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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 6:30:33 PM | Dating someone who lives with their parents all comes down to the individual and why they are living there. An this has been indicated by a few people.
I moved out from my parents when I was 20, and in many ways wish I hadn't and instead saved the money that I spent on rent, utilities, etc. I did hit a period where, because it was a small town, and the company I worked for shut down, I had a hard time getting another job. I had been without a job for about a year, and knew I would have to move out of that town to get a job. My parents offered me to move back home until I could get things back on track. It turned out that the day I moved back home, I got a job offer in another city, so I only was at home with my parents for 3 weeks. I am so grateful to them that they could help me out.
Around the same time I had dated someone, who was 24 and still lived with his parents. He was staying there to save money to buy his own home, which I feel is a very good reason. We dated for a while when I was still at home, then broke up. After I was on my own, we hooked up again. The second time around is when I noticed things about him that made me see things a bit differently. It was great that he was saving money to buy his own home. But what I noticed was that his mom made his lunch for him everyday, did his laundry, cleaned his room, etc. - basically completely took care of him. I knew that I wanted to be with someone as a partner, not someone that I had to take care of. He was someone who wanted someone to continue on in the role of his mother - I realized that he would not be able to take care of himself. It seemed he was at home until he could save money for a house AND find a wife who would take care of him. We just mutually went out separate ways.
Not very long ago, I was dating someone that was living with his mom. She had become ill, her husband worked out of town, so he was there to help out. At least that was what I had been told initially. He said he had plans to move out on his own, as soon as her husband was no longer working out of town. Funny thing happened - his mom and her husband went on vacation for 2 weeks, and suddenly he was at my place every night for dinner. I started listening more closely to things he said and soon realized that he really was looking for someone to take care of him, someone to replace his mom.
It takes time to get to know someone and truly see if they are living with their parents to help get ahead and truly do have plans to be independent, or if they just need someone to take care of them. This is true for men or women.
If someone is living with their parents, yet still acting indendently, by doing or helping with the cooking, etc., it does show that they really are able to be independent.
If a person is looking for someone that they can take care of - great. Myself, I would like a relationship that is a partnership - two people sharing in household duties, that way we can get out to do the things we really like much quicker. Each person has to decide for themselves what they want. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 6:54:20 PM | So anways, now that we all got that out of our system lol, I have come to a couple conclusions for the OP.
From the replies here, I guess living at home isn't really all that bad. It basically all boils down to, why you are there in the first place. There are a few people that just won't have it not matter what your reasoning is, and there are people that will feel for a situation and don't really care one way or the other.
But just like anything I suppose, everyone has a different opinion on this topic, and just about every other topic out there. There is so many different views on what is an acceptable reason, and what isn't. You just have to find someone that agrees with your current situtation, and as long as you are working to better yourself for the future. All will be alright with the world.
My ex didn't have a problem with it, as she understood the situation, and it really didn't get in the way anyways. I was still driving my OWN car back then. I sold it to put money into my business shortly after we broke up.
I for one understand the problems with such a thing, and why I don't worry about not meeting anyone. I already understand that my current situation makes me undateable, but it's just temporary, and once I get back out. Things will get back to normal, and life can resume like it was before I moved back home.
Or, at least, that's what I've taken out of the responses in this topic.  | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:13:44 PM | | I see a lot of "foreigners" who come to America, thumb their noses to what the culture thinks and takes advantage of the freedoms our country has to offer. I met a guy from India who said his family started with one tiny motel, all living in it, including this single guy over 20, and it's just been a matter of years and he said they now have numerous motels and was just offered 1 million for this first dinky motel property. I see Indian families buying up every freakin convenient store and their families live in the back and they all work there. Some Asians will put several families in one house. So, yes, it's great to be cool and live one your on, but hey, if you're just in your early 20's and can put away some major bucks, then who cares? You might not get many dates right now, but in about 5 years, while you're buddies are still partying and trying to get the down paymenbt for a house, you'll practically be able to own one and then when the right girl comes along you'll be way ahead of the game.... | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:10:16 PM | Let me see now.
Let me rattle off a few things that I consider make a girl a less than suitable partner. In order of unsuitability.
And I'll put living at home of the bottom of the list because I regard it as totally petty.
I'd like to invite everyone to add to the reasons and to re arrange them. Adn se where living at home really turns up
1/ Violent Criminallly insane psycho. Likely to come at you with a knife for no reasons at ll. Capable of killing her own children.
2/ Abusive Thinks that raisng a voice to a gf is wife bashing but husband bashing is normal.
3/ Needy . Thinks that failure to call on the hour is abuse
4/ Self centered . When you ask her were she fanicies on the sex date she says, "Surpirse me" and then gets the sulks when you choose somewhere she doens't fancy
5/ Immature. Capable of sulking over something petty for over a month. Tantrums when things don't go to suit her
6/ Ugly. Not plain. Genuinely dog ugly, with a face that looks as if somebody's just vomited all over it.
7/ Sickly, Allergic to fun, forever at the doctors.
8/ Lives at home.
Now this is a pretty feeble effort. I'm sure you guys can add a heap. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:25:27 PM | | I don't know why it should be a big deal, but I fully realize it can make dating more difficult. Why should someone live alone? Maybe some people don't enjoy living alone. It makes more sense to live with a room mate, or parent and share expenses. I think it shows at least that a person can tolerate living in the same house with someone. I live with my father in a nice house, wouldn't want to live alone in a lousy apartment in the city and pay rent to some slumlord. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:37:32 PM | | i just moved back in with my parents i am 22 and have a full time job my ex of 9 years just left me a month a go so its hard right now i also have a 4 year old daughter involed in this so i give my ex a 100 a week so its hard to get my own place any way i don't like being here and i don't ask them for anything i do my own laundry at the laundy mat and buy my own food the only time i am here is when i have my daughter and to sleep so its not like i live of them anyway i think if u want to live with ur parents go for it but don't live off them i am looking for a place that i can aford so hopefilly i will be out of here soon | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:03:01 PM | | Because society is composed of a lot of shallow self centered brain washed people. Caring about family and or being finatially responsible is looked down upon by a lot for people. With self centered values like that is it any wonder that the divorce rates are though the roof? | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:36:42 AM |
I will not consider myself to be self sufficent until I own my own home fully paid off , car fully paid off, relying on a bank is still relying on something/someone. have all my schooldebts paid off and I will not be owing a penny to anybody ... except for monthly services like cable, internet, phone ..
The definition of 'self-sufficient' according to Webster's (and to the rest of us) is: able to maintain oneself or itself without outside aid : capable of providing for one's own needs. That doesn't mean owing no money; sorry, but unless you're a multi-millionaire you owe money on something; a house, a car, a credit card, etc. having a mortgage isn't replying on a back per se; it's building up credit, and in today's world if you don't have good credit, you're screwed...and you can't build up credit unless you owe money to someone. Unless you plan on earning millions - or living *very* frugally - you're going to be headed for diasappointment when you find out that owing no money other than utilities isn't realistic, until possibly way down the line after a 15 or 30 year mortgage is paid off - and that's only if you buy an inexpensive home and don't sell and buy new too often. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:45:48 AM | | if you were living at home so you could finnish school, and you had plans for yourself I guess I could deal with it. if you were just being lazy and moochin off your parents I couldn't handle that. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:56:01 AM | I had 6 months after graduating from college to save some money and then get out on my own.
I think that's fair.
Of course, if there are medical issues with family, that's a different dynamic...otherwise I'd rather have someone on their own, like myself. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/29/2006 7:14:38 PM | Its so stupid that its almost funny (if it werent so sad)
that this would even be an issue if picking someone out.
Just shows me how shallow and misguided modern people are.
BTW I have my own place as if it matters. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/30/2006 12:03:19 AM | I worked my butt off for 7 years, alot of the time 2 jobs at once, and I lived out on my own since I was 19, and I was able save up $35,000, because it was a requirment of the bank before they would give me the rest of what I needed. I've got $100,000 of bank loan.
It's rather funny, when someone that has never been in business starts preaching to me about what I should be doing, and why it's an easy thing to do. Wrong! If business was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you have no clue what you talk about. Try and start a retail store, and come back and say that again. Although, who knows, it might be easier in the States, than it is here. Besides the business is working. It' over 7 months old, and still growing. My business has over $4000/month of overhead, and any little bit of money that I can save, without having to take in from the business, will alow it to grow and survive during its most vulnerable time period.
Most small business' fail in the first year, because the owner gets too greedy, or it just isn't producing enough money to efficiently pay the owner and it's own bills. I don't take a penny from the business, which alows me to reinvest that money, to make more. Go figure.
And don't think for one minute, if you got an offer from someone to stay with them for free, while you attain your goals of being a successfull entrepeneur, that you wouldn't jump at it. Why the f*** would I want to struggle away and barely pay the bills, when I could put the extra money into the business to make it stronger, so it doesn't collapse in on itself. The end result is a more prosperous business, which in return lets me live in comfort, rather than in the slums sitting on welfair.
Oh, and it's actually pretty nice to have a family that loves you, and cares about what your future contains. I've seen too many parents that don't want a thing to do with their kids. They would rather watch them sit there and starve to death instead of helping where they can. I feel sorry for you.
I don't think what I am doing can be considered that I am taking advantage of my parents. I never once asked for help. I was living on my own already, and it was my parents that offered the help in the frist
I find it funny you say I have no idea what it's like to have a business. I've been self employed for over a year now. And I wouldn't take an offer to live with someone for free. I'm too independent and self sufficient. You feel sorry for me....why? What does the fact that some parents don't care about their kids have to do with me? LoL. Maybe if my parents hadn't taught me well, I wouldn't be 24, self employed, and living comfortably. I'd be 27, and living with them. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:43:26 AM | | To not love a person because they live at home is that person's choice of course, but I would think the person on the receving end would breathe a sign of relief. If they don't love you because you live at home who's to say they might not love you if you have an accident or as you grow older and have more wrinkles. Remember, you are never rejected, you just discover if the person has good taste. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:03:58 AM | First of all if you don't know the difference between "living at home" and "living with your parents" you need to grow up.
1. Living with your parents: Just what it says you live in the home of your parents.
2. Living at home: You live in your own home be it one you own or rent.
Now back to the question. I do not see why living with your parents should ever be a problem as long as you are doing something to pay bills or help the household run smoothly. You really can be an independent adult even living with your parents.
I have four children ranging in age from 18 to 31, and if they were living with me, I would treat them as adults, not children. The key is mutal respect. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/30/2006 9:09:39 AM | I find it funny you say I have no idea what it's like to have a business. I've been self employed for over a year now. And I wouldn't take an offer to live with someone for free. I'm too independent and self sufficient. You feel sorry for me....why? What does the fact that some parents don't care about their kids have to do with me? LoL. Maybe if my parents hadn't taught me well, I wouldn't be 24, self employed, and living comfortably. I'd be 27, and living with them.
Yeah, I figured that one out after I posted that, and after I read your profile, and I appologize for that. But anyways, no more need for all the arguing. I've said my point, you've said yours. I believe that my current course of action is my best at this current situation to achieve the goals and dreams that I want to achieve, and if you don't agree with that, that's your opinion.
I'm NOT looking for sympathy, as I willingly put myself in this situation, i'm just explaining that not all people that are living with their parents are lazy moochers, and have once been out on their own for many years. We are just using the oportunity to use it as a stepping stone into bigger and greater things in the near future. And if people don't understand that, than they don't need to be my friends anyways.
My long term goals far outweigh my short-term sacrafices. 
I have four children ranging in age from 18 to 31, and if they were living with me, I would treat them as adults, not children. The key is mutal respect.
Bingo! | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:46:29 AM | | well it was a bit of a pain when I was also still living at home to have a boyfriend still living at home (for the ummmm "intimacy" portion of the relationship program) but it really doesn't matter to me. If someone is living at home but contributing to the household or they are at home taking care of a sick family member, or they are saving money/going to school- those are all comendable reasons . If someone is living at home , unemployed , mooching off their family , thats another story - I wouldn't spend my time with someone like that , period. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/5/2006 8:30:00 AM | So i will wade in the waters with my 2 cents worth...i recently sold a home that i had bought with someone after dating for a year...well we owned the home for about 8 mths and sold it for a little more than we payed for it....well i took a shitkicking in real estate fees, commissions and the mortgage penalty...i think the mastercard commercial is pefect for my situation
Real Estate Fees and Commissions = $18,000
Breaking The Mortgage= $5000
Caring Family= PRICELESS
Now before you go and think that i am mooching off my parents think again...I am paying half the mortgage, i do have a good job....I do all my own laundry and my sons...I do all my own cleaning... I order all my own take out food, i can cook but it is hard cooking for one...I dont bother making the bed though because i will just be messing it up that night again....and i do have my own personal space...i wouldnt so much say that i live with my parents but that i live in my folks apartment for now...if someone wants to use that too judge me then so be it...do i want my own place, yes...will i have my own place soon, sure...am i worried about it, not at all.
And that is my 2 cents | |
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