject almost every approach, they don't give anybody they don't know a chance. In my case I don't meet many women who are available, there just aren't many. I don't like approaching women unless they give some hint that they are approachable because if not then your chances are almost zero that they will say anything if you have never met them before. Even here the chances of a woman answering a message is very low, and some delete and not even bother reading, now that's rude. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:56:36 AM |
approaching women unless they give some hint that they are approachable because if not then your chances are almost zero
Life is about risk and taking chances. Unless you put yourself out there and try, you'll never get anywhere.
Believe me, I have been shot down too many times to count.
I refused to give up. I just developed this additude that if she turns me down, it's her loss.
If you are happy with who you are, you can be the same way. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 10:18:29 AM | MOST of you guys need to read "How to Succeed with Women" by Ron Louis and David Copeland. They completely agree with the guys on this thread that say you need to (at first) just practice saying "hi" to a number of women. Just a casual "hi" is easy - I doubt if any of them will punch your lights out for that! Some will say hi, some will smile, some will ignore you and some may not even hear you. What's so hard about that? OP, figure out what you are doing wrong - you can fix it.
Final point - it is no easier for a typical woman to approach a man - I bet the fear of rejection is even greater for a woman! | |
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| Should I do the approaching?
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:22:37 AM | | I have a BIG crush on a man I have seen several times at work events. We are in the same field but different positions. (He is an instuctor at classed I have to take to stay certified!)He is SOO cute on my BD last year he told me I had nice eyes. He does flirt he even asked me for a hug last time I seen him. I know his last name and have googled him and know where he lives. Is that bad to look that up? He probably doesn't know my last name. I can't stop thinking about him. I think he may be about 5 yrs younger then me and I really want to contact him but don't know if I should because he did not give me his number or e mail addresse there is my answer it was not invited he could be married or something I doubt it I think he likes me too actually I guesss I'll just wait a few months till I might get to see him again. But what if one of us leaves our job or something? Frusterated and excited! Please respond with what you would do. | |
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| Should I approach then?
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:23:01 AM | | I have a BIG crush on a man I have seen several times at work events. We are in the same field but different positions. (He is an instuctor at classed I have to take to stay certified!)He is SOO cute on my BD last year he told me I had nice eyes. He does flirt he even asked me for a hug last time I seen him. I know his last name and have googled him and know where he lives. Is that bad to look that up? He probably doesn't know my last name. I can't stop thinking about him. I think he may be about 5 yrs younger then me and I really want to contact him but don't know if I should because he did not give me his number or e mail addresse there is my answer it was not invited he could be married or something I doubt it I think he likes me too actually I guesss I'll just wait a few months till I might get to see him again. But what if one of us leaves our job or something? Frusterated and excited! Please respond with what you would do. | |
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| Should I?
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:23:39 AM | | I have a BIG crush on a man I have seen several times at work events. We are in the same field but different positions. (He is an instuctor at classed I have to take to stay certified!)He is SOO cute on my BD last year he told me I had nice eyes. He does flirt he even asked me for a hug last time I seen him. I know his last name and have googled him and know where he lives. Is that bad to look that up? He probably doesn't know my last name. I can't stop thinking about him. I think he may be about 5 yrs younger then me and I really want to contact him but don't know if I should because he did not give me his number or e mail addresse there is my answer it was not invited he could be married or something I doubt it I think he likes me too actually I guesss I'll just wait a few months till I might get to see him again. But what if one of us leaves our job or something? Frusterated and excited! Please respond with what you would do. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:31:50 AM | | Responding to message 164, I have no trouble saying hi to any woman or talking to any woman, but like I have said that leads to nothing because they are not available or not interested. Just like most of the women here, and in the real world, they are just not interested unless they know you and know how succesfull you are. But it you got a Harley or a cheap convertible and not much else that would get you somewhere with a lot of women. | |
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xamo
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Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 169 | |
| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:47:37 AM | | It really isn't, BUT some dudes really have a problem, and don't do themselves any favours with the situations they piut themselves in and the women they find attractive vs. the kind of relationship they want. | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:42:31 PM | Its only hard if you let it be,
I grew up kind of geeky, super skinny, coke bottle glasses and I stuttered and was sooooooo self consious. But one day I tired of watching my life pass me by.
If you don't make contact when you are attracted to someone you are rejecting yourself and you are treating yourself the way you say you don't like others to treat you. You are telling yourself that you are not worthy. BAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't have to go for a homerun on that first contact, drop a compliment, buy her a drink, when she takes it check for a ring. Tell her you'll talk to her another time. Your heart may be pounding but she'll be wondering about how confident you are.
Don't dismiss a lady just because she says no, I see so many guys walk off and say "that B****." Why...... she doesn't know you. Say hi each time you see her, tell she looks nice when she's dolled up. If she's talking with a group that you have friends in join the conversation. I have had at least ten women that flat turned me down, comeback and ask me out after they got to know me.
I don't look too geeky anymore, had to get my eyes operated on, am for sure not skinny and worked hard to get rid of my stutter, but I still have heart papitations when I approach a beautiful woman............but i do it anyway and have no regrets | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/27/2006 1:07:29 AM | It's not HARD to approach a woman...but I've been thinking about certain things that make it a little rediculous trying to approach a woman you don't know.....
-the one thing that's absolutely essential...the communication with the eyes...before any approach....but how is one supposed to approach when a woman won't look him in the eye long enough to "flirt" (women NEVER lock eyes with me)
-a good number of women have the idea that a man who "approaches" them is just "hitting on them" or just out to GET SOMETHING FROM THEM....ummmm yup you guessed it...sex...
...so...the option you are left with...is just approach a girl that can't look you in the eye and just ask "are you single?"....sadly....this approach will just FREAK THEM out....because it's so out there and they don't know how to respond.....
....I'm not repulsive....I don't view sex as TAKING something...but I'm a little perplexed with this "cold approach" technique....
...I mean THINK ABOUT IT...how many couples do you know who met eachother this way? I KNOW NONE...it's always through friends or the internet...or speed dating...or work...the ones who do meet this way RARELY LAST anyways.... | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/28/2006 11:30:07 AM | cs36html, how do you strike up a conversation with guys? What do you talk about?
Think back to those times.
Well, it's basically the same with women. Isn't it? Think of it that way. | |
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gfded
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Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 174 | |
| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/28/2006 11:39:38 AM | | leeanne, i believe the gent has a point you'd be a little unusual. in my experience its at least 70% me approaching with a reply rate of possibly 25%. and it appears the norm that you are considered a pervert unless proven otherwise, either that or i'm missing something. at the very least theres huge lack of trust, or cultural who knows i never did figure it out | |
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| Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/28/2006 6:06:43 PM | I don't know why it is - I assume it's a fear or rejection, but technically you cannot be accurately rejected by someone who's talked to you for 5 seconds and has no idea who you are. It's not possible.
Instead I don't wait for them to - I either make it real clear I am interested by smiling, waving or I say something first. I just don't have time in my life to stand there and speculate about whether or not a guy seems interested me...I'd rather show direct interest and move on if it's not mutual.
But of course from the other thread about this, I am sure most of you know that about me pretty much. | |
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