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| | is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?Page 7 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | | i was in the same situation once upon a time........................... i chose to be mum and dad rolled into one for my boys and they have turnt out just fine and when it got to the age they wanted to see their father i never stopped them and they soon made up their own minds he was a waste of space............ good luck in what ever u decide to do im sure ull make the right choice for u and ur child :) | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/22/2012 9:27:59 AM | | From what I've seen with my friends who are single moms I'd say emphatically, "No!" All it seems to do is get the child's hopes up, only to have them dashed again. Better to be completely absent than play mind games, however unintentional, with a child. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/27/2012 1:49:16 PM | | if he's a first time dad he's learning to be a dad. you need to voice yourself and come to an arrangement on times and days he sees her. All I can say is money isn't everything. I begged for my daughters dad to have a relationship with her, I even said I'd give him the money to take her out and she needn't know. if he has the money to help out then he should help out. some men are funny about changing a girls diaper. I've known a few dads would do their boys but not girls. some men won't do things because the other parent will do it all. I think it's a bit early to write him off as a dead beat dad. definitely make arrangements for times and days though. children need routine. and if he drops the days with no good reason then you have every right to label him that. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/27/2012 11:26:57 PM | Haven't read everyone else's posts but IMO - a 3 month old baby is boring. They eat, crap, cry and sleep so what EXACTLY are you expecting him to do? Change a diaper? Hand her over when she needs changing. Give him a bottle to feed her with.. leave him alone in the room with her for a while and go have a long bath.. Give him a chance.. FFS
And as for denying her a father.... She has no idea what a "dad" is right now.. probably won't for a while yet. You deny her her father and she will resent you when she gets older, he doesn't come around often enough she will resent HIM..
In the end, you are the main care giver and will do what you think is best whether it's right or wrong.
But what do I know... it's JMO | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/28/2012 4:14:00 PM |
Her dad comes around when it's convienient for him, maybe a half hour, twice a week. He doesn't help me out financially and he wont even change her diaper
That's lots!!! My childs father comes around every 3 months for maybe half of an hour. File for child support if you have a problem with him not helping you out financially. | |
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Siks6
| | Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 156 | |
| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/28/2012 5:25:02 PM |
That's lots!!! My childs father comes around every 3 months for maybe half of an hour. File for child support if you have a problem with him not helping you out financially.
That's lots!!! | |
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Siks6
| | Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 158 | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/31/2012 1:22:03 PM | | i split with my sons father when he was 18 months old, due to him physically assaulting me. At the time , i was so stressed with it all, and didnt know whether to let him see his son or not. eventually after a few months i let him see him. I really wish i hadnt. 6 years later he is still giving me grief, only sees his son when he wants to or can be bothered, and my son is now at an age where he is asking why his dad is so nasty to me. It really is up to you and what you think is best for your little one. There is no easy solution. Its hard to work out what is best for the children, in my head i know it was best for my sons dad not to see him, but my heart said otherwise. Im not at the stage of trying to cut off all contact. Wish id done it at the time.... | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/31/2012 6:42:21 PM | but even 25% of what one would expect of a ncp is better than nothing....or to allow or enable bits and pieces of parenting is far better than being in a position or being labeled as blocking the non custodial parent
As far as I am concerned, it's the effect that the parent(ing) or time/lack of same has on the children that matter. It's not about any "position" the cp may be in nor their expectations, it's about the position and expectations of the kids. Far too many parents seem to be more worried about themselves in the equation, likely the reason that the kids fall by the wayside when decisions (and cs payments, btw) are being made. Once the kids reach a certain age they will make their own decisions, until then a cp need weigh the benefits against any potential harm, and act accordingly, often swallowing their pride & often reaching into their pockets whilst keeping their lips closed. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/1/2012 2:45:04 AM | | Wow, first night on the forums and Im disgusted, all I hear is women talking about the men they CHOSE to father their children without a second thought about the child they claim to now want to protect from him. Im a single mother, no Im not the biggest fan of my husbands right now, but my god when will you women ever take responsibility for your own damn choices? We need a licence to drive a car FFS! You people need your heads examined and your tubes tied, the things Ive read are disgusting, knowing men like this exist is deplorable, yet I cannot skip past the fact that the women who give their children the worst start in life by falling pregnant to them then want pity for it, you all act proud by chosing the bigger mongrel, you need to be ashamed not vocal! These cards werent dealt to you, you asked for them, your children are the only victims of your down right stupidity, grow up before your kids become the same pathetic existances! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/3/2012 8:20:32 PM | Wow, first night on the forums and Im disgusted, all I hear is women talking about the men they CHOSE to father their children without a second thought about the child they claim to now want to protect from him. Im a single mother, no Im not the biggest fan of my husbands right now, but my god when will you women ever take responsibility for your own damn choices? We need a licence to drive a car FFS! You people need your heads examined and your tubes tied, the things Ive read are disgusting, knowing men like this exist is deplorable, yet I cannot skip past the fact that the women who give their children the worst start in life by falling pregnant to them then want pity for it, you all act proud by chosing the bigger mongrel, you need to be ashamed not vocal! These cards werent dealt to you, you asked for them, your children are the only victims of your down right stupidity, grow up before your kids become the same pathetic existances!
It's Tuesday.....I'm in love
A deadbeat dad will show the kids how to be deadbeat parents. In essence; you would be creating your own legacy. (passing the torch)
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/3/2012 11:29:43 PM |
. Im a single mother, no Im not the biggest fan of my husbands right now,
So would that make you just as pathetic as the women you are ranting about? | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/4/2012 3:28:15 PM |
Personally, I put 110% into each of my kids. Why should I make the effort into maintaining a relationship that I hve no control over because a man happened to be there when that child was concieved? It would be nice if every man felt the immediate emotionale bond to their offspring..but it would also be nice if there was world peace .
LOL...what also would be great if all parents were required to at least attempt to be financially responsible for themselves and their children and did not require government social programs to subsidize what they were unwilling or unable to mange themselves.....try putting in 100% effort into self support or self reliance?
A deadbeat dad will show the kids how to be deadbeat parents. In essence; you would be creating your own legacy. (passing the torch)
Now perhaps there may be a large level of truth in this statement....just like the single custodial mother who does not work or works part time and exists or survives off the backs of others or society and government programs...the children see and learn how to milk or use the system?
and my son is now at an age where he is asking why his dad is so nasty to me.
LOL...my ex has lots to say about me....and as I often suggest...she can say all she wants about me...as individuals can look and make their own opinions if the comments are accurate or just the angry words of someone who does not like the way things went?
Children I found...and have seen it with mine and in other situations... simply make allowances for the parents who do less than what we would like to see....they expect less....just like I perhaps should expect less for some single mothers who work part time and live off government social programs instead of earning their own money...we have to expect less because they are less capable or simply see society as owing them something that they are unwilling to earn themselves!
What would be great along side world peace is expecting individuals to earn their own way in life and not expect society to pay or provide for what they are unwilling to do for themselves…wonder which is more politically acceptable? | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/5/2012 7:10:40 PM |
LOL...what also would be great if all parents were required to at least attempt to be financially responsible for themselves and their children and did not require government social programs to subsidize what they were unwilling or unable to mange themselves.....try putting in 100% effort into self support or self reliance
Honestly, I have followed this thread & fought the urge to comment as I realize that much of my input has been fed by my prior "runins" with you in particular,but I strongly feel the need to address why it is that you feel the need to assess parenting skills solely on the basis of "earned income". Being fully aware that such asessments are most often based on personal experience, can you at least admit that there are circumstances where it makes more sense to work outside of the home part time, whilst setting an example for one's children that simply being there can be a display of a caring parent who is setting an example that they, the children are a higher priority than a dollar? As an example, childcare can (and in my particular case, actually DID, when including "extras" such as gas, travel time, etc.) exceed the difference in income of a parent who works full time versus part time employment supplemented by any program which part time employment qualifies them for. Example: my childcare cost for one child alone ate up exactly 23% of my adjusted gross income (very nearly matching, btw, the statutory amount of 29% alloted for three children as cs in my state of residence) . Do you really find that I was a better parent, setting a better example for all three of my children by having my 3 yr old in the care of (let's face it) strangers whilst the older two remained alone after school so that I could be employed full time, than I would have been had I worked part time and been home when the older two were out of school & the little one would have had me around to read to her, apply her band aids when she fell off of a swing & play ring around the rosie? Don't children see or learn how much of a priority THEY are? Isn't that ultimately good for a healthy society?
It seems all too apparent to me that bitterness feeds your constant attacks on the specific participant you continue to address and/or direct your commentary toward. Are you able to concede even the least bit that this may be a shortcoming of yours? Do you ever worry that you are emphasizing to your own children that there is nothing more than greenbacks against which they can measure parenting? Honestly, I feel sorry for your children. Self support and/or self reliance has as much to do with standing up for what is truly important, prioritizing other than that which makes you look good to the neighbors & perhaps sacrificing a bit in the way of material goods as does earned income, don't you think? Society pays for the absent parent in many ways, can you not see that? A child left to their own devices is hardly an asset to the community, regardless of their future income earning ability, and the truth is, society pays, in one way or another.
Admittedly, the particular poster you aim your seemingly endless, unwavering diatribe toward is expert at pushing your buttons, but you make it so easy to do (and frankly, impressive, and I appreciate her sarcasm.) You make it far too easy to poke fun at you, as you take the subtle to extreme. Still, there is little doubt in my mind that she specifically struggles just like the rest of us, sacrifices like the rest of us, and cares for her brood no less than you or I. There are extremes on both sides of this argument, lest we forget. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:16:35 PM | | Parenting is not 100%/0 its 50/50. most courts visitions for father and child usually are every other weekend in most cases unless both parents agree on a different plan. twice a week really is not bad come paired to alot of dead beat dads who dont come around at all, it could be possible that he may work or is in school i dont know your situation much so really its hard to give full advice on this.. at least he is trying. if he is ordered to pay child support then thats his part in helping you with the child finanially. if not then take him to court cause thats part of his responsibilty. if you feel he is not being the dad he should be then sit down and talk about it. if he is a new father as well as your a new mom then it just takes time for some parents to come around. everyone is not perfect, | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:02:59 PM |
Honestly, I have followed this thread & fought the urge to comment as I realize that much of my input has been fed by my prior "runins" with you in particular
Well what does it say of a person’s character when they only solicit opinions of those who agree with them without question?
Do you ever worry that you are emphasizing to your own children that there is nothing more than greenbacks against which they can measure parenting? Honestly, I feel sorry for your children. Self support and/or self reliance has as much to do with standing up for what is truly important, prioritizing other than that which makes you look good to the neighbors & perhaps sacrificing a bit in the way of material goods as does earned income, don't you think? Society pays for the absent parent in many ways, can you not see that? A child left to their own devices is hardly an asset to the community, regardless of their future income earning ability, and the truth is, society pays, in one way or another.
I have no problem understanding the suggestion or questioning the emphasis of self reliance and independence. I also suggest it is also all about balance.
Now anyone who accepts or can make this suggestion if morally honest would equally have to acknowledge the situation of raising children in poverty and the cycle of poverty that is often experienced?.....so why is part time employment deemed acceptable if it causes poverty for the child?
•79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year
•90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed
71.7% work full time, year round
18.4% work part-time or part-year
•27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
•12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty
I have no problem questioning an individual parent in respect to their pursuit of the dollar in and taking time away from raising their children......equally that allows the premise of questioning raising children without financial responsibility for yourself and your children....where I would suggest...ohwhynot...you only question the ncp who may or may not be properly paying support. Or another poster other than Lizzie whose first question is always why is the father not paying child support!!
Back in 2005ish....I turned down 2 job offers that would have given me a very good pay increase. Both would have perhaps allowed me to utilize specific experience I have and would have been great for a few years....but since 2009...both companies have been hit severely by the downturn. But the reason I turned the jobs down was the commitment and time away that was re1quired and was something I was not interested in....after all I fought for custody....I stayed in the marriage so I could improve and realize the position of primary parent. Balance...I had a decent job...it enabled me to pay what was required and once the daycare bills were finished...once the bills for braces were finished...I had the revenue or income to assist in their educational costs....where the single parent who does not work or does not work full time...cannot afford the braces...cannot afford the university costs has allowed their children to sink into the same poverty or lack of legitimate options they probably represent themselves.
Balance was holding down a good job and being able to provide what was required...and not lose sight of what is important. Time and involvement with my children.
I did most if not all of the teacher interviews...I was there for graduations...school functions...the teachers knew me by name....
I would suggest my children have no need for someone to feel sorry for them. They are at this point very well adjusted. The eldest was just placed on the Deans List in engineering....where she feels she will be able to find gainful employment and flexibility to do the things that are also important to her outside of a job alone....and her sister is in Europe this week on a high school trip and will arrive home to see if she can keep her 90% average where she also will pursue a career that allows mobility and employment and allow or enable her find her balance of personal life and a career. They both want to have choices and a good lifestyle, something possible by actually earning it themselves.
They grew up with me as a primary parent...where I had a very modest townhouse.....their mother a modest bungalow...and my premise was always....it suited what we require and allows us to enjoy life and having the ability to go on vacations and have the funds to pay for what we want to do.
But equally they also watched those who acted and talked about what they were entitled to....without actually putting in the effort to acquire it on their own and instead waited for it to be given to them.
I care very much for my children but feel they will and have been given a very sound base for understanding that life is a series of opportunities where an individuals willingness to put in a effort and hard work they have opportunities to enjoy what life has to offer....but they will earn it themselves and have the options to choose for themselves...as opposed to some others who will teach their children how to make excuses...how to work the system and in the end...how to fail as they did not learn that everything is for the most part only there for those who make the effort to reach the goals based on effort....and not what you might be able to weasel out of the system.
But who knows…perhaps having ones hand out looking for freebies does allow a good role model for ones children? Or always having to make excuses for not being able to enjoy life with your children because you chose an easier lifestyle of only working part time? Always willing to listen to various views….but I did the parenting…I helped with homework and cooked the dinners….and watched one go to the Canada Games representing Team Ontario….balance….achievement…derived by effort and hard work.
Deadbeat is both sides of custody....the non custodial who does not support his responsibility...and the custodial who hides behind the children as an excuse for why they are unable or unwilling to be self sufficient for themselves and for their children. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/8/2012 8:25:42 PM |
Well what does it say of a person’s character when they only solicit opinions of those who agree with them without question?
I don't know, Tealwood ,why don't you tell me what it says, as that seems a nonsensical statement, given the argument I presented? I solicited no opinion at all, I merely asked you a quetion. I don't see any merit in the above, and in fact, find it indicative of what has become the norm with you; a seeming need to put down those who disagree with your endless drone about those who don't work fulltime.
I have no problem understanding the suggestion or questioning the emphasis of self reliance and independence. I also suggest it is also all about balance.
Now anyone who accepts or can make this suggestion if morally honest would equally have to acknowledge the situation of raising children in poverty and the cycle of poverty that is often experienced?.....so why is part time employment deemed acceptable if it causes poverty for the child?
No doubt it is about balance; my point exactly. This offshoot of the discussion did not include poverty. Again, the poster you continually attack doesn't mention living below the poverty level & from what I have read, does not seem to. In her particular case, however, if she does, then indeed I would point toward the ncp's failure to provide as the reason. I made no such assertion, however. There is a huge space on "the line" between working part time so as to take advantage of some tax advantages and/or government programs and living in poverty. Never have I advocated CHOOSING to live in poverty. For the majority who live in poverty I might suggest that both parents do so(at least on paper), and likely did so prior to becoming parents at all, but that is a different topic.
Balance was holding down a good job and being able to provide what was required...and not lose sight of what is important. Time and involvement with my children.
Exactly what I am saying; the only difference being that I allow for the situation where hours needed to earn the amount necessary to provide may prcelude providing for what is most important. In that case it would seem to me that taking advantage of what may be offered, via government assistance and/or advantages of some sort need not teach children that one doesn't have to be self sufficient. You seem to only relate to extremes, that's all I'm saying.
But equally they also watched those who acted and talked about what they were entitled to....without actually putting in the effort to acquire it on their own and instead waited for it to be given to them.
Truth is, my children & I watch those type every single day, and it is hardly the majority of the self entitled who are living off of the system. As a matter of fact, I see it far too often in the child whose absent parents (absent as they choose to spend their time at work rather than with their child, constantly "feeding" them with luxuries) cater to their every whim, all the while neglecting to teach them that they, the children, are the focus of the parent(s) all important time & energy. Not so different than the children of poverty, only with nicer clothing.
But who knows…perhaps having ones hand out looking for freebies does allow a good role model for ones children? Or always having to make excuses for not being able to enjoy life with your children because you chose an easier lifestyle of only working part time? Always willing to listen to various views….but I did the parenting…I helped with homework and cooked the dinners….and watched one go to the Canada Games representing Team Ontario….balance….achievement…derived by effort and hard work.
Deadbeat is both sides of custody....the non custodial who does not support his responsibility...and the custodial who hides behind the children as an excuse for why they are unable or unwilling to be self sufficient for themselves and for their children
Bottom line: you talk a good talk, but always end up with such a statement, indicating that making a choice to sacrifice a bit in the way of income in order to allow oneself to spend more time with one's children until such time as they are READY to be more self reliant equates to "having one's hand out" & expecting others to support your children. Simply stated, I contend that it may well the case, sometimes, that swallowing one's pride & taking help that one might qualify for is not always looking for a freebie. It may well be an intelligent decision & not so far removed from tax shelters and the like. Doing so is not necessarily being unwilling to be or to teach self sufficiency. Perhaps were more children raised with the notion of the banding together of a community, there would be less of a sense of entitlement, all around. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/15/2012 6:38:22 AM |
Honestly, love poking the bear occassionally, but your becoming downright offensive with your far left views and I for one will not be spoonfeed the demoralizing mantra your dishing out.
LOL....really would be better if at least you knew your right from your left ...or at least a better explanation how my posts define left wing philosophies.
Solid foundation for our children is the name of the game. And too often professionals and therapists speak about the children emulating their parents. Addiction groups speak of this all the time.
We often speak of the need for good role models for our children! Two potential role models for review and dissection?
Part time employment and having to rely on government services and government programs to raise ones children does what as a role model. Perhaps not having the financial resources or financial ability to provide all the support to ones children because one chooses the easier less stressful path in life in not working full time….and the reality that once they have seen their children reach an age when supposedly they can return to full time employment to often they then complain they are no longer able as they have wasted too many years raising their children and can no longer find suitable employment. Now of course they are there when the child returns from school….to say hello to before they go out to play….they are there to make dinner early so it is easier for the parent to get cleaned up and do what they want with their children.
Or the other role model;
Full time employed and still fully engaged and involved in the raising of their children. Having the financial resources to pay for the extra curricular activities themselves and not having to go and ask for it from extended family members……not having to live off government social programs and subsidies designed for the disadvantaged. I have long suggested to my children the opportunities are there to you if you work hard and strive to be the very best you can be. And equally suggesting there is a balance to the choices one makes as spending a few years where their needs are perhaps placed before mine is simply part of what one does when they take on the responsibility of parenting. Now a single full time employed parent can be challenging to arrive home after a long day and then have to make dinner after you collected them from the after school provider….but then who said it was to be easy…but it still gets done…and the homework they have will still get done…and the dishes get cleaned up still it is just a little longer day.
By MICHAEL HUGHES, M.D.
http://www.grandlifestyle.com/childrenneed.htm
Children need help in learning who they are and what they can become.
Parents and teachers rely on an old saying regarding children: “Do as I say and not as I do.”
Children learn who they are and what they can become by what they are told, but primarily they emulate their parents and the role models that they see in their families, their schools, their community, and their country. Children also need heroes to idealize and emulate. When none are available, they create them. Superheroes, such as Superman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wonder Woman, and Mia Hamm are examples.
Ladies….No matter what you suggest I will just have difficulties accepting the suggestion you are doing all that is required for your children. Now if you are financially well established then that is different. A few years ago I marveled at a group of players who were pursuing athletic scholarships. What I found worthy of admiration was not the athletic ability but the academic achievement of all the players. Despite time away doing the sports the 20 players…no one was below a 74 average. In fact the number of players over 90 was greater than the number of players below 80. When reviewing the parents they all appeared to be employed and hard working individuals and there were I believe 11 scholarships awarded. The year before another team there were 16 scholarships awarded and again all the players were hard working academic and athletic. And strangely enough so were the parents as there was a fairly high financial cost required for that level of play and exposure. What was interesting that a few players…who perhaps did not have the financial support also seemed to lack the academic drive as well all dropped out the previous year or so.
Now of course this is a very simplistic snapshot as there are many individuals who come from distressed or needy family situations and do very well in school and post secondary institutions. I just find it interesting that many of the athletic scholarships are awarded to individuals who are coming from homes where they already have the resources and have the role models illustrating and assisting them in developing the tools to be successful through hard work and effort…..where I do not see the same drive and ambition in homes where the single parent only did a basic effort of financial self sufficiency. After all the role model most important to them is demonstrating or illustrating that one does not have to do that extra effort as society will pick up the slack if they so choose.
You talk about being home for the children but you never address the financial accountability both parents have and the need for equal effort. I advocate for equal expectation for both parents and not allowing or enabling someone to hide behind the children as an excuse for not doing what is required. Self reliance and independence portrayed by single parents would I suggest go a long way as a suitable role model for our children. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/15/2012 7:40:01 AM | | OP: Establish child support payments through the court system. Set it for a reasonable amount. Don't try to rip him off or let yourself be ripped off. Even 250 a month will be helpful. Some people won't take financial responsibility unless they are made to. Keep the doors open and take the high road concerning him and his child. It sounds as if he wants to play a role in the child's life. Help facilitate that and take care of fiscal concerns. Good luck. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/16/2012 8:26:25 PM | Solid foundation for our children is the name of the game. And too often professionals and therapists speak about the children emulating their parents. Addiction groups speak of this all the time.
Addiction groups speak of this AS IT RELATES TO ADDICTION. Nuff said.
Part time employment and having to rely on government services and government programs to raise ones children does what as a role model. Perhaps not having the financial resources or financial ability to provide all the support to ones children because one chooses the easier less stressful path in life in not working full time….and the reality that once they have seen their children reach an age when supposedly they can return to full time employment to often they then complain they are no longer able as they have wasted too many years raising their children and can no longer find suitable employment. Now of course they are there when the child returns from school….to say hello to before they go out to play….they are there to make dinner early so it is easier for the parent to get cleaned up and do what they want with their children.
Or the other role model;Full time employed and still fully engaged and involved in the raising of their children. Having the financial resources to pay for the extra curricular activities themselves and not having to go and ask for it from extended family members……not having to live off government social programs and subsidies designed for the disadvantaged.
Ah, but there are more than two scenarios. Whatever would make one think that a child would think less of a parent who chose to sacrifice in order to be with them? You have to admit, at the very least, that a child's view of any given situation is colored by the "slant" their parent(s) take on that scenario. What makes you think that a choice to forego some amount of income in order to simply be there is any less stressful or necessarily lends itself to less work? I have been both a stay at home mom & a full time working mom & the truth is, the stress level is no higher or lower; the stresses are merely different stresses. I will vehemently disagree that anyone is able to be employed full time & FULLY engaged/involved in raising their children. Simply not possible; one must rely on others, be they family, friends, or strangers, that is the reality for the majority of working parents.
It is up to you as a parent to decide how to portray your reality to your children, and your choices as a positive rather than a negative. It might be helpful to bear in mind that YOUR view, Tealwood, is not fact, merely your view.
A child who sees their parent attending every soccer game, even practice, who is there to talk with them while they partake of their after school snack, who is there when they want them, as opposed to when they can be available,
can be every bit as much a parent to emulate as the one who works long hours & is able to provide more than necessities.
You talk about being home for the children but you never address the financial accountability both parents have and the need for equal effort. I advocate for equal expectation for both parents and not allowing or enabling someone to hide behind the children as an excuse for not doing what is required. Self reliance and independence portrayed by single parents would I suggest go a long way as a suitable role model for our children.
The problem is, you never address anything OTHER THAN financial accountability. In any case, the truth is that financial accountability lies with two parents for every child. For those children who have only one parent who accepts that responsibility, there is something to be said for that role model as well, even if they seek assistance in meeting their financial needs. There is indeed a long distance between the lazy individual living off of the tax payer's dollar, and the parent who recognizes that taking a bit of help in order to take time for their chilren, who have no one else. Love and guidance are no better provided by a paycheck than is self reliance taught solely by earning income. This balance of which you speak,all the while spouting your disapproval of the parent who finds a means of "balance" other than that which you suggest, is what is taught by a good parent. It's about perception & making a child feel important, special, loved & capable, income level aside. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/16/2012 8:31:10 PM | | that is your decision..no one elses.. My son's father told himself to beat it and my son is better off for it.. however he did pop in twice after my son was old enough to remember, broke my sons heart and now my son wants nothing to do with him. so it's up to you.. just whatever decision you make.. stick by your guns and if you choose to tell him to beat it be prepared for an angry teenager if she finds that out, and be prepared to stick by your guns. Don't trash talk him, don't make excuses for yourself and if he just shows up out of the blue without your consent like mine did, just let him break her heart and then be there for her.. She will heal. Whatever decision you make.. just make sure to stick by it and be prepared for the consequences, both decisions will have them. | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:12:13 PM |
No matter what you suggest I will just have difficulties accepting the suggestion you are doing all that is required for your children. Now if you are financially well established then that is different
Exactly my point, no matter the realities of the individual circumstances, you will continue to harp on finances as the tell all and end all measure of a parent. Thanks Tealwood! | |
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| is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/19/2012 3:35:26 AM | I haven't read through all of this thread but I'm currently fighting to see my kid. Believe me I have begged my ex to see him time and time again. I wasn't even contacted when she was induced. He's 7 months old now and I've seen him all together for 4 1/2 hours and been in and out of court.
I give her income support through the CSA and solicitors are financially crippling but I'm not doing it for anyone else but the little one. I myself have been accused of everything under the sun, assault because I took photos of him to show my family and alcohol abuse (did a hair strand test - came back all clear).
I don't really mind sharing this info because there are plenty of guys out there like myself who don't want to shirk their responsibilities, and want to be the best they can be for their kids.
I don't know whether a deadbeat dad is better than no dad at all but I think it's the child that has to make that decision after they have been given the opportunity to know the dad not before. I suspect in my case my ex will do her best to poison him against me but kids eventually make up their own minds. So I suppose I will just keep doing the right thing by him and be the best part time dad I can be when given the opportunity. | |
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