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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it''s not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:44:44 PM | Well all people have some issues to be dealt with. I for one have none......lol 
I dont personally like being alone, yet I like having some liberties to do my own thing, like painting the walls what ever color I want to, and the next room to be done would be my bedroom, in red.
I enjoy doing the things around my house myself, but yet I had a friend over the other night and as I was making dinner for us, he was fixing something for me, and I didnt mind him doing it......yes he is a friend and I appreciate his view on things and were our relationship is going. Although I do sometimes let myself get caught up in the moment and wonder why we are not more......He said to me that I am putting my dating on hold to have my time with him, and he is right. I really dont think I want anything else right now....and that is ok.
Yah! I get the emails and the IMing with the hey wanta play with me?
So I do, on line of course and get them all worked up and then dont hear from them again.....lol I have not gone on a coffee date or met anyone for some time now...I just dont have the time for that kind of games........
the song goes....."People are strange....." | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:18:18 PM | | Well to be honest us guys don't have to deal with this quite as much because our society expects the men to be the one to make the first move. For quite some time I was annoyed with the fact that men always had to make the first move and thought how much easier it would be for us guys if women made the first move. Then I realized something. Men have the easier part on this deal. We get to pick out the women that we find attractive and approach them. Women get approached by all types of men, many of which they are not interested in at all and they have to figure out a way to relay their solely platonic interests. One other possibility is that humankind in general notices the negative things in their lives much more than they notice the positive things. How many of you are mad all day when you get in late to work because of bad light timing versus how many of you are happy all day because someone let you get in on a busy street. The best thing we can do is to try and concentrate on the positive and ignore the negative. Hope this helps someone out on a bad day. | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it''''s not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/3/2006 9:38:08 PM | Dr Phil to the rescue.............
in my vast majority of self help reading...the answers to your question would be ...we attract what signal we put out........okay in simple language..you attract a needy type of man...possibly deep down inside you have an issue with neediness...something that needs to be healed....now this is the stuff nobody wants to hear about themselves.....me needy or a fear of being needy..or heck what kind of characteristics does a *Needy person * have???? maybe its 1 of those characteristics you have issues with.....what messages do we put out and how do we stop those dam signals.....we gotta be totally honest with ourselves....nobody likes to admit their stuff and half the time we aren''t even aware of our stuff.....but there is a message in there....there is a reason why we attract what we do....
so we have to look that stuff in the eyes and deal with it and heal it......when ya truly learn the lesson you were meant too you won''t keep having to relearn the lesson and won''t be sending out those dam signals that attract that type....
Now thats been in alot of my readings.....do i believe it,...yeah cos I had to relearn and relearn certain life lessons..and it took alot of painful looking at what was inside,exposing the years of denial,projection, self actualization , lying and the other junk in the trunk to see repeated patterns and what type of man I attracted.and what type of man I was attracted too....oh we will never be perfect by any means..but it all starts with a few baby steps and some honesty
guess what I am saying is stop looking at the 1''s you attract, but look at who you are .....doesn''t mean we are a bad person #1....just need some soul searching!
just a different slant
"Your life is the sum total of all your choices up to this present minute."
-- Brian Tracy | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it''''s not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:12:38 PM | i am not sure about the signal thing totally....
i know alot of people who are forever attracting the exact charateristics they dont want in a partner. but then i know others who are totaly opposite and cant attract what they do want to an acceptable level.
the last ltr i had..he was alot of what i was looking for..loving ..caring..attentive..good listener.etc....but he also was what i despised most....a liar and a cheat. use to do alot of self pity trips how everyone was to blame for things but him...we use to read our horoscopes together daily..and he would freak,, saying how the stars were always on my side and not his ever,
but on the opposite side of things..i have had alot of guys tell me i am to strong minded for them. which i can see...since i know who and what i am..and what i will or wont tolorate at times in my life. a couple of the guys..told me i would not find what i need..since most guys cant stand/meet my levels of mental strength i require..this i am still working in...it confuses me on what that meant.
who knows...its something i dont think there will ever be a true answer to and i will nver know. | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/4/2006 1:33:21 AM | Alright hold the darn train people.
Needy is confused. Needy is someone in crisis or transition. Needy can be the result of a controlling partner. It can be learned it can be fed it can be many things.
At some time in our life we all will be needy, don't care how you feel right now but wait your turn will come. Yes it will.
When your world is blown apart and you have unresolved emotions it jumbels up in the I think I feel love because that confusement card is on the table. People who have never been trained to not make decisions in crisis are open to this effect of transition.
Do not assume a needy will stay needy.......they are transitional most times and ya you must use a boundry. The level of your patience can be tested yes and of course you must focus on you because your life your responsibility comes to mind. Please be kind to needy........they are there cuz someone hurt them...... they are not wacked they are hurt.
They don't need anger they need your honesty.
They don't need judgement they need patience
They don't need relationship they need friendship
and so on....... goodluck to every person who has never experience the human reaction of NEEDY. | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/4/2006 3:58:31 AM | Okay I am still confused exactly what the topic is, but I am going to stick my neck out and say that I think the point is that people in general need to be more careful in articulating their feelings, perhaps learning to identify within themselves the differences between attraction, desire, lust and love, before expressing any of those to someone who has similar feelings towards them.
In all fairness to whoever we are talking about, they may not be intentionally lying when they express certain feelings, they may just be confused about what they feel and expressing it poorly. Most people here, have at one time or another been lonely, insecure, and wanted to meet someone to be with. When an opportunity arises, when they meet someone they like, stressing the word like, or are interested in, they may in their initial excitement or enthusiasm, confuse what is simply attraction and interest as something more and end up expressing that, only to find themselves caught in an awkward situation when cooler heads prevail. We have all said things at one time or another that we would have loved to gone back and change.
Having said that, yes there are many people, not just men, who say and do things intentionally misleading others to get what they want. You just need to hopefully learn to be able to distinguish the difference. | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it''''s not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 7/4/2006 7:13:36 AM | Butt and kitty very good points.....I know there have been times when I was needy.....there are times we are all needy...but as i said being needy is usually the result of unhealed hurts our stuff caused by whatever....its a really interesting concept when you delve deep into it....and I probably don''''t come off being able to relay it the way its understandable to everyone..cos heck its taken me several jabs at the material to actually see the truth behind it..and it aint sex differentiated
its the same idea as ..being married to an alcholoic and going out and attracting another alcholic....there are unresolved issues there and until they learn the lesson or what their issues are they will likey continue the circle dance
anyhow simply watch the pattern you attract and dig honetly and deeply into your pyschie and I bet you will find an issue from the past that is effecting you today..is the old mirror idea.......ever meet someone that just rubs you the wrong way, puts you on edge, grinds your nerves..theres your mirror...they are mirroring at you traits you have hidden deep inside and are afraid of...if it mixes up your stuff and causes you a moment of grrrrrrrr you likey own that trait.........we are all capable of EVERY emotion in the book,.....I''''d never commit murder.........hmmmmmmm suppose you walked in and found a man raping your 6 yr old daughter..these are severe but then if we are capable of murder what is the gift of that comes from recognizing and accepting we could in some cicumstances commit murder the gift is love......every bad emotion has its gifts and wow this is way too deep.....
okay what is it about lying and cheating that scares you about yourself???? ask yourself that question..everyday good people lie and cheat in different ways..not just in relationships....are you afraid you might do 1 of the above......focus on it dig deeply was there a time you did something and have never forgiven yourself for and still carry issues around that effect you today......once you can look at that and see hey i am capable of that but whats the gift we do to compensate for those bad traits........lying..we strive to be as truthful and honest as we can.....cheating....again the honesty
and the guy can''t accept he has created his own destiny..we create it by the choices we made...you made good choices and were rewarded.....he plays the blame game..he can compensate for his feelings of inadeqaucy by making you feel guilty for your rewards...he is trying to suck your power...
anyhow probably way too deep ..its really in subject..its just saying look at yourself and what you attract and then maybe the why will appear | |
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weR1
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Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 36 | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:31:08 PM | im having the same problem with the women. the ones that seem to answer are always 5 or more years older when im looking to find someone a few years younger. so i answer the emails posted to me and i get the feeling the women think im some kind of pig when i mention what im looking for. i know this comment is not exactly to point you have said but in the big picture wtf--is this the right fourm to really meet someone | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:24:22 PM | ^^^^a suggestion gg123 if you don't want anyone 5 or more years older, you can always specify the age bracket in you mailings of those who can contact you. Your profile doesn't have you age restrictions.
Good luck in fishing....sometimes you catch the biggest fish of your life, sometimes you have to scan through many other fishes first. You will when the time is right.
Sorry folks I'm ever the optimist | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/22/2009 9:04:55 PM | What confuses me is why women say they want a nice guy but when guys like me come along they either don't want the nice guy or they seem to want something else? I know its a bit off topic but it just makes no sense. The last ex told me she needed space from me because "... you're just too nice and I can't figure that out in my head." She said it made no sense to her how I could be such a nice guy and want to be there for her and do stuff for and with her. I realize it had something to do with a bad marriage to a guy who wanted little to do with what she was in to. I still don't get it though, wouldn't someone want a nice guy after being with a bad one?
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/24/2009 12:55:19 AM |
I still don't get it though, wouldn't someone want a nice guy after being with a bad one?
Ahh that should be easy enough. Better the evil you know than the evil you don't. Everyone has some bad in them so if all you're showing her is good then she has to worry about what the bad is. Better to go back and find someone more like the one you just left so you can have a comfort zone. | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/25/2009 2:43:10 PM |
Ahh that should be easy enough. Better the evil you know than the evil you don't. Everyone has some bad in them so if all you're showing her is good then she has to worry about what the bad is. Better to go back and find someone more like the one you just left so you can have a comfort zone.
That makes sense.
I though that it was because females look for nice guys to 'commit' with. When one doesn't want to commit and decides they want to play around, thats when they look for the bad guy, the jerk.
Whats funny is that as I read through every post, I am finding that I am more of a woman than a man. That doesn't seem like a good thing, does it? | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:21:22 PM | First!
Before all else!
A Woman or a Man MUST find peace, comfort and contentment within themselves...
WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST !
For me personally this has meant finding peace and relationship with my "higher power".
Once you do that, you may not draw that special ONE you keep thinking is out there....
BUT you will repel or be repulsed by the "wrong ones".
Ironically, for many people...especially healthy people.... when you quit looking thats when someone falls into our lives.
I know this does not fit with the idealistic view of most people on POF....it seems so mundane! It seems so unromantic! But it is one thing that does work! | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:43:00 PM |
Whats funny is that as I read through every post, I am finding that I am more of a woman than a man. That doesn't seem like a good thing, does it?
Doesn't seem like a bad thing unless it goes against your personality. What is a man or woman these days? We've become a unisex world in the western world. So maybe you are just finding your unique individuality and don't fit into a steriotypical cookie cutter ideal of manhood, that isn't bad nor good it just is. | |
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| I have a few questions.....sorry if this is redundant and it's not pity, just curiosity! :)
Posted: 9/28/2009 7:49:55 PM |
Doesn't seem like a bad thing unless it goes against your personality. What is a man or woman these days? We've become a unisex world in the western world. So maybe you are just finding your unique individuality and don't fit into a steriotypical cookie cutter ideal of manhood, that isn't bad nor good it just is.
Hmm. That makes sense. Thanks.  | |
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