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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:32:22 AM | | To Lorimac..... i know i might be a great exception to what you said but, i moved out when i was 18 and rented then bought a mobil home for 2 years.... i then had enough and decided i wanted to buy a house, i have a two year old daughter who i take care of full time no help at all from no one.... and in febuary of this year i bought my first house.... i work 77 hours a week, i work 7 days a week 11 hours a day at the same job, i own 2 cars and pay all my own bills with out help from anyone.... but i was raised to work for what you want and take on your own responsablitlys.... and i'm only 23 years old.... but i truly believe that what i want i have to work for and no one is going to help me but myself.... my parents live with in 5 to 15 mins of my house and get to see there granddaughter when ever they want and its really nice.... i also take my daughter to work with me every day.... i do private nursing.... but i totally understand what you are talking about because none of my friends are able to do what i do and they all have bf's or husbands and still can't do what i do,,,, and i don't understand that because if i had a husband i would have a whole lot more than what i have with out anyone eles income.... like a vacation or a day off of work because i could afford to take a day off.... just the little things that people take forgranted.... | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:51:43 AM | I live in my parent's home.
There, I said it. But you know what? I cook, I clean, I pay all of my bills, I help with household expenses, I do my own laundry, I buy all of my food, I pay my own way every time I do something with them, and I'm employed.
Why do I still live there, you may ask? For about a year and a half I was laid off and I had a REALLY hard time finding a job that paid more than 8.00 an hour. Jobs like that just aren't that widespread around here. I moved into their large house (where I pretty much have my own wing and rarely even see the parents) so I wouldn't be completely destroyed by the time I did find a job. Well, I did eventually find a job and it was a good thing because I was probably a month into having to do something drastic like file for bankruptcy. (It's a miracle I got through it all with a still very good credit rating, which is now even better than it was.) Yes, the only help I got from the family while I was there was the fact that I was living in the house.
So why am I still there? I still don't make a whole lot of money, and I'm trying to build my nestegg up to something manageable. Call me a loser if you wish, but I think it makes sense to take an opportunity to better yourself financially where it would be impossible otherwise. I'm also getting ready to go to school to become a registered dietician, and as soon as I have that degree I'll be making great money.
So yeah, if that makes me undateable that's fine. I have a very nice vibrator. Heh heh. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:56:12 AM | | To me, living at home is an issue if you are over 25, not working, and financially dependant on your parents for your basic needs. it is different if you are helping your parents, or they are ill, but if a guy is just darned lazy and unmotivated to get out on his own, that is a big problem. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:49:16 AM |
wowser...didnt expect a reply to a tiny post giving my opinion that doesnt even matter lol
"So what your saying is that by 25 years old you were completely self suffucient meaning you owned your own home without assistance of anybody else.. including a partner for double income .. you had all if any debt payed off from schooling or whatever it may be from .. you owned your own car and never had to ever get any help from anybody ?? Hmmmm How much were you making at 25 to be able to do all that ??"
Answer:
Yup...by that point I had been living on my own for about 9 yrs. It took me some time but i got through highschool by the time i was 17...became a nurse...thanks to student loan and a pt job. By 25 i was considering marriage and kids. I didnt have my own home or car...but I rented an apartment I could afford, lived alone and got used to city transit. Really it wasnt a big deal...I have to agree its easier living at home but many many many people have managed just fine moving out before 25. I will conceed there are lots of good reasons to live at home. I suppose it depends on what living at home means? Do your parents support you? Do you have an income? Do you live independent of them? To me I need to be with someone living as a grown up... my life requires it actually as i am a mom and own a business. I want someone who understands responsibilities and that I cant just let bills etc slide. For me I would have to be really swept off my feet and the circumstances would have to fit with the kind of guy I would want. Its still a big deal though...just as my circumstances are a big deal and not for everyone
"To Lorimac..... i know i might be a great exception to what you said but, i moved out when i was 18 and rented then bought a mobil home for 2 years.... i then had enough and decided i wanted to buy a house, i have a two year old daughter who i take care of full time no help at all from no one.... and in febuary of this year i bought my first house.... i work 77 hours a week, i work 7 days a week 11 hours a day at the same job, i own 2 cars and pay all my own bills with out help from anyone.... but i was raised to work for what you want and take on your own responsablitlys.... and i'm only 23 years old.... but i truly believe that what i want i have to work for and no one is going to help me but myself.... my parents live with in 5 to 15 mins of my house and get to see there granddaughter when ever they want and its really nice.... i also take my daughter to work with me every day.... i do private nursing.... but i totally understand what you are talking about because none of my friends are able to do what i do and they all have bf's or husbands and still can't do what i do,,,, and i don't understand that because if i had a husband i would have a whole lot more than what i have with out anyone eles income.... like a vacation or a day off of work because i could afford to take a day off.... just the little things that people take forgranted...."
I was raised in a similar mind set..It isnt/wasnt an option to be in the house past the age of being a student...and certainly not if you were a parent. That is just not an option. I'm sure if I were seriously in financial need I could work something out with my mother...but I would HAVE to pay rent, for all my food and utilities, car etc. Really its just the cheapest place I could live...not a free place so i would still be incredibly self sufficient.
To be fair.. I should say my about original post...there are alot of reasons I wouldnt date a 25 yr old guy...living at home is not high on the list....I just think at that age there are certain things that should be in place and he would at least want to be trying to be on his own. I do agree there are alot of valid and smart reasons to move home...I was refering to guys who have never been on their own and not self sufficient. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/29/2006 3:33:40 AM | Living at home is no big deal.
Shallow women MAKE a big deal of it.
The same shallow women who make a big deal of guys who turn up on a date wearing last months fashion.
In reality a dual income is normally essential to pay off a house these days.
So a great many men AND WOMEN THANK YOU! still live at home into middle age.
The women trot out all manner of ridiculous excuses but, at the end of the day, I still know more mid aged women living at home than I do men.
In fact I've only ever known two single women, who have ever paid off houses single handed. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:11:48 PM | Okay I ask this because there is a cultural emphasis in todays society that a person has to live alone and be already set up in order to get people to be interested in dating them.
The thing is in some cultures especially european ones, even if you have a steady job you stay at home to save money for the future. Marriage, buying a house, or a condo etc. Anyways im curious as to peoples views on this.
I for example, work steady, im definately set job wise, and really am just saving money for the future right now. So yeah I still live at home at the moment.
Anyways im curious on peoples cultural views on this.
Like you said it's a cultural thing. How big a deal it is to a woman will depend on what they consider acceptable.
I live on my own but sometimes I wish I could be living at home not paying rent while I save up for the future. Then again I think about the lack of privacy and having to live with parents and it makes me go ewwww. It's a toss up :) | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 8/6/2006 2:02:12 AM | It's rather ironinc the hipocrisy in this attitude.
I havent lived at home since I was 18 and the rent I paid until I'd managed to save enough for a home deposit was a house in itself.
Living at home means saving the money to just about pay cash for your own home. It means having the cash to splurge on girlfriends. In fact living away from home is one of major reasons I've found myself short of gf's at times.
Shallow girls who cant understand that I havet got megabucks to spend on them after I've paid the rest. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 8/6/2006 5:54:59 AM | | I don't think a person's living at home would automatically turn me off. If he had relationships with his parents that were adult-adult, was not treated like a child and made to obey "rules," or required to have familial "approval" of his dates, why not? It shows that he knows how to function as part of a family group, and has parents that can be gotten along with (always a bonus!). I find men who get along with their parents and other family members to be attractive. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 8/6/2006 8:41:56 AM | | I still live at home, and I am soon to be 38. Back in 2001, my father was dieing of emphasema. The doctors said that he had weeks to live at the most. My mother and I thought it would be best to put him in hospice care in my parents home. I took time off of work to care for him, and on his death bed he told me that he had allot of regrets. Things that he wanted to do, and see, that he will never be able to do. He told me, as long as I can stand living at home with my mother, that he wanted me to see and do all the things that I had dreamed about, so at the end of my life, I wouldn't have regrets. So I took his advice. I pulled out all my money that I had saved up for a house ($50,000) and went to Africa on two safaris. I have a steady job, and have worked at the same place for 14 years. I do all the housework, cook, clean, laundry. I buy my own grocieries. I mow the grass, snowblow the driveway. I have fixed the plumbing, installed a fan motor in the furnace, finished off the basement with sheet rock, tore off the old shingles, and put down new ones. I get all my mothers grocieries, and anything that she wants from the store. She is my dependant, because she leaned on my father to get everything done, and now she is depending on me. She even has problems pumping her own gas for her car... I just bought 20 acres of land to eventually build a house on it. The land was $120,000. and my monthly payments on it are $1500. So because my payments are so high, there is no way that I could even get out right now, unless I refinanced with a longer term, or sold my land... I have never had a date with a woman yet. I am sure that living at home is a huge "turn off" for most. I don't have friends come over to the house, because it just doesn't feel right having them over in my mothers house. I know that it does sound bad, especially at my age. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 1/3/2007 8:29:15 PM | have you ever thought, that some have a reason for it. It's not like I choose to live at home. I'm not sitting here saying, I'd rather stay home than live out on my own, etc etc..
I moved out with a girl, (no, not a gf) and it didn't work out. I started to think, (I have 8,400) in loans that I must pay off.. if I live out there, I hardly have any money to pay on the loan.
If I live at home, pay rent and bills, I'll have much more $$$ to put towards the loan and pay it off as fast as I can! It's easier and once that loans paid off, I'll be looking at buying my own place!
SOME HAVE TO DO IT FOR REASONS THAT THEY REALLY DONT WANT TO!!
you can't just pre-judge a guy or gal, if they do live at home. sometimes there's a reason thats beyond their control... | |
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CGNutz
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Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 87 | |
| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 1/3/2007 10:49:01 PM | around my age it doesnt seem to be a problem among my friends. but theres always the odd person that says you should move out when your 19 for some reason. myself, i just turned 21 and just bought a house do i feel like an idiot for living with my parents for so long? of course i do but i only have a couple months left before i am able to move into my own house.
besides, staying home to save money is the smartest thing anyone can do up to a certain age i guess. a couple extra years of annoying parents vs renting apt and throwing my money away...not hard to choose | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 1/3/2007 11:16:39 PM | Well I have to chip in here, this thread is right up my alley.
I.m 47, work a full time job, own my own home,and guess what I still have a room at my perents house.And yes I do stay there when I need to.
Granted I pay the bills for both places ,do all the yard work and landscaping for both places.I also do all repairs. I also do all the driving.
Am I a loser. Not a chance, if I wasn't here both of my parents (who are in their 70s) would be living in a retierment home. My mother is on oxygen 24/7 and my dad is in the first stages of Alzheimers. I would be a loser if I wasn't here.
As far as those who live at their parents because of a larger garage,or are unemployed those people had best get a life. | |
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mrfray
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 89 | |
| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 1/3/2007 11:25:28 PM | | First off I do not live at home, but I can sympathize with those that do in cities like Calgary, where to rent a 2 bedroom condo is going to cost you about $1500/month. In that case you're damned rights I'de be knockin on my parents door. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 1/4/2007 3:17:04 AM |
Why would anyone want to do things like they do in europe if they are not in europe or from europe? thats just looking for an excuse.
Family traditions. Their income my not be able to support it at the moment. And it is not limited to location. Those of us in the States might fail to realize something, all of our heritage and past is based on similar situations. Think about it. It is happening even today. People are bring to the US or are upholding old family/cultural customs. It is only the warped materialistic, sex driven, nature perverting ways of the human mind that has told us that unless someone lives on their own, they are not independant or useful in society. But, So, what happens, people buy into that idiotic notion and now we have sight limited people out there. But, that I am glad of, it helps me weed out those who are worthy and unworthy of my time or effort. Because, guess what, even if I had a billion dollars, I would stay at home just to keep those closed minded people away from me. | |
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| Living at home how much of a big deal is it in dating?
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:10:21 AM | Just a carry over from my last post:
Oh. And if you don't think rent is expensive or jobs paying great money are SO readily availiable, thing again. Depending on your field of skill and enjoyment, some jobs are more scares than others. Depending on the new field you are going into, you may not have the skills or education or life experience in it, so what do you need to do, go back to school or take up something you don't like. This is my case, I need more education in order to get into the field I want. I have both skill and experience in it, just not the level of education or certifications to get the job. And I am 36 now, why would I want to set myself up with a crappy job where I am coming home miserable every night to my SO any way? And when I have a bad mood, I can be unbearable sometimes, or I shutdown and don't want to be bothered with that. So, yeah, getting an education is better. And since I require more concentration than some people to make sure I am passing all my tests and stuff, I have no time or patience that comes with things like keeping up with the bill. Or staying out of school because I have to wait for repairman to come fix a broken pipe.
Let me give you a little hint about expenses here in NYC...I live in public housing, where mom and I rent is currently is $448 a month. Assuming I had a job making $800 (which I am making half that because I am working part-time while going through college) a month (which is about right for someone starting out in the job field, which I would be since I am prior military) I that would leave me $352 per month. Okay lets take away $76 for a month long transportation card (thank goodness for public transportation). $276 left. Um, I do have to eat you know. Let's say I am good at rationing my food and I have to eat like a rabbit, food and other necessities per $180 month. That leaves me with $96. I do tithe like a Christian suppose to. And tithe and offering for the church is usually 10% of my income for tithing and another $8 for services. $9+$8= $17. Now I am left with $76 dollars. I need to save up some money, so lets take away $20, leaving me with a grand total of $56. $56 dollars per month to enjoy life. Now, lets think about this, the average rent in NYC is like $1000 per month for the crappiest place and in the millions for pad in the city. And if you think I am going to work two jobs, plus have time for dating, think again.
So, you know what, yeah, I am moving back home. I am going to get my eduation. Get that job where I can start making $50k-$65k per year. Stay at home and work on my savings and possible higher education. And I am going to say pump you to all those negative people who have the false notion that a person who lives at home is unable to fully date with the same freedoms like someone who lives on their own.
If I may pose a question to those who REALLY feel that a person living at home is not a good person to date. I challenge you to answer these questions.
1. What are the specific reasons why you would not date someone who lived at home or who had friends/family living with them?
2. What does having your own place have to show about your character or insides? You do know most criminals, abusers, rapists, murders, players, pimps, and other bad elements have places of their own right?
3. What is it you hate some much about your home or your fear that you would lack the capability to do with a person who lived at home?
4. Even if a person didn't live at home. What would make you so worthy of them in the first place? Would you want someone to base rather or not they should get to know you on the sizes of your breasts? Or if you are driving around in a tripped out car? Or because you are a big some body? Or would you want someone to love you for the man or woman you are on the inside? How would you like to know that a man only got with you because he knew what you had and wanted to take it? How many of you guys complain about women only being after you for your money?
5. Where did you get the notion of that a person's worth or capability is based on their living situation? A poster in another topic brought up a great observation...If he had $100M and lived with his parents in a 12 room house or large rounds. Would you turn a man or woman who wanted to date you and refused to leave home still?
I know these are some ballsy questions. But, these are questions that need to be asked. And again, for those you who have such a strong opinion about this, help us who live at home understand your logic behind this. | |
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