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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??      Home login  
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 musicalife
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 176
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
It is also sometimes the monotony of many rejections and sometimes you feel like why bother.

However that is exactly when you need to get going and just say the heck with it.

Oldschoolqueen, you are very right about this stuff.
 sexymocha
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 177
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/28/2006 7:38:42 PM
Why is it so hard to approach women, the same reason why some women find it hard to approach men. "Rejection"

I know a lot of men who have sent their friends over to approach me b/c they were afraid to. Which by the way is a bad thing to do. I understand shyness and fear, but to me that is also a sign of weakness.

I've never been afraid to approach any man and it's not because I know I can have him, but I've learned that in life risks occur every day. The risk of rejection, the risk of getting hurt etc, etc.

For men the risk of rejection is different then women being rejected.

In some cases it's an ego booster if a man approaches a woman and she accepts his invitation to whatever. Women on the other hand we don't see it as a ego booster (well at least some of us don't) instead we see it as an opportunity to nurture a new relationship whether it be boyfriend girlfriend or friendship. There usually isn't a motive behind our approaching a man. Guys I'm not saying that all of you have a personal agenda when approaching, but lets be honest at a club with your Homies(boys) and you see a fine woman tell me..., what are all of you guys plotting and talking about when you are staring in her direction. And yes some women do this too, but we tend to be more subtle about it.

I also think that people put too much damn pressure on themselves. Don't think about it all the time, just do it. The more you think about it allows enough time for yourself or someone else to talk you out of it.

So, like I said just do it fellas and don't send your friend to do it for you either. If he's cute you might have just gave him the opportunity to get what you wanted. Most women(well I know I do) like a man that is not afraid to approach me and make conversation. Women, that goes for us too.
 Local Gent
Joined: 4/1/2006
Msg: 178
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/28/2006 7:39:24 PM
Well I read from page one to eight.....and though there are some very good points...I have to say in mine and the cases of other single guys I know...it is the fear of rejection.

And those that say practice...totally right.....only Im really really good at saying hi and passing an initial compliment....then...how the heck do I get brain to allow tounge to continue a somewhat interesting conversation?

I also agree with the smile at one you think you'd like to 'know'.....I do to the mall and have a coffee...the various wonderful ladies that stroll by ..omg...and some will smile back...most dont. My boys say that I need to then say hi or do something. What?....Im in a mall for crying out loud....I will look like Im accosting them! sheesh

and last point is that the awesome girl in your eye might not be in mine....so the compliment I past should in all ways be accepted as just that.....not that Im trying to hit on her.

ooooohh..and a second to last point.....lol...is trying to figure out even with a smile back, no rings and no signifigant other evidence......is she really interested in guys.

Just my musings..........cheers
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 179
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:44:47 AM

Oldschoolqueen, you are very right about this stuff.


Thanks.

I just think that any type of fear will get you by the throat and close it on you if you stand there long enough and think about it in enough detail. Action conquers fear. Ever jump out of a plane or bungee jump? Right before you go off the edge what's your first instinct? To turn around and say "forget this". But the experience of it is worth the "risk". Then you logically realize it's not a huge risk...thousands before you did it and lived. There are people there training you and/or making sure you are ok, etc etc.

In the romance game, you are only as good as your last approach. Learn from it, perfect it but realize some you approach are just not into you....be realistic. It's not you as a person, or your looks, or your identity and purpose in life or whatever - it has nothing to do with you. People, remember: Not every person you see is your type either. It's just not a big deal. Chalk it up to people having preferences. Men especially need to change their mindset and not take it all so personally.

However when someone might like you back, why second guess yourself and let them walk away? That's just nuts. What if that was a really good person for you, and because you never approached him/her you never see that person again? That should be enough to get you off the freaking wall and into the game. You can't win if you don't play.

 Reactionary_Outlaw
Joined: 8/14/2006
Msg: 180
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 1:10:16 PM

'Cause you make it hard - get some balls and just go for it!!!!


That's big talk for someone without balls. I'd ask when was the last time she approached a guy cold (they can do that, you know)!

Basically, men are gunshy about approaching because of fear of failure. This can stem from several sources:

1. The man has an unrealistic expectation in women and gets shot down from continually going after unattainable targets.

2. Women who are actually available and interested don't give blatently obvious signs that they are interested because they are worried about looking too desperate. There is nothing desperate about a look into someone's eyes and a smile, ladies. Men aren't mind readers.

3. Some women who aren't interested act like you did them a disservice by walking over and showing interest in them. How horrible that must be!

4. Inexperienced men often have bad experiences from lack of dealing with women, and that becomes a viscious cycle: they have no game from lack of experience with women, and yet they can't get experience with women because they have no game.

In other words, ladies, if you like a guy you should look back and smile, and if no results YOU should go over and introduce yourself and let him take it from there.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 181
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 1:21:49 PM

In other words, ladies, if you like a guy you should look back and smile, and if no results YOU should go over and introduce yourself and let him take it from there.


Yes...women should show interest, and not chase. Men will approach if they know it's gonna be a positive result.

This thread is deja vu. The only difference is that a man is the one asking about it this time...maybe to get leverage from other males on what causes it. The answer is rejection. The solution - don't string all the past ones together in your head to cause one big letdown, that'll kill ya. Just shut your mind off and do it, and take the word rejection out of the equation. Like I said remember that not every girl that likes you is someone you are interested in.

In any event, if a woman wants to know what's going on, she can totally take it by the "balls" and find out. Or wonder for hours. But that's just my view - I don't care why men don't do it. I just cut thru the red tape and throw out a signal if I see someone I like.
 makingupaname
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 182
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 2:03:47 PM
There are a lot of deep rooted fears in men about rejection and approaching random women. Fear of looking foolish, fear of being shot down, fear of being laughed at. The problem is that this fear will never go away unless you approach women. The more you do it, the easier it gets. the easier it gets, the more confident you will feel doign it, and the more success you will have.

A search on youtube.com for "seduction school" will find a television show in the UK where two dating coaches teach 3 men how to approach women in the street. Only one episode is up there, but I found it really interesting.
 makingupaname
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 183
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 2:11:53 PM

-what if I say somethign stupid


Then you're going to have a funny story to tell your mates the next day about how badly you screwed up. It's only embarrassing if you're not laughing at it.


-what if she has a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend etc


then politely excuse yourself, or say hello to her friends. You've only said hello, not humped her leg. No harm done.


-what do I say after Hi


Start a conversation. Ask her opinion on something interesting. Ask her what the ideal thing for a man to say to her when approaching. Women love this one. Gets her in a romantic headspace, because she's thinking of how she could be swept off her feet, and by imagining it, she's partially living it.


-is it to forward to ask for a number, date, or anything on the approach.


Yes. If the first thing you do is ask for her number, than you've told her that you don't care about what she's like as a person, because you can't know anything about her yet, you dont want her phone number, you want to call her boobs and ask them out. If after the conversation, you've had great rapport and she's been laughing the whole time, playfully touching you, asking you questions when the conversation dies, then you can probably ask for a number.


much of this is done in a place other then a singles bar.


Bars are hard places to approach. Girls are expecting to be approached in bars, and they are expecting to be approached a lot of times. This gets tedious, so they will often do whatever it takes to brush off a potential suitor quickly so that their entire night isn't spent talking to boring polite individuals. Make sure to get their attention quickly with a loud clear voice, confident body language(never lean in to speak to them, just speak louder!) and confident mannerisms.

It takes practice. Best of luck bud.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 184
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 2:19:27 PM
On the contary Cynderella

You were brought up to believe that men are a sub human species, complete slaves to their penises, only ever after the one thing, and not capable of loving a woman.

And this reflects through all of you interactions with even the most loving and caring of men. From the initial approach, to the dating, to the wedding, to the kids, to the divorce.

If you talked to gf's the way you talk to gf's you would lose your gf's . If you talked to customers the way you talk to gf's you would lose your job.


Who "shoots you down" for making the first move. A few stupid bimbos with all mouth and no brains? I know it isn't the guys. They don't mind the women making the first move.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 185
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:05:29 PM
'Cause you make it hard - get some balls and just go for it!!!!
Confidence makes the world an easier place to get along.
====================================
Leeanne

Hyophetical
A gf of yours has ben raped. In court the rapist blames the sexy gear she was wearing. The court doen'st wear that one and convicts him anyway.

Leanne
Would you be at all surprised if you gf took to dressing down? And, would you ever just try to tell her to "snap out of it". Of course you wouldn't.


Now get thsi Leanee and get it good. Approximately half the male population will end up facing some sort of petty spitefull harrasment and stalking charges for simply "approacing" a girl. A rape phobic man hating girl.


So it's time for you to get real Leanne. The only kind of guy who can go through this experience and stil keep aproachign girls is the one with a hide as thick as a rino and a head as thhick as a brick.
Tell me Leanne. Is thsi the sort of guy who seems to aproach you all the time, while the nice gusy seem to hold back. Now you know why m girl.
 browneyedhansomeman
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 186
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:24:33 PM
ya never know what women are into these days .
 cynderalla
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 187
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:46:12 PM
Sparticuss..."You were brought up to believe that men are a sub human species, complete slaves to their penises, only ever after the one thing, and not capable of loving a woman.

How do you know how I was brought up? Or how I speak to other people?
First of all...I have grown up, that you give respect, you get respect...I have no respect for you, as you give none!

Secondly...If you have no HAHA don't bother to waist your time or mine...stay on topic!

Sparticuss..."A few stupid bimbos with all mouth and no brains?"

If you are referring this in anyway to me...I would say you have no manners as well!



 Wullis
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 188
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 4:34:57 PM
One of the biggest problems is (I hang my head for my gender) these Guys screaming rejection don't want to put forth the effort to garner friendship and respect with the female community.
A buddy of mine just got back from Iraq and we went to a club and a happy hour since he got back. He asked me the other day what I did to have so many women come and talk to me, hug me, kiss me, ect.... Did I go out with all of them ect....

I told him simply because I go talk to them..... And no I don't go out with all of them

His reply then why bother talking to the ones you don't go out with.

Thats why they don't come up to you, and talk, hug, kiss, you and even some go out with

Well I look stupid if she doesn't wanna talk he says

You look stupider standing looking at them I says

Guys, every girl you approach doesn't have to go to bed with you, or marry you !!!

Try going out on a Friday night and talking to every girl in the bar ...Supermodel to Hogg and every sweet thing in between. DON"T ASK ANYONE FOR THEIR NUMBER!!!!!! Just compliment them, clothes, smile, eyes, dancing. Wow your having fun ect...
A group of girls .....BE NON COMITTAL ..... Would any of you lovely creatures like to dance??

HAVE SOME FUN........Repeat for four weeks

At some point some girls is going to offer her number unsolicited, another is going to bring her friend to met you, and one is going to buy you a drink

AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS WALK AROUND AND TALK TO THEM

Women are wonderful and worth the investment
 musicalife
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 189
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 4:42:12 PM
^^^A great piece of advise. Guys always think they got to walk up and get that damn number right off the bat or simply have to get it period. They think they have to put on a perfect presentation.

Hell, talking to them is practice all in itself. I always say get in a conversation with them and THEN see where it goes. Like you say, you don't HAVE to ask for anything. Take the damn pressure off of yourself!

Great post. One I sort of needed as I have strayed off track a bit of late, lol.
 kap10cavy1963
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 190
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:45:59 PM
Aww.... sparticuss, did Mommy tell you no again?
Ok, on topic, it's not hard to do, just don't approach with the idea of being rejected and trying to sleep with her right away.
Take the time to know her. Hell, she might be just as shy as you are.
Don't just look at her, take the time to get to know her.
Even the most beautiful women in the world have some insecuritues.
 Paulchino II
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 191
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 12:50:01 AM

Guys always think they got to walk up and get that damn number right off the bat or simply have to get it period


Think about when you're in a public place...how often do you have the chance to sit down and just chat with a girl for half an hour to see what she's all about?

Most people are out in public with their friends...what you need to do is just go on that initial attraction...but make it very clear that you're not a drooling dog waiting for the green light to get into her pants...just because she LOOKS good...

I've been thinking about some original "openers" lately that can get that message across rather quickly....it's been a while since I did a "cold" approach...but I'll tell you that my best cold approaches lasted 3 minutes max....

...generally I think a girl doesn't want to be interupted when she's out with friends...so you just gotta get the number and go...let the body language do most of the talking....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 192
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:16:05 AM
That's why its better to not go out with your friends in the same car or to walk away from them once in a while if you do. Who wants to look at their friends all night? I love my friends, but I like meeting new people too. So for me, it actually is easy to sit and talk to me for a half hour because my friends aren't attached to me.
 Hegadil
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 193
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 7:02:38 PM

I've been thinking about some original "openers" lately that can get that message across rather quickly....it's been a while since I did a "cold" approach...but I'll tell you that my best cold approaches lasted 3 minutes max....

...generally I think a girl doesn't want to be interupted when she's out with friends...so you just gotta get the number and go...let the body language do most of the talking....


you left more unsaid than you actually said here. Imagine you are a coach for the shy guys that want to make the initial approach but see only rejection staring them in the face....
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 194
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 8:09:53 PM
The only way to get better at approaching and asking out women is to DO IT.

Don't fear rejection, it will happen sometimes even if she does like you (she could be married or dating). Rejection is part of this business. Those who it bothers the least will find the most success.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 195
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 8:48:53 PM
Just try it, figure that she can say yes or say no, just get your nerve up and approach!
The practice will be good at building your confidence up!
 Victor E.
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 196
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Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 8:51:48 PM
they are afraid of rejection.
 KittyKat~KittyKat
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 197
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:47:33 PM
I just don't understand the rejection part. I have no problem in asking a man to dance. If he says "no thank you", it's no problem. I assume either he: 1. Doesn't know how to dance, 2. Is painfully shy and only knows how to say No, 3. Thinks I'm too forward for asking, 4. Doesn't want to dance with "me". Any of those are okay. However, if he does want to dance with me......HEY, it's great!! Then, usually, the next time he asks ME to dance! I've found Life in itself is full of risks, so just do it!! Kat
 Paulchino II
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 198
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:50:37 PM
you left more unsaid than you actually said here. Imagine you are a coach for the shy guys that want to make the initial approach but see only rejection staring them in the face....


Thanks...I'll take that as a compliment...the automatic reaction to this "problem" is to just assume they are affraid of rejection...it's obvious enough...but sometimes it's not that simple...

...the problem is plain old anxiety...caused by many different things...rejection doesn't even cross my mind...and when it happens...it usually won't phase me too bad....


figure that she can say yes or say no, just get your nerve up and approach!


OR...she could look at you with the weirdest face and walk away saying nothing at all...THAT kind of rejection can sting just a little bit....but you gotta know the reality is that NOBODY is gonna want to date that sour b*tch
 craigsh77
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 199
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 10:24:35 PM
try this! to make it easier to approach women go to the mall, find good looking women that work in the stores! and practise approaching them! do not ask for there number, just approach them make eye contact and strike up a conversation and then leave! do this 15-20 times untill you are comfortable and it becomes second nature to making the conversation and approaching,, these people are being paid to talk to you and be nice to you so rejection is not a concern they are going to be polite! as soon as you are comfortable ,, now go and approach a girl you are interested in,, try checking out a book store,, or whatever,, and do exactly what you have learned, talk about the book you just read or a book you are looking for,, and when the conversation comes to an end simply say " lets get together for a coffee and interesting conversation sometime??" and before you know it she is getting out a pen and handing you her number!!
 sexymocha
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 200
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:49:54 PM
I totally agree with you Reactionary Outlaw.. I know for a fact that I am hard to approach so I just take the bull behind the horns and initiate conversation.

It's better to know because I've tried then to not know because I didn't.

SM
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