| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:24:14 PM | wow...
sounds like you're dating my ex husband.
i left him and have never been happier.
do what your heart tells you. don't sit around and hope he'll change because he's not going to.
my heart is with you, honey. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:49:54 PM | Ah, you'll be fine! He's not worth your time. He cheated on you while you were pregnant with his child. It would be foolish to take him back again. You'll be better off raising the kiddo by yourself than having the baby around someone who obviously has no morals. Good luck! | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:01:39 AM | I'm so sorry you feel you are doing this alone. Do you not have family you can turn to to help you through this emotional turmoil?
Although I'm older, I'm in the same boat. Was with the father, became pergnant (we both agreed to have a child), then with out talking to me about anything he left us. I am lucky to have a great family behind me who is helping me out. The father has taken little intrest in the both of us in over 4 months, but it's law in Ontario for him to pay child support. Even if he wants nothing to do with baby or you, it's law to pay up.
So my suggestion is make sure you know where he is living to get child support from him when baby is born. Make sure you get an education so you can support both of you, stay strong...you aren't alone in this. And of course take care of yourself and eat well and rest when you feel you need to, take your vitamins, and take care of baby.
Hope this helps. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:22:10 PM | ur not alone in this one there are alot of dead beat dads out there. u need 2 have a serious talk with him and figure out what he wants maybe give him some time 2 figure it out 4 himself. if he decides he doesnt want u r the baby then its not the end of the world. i had my son when i was 19 and stayed with his dead beat dad 4 a year cause i was afreaid 2 do it alone but i went 2 torture until i left
i was really scared that i couldnt cope, but ive never been happier. i now have my own house a car i went back 2 college and have the career iv always wanted
u can do this just believe in urself
best wishes
magsxx | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:49:31 AM | | I Had my first child when i was 17 years old. Beautiful little girl, after being with her dad for almost two years found out he was cheating. He told me the same shit, to this day he still does. Wants to work things out, and try to make things better. I myself choose to stay single and raise my daughter by myself and iam still doing it to this day. Shes 9 years old now, And i thank god everyday for putting her in my life. My point is you do not have to stay with the man just cause your carrying his child, sometimes you need to do whats best for you, and your child. Even if that means doing it on your own. I was scared myself when i choose to do it myself, but now that i look back iam so glad i did. I would have been in a relationships full of lies, and god knows what else, and honestly i don't think any child should see that. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:51:30 AM | Wow danniluv.
She didn't say anything about poor me or pity me .. she was just looking for opinions on this guy, if he'd be good for/to her child.
And as far as him changing .. I don't really have much faith in men and I doubt he will. He sounds like he's not worth even beginning this childs life with because it sounds, to me, that he really could care less. If he's already got a child that he never sees/doesn't provide for or whatever the situation may be I wouldn't get my hopes up too much that he'd be any different for your child. My baby's father cheated on me and left me when he first found out I was pregnant then came back 2 months later telling me that he missed and wanted to be a part of my babys life. He told me that he'd call me the next day to talk about what we were going to do about child support and maybe possibly getting back together( because I told him that I wouldn't keep his child from him if he wanted to be a part of her life, but I wasnt ready to forgive him just yet or get into a relationship again) . Anyway I didn't hear from him for four months when I made the effort ( not him) to tell him that his baby was healthy and that I was for sure having a girl, he then told me that he didn't want anything to do with her because he 'just can't right now'. So in my opinion I dont see him changing at all, but ultimately its your decision to make and honestly no matter what anyone on here says, if you want to go back or keep telling yourself hes going to change/has changed then your going to go back and no matter how many good points you hear against it you still will. Or vice versa. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/9/2009 8:26:33 PM | I feel for you OP. I had a child at 17 and it was a hard ride for many years. I have a little advice to offer. Take it from someone who has been there.
1) Forget about this guy. He isn't worth it at all.
2) Find a support network. Hopefully your parents are going to help you. My family helped me, and I don't know if I could have done it otherwise.
3) Get an education or some type of training for a good job in the future. Kids are expensive. Life is expensive. I didn't go to college until I was 26. Finally, 10 years later, I make a good living. Sure beats struggling from month to month.
4) Don't get pregnant again. I'm amazed at women who've had 3 kids by the age of 25. Learn from this. Don't repeat it. Use birth control. It's free from clinics, if you cannot afford it.
5) Concentrate on you and the baby for a while. Don't look for some knight in shining armor to come save you and your child. Give it some time before really trying to find a man.
6) If you want good men in your life, you need to get your life together. I think that people who don't have their sh*t together often find others in the same boat. You don't want that.
7) Don't let people tell you that things will never get better. They will. You just have to believe it and then take action to make it happen. I'm so happy at 36, but it took years to get here, and a lot of hard work. Many years ago, people said I'd never amount to anything. They were wrong.
Hope this helps. I do feel for you. Just remember you are worth much more than this guy. I had one just like him. One of the best things I ever did was to walk away from him and never look back. Was it hard to do at the time? Yes, I thought I was in love. Sometimes, the things we need to do are the most difficult. I never regretted walking away from him, for me or for my son. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/9/2009 8:29:57 PM | | Great advice Cannpeters :) It may take longer then someone without a child, but it certainly can be done and you can lead a happy and successful life with hard work, determination and a commitment to your family! I'll add you to the Successful Single Parent list- it's getting bigger... | |
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geeeek
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Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 59 | |
| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/13/2009 10:54:32 AM | | hi i read your story and it touched me. all i can say is what i know, i am 20 and a mum to two beautiful girls, i have a job, a house (not council just for those about to judge) and am currently studing graphic design to better mine and the girls future. it has been a tough road btu has become easier once i decided to leave my ex due to mental abuse and him being a dead beat dad. if you want this baby then do yourself a favour concentrate on yourself and that precious little life growing inside you because its not everyday you get the experience. and if i was you i would be prepared to go it alone (by the sound of it, it may be the easier route and the best for this child). all im trying to say is you can do it if you put your mind to it and not just survive but thrive and be successful. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/13/2009 11:09:48 AM | | I wanted to say congrats on the baby. Children are one of the best gifts in life. All the work is well worth it. I got pregnant when I was 19 also. My son is now 3 and his dad and I haven't been together for over a year. You and your baby deserve the best and you need to do what ever you think the best for the baby is. There are a lot of single parents out there raising children alone. If the father doesn't seem like he wants to be part of yout babies life then why bother. You will find someone who loves you and your baby and wants to be there for both of you. I wish you the best of luck, and Congrats! | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:25:34 PM | I had my first at 17, and though I was too scared to admit it to myself, I knew I was doing the wrong thing by not escaping then.
It's amazing what strength a child brings you. You have much more courage in your convictions when you know they are the reason.
My advice to you is to be independent. Have your own place, your own finances. Have the confidence and the family support around you if possible to make you feel that whether he is there or not, you will be happy and be a good Mum.
After that, if he wants to contribute time, money, love, whatever, and you're happy about it then great, but you'll be in a position to feel able to tell him to go shove it should you need to without fear. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:32:44 PM | | I just read this whole thread and it amazes me how common the op's situation is. You'd think as a society we would learn from others who have suffered through this before us. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:58:05 PM |
I just read this whole thread and it amazes me how common the op's situation is. You'd think as a society we would learn from others who have suffered through this before us.
It is kind of amazing isn't it?
Apparently common sense isn't as common as it's cracked up to be.... | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:16:34 PM | Hello,
My name is Carissa. Im going to be 21 next month and am also 7 weeks pregnant. I was with the guy for 2 years off and on and when I had told him Im pregnant he was the happiest man in the world. He is nineteen and still in his partying stage and was hanging out with the wrong people and decided he was not ready to have or raise a kid. He even called my child a **** up. He has not really been there since...He will come over drunk and be all happy that he is going to be a dad and rubs my belly and tells me how much he loves me..but only when he is drunk.. the way i look at it is, if he cant be there for me now, he wont ever be there. You need to think whats going to be best for your child. That baby is number one in your life and you need to do everything in your power to put that child first and keep him/her safe. I know I am:)
Hope I helped | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:18:22 PM | | Oh and I would aslo like to say that you will be fine:) as long as you got support from family and friends. Cause if i didnt have that support i would be a major wreck. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:14:08 PM | Well, I am a single mother to a 15-month-old daughter. If I could give any advice to girls who are young and not married when they get pregnant, it's to not try and make something work that's not ever going to. My baby's dad and I broke up before I found out I was pregnant. Neither of us had other children prior. I decided it wasn't worth it to keep trying and end up more hurt than I would already. I have raised her on my own since I found out I was pregnant, and don't regret any of it. There are so many opportunities out there for women, even with a child. You just have to do things for you and your child, excluding everyone else. For some reason, girls that are pregnant or with a young child feel the need to try and make things work with the child's father. When in the long run, the thing that will make them happy is finishing school and being independent.
I wish you the best. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:23:53 PM | | This is an older thread, but the subject remains relevant. so why are you two having babies at such a young age? How are you supporting yourselves financially? | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:35:55 PM | | I got pregnant due to personal reasons. It was not because I planned it, or wanted it to happen. I am happy that it did, but I was not one of those girls who viewed having a child as the key to being happy. Luckily, I had completed a medical assistant course before conceiving my daughter. I work as one to support the two of us. It's enough to keep our bills paid and provide our own apartment. That's as much as I'm willing to share on here. The rest is private. | |
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| Will be single mother at 19
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:44:24 PM |
I got pregnant due to personal reasons. It was not because I planned it, or wanted it to happen. I am happy that it did, but I was not one of those girls who viewed having a child as the key to being happy. Luckily, I had completed a medical assistant course before conceiving my daughter. I work as one to support the two of us. It's enough to keep our bills paid and provide our own apartment. That's as much as I'm willing to share on here. The rest is private.
Thanks for sharing.  | |
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