| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 3:11:30 PM | NO WAY IN HELL!!
to see a childs face crumple in pain when you have to break it them that dad ( or mom) is too busy with thier own life to include you or see you??
that little one will grow up feeling the emotional loss of that neglectful parent. Thats where anger hurt resentment depression and lack of confidence begins. At a very early age. That kid will have a ping pong dad bouncing in and out and for a little kid thats alot to take in.
They dont know if thier dad is gonna be around or not..its makes them feel a bit worthless actually.Its so goddam unfair.
my ex pisses me off to no end but he takes my kidlings every 2 weeks pays his pidly support but beyond that hes a selfish prick.BUTTT he adores his kids and will do pretty much anything for them.
It takes a strong man to be a good dad and if he cant stand up straight and be a man then catch him bending over and bootkick his butt out. | |
|
| |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 5:21:55 PM | juicyfruit83
Be lucky/happy your child dad CAN come around and see his daughter i know people need help raiseing a child but why should the father always be looked down on when he is doing or might be doing the, best he knows how and can do for his child?
There are more faults over a "deadbeat dad" than anything else i mean there ARE deadbeat mothers aswell as deadbeat dads so why should the dads be put down for something when a mother can do the, same thing and nobody ever says shit to her or about how she is doing her child?.
PLZ DO NOT TAKE THIS AS BEING RUDE/HARSH TO YOU OR ANY OTHER SINGLE MOMS ON THE FOURM'S BUT PEOPLE TEND TO FORGET THAT THERE ARE!!! DEADBEAT MOMS ASWELL AS DEADBEAT DADS, AND THEY THINK THE DADS ARE THE "ONLY" DEADBEAT PARENTS!
(I'm sorry if this pissed you or anyone else off i just thought it should be said and what would you do if everytime you turned around IN PUBLIC (not on the net) somebody called you a deadbeat mom or "look she must not care about, that baby or her kid"?
7:24pm | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:27:13 PM | | i agree with nycgal-my kids dad doesnt support them financially , has a drug and alcohol problem , is mentally ill - the only choice i had was to raise my kids by myself .Visits they did have with him had to be cancelled or cut short as he was high/drunk.Promises he made were forgotten .support payments he promised werent paid. It hurt my kids more to be around him in the long run , than not to see him at all . Its a tough call sometimes -but you have to go with your gut and do whats right. setting boundaries and sticking to them is important.Its not easy raising kids as a single parent --but a lot easier than dealing with all the BS of a messed up Dad at the same time............. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 9:39:44 PM | | broken wing I am not saying there aren't dead beat moms out there. In this situation there IS a deadbeat dad and I am not a dead beat mom. I don't know how the dead beat mom thing is even relevent to my situation. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 9:43:38 PM | juicyfruit83
I did NOT mean to offend you and im sorry if i did but just be lucky/thankful for your child and that the baby father does want to be som part of the baby life IF that is the case and im NOT trying sound like a ****, or downsize anybody esp not you because you seem like a very sweet person. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:48:47 AM | | I am a single mother of a 1 1/2 year old little girl. I'm only 19 years old and have taken on a major responsiblity but I love my daughter and will do anythign to protect her. SHE COMES FIRST. I think that when it comes to a dead beat dad you have to think of what is in the best interest of your child. If it's too much for him to come see his child or fork out a few dollars to help financially then its too much to let him have visitation. A child looks at there father as a role model, just because they were a sperm donor doesn't make them a FATHER. A father is someone who is dedicated to there child no matter what the circumstances are between you and them. If your child is anything less than number one to them then no I don't think that its healthy to have them around. I grew up with a dead beat dad that came around when he wanted and it made me feel like what did I do wrong ? Was I a bad kid or does my dad just not love me ? In my circumstance my daughters dad was a dead beat who was highly abusive to me and a danger to her. Although I never allowed him to hit her ormistreat her, she sensed it and knew. I had to make the best decision for her. It killed me to leave him without a trace of where I was going or what I was doing, but you know since they have had no contact my daughter's behavior has improved 100 % All she needs is her mom because that's where all the love is ! | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:50:57 AM | | brokenwing, you have a good point , I have known a few deadbeat mothers and it's a shame. If a dad is doing the best he can props to him but I think mother or father if they aren't doing there part by choice they aren't worth the child's time and affection | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/8/2006 6:29:26 PM | | I was in the same situation as you. I have a daughter, who is now 11 years old. I made the desicion when she was 3 1/2 to stop his visitation to my daughter because of his lifestyle at the time. Years went by and he straightened his life out, but I was scared to allow him to see her because he hadn't even called in years. He had not supported her since she was about 3 and had NEVER came to see her on her birthday or any other holiday. I was afraid that she would get hurt. When she was about 8 or 9, she became persistant that she wanted to know why she never sees him and why he's not around. At 10, I decided that even though I was terrified to take the chance of her feelings getting hurt, it was time for her to decide whether or not to see him. I sat her down and explained that I was trying to protect her feelings and that is why I had not allowed him to see her. I also let her know that if she wanted to get to know him, I would not stand in the way of that, but that I also wanted her to know that I was still concerned that he may not want to talk/visit as much as her and for her to know that it isn't her fault if that happened. She was allowed to talk to him on the phone for a while and had the privilage to meet him again this past year. She has since then kept in contact with him, but SHE drives the relationship. I have enpowered her with the right to not call if she doesn't want to, to talk when and for how long that she wants. I believe that by her knowing that there's no pressure to it, it has made their meetings/calls more pleasant. I don't know that I made the correct choice in how that I handled this, but I do know that whatever decision you make, it is VERY important to keep the entire thing about the child and not about anything else. I am embarrassed to admit that since I didn't approve of his lifestyle at the time we split, I withheld her from knowing her father for a long time. I had the best of intentions, but that isn't always good enough! Good luck in your decisions. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:14:35 PM | | I would rather have my son's father in our son's life even if he was a deadbeat dad than NEVER haveing our son knowing his dad and thinking his dad did not love him or care enough about him to be in our lives, or come and see him (the baby) i KNOW my sons dad would NEVER just abandon us or our little boy because he loves our little boy more than life itself. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:24:26 PM | | Every child has a right to both parents, whether they are good parents or not whether the parents are together or not......they will learn on their own what their parents are truly like, they do not need to be tainted by a parent about what the other parent is like............I am not saying that I feel that a deadbeat dad is better then no dad at all.....what I am saying is that you cannot force a person to be an emotionally supportive parent.....actually, my own opinion is that it is better for a child if the "deadbeat" parent isn't around, it is much easier to get on with life.......because no influence is better then the wrong influence | |
|
tekrok
|
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 62 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:37:26 PM | all ur doing by protecting dead beat parents is promoting unemployment and creating a huge stress load on the econemy , not to mention teaching ur kids that it is exceptable to drink and do drugs at a earliy age.
not being able man or gurl up is disfunctional.
it is the obligation of the dead beat parent to supply safe and comfortable resident for the child even on visits.GET A JOB. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:36:06 PM | | I have been a single mom for a little over a year now,I have 3 daughters 3,7 and 9.My husband was abusive to my youngest daughter and only had supervised visits with my daughters for 6 months and he went through a parenting course to help out with the kids and learn how to manage eveything because he got overwhelmed and didn't know what to do and I know that was no excuse for abuse but he did get help and we went through court for custody which he has joint custody and gets our kids every weekend but he fought me in court for it and now he acts like he doesn't want a thing to do with the kids,I keep pushing him to see them and spend as much time with them as he can because he is their dad.Point being sometimes you have to bite your tongue,stop arguing and fighting and think about what is best for your kids and taking parenting courses are a good idea I took it to and I'm a better parent for it.Maybe you could suggest that to your childs father and see what happens but the main issue too is child support he should be helping out financially because he has to eat and so does his child and if he doesn't like that take him to court and fight for your childs rights you are the only one that can stand up for your child.You gave birth to that bundle of joy protect and love it with all you can and don't worry about the father he can take care of himself. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/12/2006 1:39:39 PM | | Yes let him come around, for your daughters sake. The reason I say this is cause I have two kids of my own and their Father disowned them about 3 yrs ago, they are both teenagers and it hurt them alot, but he is not the one who has to take the slack for that,I AM. your daughter is too young to make a decision as to wether she wants him in her life or not. It is her decision. We all have to remember our kids are not pawns. They are the only ones we hurt when we dont get along. | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/12/2006 2:00:10 PM | dana nicole
Thank you for that.....i mean if a father/mother WANTS to be in their child life even if the couple is NOT togeather than he/she should be allowed to i mean around here we do NOT call those people deadbeat moms/dads we just do not lable them, its a shame how people get labled for the mistakes or things they have done/do not do in their lives.
(I'm going to store with my mom i'll be back 4:03pm) | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:03:06 PM | | broken wings - do you know my baby's father? because you seem to defend every negative thing that is brought up ..?? Are you his new girlfriend or something? I don't understand why you feel soooooo strongly on this issue. Never would I call him a deadbeat or talk negative about him to or infront of my daughter. Never will I put anything in her head. I will not talk him up or down, when she is older she will see him for who he really is and then she can make her own decision about him. I am not labling him, I am just stating the obvious .... | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:11:09 PM | I am a singel mother of 2 i have a 2 year old girl and a 11 month old he will be 1 next month and i no how it is doing it on your own the father of my kids sees his kids like once a month if that and he doesnt even buy his kids milk diapers nothing.. I love my kids with all my heart and i would do anything for them..but the father is a looser..You no what the funny thing is i found him on this site and that how i knew he was cheatin on me..i was with him for 3 years and he threw it all away like nothing..we were happy and everything was going great at least i thought..then my friend told me he was on here and thats how i found him so i guess i have him to thank for talking to amazing people LOL if anyone ever need to talk or just a friend to talk to im open to anyone..i love to help people..:P take care people and if theres anything you wanna no or ask just leave me a message  | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:40:06 PM | juicyfruit83
I was not being rude to you....ive always talked to you when you would post and i NEVER was protecting anyone and i know i can not speak for every single father/person but there are fathers/mothers who are NOT a deadbeat, im feeding my son is why i never replyed till now! and i just do not see how come a child should not be able see his MOM or dad especially when the child MOM or dad is a good hearted person! | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:53:28 PM | Oh my friend, I've walked in your shoes. I'm a mother of 2 (a 12yr old son & a 11 yr old daughter) and there father was and still is the same. He has lived 450 miles away from his kids 4 10yrs, doesn't call (only when he want's to), and if I call him, it's a hug problem. Like u said, when he comes around is when it's ok for him, sorry, life just doesn't work that way. Ur child needs a parent who is there always 24/7, and if that's doing it on ur own, so be it. Have him pay child support. Thank god ur child is young, probably doesn't have a bound yet with him(like she has with u), cut the dead weight lose. U guys r better off being just the 2 of u. From what I went threw (and am still going threw, it's hard to let someone go who gave u a child), but u have to think of ur self (for most u need to know that ur important too) and things will get better. Beleive in god, and ur heart.
Got ur back, Thunderis | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/28/2006 8:00:44 AM | | UMMMM..ALOT of women and men make bad choices then put the blame on someone...How bout not being with someone whos on drugs or whos not a heavy drinker..ANDDDDD hOW BOUT not having kids with that type of guy?? Some of u women crack me up here lol....Dont have kids with a looser and u wont have these probs.... ( PULLS hair out now) | |
|
kimko
|
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 71 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/11/2006 4:42:32 PM | ATTENTION: ALL WOMEN
Dont be so stupid as to get pregnant unless you are first willing to take on the responsibility of raising your family alone.
Not only is there the prospect of you and the dad splitting up, there is the chance the dad could die...........and then what would you whine about. Get a grip, suck it up buttercup, you chose to be a parent by participating in sexual relationship. DONT ever count on a man to do what you deem to be his part. Know your part and then some. I have raised 3 boys on my own and the time that their dad didnt spend with them is his loss. I know my boys have suffered the loss of not having their dad there, but I have done my best to fill in the blanks. I have taught them to fix cars, drive cars, how to treat a LADY, what to expect in a relationship, blah blah blah, and they are all fine gentlemen. I dont and never will need a man to handle anything in my life including raising MY kids. They never called another man dad or father no would I ever have allowed it. If I want a man in my life, its is certainly not to take care of me or my kids; it is to enjoy life with someone with no string attached, not guilt, no pressure, who the hell needs that heat. So now that you have kids with no dad, start looking at what you need to do to take care of what you MUST. You have no choice. Beleive me, your children will have nothing but respect for you in the end and thats what its all about. If your looking for someone else or the dad to back you up, you are setting you and your kids up for failure. No man wants the heat of another womens kids, and if the dad doesnt step up, do it yourself. YOU are the MOM,,,,,,,,,,,,,the absolute in power of your families life, and dont let no deadbead slackass jerk suck your family into the gutters. Your a woman and you are strong!!!!!!!!!!! There is nothing more admirable than a man who knows he can walk and still takes care of his family, that is the true test of being a dad, father and a man. Think about it, all we truly have is our family. Take care what ever you do | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/11/2006 5:43:17 PM | | I like your point of view, it says alot about you as a parent and as a man. What do you feel about a 9 yr old boy who doesnt want to see his dad. yes thats right I know my son loves his dad although i dont anymore He is so mad at his dad because he left us for another woman with another child and only comes around when he feels like it. When he does he tries to buy him off with gifts and with elaborate days out. My son is smarter than his dad and much more grown up and the more i suggest he spend time with his dad and tell him how he feels the more he refuses. In my defense my sons dad is bipolar manic depressive and his moods and his concept of right from wrong change from day to day. He refuses to take his meds or get counselling and now gets mad at me for not seeing enough of his son. This is a tough situation to be in for myself and my son.I want them to have a relationship but at the same time his dad has nothing valuable as a parent to offer him. Im not the bad guy here but dont want to force my son into an unhealthy situation. His dad has never paid child support and really messes with my sons emotions..How do you feel? | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/11/2006 5:48:57 PM | this last message was directed to unconditional 68 from page 1 of this forum. My first time using this and i guess i screwed up with my message placement. Maybe ill get it right next time  | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/11/2006 6:51:57 PM | It seems to me that he loves her. As long as he is treating her well, and being kind to her,
I would let him see her, when he does show up.
I hope he starts to mature fast, though, and be more responsible, buy her what she needs,
help out more, and see her regularly.
If he did all that, then I am sure you would trust him! | |
|
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/12/2006 12:02:10 PM | ummm lets see.... i would say no. My mom told me when i went through all the bullshit with my baby's daddy "no dad is better than a deadbeat dad." my ex loves his baby but he was so blinded by drugs, alcohol, other women, that he screwed up so bad in so many ways that i told him to take a hike. And that was after he got out of jail. it's not worth the stress and all the crazy emotions. Think about it you just had a baby... you are already dealing with so much already with a newborn and trying to adjust to your new life... like you need all that extra stress on your lap. The last person you should be worrying about is him. Worry about yourself and your baby. Trust me i've been there... and now a year and half has passed i haven't seen or heard from him and i am so much happier... no fighting ... no crying ... no stress .... no nothing. And i just met a guy who has 3 kids and their mom is a crackhead and isn't in the picture. When i'm spending time with him and all the kids are playing together i am so happy.... my daughter is happy... she doesn't have to listen to us fight or me crying. You may not think so right now... but time will pass and you will feel so much better about yourself and your life. I never knew my real father either... but my mom met a new man and i grew up calling him dad... you never know what will happen. But by the sounds of things he doesn't seem too interested in being in his baby's life... and alot of guys are like that these days cuz they're selfish **stards. Girl you are a strong woman.... and you know it. Good luck gurl. | |
|
Home
login 
