| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 7:11:20 AM | I forgot how hard it is to offer advice to someone who knows it all. I also didn't realize you were so young. That explains a lot. That is not a shot at you personally so don't take it that way. But give yourself another 20 years and then you will know where I'm coming from.
reading books is useless. they all speak about "doing" this and "doing" that - usually involving though processes - but no book explains how to "do" anything, beyond saying that it's hard to "do"
With a statement like that you are either 1) Seriously out of touch with reality. or 2) Just another troll. And it appears to be the latter because after reviewing your posts and the threads you start it's clear that you get off on trying to aggravate people.
Well Nick.....Clearly your own methods are not working. When you truly get sick and tired of being sick and tired then perhaps you might try someone else's way.
Take your best shot....I'm out of here......and I won't be feeding the trolls any longer.
Insanity-Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 11:29:10 AM | Nick, see a Counselor, they can help.
I will add this:
1. Learn to love yourself. If you don't like/love who you are, how do you expect anyone else do?
2. Not everyone you meet is going to like you. The sooner you understand that the sooner you're self-esteem will improve.
3. Building confidence and self-esteem requires you to get out of your comfort zone. Do thinks you are afraid to do (Mountain climb, Sky dive, scuba dive, etc). It will build confidence.
4. Gaining confidence with the opposite sex is like learning to swing a bat. If you never stand in the batters box, you can't hit the ball. It takes PRACTICE. So learn to shake off your fears and go talk to women. Who cares if they like you or not at first. That isn't the goal. The goal is to PRACTICE talking to them. Each interaction with women willl build your confidence and self-esteem and make you more comfortable talking to them. Eventually, you'll start hitting home runs :)
5. NEVER FEAR REJECTION! I get rejected all the time and it doesn't bother me one bit. Why? Because I know that if someone is going to reject me they probably aren't a good fit anyway. WHO CARES?! I don't waste my time on women who are interested in me. Instead I focus on the ones who are. You don't invest money in a stock that isn't giving a return, nor should you invest your TIME in a woman who isn't RETURNING your attention.
6. Never EVER tell yourself that no one will love you. That's a self-defeating attitude that will keep you down. And worst of all - IT'S NOT TRUE!!!
If you want more advice, send me a personal message. Let me know where you feel you are weak and I can walk you through some things that will help.
Cheers. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 12:46:49 PM | all you guys say is the same thing.
you accuse me of being being an idiot because I dont know how to "do" the bullcrap in the books, and you tell me to go outside... none of that helps. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 1:47:01 PM | Nick, if you are arguing with your counselor there's something wrong. Their goal is to help you.
Now you are arguing with everyone on PoF.
STOP.
Take a minute to really think about this. If people care enough to give you advice, whether you agree with it or not, they're doing it because THEY CARE ABOUT YOU.
Take some time to search deep within. You probably have a good idea of where your self-esteem issues lie. Let your Counselor do his/her job and instead of arguing with them, listen to what they have to say. I know the temptation is great to argue but they're trained professionals who really want to see you get well.
You can not heal if you are not open to getting out of your comfort zone. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 3:03:16 PM | | Ok I know how You feel. Myself esteem was fine but then my ex left me and It plumited. Now She is extremly happy with these other Guys and it kills me because I loved Her with all My heart and still do but I feel like I will always lack something these guys can give her that i can't and it makes me feel like I will never have my self esteem back untill I can at least make her feel i am still one of the desirables. It is crazy but I feeel when She left She took that self esteem,and that self confidence with her. Like I notice I don't even get eyed anymore I used to and now nothing ever. I always think well why would they look I couldn't even keep the one I love interested. i feel I lost that magic people posses to attract well it sounds crazy but Who know's maybe someone will know what I mean. Give me Your thoughts. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 3:14:08 PM | What Jarbarian said is all true. It's what I'm doing to overcome depression. I've battled most of my life with it all and I ended my marriage last year and the depression isn't near as bad. It was an unhealthy relationship and part of that was myself. I am happier with myself now more so than ever before.
You have to be happy with you before you can be happy with anyone else. So get HAPPY!
Fake until you make it Nick. Because you WILL make it. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 3:16:06 PM | Your confidence and self-esteem will always take a hit whenever someone leaves you. Heck, most of the time when they leave you, it isn't even YOU that is the problem. They're often confused and don't know what they want. The might be commitment phobes or may have just not grown up yet.
Grieve the loss of the relationship but at some point in your life you have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on with your life.
No one else is going to do it for you and you won't be happy until YOU take back control of your life. Don't hand over your personal power to your ex by pining for them, calling, begging, pleading or wondering what they are doing. Once you learn to let go of things you can not control you'll see your confidence and self-esteem will gain a boost. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 6:05:06 PM | my shrink and I did not argue - but we could have if I pressed the issue.
I told him about this place and about how being back here brings back old memories and feelings. then he made reference to a situation in which a girl would see me on the street and be interested. I laughed. I said I did not see it as realistic that a girl would just see me and be interested in me. then he went on about how "well if your gonna have that attidude" only alot nicer.
as for my "self-esteem issues" I know where they come from - girls dont like me. When I'm not thinking about the issue its not bothering me. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/29/2006 9:51:42 PM | | Give rejection a definiton that would be hard to accomplish. Like rejected means the whole world yelling in unison, "you suck!" and you'll never be rejected. It sounds kind of lame but no lamer than basing it on a person's opinion. And work on that self esteem. | |
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Banji
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Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 37 | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 8:35:00 AM |
my shrink and I did not argue - but we could have if I pressed the issue.
Nick, if I may be so frank, your attitude sucks and it's what's keeping you down.
I told him about this place and about how being back here brings back old memories and feelings.
The problem with relationship forums if you have to learn to be able to discern which advice is sound and which is not. When you read some advice that has a bitter tone to it, be wary. It's not usually advice you're reading, but venting. Good, solid advice has no negative overtone to it. It's simply people speaking from experience. Learn how they overcame the same issues you have.
then he made reference to a situation in which a girl would see me on the street and be interested. I laughed. I said I did not see it as realistic that a girl would just see me and be interested in me. then he went on about how "well if your gonna have that attidude" only alot nicer.
Your Counselor is trying to make you aware that your attitude is the problem, not necessarily anything else.
I'll tell you what I tell everyone who thinks the way you do. "Those who think they can and those who think they can not -- are both right." The only thing that holds people from success is their own attitudes. Instead of learning from past failures and mistakes, they beat themselves up over it. Nothing good has ever come from negative attitudes. Nothing.
as for my "self-esteem issues" I know where they come from - girls dont like me. When I'm not thinking about the issue its not bothering me.
"Some" girls may not have liked you in the past. Now "girls" don't like you because of your negative (and bitter) attitude. Girls can smell it a mile away and they'll avoid you.
Not because of how you look, but how you come across.
Change your attitude and the world will open up to you. That's all it takes. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 8:38:05 AM | What if the depression is a result of that realization?
Simply put, no one will ever love you if you don't even love yourself. Also, you will be incapable of truly loving someone else if you don't first love who you are.
Depression comes as a result of taking every negative interaction with someone personally, as if the world is out to get you. It's not. Everyone is afforded the same opportunities.
It's a matter of PERSPECTIVE. If you think the world sucks, it probably does. If you think it's great, it probably is.
If you think women hate you, they probably will.
If you think women love you, they probably will.
If you hate yourself, others will hate you.
If you love yourself, others will love you as well.
This isn't rocket science. It's merely how the world works..... | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 8:41:44 AM | | best thing to do is sepearate your dating life from your other life. so dont combine the 2. see it as a challenge, a game as they say. try to better yourself all the time and adopt new styles to draw girls in. do your best and continue to up your game. from tone of voice to inner respect for yourself, so activities you take part in. but dont let yourself get emotionally linked to any women, just see it as a bit of fun and lets get out there and see what we can get...... that attitude takes the pressure of yourself. if you find other things that matter in your life more than women then women wont be as important. people that go around all day long only thinking about the opposite sex are real sad people. a lot of girls are players cause they dont have anything else to do with there time, its true, its true. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:27:27 PM | Look, all of us have something to give.
All of us can improve on things.
Most, if not all, of us have been in love before.
What you have to do is realize how silly low self-esteem really is. You are in control of your life. If there is something that YOU don't like about yourself, work on changing it.
That was a problem I suffered from for a long time. I used to look in a mirror, and see the Elephant Man looking back at me. I was blind to who, and to what, I was. No one else was to blame for that, except me.
It took until my divorce to really clear up that problem once and for all.
No one can do a better you than you can. Be yourself, and take pride in that. You've got as much to give to the world as anyone else - and maybe more.
First though, realize how much you mean to the people around you - even if you don't see it. That's critical.
I talked here once about a friend of mine, in the Netherlands, who was going through a divorce around the same time ( and roughly matching the same circumstances as mine) I was.
He hung himself, after a few months. He saw his world as being rather negative, and saw himself as being alone.
Ironically, at his funeral, the Church was packed with people that had both loved him - and had been positively touched by his actions. His vision was wrong, and he never saw that.
Go out and take some long walks in the sun. Go to a place you've never been to before, and just explore.
If you are in a rut, just do ONE thing that needs to get done. Reward yourself afterwards. Take baby steps at first.
Eat properly, and sleep properly.
Just start walking, and don't look back over your shoulder. The past is history, tomorrow a mystery - and today is a gift. Don't worry about destinations, and start enjoying the voyage.
Don't fear rejection from people that do not know you, since....they have no idea who you really are anyway.
Stop letting other people drive your car. Pull it over to the curb, and kick them out.
Grab the wheel, and go in the direction you want to go .
I don't know if any of this will help, but it worked for me. | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:38:15 PM | | This is I am going through myself as well and I cant seem to over come it I take it one day at a time. I wont to chat with you a little more are you? | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:41:32 PM | | You haven't becouse we all just to help you like the other person you must love your'e self | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:57:38 PM | I did this with a few friends of mine, and it seemed to help some of them - once they got it.
Read this, and then follow it through as a conceptual way of looking at it. It's a way of visualizing things in the proper way.
Close your eyes, and place one hand in front of you. Clench it up in a fist, as tight as you can - and continue doing that for about a minute.
Now open your eyes, and slowly unclench your fist, palm upwards.
You see it yet ?
Look a little closer, and try to focus on the palm of your hand.
Right there, in front of you ( and buried there in your palm) , see it now ?
It's the key to every chain and every lock that you have ever placed upon yourself over all these years. No one else did it, you did it to yourself. From that first second of your captivity, you also had the key to set yourself free.
Like all of us, you blamed other people for what's occurred in your life. That's totally human, and natural....and wrong.
All this time, you were in charge. You can be sad, or you can be happy. You can think you are worth nothing, or you can see your true value. As I said before, we all have something to give to the world.
Take that key from your palm, and free yourself from those chains that are holding you back from really being who you are.
It's not going to be easy at first, as you slip them off. It's going to be a little frightening , as well. You will walk out of that cell you've been in, and into a bright world full of hope and possibility.
You can do it.
The world is as good a place, or as bad a place, as you make it out to be. | |
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vlok
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Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 49 | |
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| Depression and Low self-esteem
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:27:15 AM | MG, you have the right attitude. Was gonna send you an email to say "Good job" but heh, I guess at some point in my life I must have emailed someone seeking an intimate encounter! HAHA.
Anyway, keep up the good work. Bottom line is the onlyone who can really get people in a low self-esteem rut out of the hole is -- themselves. | |
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