| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 1:31:24 PM | | I have a new question if that's okay. I have met a guy and we hit it off immediately, on the internet and in person. I started to suspect that perhaps he wasn't totally single so I asked. It turns out he is living with a woman but has told her he isn't happy and wants to seperate. She tells him that she is happy and doesn't want to seperate. He's been living with her for 2 months now and tells me he wishes he had met me 3 months ago and he wouldn't be in this predicament. He says the only reason it happened was because he was so lonely and she was very forceful and he let it happen. They are away this week with his son on vacation and he promises me that when they get back he will deal with the situation. I should know better but I tend to believe him. Anyone have any ideas or thoughts on this? | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:28:35 PM | | The guy is a****i mean he cant be that busy especially if her said he was gonna come there | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 6:19:24 PM | | well it seems like he took offense to you ending the call. It was not your intent, but some people just jump to conclusion that are wrong. But look at the bright side you found out early and did not have an emotinal investment. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 6:25:18 PM |
He says the only reason it happened was because he was so lonely and she was very forceful and he let it happen. They are away this week with his son on vacation and he promises me that when they get back he will deal with the situation. I should know better but I tend to believe him. Anyone have any ideas or thoughts on this?
Sorry, but I don't buy it. This guy wants you to believe that the wind's blowing him around, and he has no choice but to raise his sails and travel to where ever they take him ?
Is he in charge of his life ?
He certainly should be.
He was "forced into it " ?
That's a sad thing to admit to. We've all been lonely, and we all know what it feels like. Not many of us get "forced" into a relationship. He's been with her only a short time, and he's thinking that way....and he doesn't tell her honestly what he's feeling and leave ?
What type of person is that to get involved with ?
Sounds to me like he just wants to jump ship. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 6:50:13 PM | | I know guy's are so terrible for not phoning when they say they will...I had one a few nights ago. He and I were talking, getting along well and were supposed to meet up. I got brave and gave him my number, waited for his call to make the plans to meet and do I hear from him...Nope..I admit I have been given numbers in messages and never called, bu mainly that's because those are guy's that just assume that by reading my profile and a couple of exchanged messages (hi how are u how was ur weekend?) all of a sudden they feel they have made a connection and offer upn thier number... | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 7:09:47 PM |
(he said) he would call me later. He NEVER called. I called him that night and left a message. He still hasn't called. What gives?
He just wasn't that into you. Fortunately there is a whole book on the topic and it's not a bad read - check it out.
I say chalk it up as his loss and move on. There are *plenty* of guys out there who will be dying to hear from *you*!
Cheers | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 8:23:34 PM |
He just wasn't that into you. Fortunately there is a whole book on the topic and it's not a bad read - check it out.
That book's popularity is undeserved, it is popular only because it tells you what you want to hear. But the authors do not know anything about the subject, they are not experts at all, they are just a comedian and an executive story editor! They do not work with knowledge, just with their imagination (and with their readers' expectations.)
However I agree that lack of reply is very likely to mean lack of interest. It happens all the time, and as others said, it is not a guy thing, both genders do it. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/9/2006 8:54:23 PM | | In answer to the first question on this thread ......... Maybe he had an urgent family problem or an emergency ...... or something that he just couldn't involve you in for any number of valid reasons ////// In answer to Suethoney ........ so ......... hows it feel to be the second or other woman, Stay and play if you want ....... but don't expect too much. If you like him for him ...... don't expect more. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/19/2006 12:14:08 PM | So just out of curiosity, did you ever call this dude and ask 'What gives?"
Always best to go to the source with questions, otherwise its all conjecture, as you can see.
*Maybe he is an International Man of Mystery and got called to Budapest to foil some fiendish global domination plot*
Then again maybe he's just a schmuck... | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 8/4/2006 5:00:40 AM | | Its the ultimate game people play. Why? Not sure...maybe it gives their ego a boost? Perhaps they just don't want to hurt the other persons feelings with the words that would explain why they don't want to go any further. I've met a lot of people over the years, some just gave me a bad feeling from the start, I didn't come right out and tell them theres not a chance in hell I would let this go further. But I also would never string someone along. I've met a few that I have genuinely liked, but felt no chemistry with. Those ones have become some of my best friends. And theres the ones that you feel a strong sexual attraction too....but know they aren't the type you would want to keep around and introduce to your family. One thing I have learned for sure...the old saying..."if it seems too good to be true, it probably is" I'm going to live by those words and practice caution in my dating life. Oh...another thing I've learned..is when someone says in their profile that they are not into games...it usually means they know how to play the game just a little bit too well. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 8/22/2006 12:45:49 PM | | I know it's weird but I think women do it just as often....it don't make much sense...maybe it's too painful to tell the person your not interested | |
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HC2255
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Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 8/22/2006 1:40:59 PM | | I do this daily, albeit in my job. People call all the time wanting to know if I take certain types of cases. If I don't take those cases (bankruptcy, social security, etc.) I will not call them back just so they can (a) ask me about it anyway or (b) ask for a referral. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 8/22/2006 3:43:56 PM |
That book's popularity is undeserved, it is popular only because it tells you what you want to hear. But the authors do not know anything about the subject, they are not experts at all, they are just a comedian and an executive story editor! They do not work with knowledge, just with their imagination (and with their readers' expectations.)
theon54; I beg to differ.
The book is popular because
1) It's written cleverly and it is funny!!!!!
And
2) What's in it is, undoubtedly true. So what about the 'credentials' of who wrote it?
You know what, I don't mind at all, getting a guy's point of view who at one time, was a jerk and a player. Who better to offer advice about male behavior than someone who's behaved that way? Would it be better advice if it came from Dr. Phil? Someone with a PhD in human psychology? You can't judge a book by it's cover, literally. "He's just not that into you" although in some respects it is offensive (but only because in my opinion, we shouldn't have to ask "WHY didn't he call again"?...we shouldn't care and we probably should KNOW that if he doesn't call, it's cause he doesn't CARE) it is a true reflection of the 'why's'...we often ask ourselves to death.
I have been in the OP's shoes more times than I care to count. I know the reasons why, I always did. BUT I think, partially because of denial, which is a defense mechanism we use to protect our fragile ego's, it helps to be told by an objective person (the people who WROTE that book) that the bottom line is.....HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
I think unless we're really, really naive' or just plain stupid, we know deep down, when we don't get the call back, or we get stood up on a second date, whatever the case may be....the person is just not that INTO us. This stuff about 'being scared'...is a bunch of BS..think about it...when we REALLY dig someone...we REALLY 'click', we REALLY like them...as scared as we may be of getting hurt, we're more scared that they'll be lost to someone else. Or they'll forget about us if we don't call back...or we'll LOSE them.
When we like someone that much, and we're on a date to begin with, chances are, on some level we are ready and willing to date or else we wouldn't be on the date to begin with...there may be a rare instance where we aren't ready to date, but for the most part, if we take the baby step to date at all...we're ready for something!!
So, OP; Get the book. Buy it or borrow it. You'll get a few laughs and some genuine insight into why people don't do what we hope they'll do...(call us, date us, etc..)
And then, after you absorb it, think about it, how rational and much sense it makes..you will hopefully stop caring about the 'why's'...and realize when you meet the right one, or a good one, he's going to call you no MATTER what...whether he's working 16 hrs a day or his grandmother is on her deathbed. I know when I have like someone, no matter how busy I was with my work, my kids, etc...(even on my own 'sick bed') I called the person I was into. Even if it was for 5 min just to say hi. Cause I didn't want to miss an opportunity. Or lose him to someone else because I was 'too busy'. AND if I did neglect to call him (and I'm guilty of it..IN THE PAST) it was pretty much because I wasn't THAT INTO him to begin with.
Oh and OP; I understand that you haven't dated in a while (I read your profile that you focused on your kids, which is commendable) BUT girl, what are you thinking with getting involved with a guy who's living with another woman after a couple of months and now entertaining the thought of dating YOU too??? Detach yourself immediately NOW, run..run...run from that one, unless of course you don't mind the very real possiblity of getting hurt. Don't do it. That's bad news and drama waiting to happen...
Again, get the book..get away from the attached guy, and get back in the game with someone else. if you do online dating, you're going to have to thicken your skin, because it's tough. You can't be sensitive and do it successfully.
And generally speaking..don't expect others to follow the golden rule. Even if you do.
Especially towards basically what are strangers to them. Even the best of people don't treat others as they'd like to be treated. Never expect that and you will avoid a lot of disappointment and heartache.
Good Luck and keep fishing! | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:08:29 PM | In response to the O.P. (finally found out what that means....lol) I think the guy probably either had something else that popped up.....maybe he didnt feel that spark for U....or perhaps the guy is interested but felt that if he called back or showed up.....U wouldn't be as interested, because he so readily showed interest "too soon"
Hey call it stupid, silly or whatever.....but whether women want to admit it or not.....most women are attracted to men that aren't so "easy" or they like men that are mysterious/play the "hard to get" role etc, and I'm sure they'll be posts from the women saying thats not true.....and I'm off the marker but lets stay in the realm of "reality" If a guy calls a woman back when he says? a lot of times...a woman loses that attraction for him I once read that when it comes to women? "Attraction is not a choice" think about that one for a second  Who knows? maybe he'll call U back...maybe he wont....but just like a woman once said in regards to men who wonder the same thing when they meet a woman they are interested in and she vanishes? "Maybe he just wasn't into U" | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:31:38 PM | Women do the same thing. A lot of people from both genders aren't upfront from they are no longer interested.
Well my guess is he was not interested. I find it a lame way to tell someone.
I met a gilr off another site last year and we went out for a bite to eat and drinks. We had a great time, so it seemed. Well after talking to her the next day, she never returned any calls and I only called her 3 times in the following 6 days, so my guess was, she didn't have the nerve to tell me honestly she was not interested nor impressed. But she was the one who hugged me by when we left the pub.
Similiar story happened to me. I went with some women. I thought the date went reasonably well. She gave me a hug at the end of the night. We exchanged some emails for a few days after that, then I didn't hear from her from a week. Then I sent an another email and she told me that she wasn't interested. She could have been more upfront and told me earlier that she was no longer interested. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:34:55 PM | What most likely happened - He fell into another good thing - better than he expected and she took his mind off you.
A bird in hand is worth two in the bush - or is it a 'hand in the bush is worth two birds'?
Joe | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:50:41 PM | | No sense going crazy over it. People are so strange its unbelievable. After a date, one might say they had a great time, and the other tells friends it was just ok. I have had women fall for me one day kissing me over and over again when leaving the lounge in the parking lot, and asking me to come to their place the next day, then 24 hours later they say they are afraid of getting hurt and cancel. Its a world of loons out there. I could write a book on bizarre behavior in women. I had one tell me over and over again daily how cute I was, how she only wanted me and noone else, her mom loved me, etc. then days later, out of nowhere, for no reason, she ends it. lol No sense going nuts over it anymore. I laughed it off and moved on. Take things in stride. I have a motto I live by. Hope for the best, and expect the worst and you wont get hurt. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 7:56:43 PM | Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/3/2006 7:07:52 AM
Guys, I am not coming down on you, I just want your honest opinions and women too if you have one.
I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend. He called a few times and we talked on the phone. We went out and I had a great time. I thought he had a great time. He called me the next day and we talked for a few minutes. I was having a party that night and I told him I needed to go because I had a lot of work to do to get ready. I asked him if he was coming and he said yes and that he would call me later. He NEVER called. I called him that night and left a message. He still hasn't called. What gives?
It's been said before, girls do this as well a guys.
The reason? He's a flake, and not worth your time. Some guys are just assholes, and every time I see one, I want to hit him in the face with a bat full of nails. He's giving men a bad wrap and frankly, we aren't all bad.
It really pisses me off that people do this kind of thing. If you say you are going to do something, fucking do it! | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 11:36:35 PM |
The reason? He's a flake, and not worth your time. Some guys are just ***holes, and every time I see one, I want to hit him in the face with a bat full of nails. He's giving men a bad wrap and frankly, we aren't all bad.
Wow a bat full of nails in the face? Ease up buddy.......unless that "bat" of yours is an equal opportunity "face basher"  Women do this sh*t as well! but I don't see any women in the room talking about how 1 woman's actions reflects negatively on the whole gender.
I think unfortunately that the O.P. may have gotten a taste what a lot of men go thru when they meet women they are interested in. The feeling of being left in "limbo" if the guy doesn't reciprocate (did I spell that right?...lol) Anyway as men we are told....to "be a man and get over it" well that same philosophy can be applied to the ladies a well.......Girls if the guy isn't interested......don't worry about it (U can't be every guy's "dream girl") Just move on to the next person, and save yourself some agony | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 11:52:48 PM | | He was a jerk and that's all there really is to it. There isn't anything to analyze here beyond that. I mean we can't really read his mind, everything else is just pure speculation, so who knows why he stood you up. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 46 | |
| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/8/2007 11:55:01 PM | Who knows, who cares why any man or woman would do that. It could be dozens of reasons, I think the ONLY real important issue is knowing if he's Physically unable to call (coma, held hostage, laryngectomy, double hand amputee etc). As long as none of THOSE kind of reasons apply then I wouldn't give it another thought. He's a grown man...he can be interested or NOT interested in whomever he chooses.
If I was interested in him Id be sure to make some brief and simple contacts with him. Just to let him know the door is open. However then HE would have to show interest by taking some appropriate action. If his action didn't suit me then I'd jsut forget him and move on.
Sometimes You like a guy and he doesn't like you. Sometimes a guy likes you and you don't like him. thats the way the mop flpos. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/17/2007 10:49:37 PM | | Im a guy,and I know why we men do this all the time.And I will never,ever,ever tell. | |
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| Why do guys do this??
Posted: 7/17/2007 10:52:20 PM | | Sounds like it is what it is.All you have to decide is if you want to wait for him. | |
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