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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:01:58 PM | Aside form benefits and disadvantages of AA that people seem to be arguing(whether it works or not, whether it's a cult or best thing etc).. to me the bottom line is: a person STILL has a problem that is NOT under control. And that is not a minor deal. Alcoholism is associated with addictive personality. Even if a person stops drinking, they may swithch to something else and behave addictively about something else. Let's not forget certain personality traits that often go hand in hand. Someone wants challenges in a potential relationship? To "help" someone turn their life around? Watch them fail many times before they succeed and be their supporter? Great and noble. But not everyone (esp strangers) should be expected to invest their life into the relationship with recovering alcoholic (who, honestly, may or may not ever recover). How can you blame them? Having said that, I respect people who do something to change their life and are serious about it, be it via AA or any other means.
As I have written before, if the person in question was 10+ years sober, that would be a different scenario. If they still have to go to AA 3x /week, sounds like they are far from that point. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:34:12 PM | | i have met some great people who have gone through AA and continue to go to meetings ,,i have accompanied them to a few ..i new the person before and after ,,that AA program works if you work it ,, i have no problems with anyone going and dealing with a problem they have and self improvement ..I wouldn't tell them when I was going out for a beer or bring them along ..even if they had a few years of sobriety in and said they were comfortable in a room full of drunks..they dont recomend having a relationship the first year ,,but you know what ?? ,,neither do all the sober people.. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:27:57 PM | | LOL, Im so enjoying this. People worried about whether he will fall of again or, people trying to " help". I got news for ya folks, even if a person is a non alcoholic, your gonna have issues. How many stories we hear about people cheating, people having secret lives, lies ,deceit, so on and so on. Here is the benefit of being with someone who is sober and has at least 5 years in recovery. They develop a hardcore concious. In order to maintain sobriety you must live a life of humility, self examination, service and honesty. If a person has at least 5 years, chances are they have those basics down. Thats of course IF they are working their program. And the most important point I could ever make, is that WATER SEEKS ITS OWN LEVEL. If you marry an active drunk that says just as much about you as it does them. No pointing blame there, the problem is in the mirror. How many non alcoholics do you know, that sit down with another human being and get honest input about there short comings and then implement a plan of actions to over come them? Not many, yet we do it on a regular basis. Always seeking to be a bit more kind, a bit more considerate, a bit more tolerant day by day, inch by inch. Ive never had it so good~! | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:45:26 PM | I can resepct your opinion, I was dry for 3 years before I went to an AA meeting under the premise of " investigating" it. And I will respectfully try and address your points one by one.
1. The herd mentality- Not sure how to address that as you will never find a place where a Federal judge and an ex bank robber can become best friends? If your saying that the program of self examination that we learn there is the herd part, I dont know how to respond to that? I guess schools, churches, work places could all be considered a herd mentality then? People together with a common cause of helping others, thats a herd I can deal with. I can for sure tell you one thing, we dont all think alike, thats for damn sure. And thats what makes each expirience so fun to listen too.
2. Brainwashing, ok I can see how one could think that. Maybe my brain needed washing. After all, I used to think I was sooo right about everything and everyone. if AA taught me to approach people with love and tolerance at first. To recognize that all humans have the right to be just that, human. You could say, yes, I needed some of that. Got no problem with that sort of brain washing. Better than a politician trying to convince me to belive in anything they have to say. Bottom line, we are all influenced to one degree or another, by someone, or something.
3. I would ask you to clarify on what you mean about sick and twisted psychology?
I know this, Love and Tolerance is our code. So I need more input from you on this.
4. The vast majority say stay away. Ok thats fair. I say stay away from those that have contempt prior to investigation on things they dont know about. If someone had a bad relationship with someone who was in AA, I would love to hear about it. Those who know one side of a story, know less than those who know neither side of a story. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:57:23 PM | | I have no clue if you're even in this sorry sea anymore, but I give you credit for helping yourself, as I am not ready, (or broke enough), yet, to help myself, as you hopefully continue to do so...There are so many alkies out here and they don't recognize it as a problem, because it's legal, and they may or may not have been pinched. We all have our reasons for our problems with the bottle, but you're far from alone...and far better for abstaining than those of us, who don't. I hope you find a girlfriend who loves you despite your past. Maybe she's already found you. Maybe she's just like you. But fvck those who don't accept and respect you. They're lost as you once were lost. You keep looking for that light, and carry on as a sober man, Charlie. I wish you luck, and God bless you because life is hard...death is easy. Love, Titus | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:03:02 PM |
Sorry pal but you're damaged goods.
Welcome to the human condition water walker. Maybe your challenge is your self rightous indignation hot shot. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:20:02 PM | | sadly you will have more interest if you just lie to them. Good luck with not drinking and you are certainly much better off without a woman that would be so judgmental anyway. You can always try a mail order bride. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:20:53 PM | You are clueless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was in response to the blather that Red and Blue spewed. Some people are f'in retards! | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:36:26 PM | | Oh Gawd. Are the preachers comin outta da woodwork, or what? The folks that rail about AA haven't even given it a fair hearing. Where else could I get what I needed, exactly when I needed it? I don't know who you've been talking with, but it hasn't been the folks that I run with. We are all happily sober and expecting more miracles every day. Instead of bashing something that works for the rest of us, why don't you go sit in the corner and eat worms? | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:50:14 PM | WOW !!!!! Doesn't any one ever UPDATE their Thread ??--- This thread was Posted: 2/27/2005 12:35:18 AM I wonder what happened to Charlie and his drunken girlfriend??And Charlie, sorry for your lose of your father...
Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 2/27/2005 12:35:18 AM
When i put my profile on this site i said i was looking for an honest Woman. So naturally im going to be honest with whoever responds to me and answer their questions as honest as i can.So whenever it gets around to the issue of drinking ill tell them i go to three alcoholic anonomus meetings a week and they think im a raging alcoholic and run Sure i had a problem drinking when my father commited suicide 5 years ago but im over that now. By going to AA im just trying to better myself and whats wrong with that ? If you cant be honest with yourself you cant be honest with someone else HELP | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:57:02 PM |  I understand where you are coming from. If you can't be honest with yourselve, then how can you be honest with anyone else.
I attend NA meetings, and work the 12 steps. This is apart of my support system, and I love it.
I have learned to love myself all over again, since I was in an abusive marriage, and had many different surgies that led me down the destructive path of abusing persription drugs, which nearly killed me and got me in trouble with the law.
now to this day and 1 year clean, I have much more control over my life and enjoy who I am as a person. So I beleive in being up front and honest with others about the problems I have been through and where it led me.
I may have done some things that weren't right, but beleive mwe all deserve a second chance. We are people to and deserve nothing more then the best for us. We are worth it!
Celebrate You
by Unknown
You are worth celebrating
you are worth everything
you are unique.
In all the whole world, there is only one you.
There is only one person with your talents,
your experience, your gift.
You have immense potential to love, to care, to create,
to grow to sacrifice, if
you believe in yourself.
It doesn't matter your age, or your color,
or whether your parents loved you or not.
Maybe they wanted to but couldn't.
Let that go, it belongs to the past.
You belong to the now.
It doesn't matter what you have been,
the mistakes you've made.
You are accepted. You are okay.
You are loved in spite of everything.
So love yourself and nourish the seed within you.
Celebrate you.
Begin now. Start now. Give yourself a new birth, today.
You are you, and that is all you need to be.
You are temporary. Here today, gone tomorrow.
But today, today can be a new beginning, a new thing, a new life.
You can deserve this new life, it is given freely.
So celebrate the miracle, and celebrate you.
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:03:17 PM | .. plenty responding in a short period...
..this looks like a good topic ..anyone to knock a 12 step recovery program would probably qualify to give one a try .. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:36:37 PM | | Hang in there, BB. All is not lost. As you can see, there are plenty of opinions out there. Just choose which one has the most truth in it!! You will surely meet more and more of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny!! Oh, and guess what?? Alcoholism IS a disease. You catch it from insecurity, too much proximity to know it alls, intimidators, abusers, liars, and hostage takers. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:51:07 PM | | Ummm , somone on here said slow down or quit your meetings. Don't do that or you won't have anything to offer anyone although I'm sure you already know that. Keep working on yourself and your sobriety and the right lady will come along. You are trying to a make it happen instead of accepting that God will put the right person in your path when he sees fit not when YOU want it. pg. 449 Congrats on your sobriety and have faith. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:51:37 PM | RIGHT ON!!!!!
well since we are getting honest here...i commend your post and i want you to know that the growth through your honesty and the connection with others is far richer than any other thing on this earth...
please remember that phrase "principles before personalities!" i have a tough time remembering to practice that...
when something happens that i am powerless over...which is almost everything...i pray...i pray for that person place thing
or situation...i pray for the person that cannot relate or connect based in whatever beliefs to have health, happiness and
prosperity...i pray for them as if they were a sick person...dying from a disease...
because...to drink is to die...and alcoholism is a disease...progressive and fatal...
not everyone has this disease...however if you want to find out...you should go to an aa meeting...and give yourself
a chance to live the most unbelievable life known to modern man...
peace, love and light,
adam s. clean air group denton | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:52:22 PM | "disease (n.) A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms."
The part where it says, "genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms" in the description of a disease makes it seem likely to me that it is indeed a disease.....not the alcoholism but the addiction. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:18:39 PM | | I was not looking for your approval. And i am not sure where you got this degree or what it is in but your still wrong. Alcoholism is a genetic desease. And there are studies on parts of the brain that prove it has to do with defects in the receptors in the brain. So you need to get your facts straight okay. Your very defintion proves the fact that this is a disease. You still need to do more research. Did you even know that most of the originial member of AA were prominant physicians. AA has been here and has worked for millions of people sence the 1930's. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:22:29 PM | Hi Charlie,
Let me suggest that you rethink what is happening here at this public level. Maybe talk to your sponsor about bringing the program name into a public forum too. I don't do gentle very well.
Good on you for being responsible and allowing another path to open to you.
I see three topics here and there needs t be two at best, your non-drinking status along with your the quality of your 'NO' (I don't drink, in fact I puke all over when alcohol enters my system, it is an allergic reaction) (still wanna press me to drink?) followed by the treatment you received from a POF'er. Where and how and why et cetera as to why you got straight is better material in a meeting, wouldn't you agree?
Think about relating to the grocery clerk why you will not buy Shreddies even though they are on sale. I believe a no is sufficient, more later if need be.
There is lots of material in the 12 x 12 explaining personal and group unanimity.
BTW, anything that runs from you because you decided not drink needs to run, and hard. Give up omelets and see who runs....David
PS don’t mention OA (omelets anonymous) to them | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:23:18 PM | You can't be afraid of something unless you have a little bit of that thing in you. So what those people are telling you is that they have the potential to be alcoholics themselves, and they know it, even if they are unaware that they know it. So they are letting you know that if you fell off the wagon, they could become alcoholics as well. You're better off without them.
Sadly, there are many people who are potential alcoholics. Scientists have found the tendency to become an alcoholic is rooted in dopamine, and is the same for all forms of addiction. whether it be to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, relationships or even work. There are so many potential alcoholics it's staggering.
So you're better off without these people. There is just an unimaginable amount of them. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:23:23 PM | Here are some FACTS from an expert, (that would be ME!). I'll put it in layman's terms for those who speak of things they know nothing about.
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. That just means an alcoholic can never drink like a 'normal' person (whatever normal is) again...If an alcoholic is NOT drinking and attending meetings or getting outside help of some kind, then their problem IS under control.....True, most addicts are cross addicted or can trade one addiction for another. BUT, there are 10's of thousands of types of addictions, and they don't all involve substance abuse.......If an alcoholic does not take a drink TODAY, then they are recovered!
AA could not possibly be a cult since it is a group of men and women helping one another to recover from alcoholism. There are no demands, dues or fees. It's a program of suggestion only! No one makes you do a damned thing!
Alcoholism is a DISEASE (it meets the AMA criteria) and must be medicated like one. AA is the medication of choice for millions worldwide. It's pretty much the same as meds for diabetes, high blood pressure, etc, etc. You gotta take it on a regulary basis.
AA works, for those who WANT it. It's been working since the 1930's.
Alcoholics and addicts who practice a 12 step program have been given a gift. A blessing from their higher power, God if you will. They practice rigorous honesty, they take a daily inventory of their actions, reactions, words and even thoughts. They start their day by asking for God's will, not their own and they end their day with a prayer of thanks for the good and a promise to work on the not so good/bad. They hold themselves accountable. They realize they can control no one and nothing other than themselves and they are at peace with that. Can anyone else say any of these things about themselves?
Now, my opinion. Why not start with "I don't drink" (ONLY if the subject comes up) and leave it at that, until the relationship progresses to a point that you see a need in divulging more ....
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:09:40 PM | | so don't say AA. its no ones business but yours. Just tell them you don't drink, personal choice. Once you are in a relationship or dating, be as honest as you can be. If they have a problem with your attendance of meetings, you are better off without them. I am seeing someone who goes to a church, I don't, big whoop. There choice, I can respect that or not my decision. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:56:08 PM | Honesty is important. But there's a tactful way to approach things. I honestly don't know how you've been bringing it up, so I can't say whether or not you've done it. I met a guy who was in AA, and he was fairly casual when he mentioned it. When we first met, I asked him if he'd like to go for a drink sometime. He politely declined, explaining that he'd made a decision not to drink anymore and was in AA, and left it at that. So we went for coffee instead.
Bottom line? If you don't make a big deal about it, she probably won't make a big deal about it. If she's not interested enough in you for you to want to continue seeing you even though you're in AA, you're wasting your time with her, anyway. There'd have been something else down the line that lost her attention. | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:12:13 PM | And whatever you do, don't try 12 stepping them on the first date, regardless of how much they could use it.  | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:27:06 AM | | I have been sober 18 years . Most women respect that . Somtimes it helps to take them to an open speaker meeting. Were not bad people we just made some mistakes. I doint tell them on the first date tho I might wait a while till their comfortable with me. If a women dosent accept or respect your recovery you doint need her. Just follow the advice in the big book youl be ok good luck man | |
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| Say AA and watch them run
Posted: 3/8/2008 11:16:48 AM | | Dont have to tell em thats something thats personal to you only, and if it helps you all the better.My dad died smoking in bed the family says he knocked over a lamp.Give me a break he was drunk and passed out---oooch truth can hurt. | |
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