| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/18/2006 7:55:14 PM | Rainbow made a good possible suggestion OP. I too have a friend that went the adoption route...she was 17, she was on her own...could barely pay her own bills and her mother was in no financial situation to help as she was still recovering from when ex-hubby left her high and dry and bankrupt. The father of the child would not speak with her. This girl was living in the basement of a friend's apartment...sleeping on a cot..her only belongings were her few clothes she had. She was working just enough to keep her from starving...and to keep the meagre abode she had.
She decided that the best thing for her child was to give it up for adoption. She knew that it be years if ever, before she would ever be able to give her a child a decent life. With adoption, she would be giving that child a chance to have two loving parents...that could give the child all the things it deserved. She would be giving two people that could not have a child...the most wonderful gift of all. It was the hardest thing she ever did...but she did it out of love. It may not have been the right decision for someone else...but it felt right for her. She met the parents...and felt even more that she did the right thing. They were wonderful, warm loving people. As Rainbow stated....this girl was able to stay in contact with the family...although where she was from..it was "semi-open" adoption. She could write them freely...send pictures and receive them...and when her child was old enough she would be able to meet her child.
I saw her go through all this...and we are still friends to this day. She struggled financially for many years after that...but finally met a man and married. They had a beautiful daughter together...whom she appreciated all the more...as this one she didn't have the worry, the pain etc that she had when she bore her first child. I have never seen a mother love her child more immensely then her. She sometimes wonders "what if" when it comes to her other child...but she has no regrets. The parents her child was raised by...did an amazing job parenting, and gave that child a life she would never have been able to give on her own.
Adoption is not an answer for everyone...but certainly worth considering when you are so young and have made such a life-changing mistake.
No matter what OP...do what your heart feels is right. Trust in it's guidance and be at peace with the decisions and choices you make. May God be with you and help you and guide you through this.
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:49:09 PM | | welll i know the feeling of being pregnent and being on your own i was 18 when i found out i was pregnent and i'm been on my own for almost the whole time i chould tell you all about it but it whould take to lone just remember keep your head up move on and worry about your self and your baby that is most importent fine suport where you can (from famely and friends ) and just love your baby b/c that a part of you i hope this help and all the luck to you | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/21/2006 12:58:54 PM | | its ok i was prgo at 15 and 18 with kids from difrent fathers on dad is good but my youngs dad is a dead beqat but i survied and still am | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/27/2006 11:40:57 AM | | I would tell him exactly how you feel, and try to get him to express his exact feelings to you. I am 19 years old myself and have two children. I dealt with a dad who didnt want anything to do with my son. If it turns out to be the case that he doesnt want anything to do with the child then you just have to hold your head up as high as possible and try your very hardest to be the best mother you can be. You can do this alone, many women do. The thing to do right now, is not be stressed out, you should try not to stress, the baby needs you to be stress free. Just smile and what you have and not frown at what you dont. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/27/2006 2:26:34 PM | just want you to know that im a single mother of a two and half month old beautiful little boy. I got pregnant when i was 18 and am now 19. if you need anyone to talk to, who better than someone in the exact same position. please feel free to email me or add me to msn : hookin_bumpers@hotmail.com
-Ashley | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/27/2006 3:58:37 PM | | honey you can do it!!!!!!! i am a single mom of 3. i was 19 when i had my first son and 21 when i had my twins. my oldest son is very smart and my middle son is a typical boy and my youngest son is autistic. the only thing that has made it easier for me to raise my sons is ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i go to school full time and my ex husband doesnt pay child support and that is ok because my sons and i dont need it. you can do this honey honestly. i had awesome family support and my family doesnt help me financially so as long as you keep your head up and remember you can do it. its not an easy thing to do but let me tell you it is the most rewarding better than getting a paycheck at times. feel free to email me at sachiac@hotmail.com or snugabyemama@yahoo.com. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/30/2006 7:41:29 PM | I had the same thing happen to me but i was only 17 years old and now my child will be 4 next month.I thought it was going to be really hard to do it all alone but found out that its not that bad i found it harder when he came in and out of her life he has only seen her 6 times at the most in her life and when he did see her you could tell he really didnt want to be there if she where there or not my advice is keep ur head up and dont let him walk in and out but if you love ur child and show him or her that everyday you guys will do fine even young mothers can make dam good ones i know alot of them
So good luck to you and your little one i wish you all the best in life | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/30/2006 8:38:19 PM | hey hunny, I have gone through the same old shit.. so i know what you are going through. I have been trying to get my daughters father to be a part of her life for the past 18 months, and everytime i get together with him, it is the same old thing "oh yeah i want to be a part of her life" then he is gone for another 2 months before he calls. Girl what i would do, If he does not want to be a part of your childs life, don't push it too much. I know every girl dreams of having a happy family, but sometimes it does not work out that way. Give him a chance to show and prove that he wants to be a part of your life, and if all he does it****around, don't let it get to you. It is hard being a single parent, but once you hold that child for the first time, you love it so much you do not want anything to happen to it. If he is there half the time, he is just going to end up hurting you both in the long run. So all I have to say is give it time and see what happens. who knows maybe he will hold that baby and change his mind
Danielle | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/30/2006 10:44:46 PM | Dont worry it will be ok i was a single mom of twins when i was 19 and did it on my own and its worked out for the best i would rather go it alone than be with that person who does not want to be in the situation. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/3/2006 8:43:46 AM | My best advice to you girlfriend - **** him .. forget him and plan to do it alone. Isn't funny how his true colours came out after you were pregnant? Your situation sounds all a little too familar. I wasn't 18 when I got pregnant but in reality you are an adult and you will be able to provide for your child. Don't get me wrong it's hard and sometimes frustrating trying to take care of a baby on your own. But worrying about what the daddy is going to do for you and your baby is too much. You need to plan to do it alone and if he changes his attitude and decides he wants to step up then great but in the mean time don't get your hopes up. I'm not trying to be negative and bring you down but believe me it's just a reality.
He is going to tell you everything you want to hear in hopes you wont bring him to court. Don't fall for it , if he doesn't voluntarily help you support your child then take him to court and force him to give you what you need for your child.
Good luck | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:33:05 AM |
he's already got a daughter he doesn't see. Another dead-beat dad?
Red flag right there. I would not get involved with someone that neglected his child. But, too late for you now, because regardless if you work it out with him or not, he will be held responsible for this child. You might as well join the ranks like the other mother whom he had a child with.
Dont ignore the red flag that is already there. Its clear this man hasnt changed, as he hasnt even taken responsibility for his first born. What makes you think you will be any different? | |
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Posted: 8/4/2006 7:13:09 AM | | hello i am in the same situation as you ave gt a 9wk old daughter a had her wen a was 18 am 19 nw like. my babys dad and myself split up wen a was 3mths pregnant wen a told him, hes done alot of things too hurt me he cheated on me wen a was pregnant he hit me in the stomach,he denise that shes his, he jst trys to mess ma head up at the moment hes fighting 4 full custody of ma baby bt theres no chance as an a good mum n shes cared 4 well. trust me ull manage without him, itll b hard to start with bt you jst gt on with it, ull soon c if he cares wen the child is born as ive fund that out wi ma x he cares wen hes bored. well good luck with everythgxx | |
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Posted: 8/4/2006 9:34:46 AM | | WOW..my eyes hurt from reading that now. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/4/2006 2:50:27 PM | | HI! I am 20 and I have the worst thing for my daughter he is between a deadbeat and Part time (sometimes I swear he wakes up and says today I want to be her dad) Dad. And it kills us both. But it isn't fair when he dissapoints her, because he doesn't have to wipe away her tears. I honestly wish he was just a deadbeat. He left me for some girl he met on the internet and he came crawling back so I gave him a chance and all that was, was a big mistake we just repeated history nothing changed we still argued and he still fooled around. And so I decided that as much as I want my daughter to have 2 parents I would rather her have one sane parent than two crazy ones. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/6/2006 5:50:48 AM | hey guys
im also 19 and am 6 months pregnant and will be doing it alone my babys father doesnt wanna know about the child and as far as he is concerned the child doesnt exsist but as my older bro (who i love dearly said) wouldnt u prefer your child growing up in a one parent family know they are loved then a two parent family knowing that daddy doesnt wanna know them.. my bro said that only 2 weeks ago when i went to him in tears wanting the perfect family for my baby... just think if u are like me and u have u dad or brothers they will still have the male figure you dont always need a daddy there if they dont wanna be let them go its not worth the stress on your or your baby
keep smiling and keep you chin high
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/7/2006 6:21:27 AM | | hey sweetie listen ur story i went through it exactly like that except he wasnt cheating on me but his mother was the problem he wasnt tough enough or mature enough to stand up to his mother never mind raise a child he doesnt know her name id be suprised if he new wot age she is anyway wot im sayn is obviously ur guy is jst an immature little weasel who doesnt know he has somethn good wen it hits him in the face but im 99% sure tht wen ur walkn round with ur lil baby and he sees his son/daughter in tht pram he'll be sorry that he ever messed things up with you, of course if he is really thick and simple thn he wont know any difference unfortunately my daughters dad hasnt bn able to walk down the street and see his daughters face because 1 he is in the army and 2 he lives in england and im in scotland so im kinda fcked there but now she is 5 and i know i have given him plenty of chances to c her and he aint bothered his ass infact he told the child support agency he has no recolection of me being pregnant even tho he was at all the scans nice guy eh but thn again it may be his mothers influence but seriously sweetie dont let it bring u down its gona be hard but it will all be worth it in the end trust me i know. Take care and kisses to your lil baby wen it comes into the world xxxxxxxxx | |
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Luclu
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Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/7/2006 7:33:39 AM | hey i dnt usally post on here but reading this thread i thought i had to.
I had my son at 19 and i had been with the guy for 2 yrs, we were ging thru a rough time and split 2 days later i found out i was pg. I spent 3 months in hospital with morning sickness being helped my mum who was aslo pg at the time, she was amazing and i cdnt have done it wothout her, anyway during the time is was in hospital i thought long and hard about what i wanted to do wether to keep my son or not and wether i wanted to be with his dad. The father visted me a couple of times and aftre alot of talking we did get back together, and he was there for the birth, now it might all sound rosey but it wasnt it was hard work, and even though we were together we wernt living together i was in a bedsit witha baby while he was still livivng with his mum 1 hr drive away i was stupid and naivie . 18 mnths ago we got married and moved in together and i thought that finally he was ready to be a dad and a proper husband and to support me 100% i was very wrong and 6 mnths later he left me while i was in hospital, i was phyisacly worn out from stress and working 2 jobs to help pay the bills as he never gave me any money to pay bills or the rent. ( also i would just like ti poitn out to anyone who id going to bash me about living on my own thinking i was claimimng benefits i wasnt i was working part time and not sat in a council flat) I learnt the hard way and i will not eb making the same mistake by going back with him, all i can say is that you have to concentretae on your self and decide what u want do u want to keep the baby? thats a decion only u can make, but u have to think about yourself and what u want in the future a baby is a wnderful thing to have and to start with its wonderful and lovely and u can put up with the sleepless nights, but as they get older the more work they are my son is now 5 and has attitude and i never have enough money even though i know work full time, i cant but him things that he wants nor do i know how im gunna pay for his new uniform for school. I'm being honest with you because i have lived this life for 6 yrs. I wd not have changed anything i love my son he is my world, I may complain that i have no money and i never get to go out and meet new people. But i really wdnt change it.
I made the decion to have my son with someone who wasnt ready but it was my choice and if i get slated for it then fine go ahead, but i just want to point out that not all young single mums sit on the a*** all day getting lost in the system of benefits i work hard and try to bring him the best way i know how.
muskogeegirl if u ever need to talk about things with me send me an email thru here and i will get back to you
keep smileing xxx
Lu
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/7/2006 1:49:00 PM | | I got pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18. I am now 19. The father was extremely excited (at least acted that way) when i told him. He was 28. When i went into labour i had my mom in there with me and he said he didnt fell comforatble with my mom there so he brought his mom!! And then he spent the whole time talking to her with his back turned to me. After 30 hrs of lobour he complained that he was tired cuz he only got 4hrs of sleep. When my son was 3mnths i broke up with him and he called me every day and cried about how he was sorry he was such a prick and he loved me and the baby and blah blah blah. So i took him back. Big mistake finally i broke up with him about 5 mnths ago. In this whole time (my son is 11mnths) he has given me 20.00$ and everytime i bring it up to him that he hasnt given me any money he brings up the $20 and says well at least i gave you something. Anyways to sum it up If you know he's a loser and think hes gonna change when the baby is born your dreaming. He's a loser sweetie get rid of him. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:40:36 PM | | well guy's like this don't change if he want's nothing to do the kid he has do you thin'k he want's this one any more. leave him move on and find a good dad for your child. theres no need for you to go it alone plenty of guys would take care of you and your baby. by the way do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet? | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:18:05 PM | | You were with a guy for 6 months? Anyways, if he cheated on you AFTER he knew you were pregnant then you should probably just move on, apparently he doesn't care enough about you to be faithful to you now. I would just focus on that baby, and keeping it healthy. :) Trust me, being a single mother isn't that bad... I had my son at 18 and we're doing just fine. You'll do fine too. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:35:48 AM | *snort* She probably knows if it's a boy or girl, considering the post is almost 2 years old. Her last post, in November of 2007, talks about a 9-month-old, and the one before that talks about a baby girl. So, I am thinking "girl."
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:36:51 AM | Re: message 25... seriously, it may be harsh and so is life and I agree.
I'm a single mom with two kids and no help from the dad. Granted I waited until I was 29 to start having my kids and being a single mom at 35 sucks too. I couldn't imagine doing it at 19. God bless.
The system, to use or not to use???
Why can't we live in a society where everyone takes care of their own shhheeeit, so others don't have to. Just because someone can't hang why should I and others have to pay for them. Life is tough for everyone! Suck it up and do something about it!
I didn't even realize how old the post is... we fishies could keep this going until the baby is in high school!!! hahahahahaha | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:34:54 PM | | I am sorry, but if he already had a child that he didnt bother with why in the world did you open your legs to him, you know the consquences, and then you expect him to really be there for you? come on Anyway my sad story is I was 19 when I got pregnant, with an alcoholic abusing jerk. Needless to say I told him I was pregnant, and he didnt want the baby, so therefore I didnt want him. I left him at 3 months pregnant, thanks to the support of my family Im doing by myself, I live with my parents but pay them rent and pay babysitting money, it comes out to the same as if I would live alone. I work 57 hours a week and bust my ass. Thats what you need to do, stop relying on him, and now, hes not going to come through for you. I left my ex at 3 months pregnant, and neither me or my baby girl has spoken with him. She is way better off, shes healthy and happy and thats all that matters, and she has male role models in her life. And no ladies you really dont have to rely completely on the government, get a full time job and see what kind of help you can get like do they have medical assistance that helps pay for what your insurance (if you have any) doesnt cover, Section 8 housing, and daycare help, you dont fully need to depend on the system. Get a job, most places even offer to help pay for schooling, if you contiue in a field that is related to what they do. Talk with your family and friend and see if anyone can help you. and most importantly just grow up. Why do girl expect that these guys are going to help, when you allow them to screw you with no type of real commitment, im sorry I was one of them, so dont get offened, im speaking the truth. | |
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