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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:24:05 PM | Prolibertate, I'm sorry about your dad! And anyone with a brain would understand someone living with a parent who was ill or dying. (Provided it wasn't a dangerous situation for either one)Which it doesn't sound like yours was...I think the original thread was more towards adults who were living at home without some imperative or compelling reason(like a parent being ill, or the adult child having some sort of life crisis-divorce,job loss,losing home due to fire, flood or other natural disaster)
Cindy O | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:29:53 PM | Apprently it's a HUGE deal. I used to be out on my own, but I have recently sold everything that I owned, including my car to start my own business. My parents didn't really have any money to help me get started, so their way of helping me with my business goals, is to alow me to stay at home without having to pay them to stay there. We have agreed that as soon as my business can support me, I will leave again. It's now 7 months and 6 days old, and I am almost ready to finally get my own wheels again.
It's tough out there, and my parents are helping me make it. It seems like there is something wrong with that. If you are living at home, in your 20's it doesn't nessasarily mean that you are worthless and lazy. Although alot are, and I see where tha anamosity is coming from.
I have huge dreams, and I am making huge strides to reach them.
I've had more dates when I was out on my own, working a dead-end 20hour/week job, flipping burgers, than I do now, when I own my own business, which is so much better, yet because I am getting help on the home front, no one will even take notice that i'm standing there.
It's pretty sad, but I know in about a year from now, I will be owning my own house and car, and running a successful business. Until then, I will just enjoy my own company, and laugh at those who pass me by, because of what they are missing!
I don't really let it bother me, It will all fall into place, once I am fully ready for a long-term relationship and have a family. But, meeting new people, even to just chat with, is still a worth while thing to do.
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:32:53 PM | So what your saying is that by 25 years old you were completely self suffucient meaning you owned your own home without assistance of anybody else.. including a partner for double income .. you had all if any debt payed off from schooling or whatever it may be from .. you owned your own car and never had to ever get any help from anybody ?? Hmmmm How much were you making at 25 to be able to do all that ??
I realize this wasn't a post for me....however, at the age of 23 I was completely self sufficient as you described....owned my own home...granted it was a mobile home...but it was still paid for without assistance from anyone. Lived by myself, went to college full time in the evening and worked full time during the day. Paid off school as I went....didn't go into debt because of school due to 75% scholarship...had excellent credit....had a car that was completely paid for....all of that without help from family or friends....and you are saying? What? It can't be done?
Been there and done that.
Then I met my ex husband and now all of that is history....but managed to pick myself up again...and am doing well again. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:37:20 PM | As for me personally, dating is so much easier living in my own apartment than at home. I love my folks adn we're really close, but as an only child in a very traditional household, it was almost impossible to date, even in my 20s! every guy had to be checked out and then afterwards...and my father even when i was 27 would still wait up for me LOL. it still is a bit hard dating now because i'm living in the town i grew up in, and i don't have a car so have to borrow one if meeting someone not on easy bus routes. but, yeah, there is no way i could even contemplate dating if i was still living at home.
as for others, depends on the situation. i don't automatically vet someone out because they live at home. depends on circumstances. and if they have a good relationship with their parents/parent, then thats a plus for me as family is a big priority in my life. on the flip side, i've seen some men who live at home to take advantage of their parents' generosity and totally use the situation--which warns me that they might be takers so i tend to not get involved. but i generally give someone the benefit of the doubt for their reasons for living at home. i mean, excluding 3 years while in school in newfoundland, i lived at home until i was 28 as i wanted to pay off all my student loans first. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:39:30 PM | No I am in no way saying it cannot be done .. but not everbody has a scholarship and MOST people at the age of 25 are not in a position to be fully self sufficient .
If you were than that is great on you .. but I'm just curious about one thing .. how did you go to school full time and work full time at the same time ?? I wasent aware there was that many hours in the day .. did you sleep and eat at all ? | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:46:23 PM |
So what your saying is that by 25 years old you were completely self suffucient meaning you owned your own home without assistance of anybody else.. including a partner for double income .. you had all if any debt payed off from schooling or whatever it may be from .. you owned your own car and never had to ever get any help from anybody ?? Hmmmm How much were you making at 25 to be able to do all that ??
Some people live in areas where houses don't start at $300,000, or they start out in an apartment and save for a house. I wasn't making much at all when I moved out and the only time I had 'help' was after one job ended and I used to eat a few times a week at my mothers' and so fdi my roommate...that was back when I was 23 or 24. But I still paid all the bills, including a car payment. And I've done it all on my own since, and not by making over 6 figures. It's called livining within ones means.
CindyO - thanks; it's been a difficult last few weeks. It was an interesting situation as he originally moved into my apartment with me, and then I bought a house so there'd be more room for both of us...and it was much different than when a child moves back in with a parent, lol. But it sure was interesting to hear what some people would say when I told them my father was living with me. When he had to move into my new home 6 weeks ago, it was because it was too dangerous for him to be alone anymore. He was asked to move in last June (2005) when he was diagnosed with cancer, but he wanted to be in my other house as long as he could - and he mentioned that he didn't want to be a burden to me. I figured he raised me from birth, and now it was just my turn to help him. Again, that's what family is and does.
Solkin, your situation is much different...you're not lazy, unemployed, leeching off of your parents. You're trying to reach a good goal and one that will sustain you for a long time. I wish you the best of luck with it. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:47:32 PM | Solkin, what you actually did was make a personal sacrifice to further your longterm goal (having your own business as opposed to working for someone else in a deadend job)Being seen as undateable was possibly a risk you didn't foresee? or you saw it and decided that your longterm goal was worth it? Tough as it is, there are unfortunately a lot of guys out there who have few or no life goals, who use "own/starting my own business," or "self-employed" as a cover story for that little fact. We gals have to be a little cautious these days. \Anyway it sounds like you've got the whole thing in perspective and you'll do just fine because you are a smart man who can see the big picture!
Cindy O | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:48:03 PM | Living at home with a good job does say a lot about you. If it's a cultural thing and I think that it is. People from your own culture will be fine with it. It shows that your priorities are saving money over independence and a more adventureous single life. Some will find that to be a turn off, but these people are likely not your type anyway. You think it's a good idea so keep it in the open.
Ask yourself if you were interested in a girl who lived at home would it matter.
If someone is interested in you likely they won't care about such a trivial thing. Totally different situation if you live at home because you are unemployed. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:50:10 PM | | It shouldn't be a big deal but it is unfortunately. I am still living at home but I have finally met someone through POF despite this. The trick is to realize it may be a big deal but to try and find someone anyway without covering up this fact. I'm sure theirs someone out there. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:50:37 PM | | ^^ Hey I live in my own and pay all my own bills and paid for all my schooling without assistance from scholarships, parents, government own my own car .. etc etc but I do not consider that to be self sufficient. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:01:58 PM | To answer your question arct...I worked during the day 8 hours and took full time evening college courses...and no I didn't eat and sleep a whole lot.
I am having a hard time seeing how you don't see living on your own, paying your own bills, school, blah blah blah as not being self sufficient....what do you consider to be self sufficient??????? That makes NO sense. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:05:46 PM | As for me, I was up studying this morning, till it was time to drop my kid, go to college, and take an exam; some of us live "without" beauty sleep. You should try it; clearly, it's not working otherwise. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:11:46 PM | | I am 28 still live at home, and guess what, no plans on going any where again. I had moved out with someone and when that failed i came back here. Here i pay my rent, my food, I do most of the cooking (so poor old mom is not my slave) i do my own wash and stuff. So why am I here and not in a Appt. Easy, I love working on cars. Here i have a nice 4 car drive way and 2 car garage that i can use. Never going to get that in a appt. Spoiled little me. I have my family, I have my dog, I have my freedom to do what i want. Next year I can start new classes with out worries because there are no leases to get in the way. So for some of us, living at homeis a real blesing, while still begin self sufficient. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:16:41 PM | To Carol...
I will not consider myself to be self sufficent until I own my own home fully paid off , car fully paid off, relying on a bank is still relying on something/someone. have all my schooldebts paid off and I will not be owing a penny to anybody ... except for monthly services like cable, internet, phone .. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:24:06 PM | HAHAHAHA! Well, hate to break it to ya dear.....it won't EVER happen....as much as I would love to be debt free just like anyone else...it isn't likely to be 100% at any given time in life...
When that car of yours breaks down after it is paid off...guess what? You will need a new one....do ya just have thousands of dollars laying around for a rainy day? Doubt it.
Yes, it is a great goal to have...and more power to ya...
Let me give ya a hint...using a bank doesn't mean that you aren't self sufficient....it means you are building a line of credit.
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 2:50:15 PM |
Solkin, what you actually did was make a personal sacrifice to further your longterm goal (having your own business as opposed to working for someone else in a deadend job)Being seen as undateable was possibly a risk you didn't foresee? or you saw it and decided that your longterm goal was worth it? Tough as it is, there are unfortunately a lot of guys out there who have few or no life goals, who use "own/starting my own business," or "self-employed" as a cover story for that little fact. We gals have to be a little cautious these days. \Anyway it sounds like you've got the whole thing in perspective and you'll do just fine because you are a smart man who can see the big picture!
Cindy
That makes alot of sense, and is the main reason it doesn't really bother me. There is so many guys that use excuses and think they can get away with it. The only way I can prove it to everyone that I'm not full of s*** is to just sit back and DO it. Unfortunatly, i'm perceived as being no better than the mooching loosers. But the long term gains far out weighs the short-term sacrafices. I do see the big picture, and I also have the need to meet new people while i'm in this situation, if they like it or not, lose-lose situation until I reach this goal.
I actually get a few messages from women on POF here, and the first thing I tell them, is my situation. I've yet to find one that didn't care, as they all vanish into a black-hole or something. It's rough, but I don't care. I know that it will be better in the end.
"My response to those who say that getting help is considered being weak"
Life is so damn short as it is, and if I can get help to reach my goals sooner, I will jump all over it. Doesn't make me less of a person. I just think having reached my goals at 28 instead of 40 is a huge advantage, as I will be able to enjoy living life sooner. I've already, worked my butt off in the dead-end jobs for the last 7 years, while on my own, to save up the 35% down payment I needed for my 100k bank loan.
Why struggle for decades to make it, when you can make it now, and coast the rest of the way?
I am working my a*** off to be ready for a relationship, and be really well off, by the time i'm 30. So if no one wants to get to know me because of my current situation, so be it. I would rather be able to make a decent living, and be able to spend quality time with my children. Something that I never got from my father, as he had to work 20 hour days, just to feed us, and was never around. I want to be part of my kids' life, I want to be able to live freely without struggling to make ends meet, and if my short term sacrafice alows me to reach this goal, so be it.
Throw me to the wolves!!!  | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 4:32:10 PM | To Lorimac..
So what your saying is that by 25 years old you were completely self suffucient meaning you owned your own home without assistance of anybody else.. including a partner for double income .. you had all if any debt payed off from schooling or whatever it may be from .. you owned your own car and never had to ever get any help from anybody ?? Hmmmm How much were you making at 25 to be able to do all that ??
Just curious
And to the guy above me .. it's just a term .. dosent really mean anything I can call it living with my parents or living at home .. means the same thing . I live on my own and stil call it living at home .. I lived there for 2 decades and renting is definitly not my home as I do not own it .. it's not mine .. so the last placed I called home was my parents
I'm 24. I've been making enough to live more than comfortably since I was 21. I could buy a house now if I wanted, and honestly I don't want the responsibility since I AM alone. I have an apartment. I live alone. I have no debt. I just bought a new car. I never get help from anybody. I never work more than 24-25 hours a week. My ex boyfriend bought his first house at 19. So yes, it is possible.
Also, you did not own or rent your parents' home, so following your logic, that's not your home, either. The person you're speaking to was just making an observation. No need to nitpick.
Anyhoo..back on topic: I would date someone who was living with their parents. As long as they were actively working towards getting out on their own. I actually feel the same way about dating someone with roommates. I kind of don't really see a difference between living with parents or living with roommates.
I didn't move out from my parents' until I turned 21 (aside from a brief stint at college in another state.) simply for the fact that I refused to have roommates, and wouldn't move until I could do it on my own. I also paid my parents rent, bought my own groceries, did my own laundry, and so on. I think theres a big difference between that situation, and one where the guy works a minimum-wage job 15 hours a week, and mooches off his parents; never attempting for better.
Funnily (is that word?) I watched "Failure to Launch" last night. 
ETA: I think it's different if the person is living at their parents, and they have kids with them. I think they need to be focusing on getting their own place for their kids, and not worrying about dating or getting laid. To be honest, though, I'd rather a person with kids be a burden to their parents, and not to my paycheck. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 4:38:12 PM |
Apprently it's a HUGE deal. I used to be out on my own, but I have recently sold everything that I owned, including my car to start my own business. My parents didn't really have any money to help me get started, so their way of helping me with my business goals, is to alow me to stay at home without having to pay them to stay there. We have agreed that as soon as my business can support me, I will leave again. It's now 7 months and 6 days old, and I am almost ready to finally get my own wheels again.
At 27, I don't understand why your parents would need to, or should, give you money OR a place to stay to help you with your business venture. You're 27. By that time, you should be able to manage your money, and figure out your goals and do it yourself. People do it all the time. If it comes down to it, and you think this business is gonna work, then get a loan. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 4:47:29 PM | Okay...so I'm only 19...and most of ya would think it's alright for me to still be living at home...being at the "college age".......but I'm done college....and the only reason I'm here is so I can save a lot of money and pay off my school loan and my car loan. That will only take me like three years...then what? Don't ask me..not there yet.
I'm at home...cuz its cheap and its an option my parents don't mind. ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO SAY...it sucks a lot when I want to have friends over ...or a guy....really not to much privacy. That makes me end up going out a lot more than I'd like to.....but a girls gotta do what she's gotta do to get her freedom! I'm pretty sure I'll be sick of it in three years...and look to find my own place.....but we'll see then. My parents are all about the "you can live here for free until you get married, and then you're gone"
The typical view on this topic...in my surroundings and church circle.....is that kids usually live at home until they get married, or get kicked out (which on average is like 28-30ish)....ya seems a lil different I know...but its the norm in my crowds. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 4:49:12 PM | OK, I am 31 years old and I have been living at my mom's house for a little over a month.
I moved out at 18. I had a steady income most of my life. I saved at least $200.00 a week every week. I had close to perfect credit. I had very little debt.
All sounds good. Then I lost my job due to workforce reduction. The next day, I found out that I was eyeball deep in debt. My wife decided months before hand that she was happier seeing another man. She stopped sending the bills out. We wrote the checks every week but she just threw them under the seat in her car. She hid bills from me. Almost all our bills were at least 3 months over due. Some over 9 months. She took credit cards out and signed my name to them, ran them up and defaulted on them. Our savings? All gone. Every last penny. My credit was trashed
I moved out of my house with no job and $175.00 in my pocket. I had my truck and about two loads of stuff. So, where do you go with $175.00 and piss poor credit? By the way it sounds here, it is better to be homeless than to move in with parents to get back on your feet.
If living at home for a few months makes me a bad guy, so be it. To judge someone because of there living arrangements, all I can say is I hope you never fall on hard times. Living at home was the last thing I wanted, but it is much better than the alternative. I don't use my mom. I help pay the bills, do the wash, cook, clean, and whatever else needs done.
Some of you think this is such a bad thing, but in the end, I will end up being a better person. I now work as an independant contractor and will be making really good money. I will have money to buy stuff like furniture. I will be on my own in about two months.
Every situation is different. If some of you want to look down on a person because they need to live at home, that's pretty sad. Not all of us are where we want to be nor are we trying to take advantage of our parents. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 5:03:28 PM | | That's a bit different. I think the biggest issue we're talking about are the people who just live at home with no attempts to better themselves or their lives. Who are content living at home, and don't care to do what it takes to get their own place. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 5:30:12 PM | At 27, I don't understand why your parents would need to, or should, give you money OR a place to stay to help you with your business venture. You're 27. By that time, you should be able to manage your money, and figure out your goals and do it yourself. People do it all the time. If it comes down to it, and you think this business is gonna work, then get a loan.
I worked my butt off for 7 years, alot of the time 2 jobs at once, and I lived out on my own since I was 19, and I was able save up $35,000, because it was a requirment of the bank before they would give me the rest of what I needed. I've got $100,000 of bank loan.
It's rather funny, when someone that has never been in business starts preaching to me about what I should be doing, and why it's an easy thing to do. Wrong! If business was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you have no clue what you talk about. Try and start a retail store, and come back and say that again. Although, who knows, it might be easier in the States, than it is here. Besides the business is working. It' over 7 months old, and still growing. My business has over $4000/month of overhead, and any little bit of money that I can save, without having to take in from the business, will alow it to grow and survive during its most vulnerable time period.
Most small business' fail in the first year, because the owner gets too greedy, or it just isn't producing enough money to efficiently pay the owner and it's own bills. I don't take a penny from the business, which alows me to reinvest that money, to make more. Go figure.
And don't think for one minute, if you got an offer from someone to stay with them for free, while you attain your goals of being a successfull entrepeneur, that you wouldn't jump at it. Why the f*** would I want to struggle away and barely pay the bills, when I could put the extra money into the business to make it stronger, so it doesn't collapse in on itself. The end result is a more prosperous business, which in return lets me live in comfort, rather than in the slums sitting on welfair. 
Oh, and it's actually pretty nice to have a family that loves you, and cares about what your future contains. I've seen too many parents that don't want a thing to do with their kids. They would rather watch them sit there and starve to death instead of helping where they can. I feel sorry for you.
I don't think what I am doing can be considered that I am taking advantage of my parents. I never once asked for help. I was living on my own already, and it was my parents that offered the help in the frist place... | |
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