| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 7/27/2006 6:35:31 PM | This topic line caught my attention quickly due to the truthfulness of it. My youngest son's father is an admitted alcoholic and i spent 7 years madly in love with him just to realize that my love can only go so far. We went through his sobriety together, and his relapses. Alcohol kills relationships if taken out of context meaning that one of the following is caused by alcohol consumption: addiction (need & concenrtate on drinking 24/7), infidelity etc.
I want to say my story wound up with us as family for my son's sake yet that it is not the case. Instead, he is still "hustling" at age 32 and likely will be for more years to come, whereas after nearly a year of mending my then-broken heart I have moved on
To people who r experiencing this remember: addictions are a disease, it is not entirely the persons fault; do not confront them about problem when high/drunk | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 7/27/2006 10:31:08 PM | | alcoholism is a symptom of some other problem. you can call it a disease if you wish i won't debate that point. i choose not to. but most often there is something else going on with the alcoholic. and until we move ahead in our thinking on how to treat the illness of addiction. we will remain on the "treadmill". | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 2:39:25 PM | My friend I am sorry for your predicament. You have to think about yourself becuase in this situation You owe it to yourself to heal first
worry about everything after
Im sitting here in the same boat and I know body can help me but myself right?
I can only empathize with you the pain alcohol will cause. Im very sorry once again.
Ive only had relationships where alcohol was involved... I grew up with an alcoholic and I love my mother for putting up so long with my fathers habit.
I miss my grandfather for putting up with it and taking me to every hockey game my father ever missed for it.
I miss my friend Rosie for putting up with my lonely drunken ness. Helped me quit the FIRST time.(kewlest wedding I've ever been to In my Life and the best road trip anyone could ever ask for I love ya Rosie.)Shes still one of the rocks in my life and i think about how she helped me out and how i may never be able to repay that debt to her. Her best and long time friend saved HER from a crackhouse years ago and I love the guy for it... THAT is one rock solid friend i wish I had now.
I left them all to get away from an abusive drunk myself. I still love that woman to the very depths of my soul and i regret deserting her the way iI did.
I wasnt a drinker like here when I left her. The guilt of leaving her alone with her demons got me drinking on a regular basis.
THEN over the course of about 6 years following that it was every day, up to about 12-15 a day. Do the math on that.
Try quitting when youre like this... its tough lemme tell ya. and im WAY down to maybe a 6/day.... IF that, The death of my forman this summer and The revelation that my ex fiance is a crackhead and and has been for a couple years, the idea I might have some disease now put me over the edge so now i wanna make my comeback before i really am sick. Before i lose my job, my home and everything else that goes with it. Not to mention my health.
IM going to need medical attention when I do. Cuz the DTs are like the feeling of death creeping up on ya, anxiety attacks. Its Crazy. Sleep apnea, heart palpatations, really rough shit.
I have a friend thats Taking a university course and needs to do a presentation on Addictions, Im going to be making her presentation for her. Ive never been addicted to anything in the past, till i started drinking like i Do now. Might be the begining of a new direction for me. Im a great speaking type of person.
My fiance told me every day, youre bound to do something great. This might be it.
Anyone with the problem im having now all i can say is eat well, look after yourself and just think about you... forget about trying to help anyone else but yourself.
At this stage im begging for help. My true friends are all behind me, thats all i need, my ex's father is a counsellor for the local addictions center and DETOX night man. He was in my boots when my ex was still in school. He knows what hes doing, helped hundreds if not thousands by now. Im gonna leave myself in his hands when i get my life in order enough and see how my health plan might be able to get me through this if i have to go to a treatment center which i think is what im going to have to do. Im sure my union hall has some kind of help for guys like me. I need all the encouragement I can get at this point.
ONE LAST THING... Everyone has told me to turn my back on the Ex. Wish i could I'll do something even greater before i have myself locked up...whether its crack, booze, heroine I know its tough to not distance yourselves from these people, but they NEED helpKeep them out of your lives sure... Im doing just that. But even if you have to get em thrown in jail to GET THEM help, do it. Make sure they have a passport first :p cuz it may be impossible for them to get one afterwards lol at least do that much for them.
Youll be a better person for it not to mention helping out the ones you love.
Best of luck
smokemifyagotem
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Ahhh!
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Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 54 | |
| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 3:14:26 PM |
Yeah it's rough falling for someone who has an addiction.
I never thought I 'd be the type of girl who would date someone with an alcoholic addiction, as alcohol is what eventually led to my mother's death at the age of 32. But a few years ago I met a guy who was enrolled in AA, who was in jail more than he was out, and never learned a thing from it, and for what reason I don't know, I stuck around through it, until he got violent with me, harrased me at home, on the phone, my work...I'm sure you like this girl alot, but unless she really is commited to helping herself, I don't think anything's going to change. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 3:30:32 PM | No one likes being likes that drinking heavy. People drink heavy to take the value from drink.
The confidance and People with addictions have low self esteem and this needs to be corrected with a good counseller. It is shown that people with cocaine addictions that people have too high expections of themselves, and cognitive therapy is used to change negative patterns of thought and help overxcome lonstanding conditions such as addictions and others conditions. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 3:46:37 PM | | run that one by me again. good counseling corrects low self esteem and cocaine addicts have too high expectations? who told you that??? and what does "people drink heavy to take the value from drink" mean? | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 3:59:58 PM | | I am doing a pscyology degree been doing it four years with the open university and we have to study addictions and we learn what therapies are most effective. Another thing it has also been found that the people who overcome addictions the most have been found to be those people who also have a new interest or job, in their lives. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:10:08 PM | | I just broke up with an alcoholic........but I love him so much, just can't stand the drinking....We have talked about this before and I tell him about AA and how I go to Al-Anon for the family history of alcoholism that I have.....He tells me that he will do any treatment that is not AA based......Anybody know a good treatment non-12 step......do they work? | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:20:02 PM | Been there, done that, wrote the book and the screenplay. The man ruined his life, his relationship with his son , his family and anyone he has come in contact with . He is so messed up now he can't work , think, or perform simple tasks. His brain functions are GONE.
Pray for him ?
Feel sorry for him?
I could be so bothered
To answer the questioin do programs work?
Yes they do if you value your life and want to keep on living | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:21:20 PM | | Heavenly Turtle is wise... The worst part of an addicted person is the denial that there is any problem at all. They can't see that they've crossed the line, lost control, they just call it a fun weekend... Nevermind everything in the house is broken, nevermind the loss of bodily control, nevermind the abused spouse weeping in the corner, for them it's just another party... what's wrong with that? You can't change someone who denies there's a problem... love doesn't even factor in. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:21:29 PM | Personally I don't drink tried it once and got sick but...
my best friends husband was an alcoholic and a gambler they ended up getting a divorce after their son killed himself....Alcoholism,touches everyone in your life =/ | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:21:43 PM | | sharabi-- he doesn't want to do a 12 step porgram because he doesn't want a sponsor calling him on things. and he doesn't want that because he doesn't want to get clean yet. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 4:38:14 PM | | apollo-the findings that you cited regarding overcoming addictions and new interests is perhaps another way of saying that in order to maintain a sober lifestyle while battling addiction is to change people, places and things. the other notable about addictions is that it is a constant battle. you need to have a plan for EVERYDAY in place if that involves going to a meeting, going to church, seeing individual counciling. and you need to be able to recognize the signs of impending relapse. sometimes a new job is the worst thing that a recovering addict/alcoholic can have. picture the person who has hit rock bottom and has nothing left. now starting to get sober and perhaps having some clean time under his/her belt. the person takes their first job and now has begun to get back among society. the biggest trigger among addicts is money in the pocket. most addicts come in only after they have robbed everybody they could, and exhausted all sources of income, nothing left to pawn. now they have a little bit of money in their pocket, what will one drink hurt? what will one hit off of that pipe hurt? hey i worked hard, i've come a long way, i deserve it. well, you know how the rest of the story goes. my point is only that change must be made very cautiously and with some type or support system. good luck in your pursuit of a degree. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 8:42:46 PM | I beg to differ with you on what works for addiction. There is this thing called a bigbook look in your yellow pages, and go to an aa meeting, and you can pick one up for $6.50. The statistics show that more alcoholics have recovered in the past 70 years through the program of alcoholics anonymous.
And to the gentlemen who started this thread you more than likely made the right decision. We alcoholics have to hit a bottom wich is diffrent for everyone. The pain has got to get bad enough before we become willing to be willing to admit that we are powerless over alcohol. Alcoholism is a disease. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, and the courage to change the things I can".
One more thing I have a friend whos been fighting this disease for many years, hes gone through new jobs new cars many new things. "it works if ya work it"
Thomas R | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 8:51:53 PM | That is the best post ive read yet.
I have a god of my understanding that I truely believe can help restore me to sanity.
I have turned my will and my life over to the care of god as I understand him, and I have found I am not the god of my understanding.
A sponsor is one of the greatest things that someone in the program could ask for they are there to help you through the steps, and to give suggestions wich should most of the time be takin to heart. They have been there, and are trying to give it to you easier then they got it, but you have to be willing.
Experience strength and hope. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 8:58:07 PM | That is the best post ive read yet.
I have a god of my understanding that I truely believe can help restore me to sanity.
I have turned my will and my life over to the care of god as I understand him, and I have found I am not the god of my understanding.
A sponsor is one of the greatest things that someone in the program could ask for they are there to help you through the steps, and to give suggestions wich should most of the time be takin to heart. They have been there, and are trying to give it to you easier then they got it, but you have to be willing.
Experience strength and hope. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 9:13:57 PM | | tom r.... i need a little clarification on the statistic you mentioned. what is the stat exactly? more alcoholics have recovered in the past 70 years through aa than what? and you know that recovery is a lifestyle not an absolute. therefore how can you keep statistics? we know that no body keeps track of who relapses and never comes back. that being said i will be the first to tell you that the aa/na lifestyle is virtually foolproof. if you follow the steps to a tee. and that is not an easy thing to do soemtimes so it is always wise to expand your support system to include some of the things i mentioned in an earlier post. but i do not believe alcoholism is a disease. and i'm sure there are lots of folks who would debate that with me and in the end we would still feel the same. and that is something that i cannot change, and i accept it. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 9:16:29 PM | Ok guys and gals, you can always have too much of a good thing but you shouldn't put down drinking all together.
I am not an alcoholic but I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotamy.
Cheers... | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 9:21:59 PM | | BEST ANY ONE CAN DO IS NOT GIVE UP ON HER OR ANYONE, TRY WITH IN YOUR HEART TO LOVE THEM , AND KEEP LOVING THEM , FOR YOU FOLLOW WITH SOME NEED ,, AND THEY WILL BE THERE , AS YOU WERE , AS I AM TO YOU ALL , GOOD NIGHT BLESS YOU ALL,,, | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 9:58:04 PM | Alcoholism is a disease and she can stop with the flick of a finger or for someone
she loves. It's known as the great remover and can remove, home, famlies, bank
accounts, jobs, love and self worth. She has to want to help herself but a little
nudge in the right direction will never do any harm. I wish you luck. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 10:08:14 PM | I was married to the guy I met in highschool. He had compulsive/addictive behaviors. He went from drugs to alcohol..... Everything he did, he did to the extreme. Rather than leave him I stuck by his side and went to counseling with him. We then had children. Then the alcoholism started and it was the blackouts that scared him into going to AAA. Then he started back on the drugs and the effects were hurting the kids and me. He got in trouble and I checked him into a treatment center. Please understand that for all those years he would say what he knew I wanted to hear to get me to stay. After the treatment center he was good for awhile and then the problems would start up again.
Our last family vacation was to Vegas and when he entered the casino I watched the change come over him. It was just like Jekyl and Hyde. Scared the daylights out of me!
His addictions ruined our relationship and broke our family apart. We divorced and he married another woman within the year. She had been married to a man of the same nature previously. The last time I saw my ex was at a function for my daughter and he was drinking a beer. He still believes he can drink and control it. He even convinced my daughters that he has control and can drink socially.
Bottom line: The addict does not control the addiction, the addiction controls the addict!
I spent almost 24 years standing by my man as society and the wedding vows state. Now I know better and I run the other way. I still pray for my ex and those with addictive behaviors but I won't give up my life for him or anyone like that. Take care of #1. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 10:08:38 PM | Alcoholics are not responsible for the fact they have a disease, but they are accountable for their behaviour while in their disease. AA supports this philosophy and recommends that alcoholics make amends to those their drinking has harmed.
Alcoholism is a disease, according to the American Medical Association and related medical organizations. It has a set criteria that defines the disease, which is used for diagnosis by doctors. Use the link at the bottom of the following quote for specific medical information related to alcoholism.
The following is a quote from the Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy. It is an interesting perspective on how AA works, which does not include descriptives such as "pity party". lol AA does help alcoholics stay committed to their program of recovery, if that is what they really want.
"Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): No other approach has benefited so many alcoholics as effectively as the help they offer themselves through AA. The patient must find an AA group in which he is comfortable, preferably one in which he and the members share other interests; eg, some metropolitan areas have AA groups of physicians and dentists. These groups provide the patient with nondrinking friends who are always available and an area in which to socialize--away from the tavern. The patient also hears others confess before the group every rationalization he has ever thought privately for his own drinking. The help he gives other alcoholics may give him the self-regard and confidence formerly found only in alcohol. In the USA, unlike in other countries, AA groups include a high proportion of nonvoluntary enrollees, whose attendance is mandated by court or probation officer order. This compromise of the voluntary tradition of AA may alter its efficacy.
(((http://www.merck.com/mrkshared/mmanual/section15/chapter195/195b.jsp)))
If treatment centres are big business, it is because addiction is epidemic in our society. According to medical experts, it is the number one killer the industrialized world faces. If pathologists got honest about the real cause of death in most cases, you would alcoholism or addiction on most death certificates. Many disease related deaths, homicides or accidents are attributable to alcoholism/addiction either directly or indirectly. Think about it... | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 10:14:42 PM | Correction: It must be late because I got a typo.
AAA can only haul the drunk's car away, not the drunk
It was AA for my ex and even that was a cover for him. He did that to make it look good for him and to get me to stay. For some AA works and then for my ex, well............. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/17/2006 10:15:17 PM | | I lived with a "closet drinker". We were together a long time. I was so into him, I did not see that he drank a beer with dinner, a beer while he was working on his hobbey, and a glass of whiskey every night before bed. He was a wonderful lover (63) but when the drinking became more important than me, he begin to cheat on me, we lived together and he left me with 2 young children, and in the end physically abused. I have family members who are alcoholics so I know the signs but I did not see them with him. It has been a whole year for me. I had to go to counseling to understand the drinking, the cheating and the beating. I understand I was not responsible but it will be hard for me to ever trust again. | |
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