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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:18:26 PM | It takes nine months of pregnancy for a woman to be a mum...it takes 9 months after birth for a guy to realise he's a dad.
Sometimes I want to cut my kid's dad lose from their lives like when he ignores them because he's angry at me, but it's not for me to make that judgement. It's their relationship not mine. They will grow up and know instead of hearin secondhand stories. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:25:45 PM | No!
BUT
A deadbeat dad is NOT a loving father who goes on a night out with 'da boize" once a month and cares for his children the rest of the time.
Think about it. | |
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sireel
| | Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 129 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:15:11 PM | | yes, unlike modern marriage fatherhood is for better or worse. You only get one biological father. You had sex with him, now be a big girl and do your due diligence to compromise and nurture what relationship he has with your child, .. if not yourself. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/23/2010 8:51:11 PM | reply to 2007 from 2010 -
I've tried to do the best to support the relationship of a child with his father (the father is a deadbeat dad). Our son is in his teen now and what I achieved - "I missed father but I do not miss my dad"; "What I did wrong, why my daddy hates me so much?"
Kids are smart... | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/23/2010 9:03:40 PM | | MINE HAS THREE KIDS TOTAL, OURS LIVES WITH ME AND HIS TWINS ARE WITH THEIR GRANDPARENTS. Kicker is, he now lives in our old house with his girlfriend and her 4 year old. Taking responsibility for anyone but his own. I do not allow him to see my son at this time do to substance abuse and alcolholism....He was not always like that, but I know my son is better off | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/24/2010 11:52:09 PM | | psh i say kick that waste of human life to the curb. Having no dad is better than having a deadbeat. I got pregnant when i was 17 and my daughter has been fatherless since day one. as long as you have someone else in your childs life to be a good role model the "father" term is useless. Take that SOB to court and get your money.. and while your at it, you might as well put her in daycare, he'll have to pay for that too, which will give you a little time to your self:) dont stress the right man will come along and possibly be your new "babies daddy". just do whats best for you and your princess... she deserves better. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/25/2010 2:22:32 PM | My daughter has a dead beat for a father and he makes her life worse by his coming and going.
It messes up her schedule and her little heart too, this is due to his ' on again off again' visits.
He needs to get his life cleaned up and then try to be a Real Dad.
K | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:06:45 PM | NEW year... SAME mess with the ladies I see!! It's doesn't matter because the CHILD was robbed of a good oppournity before CONCEPTION!! A deadbeat dad+dumb ass mom=another fatherless CHILD! I can't understand why soooo many women get with overgrown BOYS and expect them to be MEN and Fathers of the YEAR just because they had a child(ren) with them!!
Of course NONE of this was thought of when all the sexxxing was going on!! It never does!!
Well guys...more single mothers for u to choose from...2010 should be a goooood year for U | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/26/2010 11:17:22 AM |
My daughter has a dead beat for a father and he makes her life worse by his coming and going.
I do think that if any parent is going to be involved it must be in, at least, some sort of regular basis. Coming and going confuses children way too much. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/26/2010 11:28:39 AM | | I say take him for child support before he leaves the city, which most not all but most dead beat dads do. Your daughter has evry right to be supported by both mother and father whether he likes it or not. Kids are expensive, I know mines three now. and thats not just living expensise what about when your daughter wants to go to post secondary scholing some extra saving would be real nice then *ding*ding* child support would truley help you out then save it! Keep him in or keep him out either way your daughter is going to know who raised her and who she can trust which by the sounds of it will be MOMMY! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:59:06 PM | | My question would be why have sex with a guy like that? ALOT of you women make bad choices in men then wonder why something happens...WHY would a child want a dead beat dad? GO to court and file for child support and get full custody of your child and move on. GOOD LUCK! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/9/2012 8:46:39 PM | what else- I'm sorry, but I have major issues with this answer. In no way should a woman put up with this bs, make no mistake that is what it is.
The LAST thing that this op needs is for anyone to imply that this man can take her child, the idea is a joke. He barely sees the child and contributes practically nothing to support the child.
For the op, let me ease your mind. This clown would be laughed out of court dare he tried to take your child. The chances of that are practically nil anyway since he has thus far shown no indication that he wants the child.
Take him to court and make him pay child support. It takes two to have a child.
You can't make him be there, but you can make him support his child.
Let him know it's put up or shut up time.
Tell him you will work with him and give him every opportunity to see his child and do so.
Hopefully, he will.
If not, at least you will have child support. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:52:56 AM | One really must question and understand the motivation or philosophy of the posters and the individuals when one reads and formulates their own opinions....
As to bamag68.....who in her own profile writes....
but NO momma's boys PLEASE, been there done that. If I can't be first, then why bother. I am a good person,
I think most would suggest they are good people....one wonders about the mommas boy....but then when one looks at the number of single mothers who do not work or do not work full time...or are still students...then perhaps that is a fair comment....but got to love the double standard some woman hold....She wants to be first...but with children herself...i doubt anyone who dates her will be themselves first?
My ex...in my opinion has been less than fully supportive...but even 25% of what one would expect of a ncp is better than nothing....or to allow or enable bits and pieces of parenting is far better than being in a position or being labeled as blocking the non custodial parent. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:05:57 AM | Depends on how you want to define deadbeat.
It's a lousy chore given the job of shaming a man into actually being a dad - but sometimes that's what it takes.
Personally, I've never really been able to understand men who don't or won't or can't bond with their children (and separate that from whatever issues they have with the mom.)
But on the other hand - if deadbeat at fatherhood matches deadbeat in everything else they do in life - then fatherhood didn't, and isn't going to change the picture.
The biggest problem here is with the kids. A child needs to know and understand where they come from, how they get put together, and balance out their own personal needs in that understanding.
Sometimes - a clean slate works better, considering the heartaches, dangers, abuse, or just complete lack of concern and caring for their wellbeing.
Every kid needs to feel like they're number one.
Sometimes, a man just isn't cut out for fatherhood, period. It's too bad that the equipment didn't censor the action at the starting gate! (but that's not how life works.)
I've known many single parents' whose situations did improve over time (9 times out of 10 because the woman hung in there until she figured out how to wring out positive change from his stubborn lack of responsibility.)
But it can be a tough road, a long haul - and unless you see at least of sliver of hope that positive change is in the offing - I wouldn't blame anyone for closing it down - to protect their child......(but this means giving a fool enough rope to hang himself.)
So...............better than no dad at all? As many have mentioned here, as children grow, they get pretty sharp - and can come to their own conclusions. Those smarts are definitely attributable to the hard work that the full-time custodial parent has put in.
That's the payoff.
In the meantime, any alternative strong, positive male role models can't do any harm (granddads, uncles, brothers, close friends.) | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:00:54 AM | Let him keep coming around when he "feels like it" perhaps as she gets older he'll find time with her to be more enjoyable. Face it, at three months, she doesn't DO much... Give him some time to step up. Even if he doesn't step up, kids are smart. They figure out pretty quickly who is and is not reliable. If he doesn't bond soon, he'll likely stop coming around eventually anyway.
As far as not changing her diaper... if this is his first child, you should maybe acknowledge his discomfort with that... it's not like he's around a lot so maybe he's worried about hurting her. Try to keep in mind, she is YOUR world... not his. He hasn't been given much time for bonding since he doesn't live with her.
BTW, he's the father. Unless he has done something to endanger her, telling him to "beat it" is not really an option you have. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:29:01 PM | | here here, im in a similar situation only my kids are 10 an 8, an it is heart breaking to look at them, an no that they miss there daddy, but i think its just a male influnce that they need, as there daddy has never really been around and when he does come around never a good word,, i would nip it in the bud now an tell him step up or slide on i wish i had of said that 8yrs ago he mite a changed. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/13/2012 3:39:51 PM | Tealwood- Let's stick to the subject at hand, shall we?!
The title of this thread is not 'let's nit pic bamagrls profile"
If you take issue with me, address it to me in a private message.
The op asked for advice about her situation and I gave it, whether or not she takes it is up to her.  | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:55:50 AM | To be honest, he isn't interesting in parenting her. Your daughter doesn't need to feel bad because her father is unavailable. Don't put yourself down, either; you've taken full responsibility for your daughter's life, her morality, her every day needs, and her heart and mind. Just because society likes to guilt women into thinking their family is incomplete because there is no man in the picture, doesn't mean you have to adhere to it. You're strong and obviously so loving to your daughter as to give her bio-father the chance.
Best wishes. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/14/2012 7:29:10 AM | | I agree with you blueeyes1217...my son also has a deadbeat for a father who when it is convenient with him wants to come and see his son then will dissapper for months and then think its ok to keep doing this...it breaks my sons heart every time and his deadbeat tries to blame me!! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:52:04 PM | | If its his first kid he probably has no clue what to do. I'm not saying he shouldn't make more effort, obviously he should. When he's there he might look clueless because he really is due to lack of experience. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/18/2012 8:25:50 AM | | that isnt a good father, thats a guy who mooches off your for hand outs. You'd be better off asking a radom woman at the supermarket to be your babysitter. If he doesnt change the diapers the child may develop a sore or possibly something worse. I'd find someone new. | |
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