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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:32:42 PM | well yeah if he does walk away slap child support papers like i said he hav a financial responsibility towards that child as well as a fatherly bond if he didnt want a kid then he shouldve had protected hisself wat he thought he was jus a sperm donor | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:38:44 PM | well if he has 3 other kids then he basically know wat to do dont let him play on yo intelligents and i hope this is a learned experience sad to say but dont let him stop u from raising yo daughter if its hard now wit him being a loser if can be even rougher take him to court even if he is not workin when he starts it will pay off then he will know u r not playin yo child deserve the best rather its financially or caring | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:42:21 PM | the leak that is damaging is the dead beat male and the woman is jus tryin to fix it a stubborn leak so she looks like the whinner because shes trying to stop it naw if he leaves then the leak will stop in the kitchen then she can focus more on the children and not the dead beat pullin his weight | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:48:28 PM | well if u knew that all the kids was collectin ask yo self what makes u so different open yo eyes girl as far a males be treated better the girls please dont think that from yo circumstances that was the way he was raised so thats all he knows thats wat hes tellin u if u care fo one u will care fo all face it girl hes a real jerk and he will regret it later try not to worry about wat will happen to yo child now jus focus day by day and let the other days handle its own try not to look ahead of yo self who knows u might meet some famous person who love and respect u and yo daughter think positive | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:59:51 PM | all pleas i never knew my dad until i was 18 and then he wantted to come claim me when i turned 17 comin to graduation and everything beggin me fo money wat a loser he hav less responsibility to do i give all my props to my mom even though he showed his presence how could i respect him i know hes my dad but they try to say its the mom fault i knew it was a lie but i dont hate him they will lose out n the end and dont think fo one minute they dont feel regret but why should the mom hav all the blame she does her part why should she hav to do his too and make him come see his kids he made his choices and when i got old enough to see it my mom is the award winner n my eyes she get the trophys even his  props to u mom | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:36:04 AM |
I'm a first time mom of a 3 month old baby girl, who is my world . Her dad comes around when it's convienient for him, maybe a half hour, twice a week. He doesn't help me out financially and he wont even change her diaper. When he is with her I can tell that he loves her but he doesn't do any of the stuff a dad is suppose to do. Is it better to let him be around when it is convienient for him or should I tell him to beat it? I don't want to deny my daughter of her dad but I also don't want her to get hurt from his lack of being a father.
Tell him to get lost. If he's a good dad he will realize what he is missing and will want to come back around and do things the right way. Tell him he needs to start being a DAD not just a flash-bulb daddy when he feels like it or when it's convenient for him. He needs to CHANGE A DIAPER and buy stuff for her that she needs. Your daughter deserves better and I wouldn't put up with that crap. I mean honestly if he gives a sh!t about her he will straighten up and start being a dad. If not, he wasn't worth it in the first place. I say it's better to have no dad than a deadbeat dad, and this is coming from ME who has had a deadbeat dad in her life. It's no fun and I wish my mom would've told him to get lost a long time before she did! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:36:44 PM | My ex never showed any interest in our sons, wanting to be around them, until they became teenagers. He missed 11 years and more of their lives. Now, the boys don't want him around and have even chosen to take my maiden name. They said that "he never bothered with us, so he's not coming around and telling us what to do now."
I always hoped he'd change his attitude about our sons, but he just ended up losing a relationship with two great young men. Your daughter will know if her dad cares. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:26:39 PM | Sweetheart you can ask the world for advice repeatedly but no one can answer you honestly from the heart but GOD if u r not spiritual try to be for the sake of your child it will save u both. As for ur dilemma I share ur prob but I'm 33 and he's 34 with 3 other kids + my 9yr. old, it is a hard decision but i will agree with lurvaboy put it to him str8 and make it clear to him that ur daughter is #1  and that if he doesnt share in the sacfrices ur making for this child then he can be replaced by someone who will. But just remember before u lay ur head down to sleep say a heart felt prayer to GOD and ask him to show u what u need to know so u can handle it best. | |
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zteev
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Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/4/2006 4:09:07 AM | | In answer to - is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all? NO would me my answer but then Im a single Dad so I would but the point is dependin on How Dead Beat you mean if he is no good what good is he to the kid? Kids need positive stuff around them & fun & happiness & the need to know they are wanted & looked after & where the boundries are etc & a Dad that dont know much aint gonna be aware of these things & be lost at what to do etc which makes for uncomfortable feelins alround. His opinion wont count in your eyes coz you'l here in the back of your head "what the hell does he know" when it comes to who makes the rules ^ who does what & where & when etc. If the Dad has the bottle to re-educate himself then atleast he knows what its all about & can be of some use etc. To me its either Keep With it or Keep away....sorry Dads but its too easy to mess a kids head up without even realisin its been done & whats done is Hard to Un-do. Right, thats my bit, its time for my herione injection & a beer me thinks...DOH...did I say that thought?! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/5/2006 1:42:10 AM | In my opinion…NO! As parents, it’s our job to protect our little ones (from any harm) to the best of our abilities.
My son is now 19mnths old. His welfare/security is my first priority. I want to protect him from all negative influences for as long as possible. He deserves a childhood full of love, support and pureness. With this being said, I realize that I can’t guard his innocence forever, but for as long as I can, I will.
I allowed every opportunity for his “deadbeat father” to be involved in our sons life, for the first year. It only took a couple of months full of cancelled/missed visits, and obvious lack of interest for me to realize that my baby was worth a lot more than that. My little man was only four months old, when I told his dad “You have a year to decide your role in our child’s life. Under a year, our son doesn’t know the difference…but I will not allow for my child to be set up with disappointment and wonder if his daddy is going to call or visit”. When my son had his first birthday and his dad didn’t call or send any acknowledgement (other than his financial obligation), my decision was made firm.
I am confident that I made the right decision. My son has male role models in his life (brother-in-law, close friends, and cousins) they are all positive influences in his life. He may only have a mom at home with him everyday, but he is not without. If you believe that your ex has promise to be a positive role model for your little one, then for all means, give him a chance………but if you don’t, keep in mind the effects that the relationship will affect her life. It’s up to you girl, I wish you luck. It will be hard knowing if you’ve made the right choice or not, but you'll make the right one! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/5/2006 3:04:38 PM | My sons father was the same way,well maybe worse! He's never in the first 2 years changed a diaper,warmed a bottle,cuddled him to sleep none of that..He never bought him anything. It wasnt until our son was about 2 you know where they get to that cute stage thats he really got in there, i never held anything against him for it ,he worked and i took care of our son..I think most men arent into the cuty pa tootie stage like we are right from birth with the kisses and cudddles thats too lovely dovey, but when the lil' guys get to the roaming, jabbering "interesting" age i think thats when they start to get in there and enjoy every minute, Now my sons father likes to take him fishing and hunting and you name anything "Manly" , i kinda miss the night time cuddles and pudding making times...he's a lil' man now and mum just too "smoooooshy" as he says.
So just give him time he'll bond and come around.. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/5/2006 9:53:29 PM | when in doubt, default to research. the "experts" claim that ANY contact with the ncp is better than NO contact at all. While we may not "like" our ex's, or their circumstances, the reality is that children have the "right" to unfettered access to BOTH parents. if you've ever spent any time in a family courtroom, you will quickly see that, barring the ncp being totally unfit, judges typically advocate joint custody. the harsh reality is that law enforcement is quick to pursue the deadbeat who does not pay child support, yet just as quick to ignore a mother who is consistently screwing around with a legal visitation agreement. the child is HALF his, and even though you may not advocate his parenting style (or, lack thereof), he is still your child's dad...
the fact that he is not paying child support is a seperate issue. if you haven't already done so, file a motion IMMEDIATELY. just as your child has the right to know and love both parents, she also has the right to be financially supported by both parents. while support and access are totally seperate issues, they both involve the rights of your child.
good luck! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 8:55:27 AM | | That a really tough situation, Im going through the exact same thing right now! My ex is your typical dead beat dad, has never been around, never paid support and when he calls he very rarely ever asks how our son is doing hes more concerned about if Im dating. Good luck to you, I wish I had some advice to give you other then be strong! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:45:09 AM | i have learned that taking care of a child goes far beyond paying child support i am a single father who had to take custody of my daughter from a unfit mother. i did not know about my little girl until she was 9 months old and even though i did not know about her i kick myself every day for missing those first nine months of her life but from the day i got the dna test back i was a part of her life, like any REAL MAN would and i love every min of it. to say that men don't like the lovey dovey things is a bunch of crap a true man loves every sec. of there childerns life good and bad nobody likes to change a dirty diaper but we do because of love a love that is stronger then anything in this world if your babys father can't see that children are not convenent in any way they are needy and whiney and some time they make us crazy and will for the rest of our lives but we love then and for all of our falts they love us he needs to be around for his kid as much as possible and if he can't do that he don't need to come around at all and give you a chance to find some one who will love you and your child and be the father they desirve and there are a lot of men out there who will do that
tell him straight up shape up or ship out but don't let him get off easy take him to court and make him pay it the least he could do. i payed for two years until i took custody and now she pays me and i don't cut her any slack she may not want to spend time with her daughter but she is sure as hell going to help me support her
someday it will come to him what he has done and what he has missed and he will hate him self and if he does not change his way right now his child will hate him to and call another man daddy and give that man there love and if that happens it will haunt him untill the day he dies | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:47:25 AM | | Hmm is a deadbeat dad better than no dad at all? In my situation I would say yes. My boys are teenagers who are ashamed of their father. The hate the fact that he doesnt see them , work, try to better himself etc.. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 3:40:59 PM | | Tell him to beat it.... your daughter would be better off with you as mommy and daddy.. rather than a dad who is not a man and is not taking care of his responsibilities....I have a 23mth old son who almost everyday asks for his dad... and there is nothing i can do cause he only comes around when it is convenient for him and i feel my son is better off with out him and eventually he will not remember him so now the baby daddy is gone.. and i dont talk bad about my sons dad to him and i will let him make up his mind about his father when he is older. All you can do is be there for your kids..... no matter how much it hurts to do it by yourself!!! Good luck. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:15:12 PM | A no dad at all is better that way you only have to see your kid hurt once. A dead beat is too much for a kid to contimplate. I dated a girl who had a dead beat Dad and atleast once a month he'd pop his head around the house and make empty promises to his son. Hated seeing that kid devastated like that.
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Okito
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Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 46 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:36:59 PM | It is a nutty thing .. man i love kids way too much to want to see stuff like that happen .. My ex and I have worked hard on a Friendly basis to make sure that my son( enventually that friendship turned out to be real and strong ) . who lives with me .. has ultimatly the best of both worlds , love and Support Not only from us .. but Grandparents .. and extended family as well ,,, why can't people Just realize it takes the whole villiage to raise the child .. I have no time for Deadbeats period.. why do the Doners think it ends with a quick scoot out the door .. then a half hour visit at their convienience , a little pressie a couple bucks , then off to the pub to brag about the things they do for thier kid
Quickly though as opposed to deadbeat fathers .. why not Dead beat parents .. I have seen both sides of the coin .. seems to be sometimes .. the Guy gets labeled as a dead beat period .. the woman gets .. ohh she is a victim of circumstance ! somehow in this time of equal opportunity , some language goes a miss , thank Gawd we are not In that predicament , in our relationship when it comes to raising our son .. and i really feel for those who are
Keet | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/6/2006 11:35:56 PM | | it hurts to sit back and watch happen I will admit from experience. Mine is three, only difference is ... he pays for her. He is just unbearably mean to me . I still feel obligated to keep him in her life, I just have to take what he hase to say at face value and know its cause he hurts from loosing us..... Wish you the best hun. Let your heart decide. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 2:38:55 AM | I struggled with this one for a long long time. My ex was the only father they had ever known (six years for my oldest and three years for my youngest) and so I worked very hard to accomodate his every whim in order to keep him in their lives. I never asked for child support beyond milk and bread when we were out, of which we rarely received, and begged him to just pay attention to his girls. I even went so far as to pay him to babysit his girls so I could work or get a break.
The breaking point was after the third time he dropped out of their lives (he would for months at a time because he got mad at me) and during this time I discovered that all the time I was telling my children that their dad was a good man and was just having a rough time, and that he loved them and that none of this was their faults, he was telling them that I was a sl*t and a wh*re and that I was the one who was fighting with him and that if I would just stop being a bi*ch to him then we could be a family again. I was devastated and it sure made me realize why my children were acting like they hated me!
Once I stopped paying him to take care of his kids and told him he either made the effort or he left us alone he quietly slipped off to B.C. without even a good-bye and hasn't been back since. My girls are hurt and they are damaged and they miss him like crazy but in this case it was the lesser of the two evils because not having him around has been less damaging than him dropping in and out of their lives whenever it was "convenient" for him. It took a long time for the healing to start but I find I am no longer having to pick up the broken pieces of their hearts over and over and over again. Their poor little hearts are not whole but at least they are together and that is unfortunately the best I can get at this time. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 5:32:26 AM | well said mate,
i love the last words you wrote, any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. those words are so true and real. it is a pleasure to know some real men are still around. | |
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Caliee
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Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 50 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 2:48:27 PM | I don't really know if I am comfy with judging your situation, nor do I really have a direct answer to your issue. However...that being said...
I am a single mother of a 2 yr old girl. I love it. Wouldn't change my life for the world. Her biological father isn't in the picture, at all and hasn't been since I was five months along - two years into our relationship. I made the decision to leave him because of many reasons, none abusive or anything, but I just flat out wasn't happy. I left and haven't looked back since. I am ready for the day my daughter asks about her biological father because I am proud of what she and I have accomplished so far in life together as a team. She has every right to know who he is/was, why it didn't workout (refraining from the detailed version of course) and why things are better this way.
It is clear to me now why I did what I did when I did it regarding her biological father. My daughter and I are doing just fine without him paying child support. I found many resources offered by my state for assistance(financial, food, clothing, housing...ect.) in the begginning, and now we no longer have to use them and are financially on our own. Now...I'm not saying "welfare" or anything. I truely believe that if you're working to pay your bills, trying to make ends meet - making an effort in society, then if you need a little state assistance for a bit, why not!?! The assistance gets abused too, so why not put it to good use for a change!
I am not trying to devulge into my story or anything, just trying to offer what the other side of the fence could possibly offer for you. If the man is in his 30's, already has other children, doesn't live with you, walks all over your personal boundaries for your life (what if you're busy when he just decides to drop in? That's not fair..ect.) and no regard for you as a woman or as a mother - what do you think? I guess my question would be - Why would you putting up with this? Would you want your daughter to put up with a man like that? You deserve someone WAY more reliable for yourself and your child. Someone told me once that just because you donated the sperm, doesn't automatically make you a father. It takes a real man to be a dad and that's so true. A good guy out there will love you and your daughter 24-7, not just twice a week. I'm sure i'll get hammered in this forum for my posting, but I'm really just trying to show you an example of what is possible without the twice a week 1/2 hr. visits. We'll be praying for you! Good luck! | |
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