noso
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Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 101 | |
| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:06:20 PM |
i was married to an alcohlic for seven yrs,it didnt matter what i said or done he could'nt or would'nt kick the habit,i suffered all those yrs of abuse and torment,he got very depressed,he really went down hill,i tried and tried to get him help,it did'nt work,the end productwas he told me was going shopping and i never saw him alive again,he hanged himself on the 6th sept this year
so sorry about what u have experienced..thats a horrible thing and i hope he has his peace now, whether alcohol assisted his day to day life and for what reason it may of or not ..no one knows but himself (and probally... he did not even know himself) ....for the majority of those that posted after Kate's and gave no condolences only to reflect on themselves in selfishness as that is the focus point of this "illness" | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:55:05 PM | I think there's a lot of people out there who can relate to that. I know I can. My ex was an alcoholic, severe. He's probably one of the few people I know that can drink for 3 days straight with no sleep. At first with us it was ok, we had fun and it was just something new. Then when we started to get serious it got to where when he was drunk he would call me names, degrade me, and just make me feel like I was scum. The last time we broke up I moved 250 miles from him, he called me and begged me to come home, told me he would change, that he wanted it to work, and if it did we were to get married. Of course I went back thinking it really would change, nothing changed it got worse. I was back with him for 3 weeks. In those 3 weeks I went from being totally in love with him to being terrified of him. He started throwing things, getting even more verbally abusive, and at times I felt like he was going to beat me to death. I knew that if I even stayed in the same town as him, it would never go away, so I moved back down to Texas, and it's taken me 2 months to stop thinking that he was coming for me or have nightmares that he had found me. Thankfully he's finally left me alone I've only heard from him once since I moved down here.
I think relationships like this make you stronger. It takes a lot to overcome something like this and get back out there. It helps to talk about it, but it takes time to heal from it. No one should ever have to feel like I did, and I hope I'll never have to feel that way again. Social drinking is ok, but it takes a very strong person to deal with a verbally or physically abusive alcoholic. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:01:39 PM | I had a recent conversation with the Head of the Psychiatric Department at a major Toronto area hospital. He informed me that the rule of thumb that they use there is that if a person consumes approximately 6 ounces of an alcoholic beverage per day on average, they are hovering on the edge of alcoholism.
The person who is a health nut all week and yet empties a 40 oz bottle EVERY Saturday night is over the edge.
As the weeks, months and years go by, the volume of alcohol required for an addict to reach the "comfort level" that they are seeking steadily increases as their body builds up a tolerance to this poison. Some people can consume vast quantities of alcohol on a daily basis and yet still appear to function normally at their jobs. Behind the scenes though, they display all the characteristics of the classic addict.
The probability of their ability to carry on this way as their tolerance slowly increases, is close to ZERO and the only future for them is total disaster. There is a slight chance for survival once they hit rock bottom and seek help but the odds are slim after building up a high tolerance over many many years. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/5/2007 6:44:41 PM | I CAN'T, HE CAN AND I THINK I"LL LET HIM.
Alcohol is always fun in the beginning but if your letting it control anything you say think or do then I think that person has a problem. On May 15, 1987 I picked up the phone and I made a call that saved my life. By the grace of a Creator that I understand today and the fellowship of alcoholics I haven't had to pick you a drink since. I have not had the need, the desire or the necessity to do it. The man that answered the phone that night almost twenty years ago I will be for ever eternally grateful to. I wanted to get into the ward of a hospital that night because you see I knew all about this things. This man man had never meet me but I think someone was telling him my story. When I told him what I want his reply to me was, all you need is Alcoholics Anonymous, there's a meeting to night at highway 5 & 10, be there I won't. I was at that meeting on time and he wasn't there like he said but I have never had to look back. Three month's later he turned up and presented me with my a big book at my first convention. In 2005 I got to attend the Totonto World Convention and One day at a time I will get to attend to 2010 Wold Convention In Texas. This Summer one day at a time I'll get to travel across Canada and the USA with eight other drunks in our RV's. Alcoholics Anonymous does not promise to give a person anything but if you take the twelve steps and apply them to you life to the best of yor abiility the rewards can get unbelieveable. The same thing can happen with any other twelve step program. I'm going to say a couple of other things here and then I will shut up.
When I came into alcoholics anonymous, I didn't look to good, I sure didn't smell to go and I didn't feel to good but those people took me and loved me until I could love myself.
The family came back and you would think that everything would be great but not so. After five year's we both realized we could not live together in soberity. At the time of getting sober I had two daughters who would not walk on the same side of the street as I was on. Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to walk my thirty five year old baby down the isle and give her hand to a very wonderful man. It was the proudest day of my life. I have had this and so many wonderful things happen to me that a diary wouldn't even be able to handle it all. When I drank there were no wonderful things that happened. All these unbelievable things happened because I didn't pick up a drinkfor one day and stopped being in control. I'm sorry this has been so long but if it helped one person it was worth it. I wish everybody another great 24 | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/6/2007 11:12:55 PM | Its been a long while since I posted on this thread. But its late and I can't sleep, so here I go!
I guess I want to address the people who do not consider alcholism a disease.
I am typical as an alanon type. My great grandfather was a doctor who hung out a shingle saying "gone fishing". I thought that was what he was doing...NOT! My mother needed "medication" to help her sleep after my dad died back in 1965. She was still on "mothers little helper" when she passed away this last year...and heaven help the fool who she even suspected of touching her pills! My first husband may have died from speed...no one knows for sure as he was a transient at the time. My little brother and sister each have substance abuse problems, although I think my sister has finally kicked hers. My last two relationships each had an addiction problem. These are all my stripes to prove I know of which I speak. Excluding my loves, all are blood relations yet I am not addicted to any drug or alcohol.
My son. He's the sweetest young man you could hope to meet. However, give him two tall beers or one...I said one shot of hard liquor...and I swear he is possessed. He's in recovery now and doing great. He knows liquor is a poision to him. To have a substance of any kind enter your body and have your mental state change so dramatically is a biological reaction. My son and I know of which we speak.
And believe this....we ask no sympathy...we offer no excuse...it just is...and sometimes its hereditary.
Peace,
WS | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/7/2007 1:06:33 AM | I probably should not be writing here since I am drunk at this time:(
Alcoholism sucks.. My X was a hardcore alcoholic. Give him a few drinks and he was try
ng to choke you or put a loaded shot gun to your head......
I am proud now to say that as he is the father of my child and sober for two years that he is the best dad in the world.. No problems whatsoever!!!! There is help for alcoholics.... they can be cured with the right help and enough love. I myself,, I love a good drink. I get buzzed and no more.
Yes, it is a very serious illness. When I am very sad there is nothing I want more than a good drink to cure my feelings but that is just covering up for a moment what you do not want to deal with.. Alcoholism runs in my family. My mother had never had one drink yet my grandmother died from it. My father drinks tons of beer but was never violent and never caused any problems... Some people can drink and some CANT..
Period.. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/12/2007 5:17:49 AM | | My first husband was a verbally and physically abusive alcoholic. I was married to him for 25 yrs. We had a wonderful girl, now 25. He never would admit he had a problem, only got worse. One morning he almost broke my nose. That was it for me, I moved out that very day 10 1/2 yr ago. I have never looked back or wished I stayed. They have to first admit to having a problem and seek help or it will go on. Mine wouldnt do either. So I moved out and moved on. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/12/2007 12:09:27 PM | Interesting comments. Alcohol consumption, in my opinion, does not HAVE to be synonamous with verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
Personally, I think there are people that can drink without problem, and those who can not.
Further, there are people who see any amount of drinking as a "drinking problem": maybe I'm just in denial.
I, too, would rather have a bottle in front of me, than the 'frontal labotomy'!
Cheers!
TBK | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:09:19 PM | | 7 years ago i met a wonderful girl. we both loved to go out an dparty and have fun, our relationship grew to more then that and we fell in love. Life was great her free spirit and love of live and fun was the reason i stayed with her, this year we were married and for some reason, i don't know why she started drinking heavily and missing work and not wanting to come home and spend time with her new husband. IN december she cheated on me and walked out the door and says it is over,get over me I want nothing to do with you. Alcohol and her addiction that i never even saw for 6 years ruined us. I want to reconcile and at least give it a chance but she can't stop partying long enough to even understand what happened. She has alienated not only me but everyone in her life except her drinking buddies. How do you get someone to get help. I guess they have to hit rock bottom before they can accept they have a problem and get help cause trust me she needs it. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:20:40 PM | Marvel, my friend:
Empathy expressed for your torment notwithstanding, please look into yourself. What changed in the relationship, and why?
What were, and more importantly, what ARE your expectations? She will not change.
If She is in need of help, the unfortunate fact is, there is nothing You can do about it, unless and until she recognizes that.
With kindest regards, and best wishes,
TBK | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/12/2007 9:32:49 PM | MY FRIEND ONCE SHE IS A DRUNK SHE WILL ALWAYS BE A DRUNK. I MARRIED ONE OF THEM THINKING I COULD CHANGE HER.
I BUILT A VERY NICE HOME DURING OUR 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND YOU GUESSED IT, THE OLD LONGING FOR THE FAST LIFE WAS STILL BURNING AWAY.
WE FINALLY HAD TO GET DIVORCED BECAUSE ONE DAY SHE DID NOT COME HOME. IT SEEMS SHE WANTED TO PARTY INSTEAD.
NOW I AM DYING BECAUSE I WORKED MYSELF TO DEATH WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND SHE IS SITTIN PRETTY WITH HER NEW HUBBY IN THE HOUSE I BUILT AND OH YES THEY ARE TWO VERY HAPPY DRUNKS. TAKE CARE OF YOUR LIFE, YOU ONLY GET ONE. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 3/12/2007 9:55:46 PM | I am so pleased to read this tonight! Thank you for posting this! There are addiction problems in my family so I know what you are talking about.. My son just graduated from a 3 month treatment, and we are thanking God for him everyday! Thank-you for being so honest. If you help one person it will be worth it! | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 5/7/2007 9:41:06 PM | yup been there.. with my Ex husband... over 20+ years...though.. I grew up in a no alcohol enviroment... far happier with little or no alcohol in the relationship..
my 2 cent's on this... | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/6/2007 7:24:45 PM | Alcohol used to extremes will ruin the best of things in your life.
I dated a guy for a year and a half. He told me he drank because he was bored which made total sense - at the time. He lived and worked away from his friends and family and he had nothing to do - he worked odd hours/days. It WAS believable!
He moved back to his home town (and mine after 6 months of us dating) and the drinking continued and continued and continued. He is a big guy and he could put alot of booze back but I knew I was in trouble when he went to the liquor store and bought 2 -66's of rye. I asked him why he needed two bottles and he answered me very seriously, "So, I don't have to go back to buy more when I run out."
You'd think an intelligent girl like myself would run for the hills at this point. WRONG! I loved him when he was sober and hated him when he was drunk. Too bad he was drunk most of the time. He was never physically abusive but the behavior brought on by the alcohol was too much to deal with.
I'm glad I got out when I did. Sure, I "wasted" 18 months of my life but that's better than 18 years.
And the sweet thing? A few months later we ran into each other - in a bar LOL - and he was drunk of course and oh so sorry....he missed me, loved me, wanted me, needed me...loser.
The thing that stings? Everyone who knows him told me that they'd NEVER seen him so happy until he met me. Gee, maybe I can get other happy guys hooked on coke? They said that he REALLY ? loved me. That I was PERFECT for him. Stinger? Too bad he wasn't perfect for me. Alcohol....can be evil.
My heart has healed and I'm alot wiser now too! Onward and upward! | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/6/2007 7:57:47 PM | There are other groups out there...SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, Secular Organization for Sobriety...I know the most about SMART Recovery, based in cognitive therapy and facilitated by trained leaders (some recovered substance abusers, some not)...there is a website SMARTRecovery.org, I think with online meetins and alist of face to face meetings. It is an international organization, not as old or well known as AA, but effective...I think Harvard Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health are teaching about it in their curriculum.
I facilitate a group, am commited to sobriety (16 years), and recently divorced because my ex had substance abuse and the often attendant emotional/verbal abuse issues. Sad and difficult to end the marriage (especially at my age and with a young son), but imperative.
Best wishes with it all. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/6/2007 10:02:57 PM | | Yes, I have definitely experienced it and still am and he doesnt see that he has a habit nor does he agree to stop drinking and it totally ruined our relationship because he was starting to get really mean and extremely controlling. He is not getting any younger and when I have a house in 2 years he will be at the same level that is at now and while im improving my life he will be in the same apartment doing the same thing not with me by his side. He is not happy but it had to end because he wanted me to be just like his mother and sister and I wasnt. I was trying to make moneyand he just wasted mine andhis and almost put me in a whole. Thank god I was smart enough to get out and now hes suffering oh well not my fault. His credit is shot and thank god mine isnt. It still emotional for me because he still loves me but I have to move on andfind better. It wont be an easy road but I am doing better and god is taking care of me. | |
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:16:31 AM | Xarsy, been there done that! I had 3 yrs of that BS. Got back together by happenstance after a 6 mo break and within 4 mos it was back to the same thing as when we were together for a yr first time around. So after 1.5 yrs, it really got bad and couldn't stand the binging and the behaviors associated with this kind of issue. Well lesson learned, and there are others out there so beware!
Good luck getting yourself back together and healing over this debilitating Disease. Remember Vodka is their favorite for some reason.
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:27:43 AM | Actually , Cheating is the main cause for divorce in a relationship. I can't respect cheating, the pain and hurt it can cause and what it can lead to can be unbearable and frightening. I have more respect for an alcoholic or druggie then a friggin cheater.
But it's best to not be an alcoholic or druggie too.
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| Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/7/2007 11:51:09 AM | I havent seen any posts on those DRIVEN to drink by one of their spouses 'other' bad habits so I thought id put in my 2 cents.
Some people cant sleep so the doctor gives them drugs. Better?
Forget the whole addiction thing.
Some people self medicate in one form or another for a lot of reasons.
I actually went to rehab once becuase i couldnt function from the stress I was under.
Beer helped me sleep at the time.
Am I an alcoholic? probably
Do I go to meetings?
no.
Some people have to recognize thier own 'reasons' for drinking before they can even CONSIDER they might have a problem.
In a perfect world even THAT is too much to beg for. | |
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