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| disability guys
Posted: 7/2/2006 10:15:55 PM | Hm, I did put up the cochlear implant up front in my profile. I get 0 responses lol. Im not that desperate but Im still under the belief that my luck has not changed with the ladies. My pessimistic sense on love/relationship is stronger than my optimistic sense. Its a constant battle that I have and will always have that until the day someone comes in. ^_^
Be it known that in every date/hang out that I've had, none came further than talking and a hug good-night. I know it hurts my feelings but Im also trying to forget about that and continue to try again. Again, im just afraid of rejection most of the time. Some of these days I just go forth with bravery and courage because I want to take a chance out there without fear. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2006 7:21:59 AM | Hi CryingStar! I used to also put info on my CI in my profiles (here and others) until I realized that I was defining myself with my "disability." My CI may be a HUGE aspect to my hearing abilities...may have been a profound part of my growth...but that is where it ends. So I took it out. But I always bring it up.
One of the main reasons I stopped mentioning it right off the bat...some people have a tendency to hear or read the words "deaf" or "hearing impaired" or anything associated with it...and assume that I would also be mute, of ill speach and grammar, etc. Also...it seemed that most men read right past the Cochlear part...and just saw IMPLANTS! LOL
All in all, you are young...obviously intelligent...and I think most of your dating woes probably come from dating people your own age, when you are far, far more mature and goal oriented than your peers! Could this be true? | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:00:55 AM | Hm, what you said is exactly true. I always had a hard time fitting in with peers of my own age simply because I was always nice and respectful to others. To be more accurate, 98.524% of the time where I was nice lol. Because of that, I either questioned my abilities/intentions or made attempts to figure out their intentions/purposes. This only occurred after the meetings if it didn't work out. If things did work out, I always thought up the positive things and expound on them. I guess it can be said that I fall between the pessimistic on bad days and the optimistic on good days. Really its the moods lol. Even though I put up cochlear implant in my profile, I don't feel bad about it. I feel proud of myself cause I made the decision to have the surgery and things are working out wonderfully. The cell phone is actually useable for the first time and that's a miracle for me. ^_^ Now I can converse with my parents from time to time. Sounds that I hear but is not familiar with, I ask someone else about it and learn what they are. I am still relearning english again and continue to learn other sounds as my mind registers the intended electrons in my brain. Yeah, you know what Im talking about hehe. As far as I know, im taking online classes to prepare me for college this year. I plan to major in biomedicine or engineering. I guess that makes me goal-oriented if that's what you're saying. Hm, enough about me lol. May I ask how are you doing with your cochlear implant? I wish that it's excellent because Im aware of the technological advancements we've had in the past 20 years, mind my age lol.
We can talk about the "defining" yourself with a disability later. I have some questions on that.
Have a nice day. ^_^ | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:11:28 AM | Sorry if we are turning this into an "all about CI's" thread...but it IS topic related! :)
I was implanted May 30, 2002...and like you, am proud of the fact that I made the choice to forge forth with it. (For those who are wondering why?? Like all surgeries, you get the typical risks such as anesthetic...but with the CI, you risk facial tics, facial parylization, losing what hearing you may have left if it is your "good ear," and more.) I chose the CII model by Advanced Bionics, which was ironic because my mother was implanted with the Nucleus in 1990. But even though mine was pretty recent...I still have seen many of those technological advancements, you mentioned! I am actually waiting to go bilateral for AB to come out with a totally implantable CI! ;) (Again...for others...while you have an internal implant...you still have to wear an external processor...looks similar to a hearing aid.)
I am very pleased to say I am doing INCREDIBLE...my CI Center refers to me as a "superstar" meaning...I have less than typical expected results, extrememly fast! In all the time I have had this...I have only been for my 2 initial mappings to get it right...and one other after I sucked up all my volume!...was able to use the phone from the get go! :) It is AMAZING to be able to pick up ANY phone (even more so...a CELL!) and be able to understand everyone...even peeps with accents...after you were once to a point where you had to grab your kids to interpret simple calls. My former job involved HEAVY phone use...something I never imagined EVER doing! :)
I went back to college post-CI...was very anxious...just made it a point to sit in the front of all classrooms and lectures as a back up to hearing. Also pulled my Profs aside and asked them, when in large classes, to please limit their walking and talking and to repeat questions of others before answering them. (This helped...though was not needed often!) I also had a notetaker from each class...the special carbon copy paper provided by the school...I always chose someone who was willing, and a strong student. :) Their notes were used for back up.
Again...sorry for those who are bored stiff with this! LOL But you can learn something new every day with it...and when you hear about someone famous with a CI (Rush Limbaugh and I believe former Miss America Heather Whitestone decided to have one to help with parenting) you will know what it is! | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:27:06 AM | Hmm, that's very interesting. I chose to get the Freedom 13 since it had the options that I liked (rechargeable batteries and wireless processor, etc.) Like you, I also caught up pretty quick. Thank you for the heads-up on the college work, I appreciate it.
btw, I met Heather Whitestone when I was 12. ^_^ | |
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Posted: 7/3/2006 9:41:19 AM | | I'm just wondering with the CI, how have you been accepted into the Deaf community? I've seen some documentaries on CI, and I know there is a huge debate in the community over having one. So I was just wondering what your experiences were. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:48:50 AM | I have .03% information about the documentaries and have not been into a deaf community yet. Therefore, Im useless. Sorry. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:56:27 AM | Good Q Ezzee! We refer to the community using Deaf and deaf...Big D Deaf or little d deaf! LOL Deaf are more into the "culture"...and are the ones you have most likely been reading are "anti-CI." I have a very hard time understanding the culture because I was never Deaf. I also find it amazing that two Deaf parents can be AGAINST a CI for their Deaf child because they feel it will make them a "robot" or make them something they are not supposed to be. But I also empathize that I was not raised in the culture.
My biggest problem is when people say it is taking away from the culture when, with a CI, you are still DEAF without your processor...you can take it off and be deaf. (Which comes in handy some times!! LOL)
More and more of the Deaf that I have met via colleagues and personal, are accepting the CI after usually, meeting someone who had great success, or, like Heather Whitestone...becoming parents.
Hey CryingStar...my mom met Heather as well...and she autographed her book for me, for her! The Freedom is a Nuc, no?? My batteries for my CII are rechargeable as well...but are manufacturer exclusive and cost $200 a pop...though they last for a year plus. My mom uses one that takes like 5 HA batteries...and is ALWAYS changing hers! Mine is wireless as well...but I have the BTE. :) | |
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Posted: 7/3/2006 10:10:43 AM | HarleyKat
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend if I did. I knew that the big D in Deaf represented the culture or community. The reason I added the community was for the random Joe who might be reading and didn't know.
I can understand the arguments on both sides of the aisle. As a person with a visual impairment, I have been adamently against getting a surgery of any kind to improve my vision. I don't have a problems with others who get it, but for me, it's just not worth it. It's part of who I am, and it is part of who I always will be. To me, being visuall impaired is no different than being a woman or black. But that's just me.
Anyway, going back to some of the original concepts of the thread though, I don't make it readily known that I am visually impaired. It's just not something I announce. I don't randomly go up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Ezra and I'm blind." To me, that's like going up to someone and saying "Hi, I'm Ezra, and I'm a male." It's not that I am trying to hide my disability or anything like that. If people ask, I have no problem talking about it. And I have presented at conferences on visual impairment because I believe that education is the number one combatant against discrimination. Also, I find that people who find out that I'm blind right away without knowing anything else about me treat me differently and special. As if I need some sort of treatment or sympathy from them. People whom I've worked with for weeks or months before they find out have a whole new respect for what people with disabilities can truly do.
Anyway, that's just my ranting. Sorry, I'll shut up for a while now. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:12:45 AM | Hm, I don't understand how its taking away from the culture when you have the option to hear or not hear. Its the same thing with any assistive hearing devices. They ARE still technology, aren't they? btw, im not sure what culture we're talking about here. However im going to go with the "mainstream". I know I was cut off from most of it when I could not hear at an early age and had to wear hearing aids. It lasted up to the end of high school, but in the past 6 years I have been more out in the public and was on the internet these days.
Yeah, the freedom is the nucleus. yay. ^_^
Hm, how do you have the BTE? I don't have that option......must be the design, I think. (this one uses plugs instead) I use up 3 batteries every 3-4 days. The boxes go by really quick so I know how it feels. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:21:46 AM | Ezzee...you did not offend me in any way!!!! I re-read what I posted in reply...can't see where you thought I might have been offended...miscommunication! LOL
I agree...I also do not go up and say, "Hi...I am Kat and I am deaf/wear a CI!" LOL However, if there are any sort of communication probs (loud environment, dark, etc) I MAY broach it early. I like to tell new people about it, AFTER we have talked on the phone or met...they seem less inclined to have preconceived ideas about it or me. :)
I can see how not having the eye surgery may be an easy choice...but with the CI, if I did not like the results, I could take it off and still be deaf. :)
CS...I also do not understand it...so I can't explain it well! LOL I think it is more people who WERE NOT mainstreamed though...who are not about total communication. Some seem to think a CI takes away from the beauty of ASL...but again...you can still sign with a CI. :) I know I have a DVD on this...and they use a lot of reasoning that "why change something you were born with" but these same people will dye their hair, wear colored contacts, have breast enhancements, and more! | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:36:34 AM | Hm, true. I come to think of it as improvement rather than taking the belief of "why should you change what you were born with" With the hearing aids, I had too much trouble with them and that frustrated me, my mom and my teachers......so I wanted to get the CI in order to improve on my in-born hearing and hear better than the former. If ppl look better after surgery, whats wrong with hearing better after surgery? We bring up good arguments lol.
to ezzee: As for the eye surgery, that is in no way an easy choice, just like the implant. Our eyes are just as important as our hearing and the 3 other senses. (The smell and taste are all right, lol)
Is lasik surgery an option? If you ever decide to have an eye surgery, I hope it works out wonderfully. ^_^ | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:52:14 AM | The surgery I would have to have would actually be a corneal transplant. My corneas are thicker than what they are suppose to be, so the light does not get into the eye like it is suppose to or like those without vision problems. Just like most other body parts, it does change and my eyes have been getting progressively better as I live, but still limit my ability to drive and other visual things. It's a genetic thing, which comes from my mom's side of the family. My mom and my aunt actually both had surgery. For my aunt it was successful, and for my mom the condition returned, so really it's a coinflip as to whether or not it will work. As I said, at this point, not going to have the surgery. Although if my eyes do get exponentially worse, then I'll probably have it, but at this point, I can do anything else everyone else can, except drive.
PS HarleyKat, I was sure I didn't offend you, I just wanted to put that out there as I know some people who are Deaf that are extremely sensitive about that issue. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/3/2006 3:07:12 PM | I wear a Cochlear Implant as well. Not many of us around. However when I tell someone I have an implant its like see yah later. However people it has changed world for the deaf and it does work for me. I wouldn't think it was any worse then the ring on your boob or your tatoo. We all have a little of something so small things should be over looked.
Main thing is you have to look at good qualitys in the person. I myself dont smoke or rarely drink. Some of us want a real relationship but somehow it's misinterpeted that most women on here think the guy just wants a roll in the hay.
I know on here you gotta be careful who you meet. Lots of married guys on here that claim they are single. It's almost like when you meet can I see your ID please. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/5/2006 11:03:25 AM | I do not let my disability define me. I define myself by my abilities. I don't post information about me being disabled in my profile because I want people to get to know me for who I am not because I haev a disability.
I am an accomplished musician and have played professionally for years. I am a professional photographer and own my own company. I am not on disability because I am able to work.
I may not be able to do the hiking and biking stuff but I can do other things. I just have to use a wheelchair to get around. I have no problems in taking care of myself and doing things for myself I cook, I clean, I go out, and I like to have fun.
If women can't accept me for who I am and can only see the disability then I don't want anything to do with them. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/5/2006 2:21:25 PM | I'm a B*tch......isn't that a disability lol!
The disability thing is a non issue for me.. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:20:40 PM | Hello=) When I am upfront it scares people away, basically I been through hell and back, after 6 yrs I'm still fighting to get SSI this time I will get it, physically I'm in good health, mentally its another story, but doctors orders can't drive, Acute Catatonia, also I've tried everything to get a job but the only money I am going to make is buy writing, composing music, or making medievil weapons/I have been studying martial arts since the age of nine. There is alot more Schizoaffective Personality Disorder/the depressive kind, I am not schisophranic its like it but basically I've been through much truama and my mind, body and soul are incapapable of handling it, believe me I have tried to face it and I end up in alot of physical pain, I have two pshyke's one is bad not in an abusive way, just alot of truama and bad things happened to me, The other one seems normal but detached, I might not get a date, I might die alone, I've died once already, mabye there will be no one that will understand most of what I went through, personally, I apologize for sounding angry, no offense to anyone, No matter how hard I try there is always a obstacle the ruins everything when dating, either its money, or some other BS or it a mutual breakup, people say to wait and someone will come along, some people say that I go have to seek, but frankly to put all that effort and end up getting hurt again it doesn't seem worth it, in my opinion, I'm sick of being judged as a book cover I can't be truly open with people it scares them away, I can't change what I've been through and probably never will, i'm working on accepting it, at times I am very alone and helpless no one can be strong forever, I just don't know anymore, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I still always end where I started the only difference is I;m left with more pain. I apologize for sounding angry and I mean no offense to anyone=) | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:42:53 PM | | My daughter has a hearing loss, her hearing aid costs about 2500 Canadian, and seems to completely die every few years. Bernefits pay for about 20%. It did cause social problems growing up, but she fought through depression, found a passion in white water kayaking, and found her guy through a kayak club she joined. Personally, I think they are insane, they kayak in the winter when the ice breaks up enough to get water flowing downhill. Anyway, she did not go on disability, she went to university to get an education degree and is a teacher now. Some diabilities cannot be overcome, but the key to self esteem is to work as hard as you can to minimize them and sustain yourself by your own means. Then, after you have accomplished what is humanly possible, you can accept help with a clear conscience and self respect. This isn't judgmental, but in response to the original post. Can a person with a disability attract anyone? Yes, people are drawn to warriors who do whatever can be done to overcome life's difficulties. To suffer and persevere, that shows character. JMO | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 7/8/2006 8:34:45 AM | Hello=) Howitgoing thanks for your advice I especially liked when you said "To suffer and perservere" it made alot of sense. I done all I can and then some but unfortunately I cannot be cured or fixed not as in nutured hehehe, I don't it is just hard to accept that there is no more that anyone or I can do, I don't give up that is just not me, but it seems to never end and that in itself is frustrating to say the least. And its hard for me to have relations with anyone because if I go catatonic which is pretty much everyday, they might feel bad because they are unable to help, I don't waant to hurt anyone or put this on anyone, I 've been hurt enough that I developed a very compassionate and empathetic persona. It scares me that sometimes Iwhen I go catatonic I don't know if I will awake but I might sound selfish it would be nice to have someone I care about to be next to me while I basically completely helpless but my episodes only last 40min to an hour, but I have to try my hardest every episode I get, to wake up. Anyways thank you for you compassion. And best of luck
2a. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 1/22/2007 4:09:24 AM | I grew up with Epilepsy, so I know how it feels when people grade you based on what you Can't do, rather than what you can. Or when you want to go to a party but they figure you'd better not... just in case.
In College, I met a woman who also had Epilepsy and it was great! Together, we saw each other as equals, and while most women refuse to date a guy who uses the bus, she and I used those times at the bus stop to our full advantage, keeping each other warm (get it?). A year later, when I asked her Parents if I could marry her, they decided two wrongs don't make a right. One is enough.
It seems you have to BE disabled in order to accept us. | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 1/23/2007 3:30:52 AM | HI:
People can say they'll date someone with a disability, but given the choice won't.
Nobody wants to say they won't because they're afraid of being accused of discrimination and also maybe don't want to hurt a disabled person's feelings.
Wether we like it or not, those of us who are disabled, deal with discrimination on a daily bases. We get it from politicians, government agencies, social agencies and organizations, friends, co-workers and strangers. Society is working on bettering how disabled people are viewed, but let's be honest here, there's a lot more to yet be done and a long way to go to get there.
For those out here who aren't disabled, feel blessed cause you are not disabled, but be kind to those who are, we didn't ask to be disabled, it just worked out that way. Don't write us off because of it, we have so many wonderful qualities to offer and we do what we can to be productive members in society!
Thanks for understanding people.
Cheers
Paul
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| disability guys
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:04:01 AM | Disability pensions are, in themselves, disabling. Granted, they do provide the means to put a roof over your head, and some food in your stomach, but there's room for little else that would improve the quality of life.
I've watched an intelligent, articulate individual being worn down by destructive attitudes of the government and "helping" agencies. And there doesn't seem to be a way out.
Mental health disabilities are the most cruelest in nature. Discrimination is rampant. Physical disability pensions "seem" to be more acceptable. At least, the population can SEE that there's a problem, and suitable ancillary agencies are fairly accessible. Mental health agencies are overwhelmed, under financed and under manned with suitably qualified people.
And ElusiveNewfy, "people can say they'll date someone with a disbility, but given the choice won't"....well that may be true for the most part, but I have dated someone with a disability. It was always about connecting for me, not the money issue. Take heart, there is always someone who can see you for the possibilities, not the negatives.
Cheers, Raven | |
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| disability guys
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:58:00 AM | Hi Raven:
I never lose heart, most people I know, don't even know I have a Bi-polar disability, but are surprised when I feel comfortable enough to tell them. And they don't see it as an issue with me, because I have already won their friendship and respect. I am very well respected in my community and very well known, as a person who's fun to be with, kind, caring,considerate,helpful and who'll not put up with bulls**t. When I first was diagnosed and became a mental health consumer, my self image suffered badly, I felt like a piece of useless crap. But I have come to terms long ago, realizing that I can contribute something good to society. The mental health problem was always there, yet before I was officially "Labelled" I served in the Army Reserves and also as a volunteer medic with St.John Ambulance.
I don't bother with any of the so called, "Mental Health" agencies, as they tend to mostly drag you down and try to anylize you. I don't need them telling me who I am, or what I can do ! I'm capable of doing that on my own. I haven't lost heart, quite the contrary, I have a very big one and the people that can't see that are the one's who are disabled ! And God help the person who knows about my problem and calls me down on it,cause they'll be facing one angry guy, who if pushed enough on the issue will likely backhand ya one, not that I'd enjoy doing that, but I am going to stand up for myself. Be Beautiful people and treat me with respect and I reciprocate in kind, because I really want to "Love" everyone, I don't wanna have to fight to be treated as an equal !
God Bless ya Raven for the encouragement.
Cheers
Paul | |
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