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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 10:06:46 AM | | I am a woman... I go to bars on the weekend... usually the ones with music. I go to have a good time, listening to music, dancing and meeting people. I do not enjoy someone that hangs on me for too long. I will talk to anyone for a minute or 2, but if I turn my head or glance around the room,,, it's time to move on. I can't speak for everyone, but if someone wants you around they will definitely let you know! Women have feelings as well as men and when I am out, I am out for myself, to kick back and enjoy the atmosphere. Just because it's a bar doesn't mean you want to be picked up. I have many friends, and dance with almost anyone, but go home alone. My town is so small, there is no other place to go! Most women do enjoy being spoken to, but the ones you are approaching obviously don't, so go after the "supermodel" type! I don't claim to know bar etiquette, but that's how I feel, just an opinion. Don't waste your time on those women... keep moving on.. TerryLynn | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 10:14:18 AM | | I am so sorry you feel that way! It's all about enjoying oneself and meeting new people! It's not like you are trash, because you go to a "bar" and dance... it's all about fun! It's all good, everyone has different reasons for being there... what a small mind! TerryLynn | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 11:27:42 AM | There's a couple ways to look at this:
I'm not really a club person..but i like local bars or pubs..friendlier atmosphere...usually go with friends..for a couple drinks..music(usually friends' band)..and dancing..you know..just to get out once in awhile and unwind.
If a man approaches me and he's polite..i'll talk to him whether or not i'm interested in anything more...and from there...who knows..but..do i go there specifically to meet men..i'd have to say no...now maybe i'm being unfair..but i tend to think that most men who frequent bars...really frequent them and would do so whether or not they're in a relationship...and i don't want to be going to bars all the time.
Does that make any sense? | |
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Israd
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Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 81 | |
| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 1:06:03 PM | | anytime alcohol is involved especially in excess like it is in bars and clubs the "meaningfulness" of the situation and consequences of actions is lost into the blur of "just another night out drinking too much.." I hate being approached at a bar, unless of course the line at the bar is too long then I appreciate the drink being brought to me.. will i take that person seriously ever? probably not.. will I remember them? probably not.. theyve got to be pretty fantastic in the 3 minutes they are handing me my drink to win me over but chances are the noise and lights would have already distracted me. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 1:28:08 PM | | The first thing you need to understand about approaching a woman in a bar is that 9 times out of 10, you will fail. That isn't because you're a bad person. It's because women in bars get hit on. A lot. Even if you're a fine guy, good looking, humorous, ready to buy a drink and have a fabulous conversation, you MAY just be 2nd in line after some jerk-off offered to show her his c*ck in the bathroom. Just don't take it personally, and move on. Laugh it off, if you can. Offer to took to her some other time, if it's possible. If she seems pissed and angry, though, it's entirely possible that it has nothing to do with you, and just quietly walk away. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 2:26:25 PM | | What made me laugh? I was reading some of the posts here! I am not a drunk, and always make sure I don't drink too much! (usually I pay my own) I make sure I can drive and always try to drink water the last hour I am there. I like to hang out with friends... and I know that my chances of meeting someone great is not at a bar! I go just for the music, dancing and friendship! I go out 1-2 times a week... sometimes not at all... depends on the mood! I am not a barfly... maybe a butterfly...lol... coulda said a housefly... that would fit! | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 4:28:33 PM | Women go to bars to dance and have fun , some just go to drink , some just go to hang out with friends, some go to make " deals ". why would you think that just becasue woman goes to a bar she's there to get picked up ?
If it's a singles place then maybe . | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/27/2006 11:43:27 PM | I think the whole bar thing is B.S
women you should feel lucky that men are coming up to you and giving you attention
cause being a man it can be pretty lame having to always be the one to go up to a girl.....etc
and forget buying a woman a drink.................
if 9 out of 10 times a man strikes out with a girl and he bought her a drink
there is a poor smuck that just bought 9 people a drinks
ps
I don't really want to meet ' some bar chick' anyway............
(me to my mom)
"ya ,I met the girl of my dreams at "Bar Wild"............she is a regular"................
mmmmhm she has been passed around the bar a few times
she had sex with a few of the bouncers and a few greasy dudes with cellphones.........ya, she is a real celebirty" | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:20:52 AM | You got me beat, Guitarman! I tell my mother that we met on the internet and that our first date ended up being at the bar.
What I find sooo ironic about this site is the many people who say they are sick of the bars but MOST will write "meet for a drink" on their profile. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/28/2006 9:25:55 AM | You know you don't have to go to a run down club on skank street to meet women at a bar.
If you want to meet classy upscale women at a bar, go to a classy, upscale bar!! And go early. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/28/2006 11:41:40 AM | | MDNinja: Nice to somebody who knows where to find classy women. Seems, a lot of folks have no concept of how to go about finding them. I hope they know what t"classy" means in reference to a bars. A lot of men on here don't seem to know about the existence of "classy, upscale bars." I'm sure they'll learn with a little more life and business experience. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/29/2006 2:41:51 PM | | me personally don't like meeting women in bars because a lot of them think you are trying to get in their pants or your drunk and besides it's to LOUD and rowdy to talk i don't like raising my voice anyway ... | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 10/31/2006 10:55:38 AM | | I agree with ritzygypsy. I have given this subject a lot of thought, and SURPRISE! I also don't care for the bars, and will go to have a drink or 2 with friends. I have to admit, there are some nice guys there as well. My problem is: do I really want to meet the man of my dreams in a bar? I enjoy extremely casual drinking.. (meaning, not much) and in my small town, there is no place else to go to mingle! I do not want to sell myself short by meeting someone and being told later... "What? You knew I drank! That's how you met me!" ok... now... wher else do all the "good guys" hang out? On the internet??? I am a lady with a lil class... and want a man with a lil class as well, and have no clue where to go...coffee shoppe? dunno... what do you think? HUHWhatBlonde??? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 11/1/2006 9:42:12 AM | I personally don't like that term "bar scene", I would never go there to try to look for a woman, unless it was guarenteed that I would find my soul mate there, but obviously thats unlikely that it will ever be "guarenteed" lol
OP I don't know how to answer your question as it relates to the bars, I really don't care for that place to meet ladies. It just spells bad for some reason. Now over the Internet it may not be THAT much better, but it still is, and I would rather take chances on here then in a bar or some place that I would have little patience to dilly dally around. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 11/1/2006 9:50:57 AM | | gawd this topic annoys me. If you want to meet people of similiar interests, then go to a place they might go to. People go to places that match their personality/mood, so if you want to meet a classy woman in a bar, go to a classy bar! Being in the service industry, I can easily tell you that you just cannot lump all bars into one catagory. There are****ail bars, dives, pubs, sports bars, clubs, hotel/airport bars, taverns, kareeokee bars, ect... there are as many types of bars as their are types of people. If you want to meet a woman that is into sports, don't go to the kareeokee bar. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 11/1/2006 8:21:03 PM | | You wanna pick up girls in a bar, one simple thing my friend, become a bartender. Works every time, especially if you know a thing or two about spinning bottles and adding a little flare hahaha | |
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| That is what all bartenders say!
Posted: 12/3/2006 12:24:52 AM | I just started reading the Forums, now I know it is where all the action is! Silly me thinking writing a profile and sending messages out would work!
There is good advice in these forums, and even the bad advice, or the common problem is instructive. I even am attracted to a few of the posters (the women!) okay a few of the guys I could be buds with too!
The problem with a profile it is the person trying to put their best foot forward as it were. Like all interpersonal interactions, first looks tend to rule over us, but just like in the movie "The Truth About Cats And Dogs" the line that says when you get to know someone, the person that everyone turns to look at because they are so gorgeous can become the most ugly person you know, and the person you didn't give a glance at can become the most beautiful person in your life.
The problem is we like things that are sparkly and shiny on the outside before we know what is on the inside. People who are sparkly and shiny get a great deal of attention and sometimes life is easy for them because of it and they take things for granted, including you. It is rare that the package is as shiny on the inside as it seemed on the outside, it does happen, but you often put expectation that are unrealistic on the package.
I am thinking about how many alcoholics are created by people going to bars to have a chance to meet someone interesting, how many drinks are consumed hoping to avoid the frogs, and how many frogs are wasting their time and others by looking for meeting a date there.
How about you work on getting a date and taking her there? I will buy her a drink, but not a random girl, that is stupid, and if the girl expects you to buy her a drink, I am not interested. Here is a twist, don't complement the girl, this is what is "expected" and if that is why she is their do you think it is going to work anyway? She already got what she wanted from you. Now she and her friends can go to the restroom together and have a good laugh!
Attitude and confidence, if you don't have it fake it, or just be yourself, someone, a rare someone, may appreciate it, and that is who you want to be with anyway. Try a twist, go up to a girl you find interesting, not just gorgeous, it is hard for most men to fool the "radar" anyway, and ask Her to buy You a drink. If your going to use a cheesy line make it fun, make it teasing, or unique.
Better yet, don't drink, bring friends, be a designated driver. Keep your head, watch others lose theirs. Like others have said, you don't need to drink to have fun, play pool invite others, if your into sports go to a sports bar and strike up a conversation about the game. If that is not you and you are the intellectual type, find the venue where that type of person goes.
Girls seem to know the rules better than the guys, how often do you see the lone awkward girl in the bar? You see the lone awkward guy all the time. If you can't get a friend to go to the bar with you, how do you think you have the social skills to get the girl who is already there?
Find a girl friend, not a girlfriend, to go with you, let her know what you are looking for, and maybe she will want you to do the same. She can get to know the girls, you the guys, and you can each suggest who might be someone they might like. Let them strike up a conversation with the person and you can wander over and be introduced, just have something to talk about. Practice, Practice, Practice.
Me, I don't go to bars, I hate the smoke, or I don't like dropping lots of cash on booze. It is a place to go for fun on occasion with a date or friends, but not a second home, not like "Cheers." I rather spend it on a fun activity, a good meal, or bottle of wine at home with someone who appreciates it.
I hope to find someone like that here, a gf or g f, whichever, and by reading some of the posts I now have a better idea who that might be, I am seeing some of the shiny sparkly stuff a few of you have on the inside!
Now I have to go practice!  | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 5:14:32 AM |
Strange. So many guys (including myself) offer half-assed advices, while the gals keep quiet.
Do you gals let a guy buy you drink all night while you have obsolutely no interested in him.
To be honest, I haven't offered any drink to women or approached women in a regular bar. All my limited experience and success with woman in a bar came from gay bars. (I'm not gay, I just find people in gay bar are more friendly and open in general).
Of course they do... now that Ive said this there will be a myriad of women trying to defend themselves....it happens all the time...
Just like the 'old fashioned' women who expect men to pay.
Online dating is MUCH better.. at least you can learn to actually like someone before you go out for drinks.
The only time I gave drinks to women is when i bartended.... for the most part I dont go to clubs anymore... I prefer lounges..
But i go with friends to have a good time... not to meet women... I dont need to beat my chest in conquest of 'who I picked up' that night.
If i want the company of a woman.. I'll arrange it. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:48:09 AM | OK.....I didn't read all of the posts here.....didn't see the need.
A couple of sidenotes to keep in mind....I met my ex-wife in a bar, I don't
care much for the "bar scene" at all and prefer small bars or pubs, and I'm
speaking of the "scene" in my area as I don't know how it is elsewhere.
There are a group of women here who hang out in the bars KNOWING that
men will buy them drinks, I've even heard a couple of them proudly state that
they don't need any money to go out and get drunk. They have NO intentions
of "hooking up" with anyone......it's a sad bunch.....but they have no problem
finding men willing to buy them drinks all night.
There are "scene regulars" here who are married women out looking to CHEAT.
They SUCK! I pitty their husbands.
There are those who get together with their girlfriends and go out knowing that
guys will hit on them and buy them drinks, and just enjoy all of the attention.
Guys have very little "chance" with these women, they don't want the guy, they
just want the guy to want them.....for the ego boost.
There are the "party girls"......they're out there almost every weekend, they're
single, they get drunk and sleep with men they wouldn't sleep with if they were
sober......they've slept with SEVERAL of the guys who are in the bar....who are
just the male version of them.....and they will usually leave the bar with SOME guy.
Then of course there are the gals who are there WITH their man, the "swingers",
the ones who really just like to dance, the beeotches, the lesbians, and even
though it's a pretty small town, we even have ONE "woman" who is not a woman
at all....but a very tall man who has been dressing like a woman for as long as I can
remember....20+ years.
If you're looking for a quality woman in my area......finding her in a bar is rare, they
may be there on occasion with one of their friends who fit another catagory, and
their defenses will be up, because they know how the scene is too, and the best
you should hope for is getting an e-mail address or phone number.
I would imagine it's not very different where you are? | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 8:04:21 AM | Well I can only speak for myself...
When I go to a bar with the girls - I don't wanna be bugged because I'm out to have a good time. I also am not attracted to men boozing it up at a bar with their buddies trying to pick up the ladies.
Going out with the guys/girls means having fun without other pressures - and I rarely go out to bars anymore anyways so - definitely not meeting any new men in that area.. *shrugs* | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 8:15:29 AM |
Well I can only speak for myself...
When I go to a bar with the girls - I don't wanna be bugged because I'm out to have a good time. I also am not attracted to men boozing it up at a bar with their buddies trying to pick up the ladies.
While it's fair that you're not attracted to these types of people, it's unreasonable to go to a social setting and not want to be "bugged."
If you don't want strangers talking to you, drink with your ladies at home. Bars are for socializing. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 1:49:08 PM | | Well, I've been going into the bars a lot more frequently in Madison since the smoking ban went into effect in the summer of 2005. And yes, one of my guilty pleasures is that I usually try to talk to the nice looking girls that go in there. Sometimes I've enjoyed it and other times, I felt like I was making a complete idiot out of myself for even doing it. So the bar scene can be good or bad depending on who you talk to. One of my co-workers told me once that he met his girlfriend in a bar when she was drunk and it was amazing that she remembered him afterwards. But I've also learned that just because it works for some people, doesn't mean its going to work for everyone. In fact, I'm friends with a lot of the people that work in the bar I regularly go into and they even tell me that its definitely not advisable to meet girls in a bar. Reasons being is that they are either with their friends, they could have boyfriends, or in the end, they could turn out to be more trouble than they're worth. That hasn't completely discouraged me from trying to go after girls in the bars but it has made me a lot more aware of whats going on. Basically, if I see a beautiful girl with a guy whos big and looks like he could beat someone up for talking to his girl, I make it a point to not go up to her. I might say hi, but thats as far as it will go. I"ve even had to be talked to by one of the bouncers for bothering these girls too much and that wasn't very pleasant either. So thats what made me more careful as a result. Just my two cents worth. | |
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