| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:01:32 AM | Hi Jandan,
It's a bit late, so I will try to answer your question as clearly as possible.
I have had the exact same frustration with cetain women that I have tried to date. However, I tend to look at the red flags early on. I have found that if you feel like you are getting mixed signals and that you are truly confused by the behavior of this other person, that is always a huge RED FLAG. Generaly, it means that you are not confused, but you may not be reading the signals properly. Additionally, if you tend to be a person that "loves too much" (I'm referncing the book Women Who Love Too Much), then you could find yourself in out-of- control emotional situations each time you date a new guy that you really like. Unfortunately, that leads to a kind of desperation that can finish off the budding relationship because many people simply get freaked out if they think they might lose their freedom and independence too quickly. That is not to say that every guy is like that. But many guys and women are like that.
Basically, you have to learn to recognize the warning signs based on your past experiences. Only then can you be aware or conscious of the situation you are in. If I think that things are not going the way that I need them to go, I usually recognize this and become quite sad. Then, as much as it hurts, I honestly ask the person that I am getting mixed signals from to clarify their position. Usually, having to ask almost guarantees that you have a problem. If you don't hear what you require from them (as long as what you require is not unreasonable), then you have to walk away. You should tell the guy that your needs are not being satisfied and that it isn't working for you. Offer him a chance to move forward with you in a way that is good for you or tell him your moving on.
Essentially, no man or woman who finds themselves in the no man's land of quasi-relationship/quasi-friendship should ever let that continue for too long. My brother has always told me that that is a disaster, and after many years of my own ambiguity with women, I realize that he is right. This is not a high school or even college relationship. We're adults who do not have the time to waste on this sort of nonsense.
Finally, my biggest advice to you is not to become emotionally attached to any guy in the beginning, even if he is saying and doing all the right things. You have a history with guys like this. You might even have to seek counseling to see if you have a pattern of attracting the same type of wrong guy all the time. It happened to me with women for more years than I want to admit. Most single people that I know seem to pattern the same relationship over and over again until they figure out what's happening. So don't attach any signigance to these guys until you know they are serious, and if you think about it long enough, you'll start to know early on when you have to walk away from someone. And you'll actually feel better about it because you won't feel out of control of the situation. If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me. I hope I have been of some help. You don't deserve this kind of thing. I'm sure that there are tons of guys that would love someone like you, and when you find one, you'll really know it because it will be all fall into place in a much
easier way.
Take Care. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 2:19:14 AM |
Great, another man bashing thread.
Heyyyyyyyyy!!!! That's my line... ROFLMAO...
Yeah, I didn't bother reading it either but here is my other canned answer. Men will do what they can easily get away with. If you want to be treated like a lady... be one.
Too fukking early in the morning to be nice.  | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 2:33:05 AM | Well I'm not going moan about the caps cause I think you probably the big picture with all the bashing all ready.
This is my openion, take it or leave it. I mean not to be hurtful so please take no offence to anything I say. And remember this is only my openion based on what you have "told" us from your side of the story so we are probably missing parts of the big picture.
My openion:
This guy wanted to meet you and see where things went. But, it sounds to me like you may have seemed (take no offence please) Desperate, or maybe just a bit over excited. But then again, he could have looking to just get layed. Who knows, like I said, parts of the story (mostly his side) are missing. If it was desperation or over enthusiam (which can easily be taken as desperate) then it scared him. He may have been afraid to move to fast. Or he did not enjoy the first date, and like a gentleman, walked you to the door, hugged you, kissed you on the cheek and said good night hopeing that at the very least had a nice date. Though I think people should always be honost with one another and let them know there true intentions and feelings wether it be the first date or your in a serious relationship. Because it hurts not knowing the truth and being led down the road thats smooth and paved but suddenly has many pot holes.
Now for my openion on your post in general. Writing in all caps (the whole thing) obviously indicates great anger... Yes, duh I know, and I'm probably going to get made fun of just for stateing that obvious thing. But you should look at this as a learning experience. once again only my openion but I'm thinking you seemed desperated or over enthuesiastic and that scared him. you need to look at your past and see if this happens a lot. If it does, you need to see that the obvious control in this equation is you and you need to figure out a way to change it. But then again, this guy like I said may have been looking for some tail, is in a relationship and you didn't put out. Which is good because if thats true, then he would have probably led you on even more and you would have eventually gotten burned worse.
Not all guys lead woman on, I dont, I'm honost... But woman are just as quilty as men when it comes to anything........... We all have our flaws.
-Tom | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 2:40:47 AM | hm,
i LIKE
ALL CAPS
esPECIALLY if/WHEN a post is SO
loooooooooooooong,RUN ON
some S P A C I N G, seperation of paragraphs
a little 'DEFINITION' of THOUGHTS?
helpful!
NOW! OT: GIRL? this one is SO simple
really, ya SHOULD be THANKFUL
NOT 'confused'
this gent liked you,was attracted to you, wanted to see
IF...you 2 would/could be a compatible couple
he 'chatted' with you fer a BIT (yes,a month or 2 is JUST a BIT-to most folks)
-YOU,HE went on a date
-date went OK (perhaps not 'GREAT'- for HIM)
-HE...continues 'chatting' with you(MAYbe, he knows that 'things' can take time?)
-SECOND date-again,goes OK (must NOT have been 'GREAT'-for HIM)
-NOW=current SITCH: HIM? NOT RESPONSIVE
LET IT GO
4 months of YOUR time WASTED=move ON
tis NOT complicated
he is just not AS 'connected' to YOU
as YOU feel-to HIM
sad? sure
'new story'? NO
it HAPPENS
sorry for you
wish you WELL
GOOD LUCK, HAPPY FISHING
O! almost FORGOT!
"WILL he CALL"???
DARLIN! probly NOT
AND?
you SHOULD...HOPE NOT
if he DOES?(call?)
PLEEEEEASE! do NOT TRY to REestablish ANY thing-BEYOND friendship
with THIS man
this DEELIO was a 4 MONTH! episode=for YOU
NOT 4...YEARS
if you are THIS upset over 4 MONTHS
(and TRUST me-i UNDERSTAND,am NOT judging/condescending)
IMAGINE how PAINFUL it would be to find yourSELF
RIGHT BACK HERE
in this SAME confusion
in anOTHER-4 MONTHS
just let THIS one
go
(for yourSELF-K) | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 3:28:15 AM | | In my opinion, If u were looking for "friends" and He was looking for "dating", the fact that u initially contacted one another makes me wonder if you are truly being honest about your expectations from your memebership on this site. I am a 26 yr old female currently looking for female friends. I personally feel that If i approach someone who is male or looking for dating, romance, or intimate encounters...that would send the wrong impressions (signals to the other person). Mens are like a light switch (no offense you gentleman). They have two positions, in this topic: 1. dating nonseriously with the prospects of an intiamte encounter to come, #2. A monogamous dater, who is looking for a LTR. My roomate who is also on ths site is male and he is looking to get laid and he put "dating" on his profile. yet he still gets responses from broads that are looking to be friends only or friends first. I guess my point is : be true to your self and to what you are looking for. He, in his mind thought you were seeing wedding bands pickin out dresses with all the "dating" demands you were making on a "friend" relationship. and please if you get a response from a man who isnt looking for exactly what u r...end it there. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 4:14:52 AM | Are you an adult? Or a 15 yr old schoolgirl?! WAKE UP and smell the roses! JUST from what you wrote - it is evident that the man was playing. WHY? I have no clue - but there are many reasons men (AND WOMEN) play - and I mention quite a few if they were even worth mentioning. The WHY does not and should not matter. Why bother with someone who has that style and MO. He doesn't deserve to breath the same air as you. As for leading you on.... some men (AND WOMEN) get caught up in the moment - and then later it's out of sight - out of mind - and people say they were being led on. I've seen men do this - I've even seen one of my best friends do this to men and it made me very angry. Anyway - the point is that you shouldn't bother to waste anymore of your energy thinking about it. Obviously you admit that you were led on - so why bother once you've realized that. Move on and call it a day.
As to whether he will call back or not. Why would you even want him to? So he could give you more of the same? The thing is - someone like that - just might call back at which point - if I were in your shoes - I'd tell him tell him to go pi*s up a rope!
Sorry if I'm sounding too harsh but he's really not worth getting worked up over!
Tango57 | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:09:21 AM | He obviously just needed an ego boost an unfortunately took advantage of u to do it.I've been going through the same thing for 3 yrs. n they all have excuses for not getting involved.Don't think it's u.If he didn't have time for u than u don't need him anyway!!!Move on!Forget the jerk!He obviously likes to play with women believe me there are lots of them out there.I truly believe that most men r looking for the miserable b***h type n ones that will sit around n wait for them.Don't do it hun,u r much better than that.He might of been involved with someone already n was just seeing what else is out there.Maybe he's not happy in his current situation. n has too many things keeping him in it.Forget about him n don't give him anymore chances.He is a control freak,obviously!He will never be considerate of ur feelings.As soon as u feel something is not right,bail out right away n save urself from getting hurt!!!Good luck to u,hun!!! | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:19:58 AM | Hi, Jandan. Sorry for your troubles. I think the guy is married, hence the difficulty scheduling you into his "busy" lifestyle. It seems to me to be written all over his behavior. It's a good idea to observe someone's behavior & see if it matches their words or even ouur own perceptions.
You are a cute, sexy, attractive, vivacious woman. I wish you were here or I was there. I'd love to see how that'd work out! ;-)
I can tell you, & someone else actually picked up on it in a reply to your post, I am one of those men that does not like to feel I am being chased. That may be too strong a word here but it gives us the sensation that it threatens our "space". On the other hand, we DO like a woman who expresses her interest. (Yea, I love that just like any other guy.) It's just important to be careful and strike that just right balance.
Oh, and I wouldn't invest to much emotionally, you know, get too excited, until he demonstrates that, that balance exists in the relationship. It's a 2 way street. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:36:35 AM | I was thinking he is either married or in another relationship too
Even though I think if he is and still went on a date with you he is a jerk be glad he did not try to get laid so maybe there is some lesson to be learned...
Move on and know your better for the experience 
GOOD LUCK !!  | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:42:04 AM | The basic problems as I see them are twofold:
1) You can't read the guy's mind so you don't really know what he's thinking, you've only been projecting onto him the thoughts you imagined he might have had (the 'connection' you imagined). I would guess that you have been rehearsing and evaluating the conversations you've had together in which you probably boxed him in with certain questions (though of course you wouldn't think you did) and you've since interpreted his answers the way you wanted to in the light of your own relationship goals, not understanding that his answers were likely incomplete and perhaps even evasive. In short, the relationship thus far has proceeded mostly in your imagination and it hasn't been congruent with his reality at all. It's no surprise he kept you at arm's length if he has been subjected to lots of relationship-type questions in the first two dates, yeeks I would too.
2) You have expectations of him that he perceived as unreasonable. Delivering any kind of ultimatum after two dates would certainly be unreasonable in my book, definitely hot-potato time (cya chickee, maybe in another life).
Tango57 has the best advice for you, listen to her: just delete him from your brainspace and move on. But also learn from this episode so you don't repeat it. Chill a bit in the future and don't be pushy for a relationship after two dates. Dial back your biological clock anxiety or whatever it is that can make you obsess over some guy you barely know.
Let me tell you something for future analysis: when a guy is so 'busy' that you have two dates in four months with him (did I get that right amidst all the shouting?), chances are very good that he's 'busy' with other women. From his behavior with you I would guess that he is out most nights with new hotties that he's met online. Or maybe he's married, like someone else suggested. In either event he is looking to simply get laid, not tied down, and your relationship-track conversations with him probably made him reluctant to get too involved with you and they weren't leading to sack time anyway. I think his reality and your reality barely overlapped at all and you are lucky he is not going to be in your life. | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 37 | |
| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:52:56 AM | Ya know, I am a busy guy with a busy lifestyle, I own my own business which even though is seasonal most of the time, still must be done all year round.
There is a girl in my life, and while not that serious, she understood and shockingly was the only one who understood/stands how I work. I can't be at a beck & call for a female right now. And while I would like to see her again she is beginning to assume that she is not my type or material.
Not every single guy is gonna be able to make time for you when you want it or desire it. And I am sure he has stated why. Sure he said those things while he was with ya, and well they were compliements, they weren't with his timetable a means to dating. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:21:07 AM | | Hi jandan; man people you don't have to be so harsh, lighten up.. As for your dilema I would be suspicous as to weather or not this guys is married or does he lead you on because he has commitment problems.. Stick to what you want, settle for nothing less.. You sound like a great person I wish I lived closer to you.. Good luck!! | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 1:43:54 PM | You are a beautiful woman and are being played. The thing that I caught onto first is I think this guy may be married. You wore your heart on your sleeve and seemed a little needy. I completely understand that but it indeed pushes most people away.
I can tell you this if you were in Florida close to me I would definetely be wanting to take you out.
This other guy also said, when you ask about the hug and kiss, that's the way I do my female dates or friends? What's up with that? Does he hug and kiss his male friends?
As I stated in the beginning you are a beautiful woman, you don't have to beg! See the value in who you are and like yourself.
take care | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 3:00:41 PM | Wow. I can't believe how badly some people take all caps. I mean, I hate when people write in them too. And to be honest, it almost made me NOT read this post. But I wouldn't go off on someone about it. 
Okay, I don't think this guy necessarily meant to lead you on. It sounds like he did like you, but wasn't serious about you. Maybe he really is busy AND seeing someone, or even more than one other woman.
I think most of us can say that we have had at least one experience where someone seemed really into us, then the next thing you know, they back off.
Only he knows his reasons for not pursuing things with you. But either way, try to move on. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 3:14:42 PM | Go to the book store and read the book The Rules.
That man was never really into you and you had many red flags telling you so.
Good luck on the next man who will treat you with the utmost respect and desire to be with you. But beyond desire, his actions of taking you out often is proof enough!!
Forget that game player and chalk it up to another learning experience.
Chell | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 6:56:19 PM | | i know u want men to respond, but i cant help but feel like i been there & done that somewhat lets face it unfortunately he wasnt that into u & u r lucky he has psychological problems u dont move on the end ps-the bum!! | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:22:14 PM | Hey Jandan...HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU......it's a book.... read it! If he really liked you he would call, he would want to be with you ....no matter how busy he was.......
It's an easy read (get the book) | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:50:23 PM | Hey,
My ex- wife did not want to keep our baby, she was going to get an abortion. Until I steped in and said that I wanted the baby. Now I have a 4 week old beautiful baby girl. We dont lead you on. You can say no if you feel like so guy is taking advantage of you. I think that woman should be or have a higher status then us men. But what do I know. Its really your choice on what you want to listen to.
Hope to hear from you,
Good point, take a stand for what you believe in, it could take you anywhere.
One person can make all of the difference. I believe that person is you!!!! | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:36:41 PM | I dont do that, if I say
1) I love you.....
2) I care about you...
3) I only wanna be with you
4) Marry me baby, you are the one for me
.....if I say any of those things.....then I mean that with all I got...I dont do lead-ons | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:30:51 AM | with all my experience I can sum it up in one word dishonesty. The man was bored with one woman probably a wife so he wanted to go out with someone else. Wake up there are like the site says plenty of fish out there that will not abuse you and yea you were being abused. Find one that wants the same as you do and you will not have that problem. take it from a woman that has been used abused and loosed as the saying goes. There are honest men left you just have to be patient and wait until you find the right one  I am waiting | |
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