| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:45:51 AM | For God's sake stop shouting!
Have you consitered that if you talked to him for, like, a month, before agreeing to meet you were kind of playing with him too? Thats a lot of time to build up easily crushed expectations, with only your subjective view for feedback. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2006 6:55:41 AM | Jandan
he sounds like a mug or a cop or works for the CIA or hes got loads of females on the go and your better off without him you'll be fine just let it go you look great so you should have no problems finding the one your looking for but chill out take it slow and be cool like the fonz | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2006 7:32:34 AM | Jandan,
This guy could have been a player. However, as Teddybear stated, it's quite possible that your over-enthusiasm scared him. I have found, and sadly so, that a lot of men are scared off by an over-enthusiastic approach. Yes, I think it screams "Stage3 clinger"! (in reference to the movie Wedding Crashers lol)
I still have a hard time understanding it. You would think if a guy likes you and you're into him and you enthusiastically show this, he'd be excited (or at least happy) to know that you really like him. BUT, it seems the opposite is true. Guys like the thrill of the chase, and if you're already that into him, well...it seems to have the opposite effect and takes away the need for them to chase, conquer, capture, & win over your heart (or um, whatever else they're trying to get into...lol).
Unfortunately, this kind of behaviour in a way leads to game playing (yes, that thing which everyone claims to hate but most do to some degree or another...or become forced to do in these situations). In my experience, the way to remedy this situation, is to act fairly non-chalant with the guy. Let him do his thing (the chasing) despite how badly you want to yell "HEY DUDE! I REALLY THINK I COULD BE FALLING FOR YOU! TAKE ME NOW!" Play it cool, not cold, not hot, just cooool. Like him, but don't let him know for awhile (more than 2 dates) how much you REALLY like him. Guys might bi-tch and moan about this "game playing" I'm suggesting...but many will agree it's true. If you show too much enthusiasm after too short a time, the guy will get a sense of desperation or stage 3 clinger-ism (yeah I just made that up!) and run in the opposite direction.
Then there's that other possibility....he was into you...but he just wasn't THAT into you (also a very real possibility). Read the book "he's just not that into you" and you could learn a lot!
Unfortunately sweetie, I think this guy has run the other way on ya and you're too late to catch him. I wouldn't expect his call if I were you. However, don't fret, you want a guy who ISN'T a coward and who will return your feelings and guard your heart with his life. Keep looking, don't give up, you're a gorgeous lady and I'm sure you will find the guy that IS right for you. Good luck in your search for him!
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:18:51 AM | OP i did'nt read the rules neither. so if i were to say wow you are so pretty and he was so stupid ,would this be flirting and if so is it against the rules to do so?
call me, move here, hop on a plane, drive, walk ...
good post too | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2006 11:32:17 AM | | i didnt read it ,.,not because of the caps, just it was a bit too long, but seriously wtf is wrong with capitols when it comes to forums an chat, there still letters, you can still read them, whys everyone so fussy !!!!!!!!! every where u go on this net is full of whiners an yes im whineing (yes i cant spell that) but sh1t when i got my internet i didnt expect to see so many pathetic misserys seems everyone that posts on the net has a problem or something to moan about ,ban my ass coz i'll be ****ed if im comeing back to you sad**** !!!!!! in fact uv put me off forums forever ,,i think i'll just stick to downloading shit an enjoy the world ,,something i think the rest off u should try,, try an leave your house everytime u feel like a post lmaooo u mite have more luck an fun | |
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| guy with a broken heart
Posted: 7/2/2006 11:38:02 AM | | in response to your question well to be honest u jus found the wrong guy cuss.. not only Men lead women on in my case a Women did it so in my opnion i think u jus found a ass... so try for another with a heart | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2006 11:48:14 AM | Wow! you are quite the hostile woman?!!
Instead of going off on a stupid tangent about rules and caps lock , why not try to answer the woman's question?
She is asking a very important question and you are being downright insensitive and rude..
how about going to the thread about caps lock and vent your hostilites elsewhere..
Now for the poor woman on here I will address my point of view.. no sucking up
just real answers and my opinion..
It sounds like the man is shopping.. alot of people on here are out there dating you, and a lot of other people..
who knows?
He sounds like he has intimacty issues.. and anyone with issues and who avoids the real questions that help us get to know eachother is a red flag for me honey
Good riddance I say..
just remember, you are asking for dating.. not LTR..
you get what you ask for..right? Just take this stuff lightly... date lots of people and don't put all your attention, energy and focus on one person, until they prove they are worth doing that for..
you sound like a wonderful person and you DO deserve the best.. not sure whether that is on this web site but hey you can look..
Good luck to you and I hope you find what you are looking for.
:) | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2006 11:54:28 AM | I can think of only two things. One, with his schedule he just doesn't have the time to spend with you or anyone else. Although, if that is the case, he could have been a little more understanding of your feelings. The second is, he's married and can't get out to play as often as he would like. Either way, forget him and move on. He's not worth your time.
As far as justasassyone goes, she may be female, but I doubt if she is a lady. She sounds like she spends all of her time sitting on the sofa guzzking beer and putting other people down to make her feel better about her miserable life. So, just ignor her. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2006 11:54:43 AM | he isnt leding u on . he is keeping u on the back burner , just in case , nothign better comes along . realize he is a loser and not worthy of ur time. ditch his ass and watch him come back in a couple of weeks when the new girl he is talking to dumps him and his ego has dropped. then tell him your busy and u got other plans !  | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2006 1:47:03 PM | JANDAN:
I think that many people that use these date mediums
are in the same quandry. They wonder why all the games
and why all the lead-ons. The answer is not simple but it
could have many angles.The most common is that the person
could be involved in a semi-committal relationship,could be
married or separated or maybe he is just a jerk.He could also
be a commitment phobe who withdraws when he feels close-
ness developing.Maybe you were not as evenly matched as
you had thought and he liked you but did not want to reject
you and hurt your feelings.Either way do not feel slighted or
rejected,there is someone out there for everyone,there are
plenty of fish. Happy fishing,Best of luck.
BOBCAT80 | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:04:32 AM | | HAHA...I've NEVER posted one of these thing....but I for this one I thought of six words: Can you say crock of shit? Whoever posted that one must sit and think of all the psychobabble that ever ended up melting into his ever so vacant brain. Ultimate game players will always give advice like that. Can ANYONE ever just take it like it comes, express their feelings, and see what happens? If everyone did that, I'm sure there would be broken hearts and bad feelings but when you find the person who responds to your NATURAL feelings, you will be happy with it! The risk is the all feared broken heart, but if you don't do what comes natural and play that stupid game (the "don't show it until at least after 2 dates") then you might just miss the one you really wanted!!! | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:28:23 AM | Uh, duh . . . first of all, learn how to spell 'women' would'ja - - - And yeah, those 'all caps' makes me think psycho-pathic . . . Without even reading all that drivvel, can you tell me you've never 'played' a guy . . . Maybe your idea was just to ignore him, or like so many here, don't even ****in' respond . . .
"Leading on" isn't my game . . . Maybe this sandbox isn't for you . . . and your caps | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:35:35 AM | Your young, but i loved your remark,..ya know i'm setting here just really hurt ,i've been talking to this guy for month's so finally he ask if he could come and see me for the 4th of july, he wanted noone but me.Then i went out and spent 150.00 on food for our cook out . he won't talk to me .then i called his number up and a woman picked the phone up. you know some of us are really on here to find someone to spend time with and then what ever happen's ,.happen's.i'm truely a good person and i don't deserve to be treated the way he done me. He could of been a real man and just told the truth,that's all i ask , i've had anough game's in my life time . Ann : | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:30:58 AM | | Wow iv'e never been on here before but am curious as to how the other side feels. I think the men are looking for something and they don't know what that is even if it's staring them in the face. They are involved in them selves where there are so many women looking for someone special.They tend to try to find something thier missing but always think maybe there is something better just around the corner.The meeting and the first kiss doesn't matter how many times you kiss and the holding your hand you are both looking for that spark.I would tell you that from your letter that you met someone you liked and wanted to get to know better .However if a guy really likes you he will take the time to find out more about you . Don't wear your heart on your sleeve you become way to vulnerable,and you WILL BE HURT. Instead take the time to mail back and if they dont respond keep looking . I don't think he will call you again unless he's exhausted an almost unendless suppy of women .Two dates is hardly a lifelong committment and the continued talking meeting coffees building a friendship and honesty should be a more realistic reason to want to keep seeing someone.Don't give up just be careful | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/15/2006 1:20:15 PM | Hi Jandan,
Did you ever read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I think that he describes how we "talk" very well. The message that you want to give, with the words that are stated, may well not be the message that is heard.
I have also had personal experience many times with the two personality types that apply to both men and women. There are people who are "general" and those who are "specific". An example would be... senario... landscaping.... direction.... dig a hole.
Generalists will want to know where.
Specific people will also want to know, how wide, and how deep.
Lets now combine that with, persons who are "Alpha" and those who are not.
One has to remember that this medium for dating, is very safe to hide behind. One can use a fictious name, address, etc. It is kind of like window shopping. It is nice to look at behind the glass, but one has to make the effort to go inside to purchase.
I too have been "led on" by women on this, and other sites. A massive amount of correspondence, and time "invested", but when it comes down to the crunch.... they do not want to meet.
It sounds like you were treated honourably by him in person. That he acted like a gentleman, and likely wanted to go further with physical contact. But it did not happen. Perhaps neither of you are alpha's, and both of you were wanting the other to take the lead.
Neither of you did. And yes, you wanted to keep meeting. But it did not happen. It sounds like you did all that you could to encourage contact, but there was resistance. It did not happen.
So if you get to look back at your months of calls, and correspondence, surely you must see that there was, what I call, 'cross communication.' You both had something to say, and what the other heard, was not what was meant.
You likely were both seeking direction from the other. Perhaps you both need to be seeking someone who takes control.
And as to passive/agressive behavior...... Instead of making the effort to fulfil an obligation... no action is taken. Both persons suffer in this type of interaction. One is dissapointed by the other. And the other feels that they should not have been put in that position. Both blame the other.
You wanted the telephone call, it did not happen.... passive agressive.
You wanted the personal meetings, and resulting physical contact. It did not happen. Passive agressive.
You do not need that type of person in your life. It is an emotionally distructive path. At least you found out in the space of a few months, and not a few years. Be thankful for that.
Perhaps you will be able to learn from the experience now, and not find yourself walking the same garden path in the future. | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:52:38 AM | | YourThrone, I could not agree with you more. YES I AM A WOMAN SAYING THAT! I have a book and I read it alot called "He's Just Not That Into You". There are good and decent men and women out there in life. Be patient he will find you or she will find you. Do NOT settle for less than what you are looking for. I AM NOT A PLAYER! So why am I STILL SINGLE?? | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/16/2006 8:05:10 AM | They lead us on because they can...it's that Simple ! I am sure we Women can do Our share of leading on too...It is human Nature for us to let our guard down with people and trust what they are saying...I just recently was fooled by a Man from here too...He said he was Divorced and ended up still being Married, But that can happen anywhere !!! My only Advice is when people show you what they are BELIEVE them and Run ! Learn from this and Move on.
Just my 2 cents ...LOL that's about all it's worth ! | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/16/2006 8:13:06 AM | Come on ladies and gentlemen, Caps ussually rude but forgive me you all dont have to be rude to this lady lol. Stop communicating with him and look for a future and bright day. There's plenty of fish in the ocean. He probably married and can't do anthing about his attraction to you, he wouldn't have kissed you and make a second date if you didn't attract him. Forget about him , life must goes on.  | |
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lyndi
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Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 74 | |
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| MEN PLEASE HELP ME OUT WHY DO YOU LEAD US WOMAN ON!!!!!!
Posted: 7/16/2006 6:31:25 PM | I'll never understand what thrill anyone gets out of leading another person on (male or female).
I was recently in what i thought was a moving forward relationship. We knew each other 3 months, we spoke everyday on the phone and e-mailed each other often (yes we were both looking for a LTR). Unfortunately because of his business and commitments to it we only saw each other a few times. The other problem was the hour and half drive between us. Looking back i can remember the broken weekend plans we made together ( of course he was the one cancelling the plans).
Now having said all that. The last time we spoke he was running errands and said he'd call back, well needless to say i never heard from him again. I did the whole worrying thing,hoping he was ok, the anger thing every emotion i could find. Then it hit me, he was just a jerk plan and simple. He never gave me the consideration of a proper good-bye, which would have worked because i was already tired of his sad excuses for cancelling plans.
One thing i learned...... was to pick myself up and carry on. My cell phone has even forgotten his phone number.
So take a deep breath and move on.......... | |
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