| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:15:13 PM | People paint such dismal pictures of bars, and yet I see nothing wrong with them. I tended bar for many years, and have enjoyed the benefits of socializing immensely, as did my mother before me. My father used to join her for last order's every evening she worked. It was like having extended family, So when I read the comment of 'how can you explain to your kids you met your mother in a bar!!!!!', is beyond me, what's so wrong with that, we all have to meet somewhere? And why have to explain anything??? arn't you the adult. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/12/2006 1:20:15 PM | You've definitely made some valid points, dodger. I can assure you though, if we were in the middle of a great conversation, I wouldn't end it on account of not a drink. Good conversation is priceless. However, it is fairly rare, especially at bars. Drinks help make boring people and dull conversations more tolerable. ;) Ideally though, I'd spend the whole night talking with someone who is engaging and intelligent, and I have. And the most remarkable one that I can recall did not offer to buy any drinks. So there you have it!
Bottom line, every situation is different. Perhaps I'll rethink some of my viewpoints. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 7/12/2006 2:30:33 PM | | Are we talking about a strip club here? Then i'm definitely not buying any drinks. Those lap dances are expensive enough. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:49:37 PM | I don't see any problem with accepting a drink from a man. I have done it several times... BUT... I always reciprocate. If someone sends one over to me, I will always return the favor whether I like him or not. I'm the friendly type... I talk to and have gotten to know a lot of people at the places my friends and I go to.
I'm not out there looking for men to buy me drinks. Hell, most of the time I'm the one buying and that's not a problem. Buying a drink is not a prerequiste to my liking someone or not. I'm much more impressed with a man who is outgoing, confident, funny, good dancer, etc. The drink is just a way sometimes to break the ice without having to actually approach someone and get shot down... which a lot of men have told me is the major reason they no longer even try.
Sharzi | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:00:40 AM |
Personally, I'd pay for the girl of my dreams for just a second glance.
I can't tell if this is dumber or more pathetic.
First off, if you're going to buy a woman a drink...you usually ask her first, but I'd leave this till after you've already broken the ice and want to keep her attention.
What if she drinks, then turn you down?
This happens...and not always because the guy is a horrible troll monster. There are a lot of women that go to the bar to get free drinks from chumps.
I usually meet women in bars by going to the bars with a mix of friends. Then I'll go over to the group with the women I'm interested in an invite all them to join all of us. Next thing we know, we have a little mixer on our hands and everybody is getting something from it. Buying drinks for a woman becomes optional at that point. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:22:29 AM | Usually the men who seem to just enjoy the moment are more successful at getting the phone number. Do you walk up to her and say 'hi, youre cute, wanna go out sometime?' Sorry, that wont cut it. She's there to have a good time now. Youre there to have a good time now. Strike up a conversation, talk about whats on one of the TV's, talk about anything, but youre there for that moment. Buy her a drink if you want to, or not. But enjoy it! Dont offer her a drink if you think it means she has to to give you a phone number. Women can usually spot that. Do you buy a buddy a drink and expect something for it? (not the same 'something', of course! You'd be in the wrong bar if you did!)
Walk away if you have to. Come back and thank her for the conversation. THEN and only then, after showing that you really enjoyed that moment, should you ask if she would like to have another conversation sometime.
Also, be fully aware if the body language isnt open, if she's guarded or aloof, then maybe she's just not into you or is seeing someone. Dont let that hamper you from having a good time for the moment. Lots of times when she realizes the pressure is off, then she'll begin to talk more. Dont forget to address the friends too, especially at first. Nothing worse than having somebody come over to the 'pretty' one in the group and the rest feel like kibble.
Men seem to think women are so aggressive these days. Lots of women are, but there's still a lot of women who like being persued and hate making the first move. Men often think its an instant invitation for sex if she makes the first contact. I"m glad to see you still like making a move instead of waiting for her to make it. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:42:51 AM | | If you don't have the money to buy drinks for the people you meet and enjoy from time to time stay home and watch TV. It costs money to live, date and die. I suppose the next topic will be talking about not having enough money to drive to different places to meet women...Geez guys, go make some money so you can at least live and date. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 6:00:51 AM | | Yes I do go to tha bar, and like to be approached, but, maybe these girls you are hitting on are not interested, you have better chances if you talk to someone who looks a little lonely , Try it , their face might just light up. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 7:18:28 AM | If you're tall and attractive, women will want to talk to you in bars (and anywhere else). Being there with an attractive woman works best for me to attract other women. If you're not tall, crawl and pretend to be a cute dog, women always pet dogs. As for pickup lines, I like "Do you come here often?" and if that fails, "Wanna bend over?" always works.
My system can't take alcohol (cheap drunk), so I don't drink in bars and I don't encourage alcoholism in others. When I'm offered drinks I refuse with a polite explanation. Besides I want to be alert and able to drive. If you're a non-drinker in a roomful of people that drink, they all start sounding rowdy and stupid after an hour.
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 7:21:41 AM | Of course decent woman go to bars. YIKES!
Bars around here are full of nicely dressed business women who like to go out with "the girls" after work for a quick drink. I doubt they'd take kindly to being called a hooker too. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 8:22:34 AM | | It depends on the types of bars you go to. I know many happily married couples who met in bars. Several of these couples have been married for over 10 years and are very happy. I have met some very nice and decent men in bars before who had more class than the men in church. My brother once worked the bar at the Hard Rock Cafe in Manhattan and met respectable male and female celebrities and entertainers who treated him with respect each time they returned. There are lots of decent folks in bars. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 8:30:54 AM | I think you'll find that better things will happen if you just go to bars to socialize and have a good time. When you have the mindset that you have to score it will pollute your vibe and women will react accordanly.
Also, the distinction between average girls and supermodels is not relevant in this case as you are just socializing. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 1:03:06 PM | Here is the _secret_.
You are not going to like it....
You must become a regular. You must seem like you OWN the place. Everyone has to know you.
While doing this you must NOT hit on chicks. You can talk to a few of them, but make it your point to make friends with the more noteworthy MALES that are 'regulars'.
During this process you will come to know who the regular women are -- both patrons and those that work there. At first you will see that those who you would consider potential mates are very stand-offish to you....
Now -- when you walk into the bar and everyone yells "Hey Norm" -- all the chicks in the place will identify with YOU as a person who fits in, who has confidence in the joint, who has friends in such 'high' places....
Note -- you can't be too much of a regular. Oh no -- that just makes a you a bar fly.
Note also -- you have to lend some charisma and charm to the environment. If you just show up and get drunk, or sit around looking lonely and miserable, you're just showing everyone that you're lonely and miserable (this, btw, is one of my favorite things to do -- i love showing people that I am lonely and miserable... that's why I drive a fockin' hot ride... I love the irony of it all....).
All of a sudden you will notice how the women in the place suddenly take a shine to you. Maybe one, or more, will approach you and say hi -- touch your arm... flirt. It has taken months -- but you are now a 'regular'.
Congratulations... you are now ready to 'pick up' a chick in a bar. You've paid your dues. You've shown yourself trustworthy, you've proven that you have staying power, and can really "get along". Approach women at will... You have your buddies to fall back on in the event of failure (what a bytch, eh, yeah - really... blah-blah-blah). Besides -- you just EXUDE confidence -- this is YOUR place after all - you paid YOUR dues! Chances are you WILL get a friendly response.
But... one cautionary word... hit on chicks like a rutting pig, or 'dis' a 'regular' girl at the place, and all that hard work will be right down the tubes.... Also remember that your private life is now property of the bar crowd... you may find the drama a bit overwhelming.... Hey, come on dude, bar chicks are worth it... right? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 6:05:04 PM | 50% of the women you come in contact with will not be looking.
Watch your body language on the approach. This is 55% of your communication with them.
Approach after you have seen her for only three seconds.(don't lurk and get the guts up to approach....they know you are lurking)
Don't be so friggin nice. Compliments up front usually say that you are not interesting enough to have a great conversation with her.
Ask her opinion questions.....ones that require thought........then frickin LISTEN to HER.
The LISTENING is KEY. This provides more valuable nuggets in the future.
Don't lean into the conversation....it signifies too much interest up front.
Ask her opinion. Give a time constraint so she does not think you are gonna hang with her all night and bore her to death. Display some valuable conversation. At some time ask how everyone knows each other. Don't talk just to her....keep conversation with everyone in her group.......Do not seek approval from her. Do not seek her reactions. Unless you have a friend near do not approach a set of only two girls, you will never be able to isolate her to build rapport or get a phone number to see her later because her friend will be all alone. Wait for the point where you can tell she is interested in you.(you might not know if she is very, very beautiful...these women know guys well....they have lots of practice because they are beautiful)
Then and only then can you seek rapport with her. If you seek rapport with her too soon she will blow you out and it will be on to the next girl.
I have many more nuggets but I have learned over a long period of time.
D Rock
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 7:29:42 PM | Are you seriously going to the bar for the sole purpose of meeting women? That's just setting yourself up for disappointment. Why don't you go out with your friends and have a good time. At least then you won't look so pitifully out of place or desperate, leaning on a rail with all the other miserable looking cowpokes. Chances are if you are in a good mood, it'll rub off on anyone you're talking to. And if you strike out, you can laugh it off with your buds. Spread yourself around. Smile. Have fun. Don't invest.
If you have to stoop to buying a woman a drink in order to deserve a moment of her time then don't you deserve the title of "chump sucker loooooser"? I've spoken with women think this is hillarious and they are more than happy to take advantage of you. Isn't it suggesting a lower form of prostitution? "Hey I'll pay for your alcohol if you let me take you home for some drunken sex". And I don't think most women are flattered by some guy thinking he's "paying for her services later". It's also shows a lack of confidence and is just weak. Show her that you have some personality and don't care so much. Try to be a little kocky and don't give a shit.
Here's a good one...Guy, "How're you doing? Whatcha drinking?" Girl, "Well I'm almost done this one. How about buying me another?" Guy, "Oh, well, I don't buy women drinks until I get to know them. But you could buy ME a drink if you want to talk a little more. I'll reciprocate later."  At least say, "if you buy the second round."
But seriously, why do men stand around not talking to each other, just staring into the bottom of their beer glass? I think they're beating themselves up for striking out and failing to muster the courage to go talk to so so. Why don't the dudes strike up a conversation? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 7:34:31 PM | Easy to meet women in bars. Ask three women to play a game of partners on the pool table. Ask the one you dig to be your partner.
Ask a woman to help you pick songs on the jukebox.
Shoot darts. Dance, whatever. Don't have to drink to have a good time. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 7:59:49 PM | I know I like being approached in a bar, makes for a drink, and good conversation, and if ones on you, the next is on me | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 8:01:12 PM | | When I was younger, I got regected alot. So I quit approaching women and I was much happier because I didn't have to subject myself to the rejection. I'm still not agressive, and I still meet women. They approach me. Although I think they can't handle rejection as well as men do. I've turned some down and they got nasty! I figure, after they get rejected hundreds of times like us guys have, they will be able to understand why many men have stopped being aggressive. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:38:02 PM | Why do so many people have a problem with this. I don't see any problem with it. I look at it this way, I am a confident guy, I'm not an over confident guy. I love talking to people. If a girl is with her friends, I think it just makes things more interesting. So what. Besides if you do strike a nice conversation with a girl, just make it simple and not too long. All any guy has to really think about is, when he does leave that table full of girls behind. They will most likely be talking about you and either be checking you out when you leave and wondering why you came up all on your own to chat with them in the first place. There is no real approach when meeting women in bars. Just be yourself and have fun. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 9:38:10 PM |
Was it Ben Franklin that defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? And of course girls are going to suggest you go up to a girl and buy them a drink to break the ice. They want free drinks! Don't buy into the hype.
Exactly. Even though it seems innocent on the surface, buying a woman a drink says "I need to buy your attention. I have no self confidence and need to give you this drink in the hopes you'll talk to me". Complete turn-off for the receiving woman. Doesn't mean it won't work but it's not working in your favour and if you can give drinks with good results you will do just as well without giving out the drinks. Giving gifts to a potential mate will not make them fall in love with you.
Giving gifts should be done to show appreciation, not to buy affection.
Giving gifts should be done to show appreciation, not to buy affection.
^ Read that twice, it's important.
Better to find the right approach without buying. If you see a woman with a cool drink (something besides your typical bottle of beer) then ask her about it and then make a comment like "that's cool, but just how long do i have to talk to you before you get me one" with a smile. Just an example. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 10:03:01 PM | Wait till closing when shes really, really drunk and somewhat visually impaired, this will vastly improve your chances.. also if you have a really good lookin bud whose like 6'4" ,take him as your wingman, and buy him and her girlfriend shots all night....  (kidding) kinda,sorta... | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/26/2006 10:46:48 PM | | You know that woman who didn't respond to your email here? That's the same one you tried to talk to in the bar........ Epiphany, anybody? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 5:39:59 AM |
Geez guys, go make some money so you can at least live and date
I'm not going to assume...I'm going to ask:
ritzygypsy, do you ever go to the bars looking to spend as little of your own money on drinks? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 9:01:00 AM | Honey, when I go to a bar I put two $20.00 bills out on the bar & buy a drink for the man before he offers so he can see who he is talking to. Keeping the cash in high visibility on the bar is my nonverbal communication of "I'm payin', you're not " and also to communicate, I'm here for fun, not to keep count of who buys what. When I'm at a bar, I also treat men and women as a way of saying, "Hey, you're fun to be around." The maximum I will spend on drinks for others at a bar is $100.00 on a single night. In Manhattan, this is nothing special to men or women, so it's probably a regional behavior. If I spent too much money on travel, clothes or other stuff and don't have the money to spend for my own drinks and for my "buddies," I stay home.
On POF, when I meet a man who says, "Let's meet for a drink," for a first date, I have said to them, "Let me treat you to lunch or dinner instead." If you don't belive me, I'll give you a username of a guy I did this with on POF. Sometimes, I'm not in the mood for alcohol and my logic is, "everybody has to eat," so I'll offer to treat them to a meal instead of drinking alcohol.
Now, when I meet a man who wants equality in all things, I insist that he not have his orgasm until I've had mine, since all the fun can stop after he has his. When I have mine, the fun can keep going and going so I think my request is in the best interest of fairness and equality for both of us.
With drugs like Viagra, this should be no problem for the man, correct? | |
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