jasond
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Joined: 4/24/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/2/2006 12:58:54 PM | | First of all I'm not saying I'm a nice guy. I think more than anything I am expressing the way I feel about love in that I don't for one second think love is eternal, I believe that there is a time linit for love and that it won't last for ever. And by the way i am NOT a wimp, not that i really need to explain anything to you. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:37:03 AM | | love is some tign that you usually can not find when you are looking for it. it is some thign that usually finds you when you least expect it. jsut be patient it will happen. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:41:35 AM | | Love is only hard to find when you go looking for it, instead of letting nature takes its course, and when you try to force love on someone , or try to force them to be in love with you...you just set yourself up for a downfall....point and simple | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:52:03 AM | | Hey Justbrwn. You might want to do the women here a favor and get your head together before you consider trying to be a part of someones life. I read a lot of angry words in your profile that almost vurge on the psycotic side. Take this as words of advise and not a put-down but there`s a lot of dudes in prison right now for doing the exact things you are warning women about within yourself. You`re not going to tollerate WHAT? You`re going to put your fist through whos face? Yeah, I`m sure a LOT of women read that and just want to JUMP at the chance to meet you. Dude, take a chill on the anger and all that tough act. You might not be a whimp but you can take my word for it when I say that there is a lot tougher guys than yourself around and they dont project the anger that you do over some lost love. If you were truely a tough guy you`de take that past experience as a learning experience and take it on the chine. I would never judge a women by the negative experiences that I may have had with other women. By saying that you are going to do a preconcieved act on the next person that duplicates the exact sinario that angered you in the past will only achive failure. Look at everyone as a new and unique person. Not every women is going to cheat on her guy, and I dont know where you ever got the idea that you know that love doesnt last forever. You must never have been to someones 40th or 50th wedding anniversory. | |
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Titian
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Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 30 | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:41:53 AM | Know yourself...and then you will know what you want.
Dig deeper then just looking for someone to hang with and have fun with ...everyone wants that, but if you want something more, be prepared to ask for it.
Who are you, what makes you tick?
Think about the girls that made you turn your head...what was it about them...not just the physical attributes, what about their personality and energy made you take a second look... | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:54:53 AM | It doesn't have anything to do with your looks, lack of looks, but no you aren't ugly and your profile is just fine.
I think it has to do with the fact that people as a whole are a lot more selfish these days, far too independent(or more to the point don't have a clue what it means to be independent.), sex has become too important to most and everyone seems to feel that the main purpose we have on this earth is to work. | |
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jasond
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Joined: 4/24/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 12:56:28 PM | | I will honestly take your advice on some of the things you said, onceloved, but I need to be clear on a couple of things; first of all I don't think for a second that I am the toughest guy around. God knows i've been knocked around a few times in my life. Second of all, I think women were walked all over for so long that now some of them feel as though they need to "return the favor" to the men they date, no I don't think every woman I date will cheat on me, but I do think that the tides are strating to turn as far as women cheating more now than they ever have in the past. But, your right about me needing to look at each woman I meet as a unique and new individual. If I go into a new relationship, giving the woman a clean slate, and not blaming her for what someone in my past has done, I will probably get better results. As far as my trust issues go, I have been working on them, and I feel as though I can totally trust a woman, but let me ask one question. How do men, or women for that matter feel about the person they are with making NEW male friends if its your g/f, or new female friends if it is your b/f? I feel as though the same sex friends they have when I come into the relationship are all they need. If they are making new same sex friends after we get together then I feel as though I am not good enough, and that they need to go out and find someone who can compensate for whatever it is that i'm not covering in the relationship. And as far as love not being forever, I really do think there are people who do love each other forever, but for the MOST part I believe that love has a time limit. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 2:17:20 PM | ^^^^^^
Love in/of itself does not have a time limit.
"Being IN love" is a different story.
Some people just don't know the difference and when the time limit expires on the "honeymoon/being IN love"
they then think/feel they don't love the other person anymore & move along to find that "feeling" again.
That's the proplem though,
"love is NOT a feeling"
it's something that we DO
it's "actions".
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For most people, the concept of true love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing another's personal spiritual growth is foreign to them... what does spiritual growth mean? What does LOVE really mean?
distinguishing between falling in love/being in love with another when 3 main chemicals in the brain intoxicate us & force us to see the other person with blinders on VS "true love of another"...
"true love of another is a permanently self sacrificing and truly enlarging/enriching & meaningful experience... falling/being IN love is not."
How easy it is to FALL in love... and what a rush of emotions it brings with it... but that all wears off in short time, and it's not "true love"...
99% of us can ALL say that we have FALLEN IN LOVE... it's nothing more than simple biological responses in re: to chemicals in the brain that are released when we are "falling in love"... but to have TRUE LOVE of another... that's MUCH different.
“Love is not a feeling at all, it has nothing to do with falling in love or the chemicals that intoxicate & blind us while doing so... Love is an action, an activity, a continually shown expression of willingness & giving. . .Genuine true love implies commitment, devotion and the exercise of "wisdom"... love is the will to extend oneself & sacrifice oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own and another's spiritual growth...true love is an act of will that transcends short term feelings of "being in love and just the simple investments of mental, physical & emotional energy in another person..." the desire to love is not love itself or a feeling... it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'...
And again, most people will read that "Love is an action" and say "Hey, I've loved someone, I took her to New York”, “I bought her flowers”, “I gave birth to his children, I put food on the table, etc. etc..." This is not the type of action showing "true love..."
Love exists wherever and whenever we will it to exist... and this is where love as action comes into play... "the will to love IS the action…"
and just as Forrest Gump's Mom said: "Stupid is as stupid does"... therein lies the truth of the statement "Love is as love does"... Real & true love is a decision/choice, it is a continual effort... Real love is not something you feel, or that just happens or that is handed to you, it's not a "given" in all relationships or from another person - it takes serious effort... Love is not easy... it does not come easy and it does not remain without effort & willingness... It means devoting & extending ones spirituality to another - not just physically/materially, mentally & emotionally - yet also continuously...
Romance and love is percieved all too often as a feeling one gets from intimate/sexual encounters & in our Disney-inspired culture as Hallmark cards and Teleflora bouquets. But real authentic love is about a will to be there in all aspects for another - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically for a person and sometimes under enduring conditions – even if it is never asked of you...
We have all experienced that moment when you question a relationship... you've fallen in love, several months pass, you think you've found a soul-mate and then one day you wake up, roll over, look at the person, and wonder "WTF am I doing here?"... it is at that moment that the will to truly love comes into play… or it doesn’t and you discover that you don’t have real love for that person & at that moment - you make a choice... do you have the will to truly love and is it "true love or not?"
To truly love someone is a radical way of living in the world, of being part of this world. To love authentically stakes a claim on what matters most in this life, and it runs counter to much of what we experience day-to-day in a society obsessed with objects rather than objectives.
True love is, again: "love is as love does…" willingness to show true love, and to truly love someone = repeated pure/sound & shown/expressed actions time & time again, and it doesn't run away or quit when times get tough or there's bad within a relationship/marriage... | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 2:36:27 PM | Listen, everyone searches for love. But too love you must know God, cuz God is love and without him there is none. And its hard to teach love to a society that does not practice it. People are too busy trying to get fame,power,riches,fashion and sex. Thats the most important thing, its all about the benjamins bro. Our society is too materialistic, thats a fact. Thats the reason why its hard to find love. our society is too selfish, and they want the things that can benefit them...and them only. "Its all about me, if i do this...what can I get out of it?"
The only way to really find it is too not search for it. I know it makes no sense...but God, if you know him...you never know bro...you might be at the grocery store getting ready for that big tail gate party, your in the lane trying to get a few steaks then BAM......the woman of your dreams is right next to you...getting ready for her tail gate party too, also grabbing a couple of steaks...yall talk and hit it off nicely, next thing you know, one year later your married with kids! bro.......its gonna happen! Thats how God works..All good things comes to those who wait. Plus it could be karma kicking in too.....maybe God wants you to work on yourself first...cuz...if you try to do anything yourself, by yourself...it wont work. Remember you can do all things through his name. I know your familiar with that. Dont pray for her, you wont get it, just...ask for guidance. I dont know if your a praying man, but, ask for guidance. Work on yourself first, its probably not your time yet! Remember what I just said about the grocery store! | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 36 | |
| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:38:10 PM | same boat as you justbrwn , everyone can say you are negative and terrible , but they do not know what it took to get that way right ? Yes maybe you are ugly and retarded as a guy just like me , woman are too picky even quasymoto had more luck .
People and their opinons have no way, no experience to see the shortcommings and failures that you have had , yes give up .
Lets get drunk and pass the unsanitary inflatable girl around , that is all we have to look foreward. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:07:25 PM | | NO, forget passing around the blow-up gal. The dude isn`t really ugly or completely stupid he`s just wearing his hat all funny and did`nt do that well in school. what justbrwn needs is a female justbrwn. I`m sure that there is a gal out there somewhere that once rode the little bus to school and who is looking for a dude exactly like him. He does`nt sound like a bad sort of fellow, just hurt from his experience and not wanting to see that happen to himself again. But the question he posed about his lady friends hanging out with other guys or making new friends that are males, well that sort of comes with the territory. Trust should`nt even be a factor with either dating or marriage. When you say you want to trust a gal what you are saying is that you want a women that you can feel confident about not screwing other guys. Well my phylosophy has always been that it is her cootchie and she can do whatever she wants with it. If a women is going to do some other fellow then you will probably be the last to find out about it anyways. If shes cut that way then that has nothing to do with what you are doing or not doing for her, shes just a hoe. Trust in YOURSELF as far as being able to handle a situation like her cheating on you and you`ll come out way ahead. I have a lady friend right now that has as many men friends as she does female friends, and the men friends all enjoy her company. They take her out to dinner, dancing, bought her jewelry, even gave her $. But do I worry? NOPE! If she beds up with one of those guys just once then he`s getting more cootchie from her then she gives me. frankly I dont care because I cant dance, its too expensive to eat out, I dont even buy myself jewelry , and I wouldnt give her a penny if I found one on the street. I trust her in ways that is more important to me, like her having a key to my apartment. Hey, give the schnookie away to someone else but dont steal my porno tapes. Just trust in yourself that you can control your own emotions if she steps out on you and you`ll go a long way. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:15:28 PM | blah blah blah...try opening your heart an stop thinkin so much....seems thats all most do lately. to much talkin an thinking goin on...get out an act on it  better results that way. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/4/2006 5:08:57 AM | But too love you must know God. i agree witht his 100% but trust me not all believe that way and its sad.
if you love God then be patient she will find you but dotn be in such a hurry the time may not be right. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/4/2006 11:35:36 AM | "babygurl36"..I could not have said it any better myself.....when one has a 100% faith and love for God, everything else will fall into place.....I see you are from pennsylvania, just like me...thats cool to see more home state people participating on the forums to! | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/4/2006 5:11:31 PM | | soul seductive love is hard to find. when you find it again hang on to it and dont let her go because if you lether go and you dont give it a chance you may regret it for a long time.wen you find someone you conect with again dont be frightened to tell her just be hones and talk. i believe god put someone on this earth for eveyone and everyone is special dont be afraid be honest wen you find that special woman you conect with .take care x | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:57:03 AM | | because love is so blind,i have no idea where love went but i know it will appear before me soon and i just pray i see it and believe in it again,best wishes to all | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/5/2006 8:50:07 PM | | why does everyone look for something thats not an object...loves a feeling ...which developes over time...comes within ourselves til, then you cant possibly love another. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:44:18 PM | What you may be overlooking here is that just because you love someone doen't mean you'll hook up with them. and just because you find someone dooesn't mean you'll love them.
retardation comes in mild, serious, and profound(i think).
you write like a lazy fat boy. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:54:49 PM | You think that your are over your former girl friend who "broke" you apart. you are not. When you are seeking love it is something that will not be like seeking a book or a movie. There are some pretty unique things that you will need to have going with another person for that to happen. Why not try seeking friendship and female companionship? That may turn into a love situation. But seeking love is not profitable in terms of what you are asking.
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/5/2006 11:03:28 PM | Well I am another one having problems with the hole love thing ...
I was in a relationship for 10 years and there we good times and hard times like any right!
So now that I am out I have found myself feeling some different feelings and wow some are great but I just don't know .Like I don't know how to act on any of them or should I just not ?
Is there things just better left unsaid and hidden? who really knows and who is the one that should tell me . I guess I just feel that I am a amazing person and I deserve to be treated exactly the way I would treat someone and just so you all know it would be wonderful   So yeah and sugestions for me from any of you great people Hey put out a good word for me would you please.. | |
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| WHy is it so hard to find love?
Posted: 7/6/2006 1:03:34 AM | I have to agree love is hard to find. But if u look hard enuff and are patient enuff and don't give up, u will find it. I didn't believe I ever would, started thinking and trying to accept that I would be alone for the rest of my life. And then just when I wuz about to give up. The man that I now love and am ready to spend the rest of my life with shows up. And yes he loves me as much as I love him. It can and will happen. Just have faith. And I say thank God for the internet and thank God for Plenty of Fish, it just happens to be where I met the love of my life!!!!  | |
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