| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:51:39 PM | Changing one's name is not a legal requirement, it's merely a custom.
My mother was born and raised in Italy. My father in Ireland.
In Italy, you don't change your name to your husbands. Custom dictated that you merely adopted your husbands name, after yours. Similar to what the "hyphenated" last name here has become. Maiden names in Italy never go away. They are required for almost everything.
The children are typically named after the father, but again it wasn't a requirement. In my case? My mother's family was not entirely pleased that she was marrying an Irishman and as such, one stipulation on my father being allowed to marry my mother was that all of us take my mother's maiden name as a surname.
Needless to say, they've been married almost 47 years, she still uses her maiden name and we're all named after her. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:27:19 PM | This custom from the old idea of wife as property - has really had its day.
You need to make it very clear - you aren't property!
I would never change my name for someone else. I invented my new surname after gaining my freedom - put the family's nose out of joint but stiff cheddar.
You are as you say, not just starting out, I think this expectation will be dropped in time. There is certainly nothing romantic about it, and Mrs anything - is actually a euphemism for being less intelligent and old, you so, don't need the negative connotations a husband and society are all too willing to drop on you.
Do you really need to actually marry at all? | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:41:59 PM | I still have my ex-husbands name on my professional licenses and they will not remove it!
What a pain. I need to call them again. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:14:26 PM | | My daughter is 23 years old. She and her boyfriend have been together for a year. They are considering marriage. She wants to keep her last name. She's afraid to tell him. She asked me about it. I told her it has to be between the two of them. I don't think he is going to agree; he's old fashion. She's adamant. It's going to be interesting to see how it turns out. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 3:29:12 AM | My ex never totally changed her name officially (did on some things, but not all), but for all intents and purposes, she went by my last name, at work etc. That was fine with me.
| |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 4:08:59 AM | I can certainly understand not wanting to change your name, and I would go along with that, but NO ENGAGEMENT RING either. If we're going to drop one outdated traditional, let's drop them both.
Also, if a woman gets divorced, she should automatically revert to her previous surname. No choice in the matter. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:20:33 AM | I do completely understand the reasoning you want to keep your current last name. Good for you.
I on the other hand am a little "old fashioned" I guess... I could think of no better way to honor the man I marry by taking his last name. That's just me I guess.
Good luck to you and have a very Happy life !!
Blonde  | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:08:01 AM |
Also, if a woman gets divorced, she should automatically revert to her previous surname. No choice in the matter.
I have to disagree with you on this. Many of us women keep our married name simply because it is the last name of our children. It saves the children having to explain who their mom is and saves moms from having to explain they are a child's parent though they do not have the same last name. It can make a child's life easier in the divorce. (not that it is ever easy on a child)
If I did not have children I would have gladly taken back my maiden name. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:08:16 AM | | pshhh. my friend told her husband that if he wanted the same name as his during the marriage, he could change HIS name. He did. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:09:07 AM |
I on the other hand am a little "old fashioned" I guess... I could think of no better way to honor the man I marry by taking his last name. That's just me I guess.
it's funny how all the posts say they woud keep their own name until a guy says " no engagement ring" and the NEXT post says " Id' change my name cuz I'm old fashioned"
coincidence?? | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:18:35 AM | Why not just find someone who already has the same surname, then no problems.
Happened to a couple I know, no family relation they could trace. Simple. | |
|
| |
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:22:24 PM |
Changing one's name is not a legal requirement, it's merely a custom. Is this true!!?? So why have we all been taking our husbands names? Because we want to belong to/with him, thats why. And like another poster said, the children, we must all have the same name, it's the only way it would really work.
This custom from the old idea of wife as property - has really had its day.
You need to make it very clear - you aren't property! Do you really need to actually marry at all? I have to say, the answers are surprizing me. How many are letting go of tradition. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:27:35 PM | | If your name was Susan Cox and you married Bill Ucker you shouldnt use a hyphenated name or if your name was Linda Blow and you married Steve Jobs not a good idea | |
|
| whats in a name.. your relationship with your name.. and keeping it.. YOURS !
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:29:53 PM | I use two names it's legal, my maiden name for me stuff, and my married name for family stuff. It's no big deal your marriage paper's will show your maiden and married name, It's not an issue
Your making a big deal out of nothing and does this wonderfull man know your on the internet dating sites asking strangers for advice, you could turn him down and stay single if yoru so attached yoru name.
How ridiculous | |
|
| whats in a name.. your relationship with your name.. and keeping it.. YOURS !
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:22:05 AM | I think the best (not EASIEST, mind you) way to resolve it is to determine who feels more strongly on the matter. You both have to be HONEST for that to work, though. If she didn't feel strongly either way, I would prefer that she took my name. I've never been married, but I feel it's a sign of respect for the man if his wife takes his name.
If she doesn't, then the children should have her name. She owns 'em after all.
It's her choice, but like I said, no name-change, no engagement ring. Feminism is too much about having your cake and eating it. | |
|
| |
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:23:02 AM | Here is your first test of what marriage is all about. Compromise
No, wanting to keep your keep name is not unreasonable. I totally understand being attached to it and wanting to keep it, I have thought of that myself at times...
Yes, I know people who hyphenate ie keep both names.
You really need to talk to your partner about this one. Don't forget to tell him how you feel... try to be tactful about it. You both should be respectful of each other's feeling on this or else not a good start to a lifetime together?. And, yes be open to compromise | |
|
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 44 | |
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:33:17 AM |
Keeping your name after marriage
I dunno why...but...changing my name when I got married was the biggest regret of my life.
Its the only thing I felt I "gave up" that was inherently "me".
It was my name, my legacy and the legacy of my deceased father.
Within a week of my ex and I separating...I changed it back.
*felt much better* | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:34:45 AM | | Its respect to your hubby if you do take his name but if you donr want his name than why do you want him is thier someting wroung with him or his name. Just live together if you dont want his name why bother getting married. People do have 2 names a bussiness name and a nother name can be married or a maiden name. the thing with keeping your own name is alot of people will not belive you are married even if you say you are and is thier another reason you dont want his name. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:36:15 AM | I known people who were in the same profession that had doctorates who kept their names for professional reasons. I can think of a lot of reasons for someone to do it.
That said, I still have a hard time with it. I don't know why. I don't know where the idea of "if she's rejecting my name, she is rejecting me" comes from. It certainly hasn't been taught to me. Maybe it's just that I always though, when I thought of the future, that my wife WOULD take my name... so the idea that she wouldn't want to is like that initial concept of how things would be being rejected. I'm not sure. It doesn't seem like a big deal when I think about it intellectually, but I think I would be hurt and disappointed if someone said that they didn't want my name.
Weird.  | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:36:18 AM | she still signs all her paintings with her maiden name, as that's how she's known in the art world.
I agree. There is no reason why you can't use your maiden name professionally, and at least hyphen the two surnames together for things (eg. Christmas cards) addressed to Mr & Mrs.
We women demand sensitivity from our men these days. But it goes both ways. And if his feelings will be hurt, can you not try to find middle ground whereby you are both happy? ...After all, part of love is compromise.
 | |
|
TLC_
|
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 4:52:32 AM | its not a new thing for the woman not taking on the husbands name. actors anc actresses do it all the time, keep their names that is....
i dont like the idea, i think it takes a lot out of the togetherness and union | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:03:55 AM | The issue is not a name...
The thing that i am seeing is that your bf needs to grow up
I would not get married until you are totally sure that your bf is totally comfortable with an equal relationship ..where he does not always get everything that he wants. | |
|
| Keeping your name after marriage
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:37:49 AM | I wouldn't change my name anymore... did it once and I didn't like it. My daughter's name and mine are different(she has her dad's name), hasn't caused any issues yet.. but sometimes I get called Mrs. __________ (kids last name) I don't care. I explained it to my kid and told her she could change her last name when she is eighteen if she wants to, since her father passed away I think she wants to keep it as a kind of respect of his memory sort of thing.
I am who I am... I was born with this name, I've decided to keep it now. I am an artist and couldn't start signng work differently anyway.
Of course I'm against legal marriage and all the stuff that goes with it - I like my legal autonomy.(this is for me, what others do or want to do is their business) | |
|
Home
login 
