| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 4:22:04 PM |
I wonder if women who were straight and go to bars/pubs with friends to dance and have a good time and not want to be hit on or noticed by the guys would go do all this mentioned in say a strictly women only club -- lesbian club or not it doesn't mater but only women not even male staff there
But then who would pay attention to them and buy them drinks? 
I find it funny (and not "ha-ha" funny) when I hear girls say things like how they don't want to be bothered in bars/clubs. What that seems to mean is: you're bothering her if she's not interested in you; if she's interested in you, then it's no bother. I wonder how they would like it if some guy that they liked reacted to their interest with annoyance..... | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 5:41:34 PM | msg 20:
'Do you gals let a guy buy you drink all night while you have obsolutely no interested in him.'
I have often gone to the bar to meet guys.. and I'll let him buy me a drink then watch to see how he acts afterwards... in most cases he will be an ass and make it very clear that he is just looking for a booty call. Then its impossible to get rid of him. Sorry all you nice guys, but this is what you have to overcome, you have to convince her you don't just want some. and beware the ones that do just try to get drinks off you. try asking her to dance first, if she is just looking for drinks she'll generally say no and move on... and it will convince her you are just out to have fun.
Lady Cera | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 103 | |
| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:16:49 PM | | In my opinion bars and clubs are the absolute worst places to meet women. They're just breeding grounds for false advertising. They can be very competitive environments You could have a hundred guys going after the same girl or vice versa. Women have to guard themselves from unwanted solicitations (drunk frat guys creepy guys etc.) her defenses are up and so high that even when a nice guy approaches her she'll probably blow him off or not even notice him. let's not forget alcohol numbs your senses hence "beer googles" can really effect your judgement Sure the bar scene can work for some people but for alot of people it doesn't you can try your luck with it if you're just looking for a one nighter. but I don't think they're very good places for finding a date. or gf. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:11:55 PM | yah roo giddy up
I think your above question is valid ...
I suggest starting a forum about it, you will get more responses
and I am interested in hearing what we both already know | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 11:50:25 AM | | Well I'll bite... yes, I would prefer to go to a bar where there are men, and yes, it is because sometimes I like the attention. Big deal, am I supposed to apologize for that? It makes the evening a little more interesting to flirt. What is wrong with harmless flirting? assuming you are single... it doesn't mean that I would "go home with them"... it simply means that I like to dance and flirt. Call me what you will because of that, but I wanted to answer your question honestly... | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 1:32:44 PM | I have worked in bars and restaraunts all my life and it is as simple as this. people are social and they like to go out and be social. To some this is a part of the mating ritual and others not so much. Can people be caught in a rut and not even know it ...Damn rights but it doesn't change the fact that if you do not feel comfortable in that environment then you are not going to step out and be noticed.
I do not mind going out an dancing once in a while but if it is for getting to actually know someone ... it is definately a more quiet type of setting that will allow for conversation more then anything else.
But you meet people if you simply want to meet people. It is as simple as that. if you go up to someone and simply say " hello " and walk away then you might get noticed but people try too hard all the time. After seeing the ones that meet people all the time and those that don't I can say that it really is all about comfort.
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 1:59:35 PM | | I'm fine with being approached is a bar. Better, if its a great guy. He just shouldnt expect me to start making out, or go home with him. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 3:17:16 PM | I dont know about all "gay" clubs but there are quite a few that dont like to let you in if you are straight. I have gone out with the girls and have been turned away because we werent gay. I dont know how they knew but they did! Something to do with the potential for causing confusion.
And yes women go to bars because they want to be noticed, just like the guys do! Its an ego boost for some women and they just dont want to admit it. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 5:08:24 PM | I don't really like your typical bar, or meat market.
I've always enjoyed dance clubs. When we were younger, it was lets go out and meet chicks. After we got a bit older, and actually got good on the floor. We went for the music. And to dance. And was surprised to find I met and danced with a heck of alot more girls after I stopped looking and trying.
Now I'll usually have a dance partner after awhile. I'm surprised, but ok, on some nights when I didn't get a little honey. Just go up and start dancing with a girl dancing by herself.
But yea, bars and pick-up lines and all that desperation and garbage is laughable. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:21:52 PM | I'm of the opinion that most women don't mind being approached...it's what happens after that!
If you are wanting to approach a woman because she's attractive, then you are probably the hundredth (or thousandth) guy to do so in the last month. So she's ready for you! She's already got her defenses planned and rehearsed. Knowing this to be the case, Do Something to set yourself apart from the masses that have failed before you. She won't cut you much slack because she has been conditioned to the same old--same old lame approaches...Can I buy you a drink? Would you like to dance? Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
The whole time you're struggling to be cool and trying to think of something interesting to say...She's thinking "Oh No, not another desperate dork...How long is he going to hang out? I don't want to be bothered all night!" That's when you get the blowoff!
I've found that a nice smile and politeness with something interesting and relevent to say GOES A LOT FARTHER if you communicate (or give the impression) that you are NOT going to hang out and bug her all night long--works best. That approach takes the pressure off her right from the get go...now she doesn't have to worry about getting rid of you! Be funny, be interesting, be brief. If you get great vibes, ask her for her number before you leave her to "Get back to my friends." If you don't get the great vibes, Just be polite before leaving for your group. She will be intrigued that you didn't mimmic the hundred's before you and who knows...She just may approach you later!!!
If not...who cares? No one needs to be hurt, embarrassed, or ridiculed...NO WORRIES!
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:33:42 PM | | Believe it or not...some women DO go out with nothing more on thier mind then good music and conversation...but sometimes we like to be hit on too...just to ease our minds that "we still got it"...whatever that is LOL! | |
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ulao
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Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 113 | |
| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:38:15 PM |
Well I'll bite... yes, I would prefer to go to a bar where there are men, and yes, it is because sometimes I like the attention. Big deal, am I supposed to apologize for that? It makes the evening a little more interesting to flirt. What is wrong with harmless flirting? assuming you are single... it doesn't mean that I would "go home with them"... it simply means that I like to dance and flirt. Call me what you will because of that, but I wanted to answer your question honestly...
Wow, an honest girl? so they do exist... Apologize, oh heck no.. What is wrong with harmless flirting? LOL,  I love the type that seek attention. It is after all easier to approach them. I don't go to a bar to pick up a girl? I go to have fun. Sassyaquarius, let us dance. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 7:01:08 PM | Mesg 105
Sounds like an absolutely boring and stupid idea to me...a bar without guys??? No thanks.
As far as the bar being a "bad" place to meet members of the opposite sex, much of what was given as reasons for THAT statement could also be said of the internet, singles groups, etc, even meeting a person in CHURCH doesn't carry any guarantees...
Yes, some women behave VERY ungraciously when approached by a man they think is unattractive, HOWEVER, there is no excuse for a guy pestering or badgering a woman who has said thanks but no thanks.
It is also inexcusable for a guy to start pawing or wallowing on a woman who HAS reacted favorably to his advances. Just because she accepted a drink from you does NOT mean she's leaving with you, or going out and having sex in the back of your car in the parking lot. This may explain why some of us are a little cautious and slow to warm up to your conversational gambits. We go to the bars to have fun, spend time with friends, and some of us do not reject the possibility of meeting an interesting guy there.But we don't care to be thought of as some kind of "dive bar Dumbelina" either.
To restate my answer to Ya Roo's question, I for one would find an all female bar for straight women to be an absolute snore...if I want a hen party I'll go to a baby shower or something LOL!
Cindy O | |
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heyaaa
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 115 | |
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heyaaa
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 116 | |
| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/4/2006 7:10:27 PM | | ok so a lil dancing and flirting is harmless but what if the guy wants your number or asks you out. he doesn't necessarily have the intent to take you home and bed you. i think the guy that originally posted this is asking the question...why do i go to a bar, approach a girl i'm interested in, in hopes of having a real relationship with them, and then get shot down. i think thats what he's asking... | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/5/2006 4:11:01 PM | Interesting thread, and I love how everyone there seems to be on one of two sides to this thread. A) dont meet poeple in bars or clubs, and 2) poeple go to bars to meet other people so whats the problem?
I have a ton of experiences in bars. That doesn't mean I go there to pick up, I go there to have fun. But you can't help to observe what others are doing around you. I've talked to older people who are VERY HAPPILY married, and are beautiful people, with beatiful children who, you guessed it, met in a bar. There are also people I know that go to bars just to have fun, like me. Generally its a meat market, of course, but the idea is to go and be social and meet people. Why do you have the feeling you HAVE to go there to pick up. just go and have a good time, and if you see someone smiling at you, strike up a conversation. If she/He blows you off, move on, life goes on. Women look at a guy who is enjoying himself, and the poeple around him, and that would attract a woman more then if the same guy was going from girl to girl. BUT, there might be that ONE woman he runs into that craves attention, and this guy is giving it to her... so BAM! Law of averages in the case for those guys who go there to pick up: the more you ask, the more chances you have.
What would be so wrong in telling you kids you met dancing at a club and you were attracted to eachother? Thats so stupid that people get this idea that meeting the love of there life in a bar is totally preposterous. Who cares where you met, as long as you were happy with the result?!
If you are so ignorant to believe women don't go to bars to be picked up, you need to get out more and perhaps observe next time you are out. Woman are the same as men are, they are just passive when it comes to meeting new people. Men don't generally have a problem trying to talk to someone they haven't met before. It all comes down to who you are and what you are looking for. Its like religion in a sense, everyone comes from different places and are taught different things. If you want to go to a bar to have fun and not pick up, then go and do it. But don't be a jerk to someone who starts talking to you, just tell them you arn't interested, and they will back off. And Vice Versa to those are are trying to pick up. Dont freak out when someone says no thanks or puts a shield up. They aren't obviously there to pick up. Perhaps next time someone says "hi" to you at a bar, you may not go home with them, but you might meet a new friend, or even just have a conversation with someone you will never see again, but you will never forget? Think about it... | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/6/2006 12:29:29 PM | Flattering to be approached anywhere -
I agree totally, bar, Walmart, Huyddle House | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:28:53 PM | Flattering to be approached anywhere -
I agree totally, bar, Walmart, Huddle House | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:46:10 PM | my opinion...bars are meat markets just like any site parties...everyone checks everyone out...they go on the prowl for a mate...groping one another....making out with many...to see whos goin home with who. i have gotten to know many in a bar...an they pretty much have slept with most ....ewww....so glad i go solo an go home solo everytime. take bout desperate measures...no ty
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/9/2006 1:24:54 AM | | well, if you are approaching groups of women you are asking for trouble, that's one rule i will never break. The reason is when girls are in groups like that they just are out for that reason only, that is to have "fun" with their girls. Another thing is a girl in a group full of women is she is more influenced by what her "friends" think, you could be the nicest guy in the world but if one girl out of the group disapproves of you (normally the gatekeeper) that one girl influences the whole group that something is wrong with you especially if you do not run in their social circles, that is the hard truth. if you are approaching women who are there by themselves you may have a shot, but then again she might not be into you, so personally bars is really no place to meet a broad, you should try other places too dude, to me a bar isn't a good place to meet people, real bars are for people to drink. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/9/2006 10:44:18 AM | | i guess i can't agree colt. it's fairly easy to aproach groups of girls, as long as you approach the group, and not just the girl that you're after. Make the group dynamic work for you. If you get the approval of her friends, it's usually much easier to win her over. | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/9/2006 10:52:16 AM |
srry to burst your bubble bro but the dream girl of every god fearing man out there IS NOT IN A BAR! looking to get picked up.
So where exactly WOULD they go?
School? Not everyone finds someone to marry in school, you know.
Michael | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/9/2006 10:57:03 AM |
Exactly. Even though it seems innocent on the surface, buying a woman a drink says "I need to buy your attention. I have no self confidence and need to give you this drink in the hopes you'll talk to me". Complete turn-off for the receiving woman. Doesn't mean it won't work but it's not working in your favour and if you can give drinks with good results you will do just as well without giving out the drinks. Giving gifts to a potential mate will not make them fall in love with you.
Giving gifts should be done to show appreciation, not to buy affection.
Giving gifts should be done to show appreciation, not to buy affection.
I agree. I rarely buy people drinks, and then only for people that I have already met.
One of the things that must be done to get into a relationship is to radiate confidence, acting as if I am in control.
Michael | |
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| Approaching women in bars
Posted: 12/9/2006 10:58:48 AM |
well, if you are approaching groups of women you are asking for trouble, that's one rule i will never break.
Approaching a group of women, at a bar or elsewhere, can work if you radiate confidence, showing them that you are not intimidated. They may not want to share their bodies with you at the moment; they will at least respect you.
Michael | |
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