| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/2/2006 10:49:27 PM | I feel no sympathy for you. You are unemployed? You get a job.
Yes. Life sucks and we can be dealt alot of shitty things, but, sounds to me that everything you just said, had no barring. You pay your support and you do what you have to do.
You had it in the order for visitation, dont let her reasons stop you. You didnt fight her. Your loss. You fight if you truely want to be a part of your childs life. Thats it.
Sorry if Im harsh. Just seems like you are giving a bunch of reasons why you cant pay.
If you do go to jail, child support doesnt go away. It keeps stacking. Id think twice. Eh, I hear getting some form of a job and steady income can help lower your chances of jailtime and arrearages. But, yanno, thats just me. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/3/2006 1:15:18 AM | When I hear, "There are people starving in Africa," I reply with, "They should move to the food." Why sit there and whine about starving and wait for relief trucks to show up and dump a sack of grain in your lap. Move to the food! Do whatever it takes.
You life is what you make of it. Hanging out here will not get that 2nd or 3rd job to make your life happen. Turn your dreams into have and your wants into get. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/3/2006 1:49:31 AM | sorry to hear ur situation.... FRO is a nightmare - i'm with you on that.
but if u are still unemployed - have u tried legal aid? You basically have to be destitute to qualify and not to offend you but you seem to fit the bill. i also think you desperately need to see some empathic legal counsel. Many lawyers give a free consult. Pull out your yellow pages and start calling. Take your court order and ask them to explain it to you.
The lawyer referral service through the Law Society is quite handy. They won't give you legal advice there - but will direct you to a lawyer may or may not. there is a 1800 number on the law society's site.
also to help you financially - have u applied for unemployment insurance??
all the best to you!!!! | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/3/2006 4:51:46 AM | | My read in this is different...I am reading that you can't hold a job for very long, you are blaming her for ALL your problems, and you are upset becuase you thought you would be getting back together..Your story isn't making much sense either...$2500 is nothing, if you havne't got the money and don't have ajob, you can apply for a reduction. If it is simply that the judge feels you are intentionally underemploying yourself, then yes, it will be harsh....there are two sides to every story, and this one is missing pieces! You CHOSE to give up custody, you CHOSE to be in the position you are in. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/3/2006 5:28:03 AM | My ex has told me for years (and still does) that it is difficult to pay child support (he is now in arrearages $9,000). I say of course it is, you have no job and you choose to stay unemployed because you dont want to work. He is in another state that I, and the case was started in CA. (where I am). After 2 years, CA could not enforce the law portion, because he didnt physically live here, so, they handed it over to NC for the enforcment. So, in this past yr. and a half, he has been to court 3 times, jailed once, and is apparently due back in court Nov. 14th for non-compliance and contempt of court. (My case is Interstate Case).
CA CSS basically told me that they have so many cases, that they wont take one to court unless he owes around 60,000 in arrears or there is a warrant issued. They will suspend drivers licenses, etc. But, once the case was handed to NC, within a few months of non-payment, he was in court. They have fewer cases and are assigned a specific worker, and are on top of it. When you call CA CSS, you get a diff. case worker ea. time that is not familiar with your case.
The worker in NC told me that if he goes more than a month behind, call her, and she will send him a letter to appear. He is basically given the option of paying a certain amt. or go to court and face possible jailtime. He didnt think hed go to jail the 1st time, but he did. Now basically, he will foot the money rather than court, because he knows theres always a chance of jail.
Ea. time, I type out a letter of testimony and send it to the case worker back there, since I am not able to attend the hearing (if it goes to that). I have become very knowledgable both on CA and NC child support laws. He has chosen to remain unemployed, have another child out of wedlock, and live with a girl who will enable and support him. He plays the pity me role and I have NO tollerance for that. I do know that he has the option of filing an order for it to get reduced. I also know that I have the option of upping it because bills have increased and so has daycare. In CA, the NCP is responsible for half of daycare costs. I have chosen not to up it, as I am having a hard time him even paying.
He whines constantly that life is hard and jobs are shitty, etc. blah blah blah. But you know what? I work ft, Im a ft mother, AND I go to college (back in to further my education). At 31, its difficult, BUT Im doing what I have to do for my child. So should he. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/3/2006 5:51:12 PM | Without reading 2 pages of posts, I want only to comment on the isse of support and the FRO. I feel that the OP is not giving the whole story from the original post. And of course, there are 2 sides to every story.
Your ex cannot go to court and state that you are making x-amount in annual income and be awarded money based on that. The courts would require a full financial statement from you before making that decision.
I have a friend that is going through this. His ex-wife went to court stating that he made $90K annually. He makes no where near that - and for the last 2.5 years has been off work. He was originally ordered to pay $2,000 a month in child support. After some questioning from me he finally admitted that he chose NOT to fight it in court. When he went off on long term disability, he still chose NOT to fight it. He hasn't even filed a tax return because he can't be bothered. Now, he has had his drivers licence suspended for the last 4 months because he is in arrears.
If you can't be bothered to take the steps necessary to make payments that are affordable for you - you can't complain about it. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:12:39 PM | I get so tired when I read these posts. I've been through all of it so I know how draining the system can be. In Ontario, it is fairly simple. Support payments are based on tables. In the case where custody is 50%, they are to take how much you would pay her for a month if she were to have the kids full-time..and deduct how much she would pay you if roles were reversed...and that is assuming you earn more than her of course. If she earns more than you, it's the same calculation only reversed. If you both earn about the same it is a wash.
As far as all the 'extras', keep receipts but I would have your agreement amended so that there is a percentage that both of you are accountable for.
Regarding FRO, I had a similar situation. The court 'registered' the preliminary agreement, but I was told not to pay her direct as it would cause problems with my 'account' initially so I was told to wait until I received something from FRO. I didn't receive documentation of where to send payment for a period of time which put me in arrears some $6,000 +. Of course, the assumption from the case worker was I was a deadbeat dad and I was treated as such. 50% of my wages went to payment of the arrears but they were slow to pay her. When my income tax refund was due, I didn't owe to much in arrears but they held the entire refund and made me work to get what was remaining after my arrears was paid.
When we came to a final agreement, we both agreed to get out of FRO.
In the end, I understand there are deadbeat dads so I can see why the system is required but it just doesn't seem like it works that good.
The whole thing, including FRO is so antagonistic. It preys on the bitterness. It makes me sick.
Jail isn't the answer though. It will hurt everyone involved in the end. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/4/2006 10:56:50 AM | Fight for your child!! Do whatever you can to be w/ them and support them. Don't give up, when you throw in your towel, you're actions speak volumes to your child. Maybe not now, but in the future...
Forget about what your ex has done, FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT, AND THAT'S YOUR RELATIONSHIP W/ YOUR CHILD.
Look for help from programs geared towards fathers in your area, google it, there will be some there. JUST DON'T give up!
Good luck - it will be worth it all in the end. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 10/4/2006 5:34:51 PM | | Keep your head bud! It can only get better, life has a funny way of making things work out - I hope! I'm still waiting! LOL! | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/13/2006 6:21:17 AM | There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am in family law I see this all of the
time. Get a good LAWYER do not use a parralegal as suggested by others. It
will be worth it in the end to scrape some money up for a lawyer. In the mean
time hold your head up high. I garantee that you will be ok. Smile sweetheart
and trust me.  | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/13/2006 9:58:18 AM |
Now you tell me wouldn't going to jail be better than what I have now. In jail I have access to free education, cable tv , three square meals a day and a gym membership. I'll always have someone to play cards with and I will emerge a couple years down the road with a diploma and will be a non smoker because that's been removed as a privledge for inmates. It can't be any worse than my present life now could it?????
get off your horse and consider how many people in this world that are in a much worst predictament than you are in!!!!! There are dying,starving,homeless people who have NOTHING!!!
and you want to sit there and throw your hands up and say.. im just going to sit my butt in jail and let them take care of me
grow up .. get a lawyer.. and deal with it......if not for you but for your childs' sake
my .02 | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:03:38 AM | | Anyone who would even consider jail being a better option is plain sick in the head. How sad for the children and everyone involved. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/13/2006 10:43:42 AM | I find it funny that you wouldn't fight back, there is alot of ways for the father to fight back.... and you got the divorce papers and you just let her have all the money you BOTH put into rrsp's?? I would be fighting!
also when my ex and I were going through court he still was allowed to pay me my child support..... and even if you were told not to why didn't you open an account and put the money in there so that in the end you didn't get screwed???
good luck | |
|
| |
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/13/2006 3:06:53 PM | Sure..this is an older topic..but seems to have been re-opened. Firstly..FRO can't really send you to jail if you are not working...They *can* take 50% of you pay once you get work. My advice, get work, then file to have you payments reduced based on the fact that you are not making what was allegedly first wrote down. Now..jail isn't cool. Not even an option. Obviously you can't hire a lawyer...I know the system, and it is expensive, even if you do make okay danarius. If you find work, as a male, you are unlikely to get any support from anyway. HOWEVER! There is hope. Do the research yourself and be committed to that. Go to the library, go to forums, and get as much information as you can on family law. Also, you can take your ex to small claims court and get back some of that money you wasted on her. Represent yourself in court, dress nicely, and make sure you have all documentations as well as legal information. (you be surprised at how stupid some judges are - as are some lawyers) My ex is a crazy ass b*tch but I did my homework and did my own paperwork and that resulted in an easy divorce with joint custody. Not perfect..I still have to pay her, but, there is no FRO involved to mess everything up. Everything is on my terms, and once I finalize further research I should end up with shared custody with no support payments (before anyone says anything, I have my kids 6 days a week, every week, 52 weeks of the year - they just don't sleep here 6 nights a week)
Anyway..good luck at that..don't give up. BTW. You could always work under the table and have tax free income and on top of your regular work...if you are still in Kitchener-Waterloo-Cambridge-Guelph area..that shouldn't be too hard. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/15/2006 3:12:04 PM | Well where to start. First if all the things in here was true. She was cheating on you and when she had no one else around she wanted you. Jail might not be that bad but rember this you have a SON and he comes first. If the system up there is the same as here you go to jail and you will have a hell of a time getting normal custody. Plus do you know how long you will be in there thats the same amount your SON will not see you. And then when you get out you still have to find a job. Is it that easy to find a job up there after getting out of jail? I know it is hard now If you get a job and show you can pay some money you might not have to go away. Just be smart and don't trust her pay when you are told to and keep records. Cover your ASS! No one can tell you what to do on here its your choice. Do what you feel is best for your SON.
GOOD LUCK | |
|
aminx
|
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/15/2006 4:02:49 PM | As a prison support worker here in Ontario in a Federal and a Provincial institution (Warkworth and Lindsay Supermax) I can offer you a truth: You do NOT want to find yourself "jailed" at anytime unless you get off on being treated as less than a human being 24/7.
I have supported men going threw the family courts and you will (usually) not come out ahead unless you pay big bucks for an experienced lawyer.
Having said that, if you do file family court papers (perhaps with the help of a paralegal) to deal with your access and support payments, you will be offered many, many hours of court mediation. This can help you because you might end up with court ordered access that will ensure you see your son on a regular basis no matter what. That of course is a great thing. With respect to child support, mediation can also ensure that you pay according to your yearly T-slip only, which is also a good thing because it won't be based on an inflated amount of money that you don't make.
The family court process may take 8 months or so, but it may be well worth it.
I hope this helps you. The bottom line is you need to see your son and he needs to see his daddy and you need to support him financially.
If you are open to it, counselling can also help you move past the nasty stuff left over from your relationship.
Best of luck to you and I hope you will be the best dad you can be always and forever. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 12/15/2006 5:29:51 PM | DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT CHOOSE JAIL. TWO OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS WERE PUT THERE WHEN ONE LUNATIC FAMILY MEMBER BECAME A SUPERVISOR OF THE LOCAL JAILHOUSE -- USED TO BE LOCKED UP PERMANENTLY AS INSANE HERSELF BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY....
I have never been there but I've visited. The vibes just crossing the threshold of the building -- let alone the omninous presence outside -- are as tangible as any Steven King ghost movie.
And imagine just one of the 'minor' situations you face. You're told what to eat and when. If you're lucky you get to earn some meagre amount for extras. You have a pet mouse because the place is so infested you've made peace with the infestation rather than let it get to you.
All you crave is chocolate bar. Big time. You have only 4 more years to wait for one. Somebody next to you has angered someone else. Today's dinnerware is now located in their heart. The morge wagon is here again.
You are locked up tighter and earlier tonight.
A few days pass. Somebody on the outside has shot a cop. Obviously it wasn't any of you. Yet some mindless people who appear to never want to leave have decided to applaud this act in full view of those who are judging their behaviour.
Love cops or hate them this is known as a 'pig planting party'. Yippee!!! Don't want to applaud? Well, now you have peer pressure working against you too. Keep an eye on that dinnerware eh? | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 1/15/2007 5:48:40 PM | Well I have had the opportunity (several times) of going to jail, first off it isnt good, do you like to fight for your food? or fight for the bottom bunk? or better yet as I experienced
beating the crap out of a guy in the shower's only to figure out the quarterman ( range leader) didnt like the way the other guy wasnt beat enough soo back at er boy's beat him some more, then the poor guy had to beg the guards to let him leave the range, and make an excuse about falling off his bunk and slipping in the shower why he needs medical attention,
as one girl said free gym membership yeah sure , 3 square meals a day yes but if you dont like a certain type ohhh well starve, or trade your fish for a piece of stale bread,
signing up on a list for a shave, when you use a fusion at home and you get 1 of them 1 use bic's and u need to do your head and face.
shall I continue? I got plenty more stuff to tell about being in jail how about this one sharing a 6 x 8 ft cell with 3 people 1 guy ont he floor of the dirty DON jail with rats running around,
one thign is forsure is that it was my own doings my own faults and not anybody else's
you do the crime you do the time!
p.s. please dont whistle ;) | |
|
| |
| |
zxczxc
|
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 47 | |
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 1/17/2007 1:27:17 PM | | I think your situation sucks. Imputation of income and jail sucks for dads. This should not be legal. | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:59:51 PM | question
has your divorce gone through yet if so------ but if not you know you are legally entitled to half of her rrsp even if she removed it for the purchase of her house maybe that amount is more than what you owe get a lawyer from the sounds of it you might qualify for legal aid in bc you would dont give up you child is worth the fight | |
|
| How BAD could jail be??????
Posted: 2/2/2007 8:32:32 PM | "In jail I have access to free education, cable tv , three square meals a day and a gym membership. I'll always have someone to play cards with and I will emerge a couple years down the road with a diploma and will be a non smoker because that's been removed as a privledge for inmates. It can't be any worse than my present life now could it?????"
If you think that's true, go for it! (man are YOU in for a rude awakening!!!!)
FREE TV: you get to watch stuff like "Sanford and Son", sports or "Days of our lives" because the trash in there is too stupid to watch anything more intellectual and too brutish to consider that not everybody likes "sanford and Son". There is usually ONE TV for the wing.
CARDS: yeah, you can play cards for the one hour a day you're out of your cell. If your cellmate doesn't like cards, or YOU, tough sh!t. If he likes you too much, again "tough sh!t" (butt in this case, more likely easy sh!t)
GYM MEMBERSHIP: You've been watching too much of that high-quality TV already. If your idea of "gym membership" is doing push-ups in a 6x12 box with another guy or three, two bunks, a toilet and metal table sticking out of the wall, or wrestling with 400 lbs. of "Bubba" who thinks you'd make a good girlfriend, I suppose that would count.
DIPLOMA: Funny but unless you're up in a state lockup, which you wouldn't be, that doesn't happen except in the movies. You don't get books, computers, pens (golf pencils are de rigeur). Good luck with the diploma....
3 SQUARES: is right
Breakfast, something resembling square scrambed eggs, oatmeal without flavor, non-fat milk and an apple or been-in-ya
Lunch "square" baloney or ersatz-cheese sammich, usually stale and without any luxuries, like mayo or mustard
Dinner" something mysterious, which can best be described as "red mound, brown mound and/or green mound" along with "square" white bread.
IF you're wondering, it was because of human rights activism: too many kids killed while under the care of the all-wise county. The petty pols don't like the papers taking a hard look at their activities so they do stuff like this to silence those who cause that spotlight to shine on them. That's how it has always been...If you're ineffective, they ignore you. If you're effective, they jail you.
| |
|
| |
Home
login 
.....Um,...sometimes if you want it or NOT..............
