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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:53:28 AM | ok i guess ive read enough to post a reply..... heres my take, and this is from a single dad of one and one on the way that may or may not be mine. a good lawyer is good but if you dont have physical custody i wish you luck no matter the circumstance!!!!!!! i kept my son from day one stepped up and kicked her out, got temp custody of her daughter whose father is a registered sex offender and have filed for testing of the unborn baby. since, have lost custody of the daughter,no legal right..this is still an on going process, court next month...in my opinion the court looks at the whole picture but makes its decision on current issues. again, if you have the child you stand to keep the child............period...the x didnt even show for the first hearing,violates a protective order, and now lives off her parents.. we will see how it goes, still in the early stages of the court system....keep you posted though... daniel | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/29/2007 7:21:12 AM | I have two daughters from different mothers. Sure, I hvae made my share of bad choices, but I learn from them. I am a single full-time Dad. My oldest has not seen her mother since she was 3 ( 9 now), by the mothers choice. The youngest has not seen her mother in a few months. She went to her parents and is now in rehab for alcohol.
With regards to the courts being biased, I completely agree. It took years for me to gain sole custody of my oldest, even though my first ex was arrested several times for drugs, failed or refused to take court ordered drug testing, more, and then yes ,even more of the same. I had worked at the same job, lived in the same home, and had not a single blemish on my record. The court was extremely blatant regarding "The woman is the more suitable parent". I did have an excellent lawyer, my mistake was not hiring one from the particular area, I brought one in from a larger city nearby, spent thousands and thousands of dollars, and we went through an unbelievable period in my daughters life.
There was a period of shared custody that was so unbelievably hard on my kiddo. I would not ever see shared custody of a child that young as a good thing. It is to hard on the mind at that age. Please take that into consideration when discussing shared custody of a child under the age of 5 or 6.
The second time around I have and am doing things in a much smarter way. Before I attempted to fight the "system", now I have learned to massage it. If / when a decision did not go my way, instead of saying "why" "how can that be?!?", I simply stated "OK, now which direction, what should I do, how can I respond".
We wonder how a childs parent can be void from their lives. We ask how can this person not be there? For me it was never a choice regarding being involved. It is like breathing, it is just done, daily, with everything I am. I know there is no other person on this earth that can love, care for, educate, and instill morals the way I can. Therefore, everything else is just going through the motions. If you want custody of your child bad enough, AND you are the more fit parent, then you must already have the home in which they are accustomed, be living the lifestyle a parent should be living, and hire a great attorney in the right area.
We can sit here and discuss how biased the courts are, but I think we all know that fact. The true issue is parents being mature enough to admit who has the best home situation to raise the kid(s). If the parents are too immature to admit that and just fight out of selfish reasons, the child has already lost haven't they? At that time the opinion of court bias is a wasted breath anyway.
I will say I never did anything other than be completely honest to the court, and I still question that decision to this day. Lying at times for the benefit of my girls certainly seems like a logical choice. I tried to do everything the "right" way. I still have issues with that heh.
Think logical, stay calm, squash your frustrations, do not bad talk anyone in front of your kids, much less the ex. Most importantly consider them in any decision you make. This is the hardest one, because you must truly know, and admit to yourself if you are, or are not the right person for the kids to be with. If you are? Damn the torpedoes, full on mode, and fight for what is right until your last dying breath. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:18:24 PM | | i went through a divorce over ten years ago , i got the house and custody of my 3 kids..all my choice.it is a bit hard , women are the worse,talk about you behind your back in the playground,not even knowing the facts. its all the mans fault.as for dating...well forget it for now.my kids are all grown up and happy .i look for someone but am just as happy on my own.one thing to learn..........look at what you have got...not what you have lost..... | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/29/2007 12:41:02 PM | I can understand about this and the more I hear the more I appreciate my situation.
I think a mans success depends upon a number of factors.
1. Personal prejudice of the judge. We had a woman who judged our case and she was very concerned about children's rights as opposed to woman's or father's rights.
2. Presentation and carriage during the trail. I teach school and have had a lot of practice in masking my emotions. Her lawyer tried some questioning tactics designed to make me look over bearing, unstable, and chauvinist. (he said that I wanted a submissive traditional wife and resented her ambitions. I countered in that my brother and I sought mom's advice on cars when we were teens because mom was a better mechanic than dad) One of my neighbors fell into that trap in that he over responded to the phrase "deadbeat dad" and gave the judge a bad impression.
3. Actions outside the courtroom. I deliberately chose to live close to my ex-wife not out of affect for her, but so that my son could easily walk to my home from hers. I petitioned the court that he be able to move freely between the homes at reasonable hours. My son's mom told him he did not have any say in the divorce and he told me he wanted to talk to the judge. I had my lawyer make this clear and asked the judge to meet with him in her chambers. While he was there he gave his opinions of what would be the best solution in custody. (The judge actually used his suggestions as guidlines for custody.
Finally physical apprearence. The lawyers wear suits, so I wore one as well.
When it ended, the judge commented on how concerned we were on our son's well being. It wasnt everything I wanted but I think I got more than what a lot of dads get. | |
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~Wyatt
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Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 105 | |
| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/29/2007 1:17:09 PM | I have found an INCREDIABLE shift in the male/female tide(s) in Family Court.
dustcloud above me here dais some very relevant things regarding presenting oneself/
I have been very lucky , and I will not bore you with my situation, however I am privy to a number of good friends both MEN AND WOMEN who have been and currently are in the middle of a Family Court situation.
A good Lawyer is paramount, NOT and expensive one. Yes, they do exist. We have found good ones in Toronto, Calgary and Victoria, BC.
We have a large contingent of single moms and dads that meet regularily on the interent and in person ( there are 19 single dads in my home town alone ) and I am seeing a balancing act in Canada that is very refreshing. Often, well-wishing single parents come across as , angry or frustrated in a court setting and even though no-one can blame them for those emotions they must be left outside. Lately I have seen more single mom's lose a portion or sole custody even three to five years after an initial settlement had been placed. Conversly single dads or potential single dads are becoming far more recognized both legally and socially.
What helps, aside from a decent , solid Attorney? A group, either in the flesh or the internet, that one can be honest and forthright about their feelings with those who are willing to be a sounding board for their angst etc. Not that I am knocking POF but, this being a dating site, I find the msg boards here to be mainly filled with " fluff" and those HARD HITTING or important topics can often turn to billboards for attention seekers etc. Find a place JUST for, about, and containing folks most like yourself because I have learned that a clear head makes for a btter parent and a better candidate in court. Sounds easy ? | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/29/2007 10:21:41 PM | The first Four trips to court I was treated as a second class citizen(at best)but I plugged away, bit my tongue, and gathered evidence for every ridiculus senario.
The big thing is not to loose your head
I was even asked if I threatened her when she didn't show up for court
The fifth time in court the judge apologized to me for his bias and said It was because i looked like a biker or a member of the WWF
It is a double edged sword though. Now when she drags me to court the judges are always very hard on her. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:07:55 PM | A man is treated as just a pay cheque in the courts .All they want to see is your income tax return so they can calculate how much he can pay . man must fight for 50-50 custody ,,a women just walks with the children and automatically has sole custody until you can have it changed .If she is a problem and wont be nice ,,the courts feel there is to much conflict for 50-50 so they give her sole custody ..she is rewarded for being unreasonable
you take the child its kidnapping ,,she does and its to protect them..
When it comes to court they reward the stay at home unemployable types with bigger payments and sole custody ..clean house with these old school judges
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:46:41 PM | Well I had a problem with a cafcass officer she was like the ex's best mate it was unreal. so we went backt o court and showed floors in her report the judge went with what we found and ordered a second report to be done by another officer.
The courts do lean towards the woman and I agree its totally unfair it should be what the kids want. Saying all that my son got his wish in the end.
My advise is kick ass from day 1 alot of us guys try to play fair and it doesnt pay in court | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/30/2007 1:00:32 PM | | Just luck of the draw on the Judge. Some are very impartial. I drew a horrible one. I got custody of my 2 kids but only because the judge didnt know thats what the custody papers said when she signed off on them. The judge was a woman and later in the proceedings physically stood up and and pointed her finger at me and said she better not find out Im not complying with all the stipulations. She didnt know that I was getting custody and that my ex was the one supposed to pay the child support. Me and my lawyer got out of there as quickly as possible holding our breath before my ex's lawyer could try to get more from me. It blew my mind how judgmental a Judge can be. She had her mind made up to stick to the dad before she ever started our case. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/30/2007 3:01:19 PM | | there is no way to boot out a bad wife if you have children ,there is no where for a man to turn for help,oh and don't get angry ,,you will be labelled abusive if you get mad about it ..you get weekends if you **** and family services who will be on the womens side doesn't work after hrs so wont get involved and wont follow up on your concerns if you don't have custody ,how convenient for the women .She could be a drunk lazy slob , couldn't hold a job but they will treat her like a dedicated stay at home care giver automatically and if you have been busting your but to provide a descent home working extra hrs you just pay more and they protect her .If she just grabs the children and sticks you with all the bills she gets legal aid free and will bury you in paper work and court time ,most men go broke and just give up.I don't think men are winning any more custody fights ,they just have a few more trying at any cost to stay around in there children's lives .,its a crime how some men have been treated by the JUSTICE SYSTEM ? .yes touchy subject ,,on a date site ,,but who wants to meet another bad one correct ? post 101 is correct ,,just grab the child and walk out. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/30/2007 8:12:32 PM | My guy friend got a letter stating his license will be taken since he is behind in support. SO, I took him down to the court house and found out through MEP, he was indeed behind...
A total of $18.00 
Yep, that's right! Threatening to take his license on that amount! So, I asked for my account, as I knew he was behind.
My Xh is behind almost $3,000. 
That's also only THIS year. Doesn't account for 2006, 2005... (because we haven't gone to court for the "arrears" yet)
Doesn't make sense does it!!!!!!!
THERE HAS TO BE SOMEONE TO HELP GREAT DAD'S!!!! | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:57:58 AM | | 18 bucks behind ?well that proves it to me ,,they are just looking for the go ahead to take over and turn him into a mule for the system and go after his ass .I have been told that Family services is just a hit man for the welfare system and they hunt Fathers ,totally supported by our government and legal system.The big game they like to hunt is the hard worker ,,the responsable man ,the more hrs he puts in and benefits he pays into the easier he is to go after ,,but when the children turn 18 ?and don't have a $ value do they have to move out? In the best interest of the children they destroy a mans future and take away the child's future opportunity to also have a good one .If a man is paying into a pension or making a big mortgage payment or has a good job you can bet he would also be thinking about a way to put the children through school later.The mother who goes after all of the assets is cashing in on the child's future .Children are a good investment ,I should teach my daughter that instead of being a good girl she should go get pregnant and try useing the child support payments to pay for her education later .No student lawn to pay back.Resposable children dont do that well either .What are we learning here ? | |
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EL D M
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Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 114 | |
| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:15:19 PM | Danieldad75:
Been there, done that, I used to be an attorney (never practised family law, thank goodness).I can only tell you that the courts are completely "feminized" (we used to call the female lawyers in family law, Femi-nazis), your child/children have a right to have 2 equally contributing parents and the adversarial system will never accommodate that because there always must be a "winner" and a "loser." The courts miss the point that it is the children that always lose and this is while the courts strive to suggest they work in the "best interests of children"...hogwash...family law has become big business at the expense of children's lives. disgusting!!! Wait until FMEP comes a-knockin...then you will understand the power that the feminists have achieved at the expense of children. My good thoughts go out to you and never give up, your children will thank you for it someday, mine did...best of luck, from abattle scarred Dad( best word in the English language most equal to Mom) | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:25:44 PM | what about the men that beat their wives and only want the child for revenge
my best friend is watching her baby scream for her every time he goes with his dad she tries as best as she can to not say bad things about the dad she wants everything to go as smoothly as possible
there are exceptions to everything
i fully support good fathers taking care of their babies 110 percent
i just wish the courts could see more than ten minutes of these peoples lives then be able to judge whats best for the child | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/10/2007 11:01:07 PM | Any thoughts on how to get these dead beat fathers to step up to the plate instead of being pussies and making it hard for the rest of us who are real men??
Here's an idea...any time you encounter a deadbeat, turn him in to the authorities (financial neglect)or give him a serious pep talk in the EMOTIONAL FRAILTY OF CHILDREN (emotional neglect) don't hire him. don't befriend him. don't let your sister date him. don't let your child play with his child. don't let your best friend's friends girlfriend hide his earning/conceal his assets to enable him. i'm with you...either parent deserves a fair shake with custody, but the male gender does seem to have a bigger fight on their hands in this arena (as does the NCP in the collection of child support) only you guys can step up to the plate to challenge it, in terms of changing stereotypes...ie father-breadwinner, mother-nuturer-- that have been around since the dark ages. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:27:46 AM | I have been divorced for over 10 years now.
I have had my daughter since the day of the divorce, I am still friendly with my ex and when it went to court, we *BOTH* requested that I get full custody with her having visitation per mutual agreement.
The judge said no.
2 years later my divorce finalised, with me getting the custody we both wanted, but for a while there I was actually breaking the law because I had my daughter with me, instead of her having to stay with my ex who was renting a room in another town.
The court system is completely hosed.
I never wanted any child support, we do just fine on my income alone, it is not easy sure, but we get by.
What can be done about it?
Time.
--Serenity | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/11/2007 11:14:53 AM | Time For A Change ,,First of all most of us are not dead beats .I am so sick of hearing that phrase ..and its is not the majority here so drop it ..the only way to change things is with the government .
SUPPORT AND VOTE FOR:
(a) Shared Parenting legislation that defines parents as equal before during and after a relationship and/or marriage;
(b) That upon a separation and/or marital breakdown children and parents shall be deemed to reside equally with each other, except as otherwise as consented to in writing;
(c) That the primary objective of judicial intervention is that a Judge shall order immediate equal shared parenting in all cases, except a conviction for domestic violence; and
(d) That the residential district of the child shall not be changed absent agreement of the parents and the stated wish of the child.
we have the internet now so lets get on with making a change,it's time to speak up ,,and demand equality ,,or fire who ever made this happen and won't attempt to fix it for fear of loosing the womens groups vote .. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:01:05 PM | valleyjavastop
For what it is worth, what you are wishing for in your post is pretty much how the courts in the State of California views things, unless a child is under 6 or 7 years of age, then the presumption is that the child will do better living primarily with the mother/wife. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:10:01 PM | Uhh....the courts of Alameda are so father friendly that I am afraid that award Genghis Khan the custody of six thousand "blood brothers" with whom to rush off into battle with.
No, really. I had a friend who temporarily lost custody to a complete deadbeat dead because she had plans to go to school abroad. The judge, almost kicking and screaming, was forced to open his juvie record and recognize that he was a sex offender. And, amazingly, he still shares joint custody. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:30:56 AM | | I agree with ya O.P.! My ex is constantly showing, AND proving that her intentions to keep our son with her as much as possible is completely driven from a monetary standpoint. I make a good living, and she tries constantly to take my legal parenting time from me. Granted, she's quite creative in her tactics, so as not to get herself in the judges line of fire, but never the less, I have learned to just let it roll off so my son doesn't have that looming in the shadows of her and my interaction. I won't lie, there are times when going to Lowe's and getting a $14.99 shovel sure sounds good, but that's when I have to laugh and know that giving her any kind of resentment, or power only enables her to keep doing it. Yes, the legal system is seriously flawed and jaded by dead beat parents, which is a shame. As a loving father who cherishes my son though, all I can do is make the best of all the time I have with my son. Show him love, fun, and teach him the best I can. Through time, even the most obtuse judges will eventually see who the caring parent is if one of the parents isn't true to form. Best of luck. | |
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| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/12/2007 5:50:15 AM | In Florida, even when 1 parent is given primary residential custody it is normal for the divorce to state that the other parent is allowed to spend time with the kids whenever they want to. What makes things like shared parenting hard is fathers like my ex who wont even show up for his real visitation days, but then shows up on the days that he knows it will disrupt plans that the kids already have, but doesn't care about their feelings, only his.
I know some great fathers who definetly deserve custody of their kids, but like it has been stated by several other people already, unless you can afford to pay atleast 30 - 40,000 in attorney fees it is near impossible to take kids away from their mother. I have a friend whose daughter lives with his ex and her boyfriend who has an arrest record a mile long for drugs, stalking etc and he can't even get the police/DCF to go check on his daughter when he can't get his exwife to answer her phone. She moved 4 hours away against court order so he can't check on her himself everyday. | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 124 | |
| Touchy subject...single fathers in family court!!!
Posted: 9/12/2007 6:45:09 AM | I think it's really sad.
I work at children's aid and see far too many cases of a money hungry or selfish **** milking a man in court and purposely having him see the child less or if at all just for revenge and hurt him. | |
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